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Moksha

Why age limits?

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To prevent 50 year old men from making marriage-minded acquaintances with very young women?:eek:

and to prevent 20 something gold diggers from snatching up the rich old geezers!:lol:

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In LDS culture 30 is considered middle age -- hey, once read that in an editorial in a Church publication. In the general population 30 is considered still quite young -- and 50-55 is middle age.

Maybe that has something to do with it.

I actually have a huge gripe at the way the segregation takes place. I have known men in their early 30s who are recent converts or divorced. They show up to a singles activity and the women there are all the ages of their mothers and commenting on how their kids are the same age as him. Needless to say they never return.

On the other hand you have men go on missions, go to college and then marry some 19 year old who just started out in the young adult program. Any women unfortunant enough to make it to their mid 20s and not get married in in a limbo because they certainly aren't going to want to go to the over 30 granny activities but they aren't of interest to the RMs by and large or the batch of 18 and 19 year old guys still wearing their pants around their knees and sporting baseball caps on backwards.

So most of these mid to late 20 something females just start dating non-members just like the 30 something (and even 40 something) single men are dating non-member females. It's not the intention of the program but it is the result. I will note that most of the 30 somethings and 40 somethings usually find single women of the mid 20 and mid 30 female (non-member) category while many of the LDS gals find men who are older who are non-members.

My solution? Obolish the age segregation completely. That's right, just get rid of it. If some 18 year old member finds love with a 33 year old active LDS man then so what????? She's as likely to get attention from non-member guys who are older in the real world so why not place people all together in an LDS environment so pairing can be more likely to occur between active members?

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Why are there age limits at single adult wards or branches?

What age limit? If they're under 31, they're a Young Single Adult. (It's in the handbook.) If you're seeing a upper age limit, it's a local thing. Maybe keeping the 70-somethings from looking for a nurse. :P

I can understand targeting different age groups, but any hard cut-off is arbitrary and when enforced causes a lot of problems as Fiannan pointed out. Unfortunately obedience to the handbook doesn't give much leeway.

I used to be in a singles ward that was about 50/50 YSA/SA. Everyone seemed quite happy.

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This is what I have always thought about this issue. The church wants everyone to really be a part of a ward with mixed demographic. I think the creation of the "singles ward" was an attempt to meet the needs of a certain age range, but then after they mature to a certain point to bring them back to the main .

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This is what I have always thought about this issue. The church wants everyone to really be a part of a ward with mixed demographic.

There's truth to that. But the problem is that singles programs require "critical mass" to work. If you can't get enough singles in one place, it never goes anywhere.

One idea that would work is to have a "magnet" ward - select one family ward to allow all the singles to attend instead of their normal geographical ward. It's done now with some language needs that are not big enough to warrant a branch of their own.

I think the creation of the "singles ward" was an attempt to meet the needs of a certain age range, but then after they mature to a certain point to bring them back to the main .

While there is truth to the idea that the needs change as they mature, they never go away. Singles have different social needs.

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There's truth to that. But the problem is that singles programs require "critical mass" to work. If you can't get enough singles in one place, it never goes anywhere.

One idea that would work is to have a "magnet" ward - select one family ward to allow all the singles to attend instead of their normal geographical ward. It's done now with some language needs that are not big enough to warrant a branch of their own.

While there is truth to the idea that the needs change as they mature, they never go away. Singles have different social needs.

Is your point that the church isn't sufficiently meeting the needs of singles?

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im in my late 20s in a singles branch, and often find myself tlaking to a gal that is under 20...makes me feel old

My former boss was about 30 years older than his wife. That means she was conceived when he was around your age.:D Keep this in mind if you feel old. Maybe your future wife is one of those 18 yer olds you feel old talking to.

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My solution? Obolish the age segregation completely. That's right, just get rid of it. If some 18 year old member finds love with a 33 year old active LDS man then so what????? She's as likely to get attention from non-member guys who are older in the real world so why not place people all together in an LDS environment so pairing can be more likely to occur between active members?

I agree, although the segregation doesn't happen much over here apart from SA activities. I know people who are married to other active members but there is a considerable difference in their ages. It seems to work for them so why not?

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My former boss was about 30 years older than his wife. That means she was conceived when he was around your age.:D Keep this in mind if you feel old. Maybe your future wife is one of those 18 yer olds you feel old talking to.

it would have been nice to meet that 18 yr old BEFORE my HS reunion

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Would you feel more comfortable in an older singles ward or in a regular ward?

I know that a few guys in my Elders Quorum felt badly when they were forced to return to their home wards due to age. They say they feel out of place for many activities that are couples oriented. Their needs for belonging are thus affected by not having access to the Singles Ward. As a divorced single Father, I too have felt out of place at activities that were clearly meant for couples, so I understand where they are coming from. In my case however, I can use my need to babysit as a valid excuse not to attend.

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I know that a few guys in my Elders Quorum felt badly when they were forced to return to their home wards due to age. They say they feel out of place for many activities that are couples oriented. Their needs for belonging are thus affected by not having access to the Singles Ward. As a divorced single Father, I too have felt out of place at activities that were clearly meant for couples, so I understand where they are coming from. In my case however, I can use my need to babysit as a valid excuse not to attend.

Many LDS females are really afraid to stand out -- and it is standing out if you date a guy who has been divorced or if he is considerably older than you. You can solve this by using LDS online dating services. A friend of mine who got divorced in his 30s (with kids I might add) tried the internet route and was getting hits from LDS females as young as 18 who wanted to get to know him better.

Don't be as stubborn as a friend of mine who is in his early 30s. He is into hunting, fishing, skinnydipping in hot springs, is a stereotypical red neck in fashion but is super devout. I keep telling him that if he'd put his rather unique profile out there he'd definently get interested females.

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When I was in a singles ward, there was a guy who was almost 30 who creeped out all the young singles. I was 19 and he was always giving me this look that made me very uncomfortable. We all wished he would have to go to an older ward soon. After getting the creepy vibe from him for a long time, we were at FHE playing soccer when a girl fell. He decided to help her up by grabbing her rear end. Me and my friend Jack looked at each other in horror. The poor girl walked away looking violated. This guy only showed interest in the girls 10 years younger than him. I think I would've handled being in a singles group of all ages just fine if it weren't for guys like him. I'll never forget the look on his face as he tried to act like that was the only way to help her up and he seemed to think no one would notice it. *shudder*

If I were an older single, I think it would feel pretty cruddy to see the older men only interested in the younger women, which might be likely to happen.

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Hey! Nobody said anything about the older women going for the younger men! LOL :)

I'm in my mid 40's, but I'm attracted to men 10 or more years younger than myself, at the moment...there are some men my own age who appeal to me too, sometimes, but I can't help wanting a 'toy boy' lol..

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Pushka, you are not alone. I prefer men who are my age or younger, or men who have youthful appearance and attitude. :thrasher:And although I laugh with you and I do enjoy the joke, I would not characterize my attraction as merely wanting a 'boy toy'. :.biker: This is a huge subject. I think if we are going to talk about age gaps, period, we should start a thread in general discussion or somewhere, perhaps? Don't know as it is thoroughly pertinent to the Church's single adult program (or is it? lol).

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Ok so I went to my first Single Adult fireside. Well..... I can't actually say that I went. I showed up and looked in the chapel and all I saw was grey and white hair. I immediately did an about face and took off. I am freaking 34. Yeah it is a limbo that us "middle aged" members are in. If I go to the YSA ward like my family keeps suggesting I have to deal with 20 year olds. I have no problem with that age gap except it is my experience that most under 30 don't have the maturity level I am looking for.

My home ward is a newly wed or nearly dead ward so the chance of meeting someone there is out. I don't know anyone in the ward and I have been there for 9 months. People don't talk to you unless you have a wife.

And yeah I have tried the online LDS dating sites. There are some interesting folks out there. None of them have contacted me though so I wonder if according to Fiannans logic I am somehow flawed.

Online relationships don't work though unless you can actually meet. So I am preparing myself for the long draught that is gonna be my life until someone decides to take a chance and talk to me.

I wish they would make a new group, let's call it the MSA the Mid Single Adults, that way we won't creep out the Morningstars and won't be told that we are the same age as someone's son.

Go MSA!!!!!

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Ok so I went to my first Single Adult fireside. Well..... I can't actually say that I went. I showed up and looked in the chapel and all I saw was grey and white hair. I immediately did an about face and took off. I am freaking 34. Yeah it is a limbo that us "middle aged" members are in. If I go to the YSA ward like my family keeps suggesting I have to deal with 20 year olds. I have no problem with that age gap except it is my experience that most under 30 don't have the maturity level I am looking for.

My home ward is a newly wed or nearly dead ward so the chance of meeting someone there is out. I don't know anyone in the ward and I have been there for 9 months. People don't talk to you unless you have a wife.

And yeah I have tried the online LDS dating sites. There are some interesting folks out there. None of them have contacted me though so I wonder if according to Fiannans logic I am somehow flawed.

Online relationships don't work though unless you can actually meet. So I am preparing myself for the long draught that is gonna be my life until someone decides to take a chance and talk to me.

I wish they would make a new group, let's call it the MSA the Mid Single Adults, that way we won't creep out the Morningstars and won't be told that we are the same age as someone's son.

Go MSA!!!!!

Too bad you didn't go in and meet the grey hairs, there is a lot you can learn from them. Plus those grey hairs probably have children or neices your age.

You really have the wrong attitude. My sister belongs to a Newly Wed/Nearly Dead Ward. Those NW's have siblings, cousins that could be single. The ND's could have children/siblings/cousins/neices-nephews that are your age and single.

Get over yourself for crying out loud. Just from this post alone you come across as being pretty selfish and self serving. Also if anything is out side your little box of comfort then you are "Out of There".

My girlfriends son who is 35 met a young woman on line two years ago. They emailed and chatted for a year and then he went to meet her in person. He lived in Seattle she was in Instanbul. She is a brit with two adorable girls. Three months later they are married, she traveled with her two daughters to meet his family and be married by his mother who is a Reverend! They are living in Instanbul now and couldn't be happier.

I met my husband on a LDS based match service. We pm'd, emailed, chatted and talked over the phone. We both were looking for a friend, not a spouse! Both of us were fed up with the phony, childish, dating crap that generally goes on and we told each other that. We both put our faith as a top priority. I called his Bishop and got the skinny about him - and he called my Branch President and did the same!

We were married 13 DAYS after our first PM to each other! We got married one day after we met in person.

There was a lot of prayers, fasting and talking one on one with Father before we decided to get married.

Oh, By The Way, I was totally Grey (beautiful Silvery Whitish Grey) by the time I was 36! So stop your prejudging- step out of your preconcieved comfort zone and meet people before you go on the hunt for a spouse.

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Ok so I went to my first Single Adult fireside. Well..... I can't actually say that I went. I showed up and looked in the chapel and all I saw was grey and white hair. I immediately did an about face and took off. I am freaking 34. Yeah it is a limbo that us "middle aged" members are in. If I go to the YSA ward like my family keeps suggesting I have to deal with 20 year olds. I have no problem with that age gap except it is my experience that most under 30 don't have the maturity level I am looking for.

My home ward is a newly wed or nearly dead ward so the chance of meeting someone there is out. I don't know anyone in the ward and I have been there for 9 months. People don't talk to you unless you have a wife.

And yeah I have tried the online LDS dating sites. There are some interesting folks out there. None of them have contacted me though so I wonder if according to Fiannans logic I am somehow flawed.

Online relationships don't work though unless you can actually meet. So I am preparing myself for the long draught that is gonna be my life until someone decides to take a chance and talk to me.

I wish they would make a new group, let's call it the MSA the Mid Single Adults, that way we won't creep out the Morningstars and won't be told that we are the same age as someone's son.

Go MSA!!!!!

Guess what Checkerboy, I am going to totally support you on this one! Bet that surprises you considering some of our past debates.:D

For a female in the Church 26 years of age is limbo, except you can continue to go to a college ward/young singles ward until your 31st. birthday. For a male who is single in the Church 30-something is limbo (you cannot hold a calling in a YSA ward and unless you have connections you are not going to be encourged to go to social events for that ward) so you are left with the "Let's talk about our trip to Florida" -- complete with a slide show taken from a tourist bus events at a special interest SA group.

I like your suggestion about the "cusp" age group -- the in-between ages. mid-20s to mid-40s would be a good idea -- but it would be far easier to arrange a totally non-age-based singles program. If our goal is to get active LDS people together then age is by far the least important factor yet we create artificial categories and then expect to arrange people accordingly. Doesn't work in the real world that way. You think in the old days when there was a barn dance in a rural community they segregated people according to age? How about those fancy balls with the upscale folk in Europe?

The divorced guy friend of mine who I spoke of earlier was about your age but was still asked for ID whenever he went to clubs that served alcohol. He was also quite fit. So why should he have attended the old folks group activities when he had cute 20-somethings who were not members approaching him? He did desire a temple marriage so he did find someone online and is still married with children from his new marriage. Opps, almost forgot, I was with him when my bishop actually suggested to him he take a summer off and attend BYU summer classes to date and find some young woman to marry and his bishop told him he should find a younger woman and start a new family.

Studies in attraction generally find that males around 40 are the most attractive to females. Ever wonder why Hollywood usually matches leading men in their 40s with leading women in their 20s? It's a formula that works in people's minds. So Checkerboy, if you are in an area that has a lot of Mormons then go out for activities that attract females and see if you can hook up with a like-minded LDS gal. If you look younger then take a few institute classes and meet some young women there, take some BYU classes or try the on-line thing.

I remember a story about a guy who was single who met President Kimball and asked for his advice on meeting his eternal companion. President Kimball opened his door and said she's out there -- get busy and find her. That's what I would tell my sons, any single friends or even one of my debate friends as well!:D

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