Jamie123

Sometimes when we are playing Scrabble, my mother will put down an "N" tile... ...the wrong way up! Which is fine of course (the letter N having rotational symmetry) except that the number 1 is in the wrong position: UPSIDE DOWN and ON TOP INSTEAD OF UNDERNEATH, and TO THE LEFT INSTEAD OF TO THE RIGHT. Whenever she does this I ALWAYS have to grab the tile and replace it the right way up, so it conforms with all the other tiles.

I have no idea of any LDS-specific terms, but Adrian Plass (one of my all-time favourite authors) came up with some good phrases on Christianity in general. Two examples: "A day-trip back to the pigs" (anyone familiar with the Prodigal Son story will get that allusion) "Evangelism machine" (a hot air blower)

...and [3] he looks like he's about to have a brain hemorrhage. The first two may be historical, but the latter I suspect is artistic license. As for "gaudy uniforms" Nelson's was way better:

Some of his material against evolution was informed by Kent Hovind: the guy who believes the flood/ice-age was created by an "ice meteor" breaking up in our atmosphere due to tidal forces and fell on the poles (guided by the Earth's magnetic field) as "super-cold snow" (as of that amount of energy wouldn't have converted it to super-hot steam) and that some of that ice found its way to Saturn (!!!?) to form the rings, that any modern anthropologist still takes "Piltdown Man" seriously and that "If a Chimpanzee gave birth to a human why doesn't it do so again today?"** It wouldn't surprise me in the least that Chick was as poor a theologian as Hovind is a scientist. **To the objection that this would take "millions of years", Hovind usually whips out the strawman: "It doesn't matter how long ago it was!" He sometimes boasts that Dawkins doesn't dare debate with him. I can see why!

I never saw that one before. Looks like the poor guy's having a stroke!

The guy was a bit of a mystery and a recluse I understand - few people ever met him. All I know is he really didn't like Mormons, Catholics, Freemasons, Marianity, Harry Potter, Charles Darwin, quantum field theory (the strong nuclear force according to Jack Chick is "Jesus") or any Bible translation other than the King James. But I agree he probably meant well. It's curious how he raised the ire not only of atheists and liberal Christians, but also conservative Christians of a different bent. For example, I remember reading something by a Calvinist who lambasted Chick for suggesting that potential converts need to "be willing to accept Christ". This he considered to be extreme heresy!

After Neeldlein's thread about his "practical joke" (which by the sound of it was a lot more successful than he'd intended) I thought I'd share a few less extreme methods of winding up your family: Method 1: "Donuts". When someone suggests getting donuts (or doughnuts - however you want to spell it), immediately say "Oh, I donut know about that". From then onwards make sure every sentence you say contains the word "don't", and change it to "donut". When they get really cross with you, say "I donut know why you're getting so angry!" Method Two: "Sherlock Holmes". This is perfect for when something has been mislaid (like an important item clothing) and everyone is searching for it, urging you to help. Put on your "deerstalker" (any hat will do, or failing that a pair of underpants), suck the end of a pen (for a pipe) and pretend to be Sherlock Holmes. Address your wife as "Watson" and wave your "pipe" gravely at her every now and then saying things like: "Mark my words Watson, I see the hand of Moriarty in this affair". Method Three: "Beavis and Butt-Head". Whenever spoken to, respond in the manner Beavis and/or Butt-Head would. Keep this up for about half an hour - unless of course the vicar (or the bishop if you're LDS) happens to call.

It's not just a gender thing either but an age-thing. Children (of both sexes) laugh at the same sorts of things that men do, while the adult women shout: "That's not funny, it's disgusting!" A case in point: my daughter and I were at my brother's house once, and the song "Seasons in the Sun" came on the radio. My brother and I, along with my daughter and my brother's two kids all sang along to the chorus with the hilarious words: and were in stitches for ages afterwards. My brother's wife however didn't even raise a smile, and just said we were all disgusting. (My own wife wasn't with us at the time, but when I told her afterwards she said she totally agreed with my sister-in-law.)

Quite right - this was me misquoting the problem a bit. I believe in the original he asked the king for a "chance" to marry her. My bad. Yes, this was my solution. I cannot imagine any way of improving the odds any further. (Other than sneaky putting the gold on top or pitching jars through windows; the sort of thing James T. Kirk got commended for when he was at Starfleet Academy ;).)

Here is a puzzle I saw in a magazine recently. (I've paraphrased it a bit from the original.) **** There was once a handsome young scholar who gave such service to his country that the king asked him to name his reward. Now it happened that the scholar loved the king's beautiful daughter, so there was no doubting what his request would be. "Sire," he said. "I would like to marry the princess." "You've got a nerve!" said the king, genuinely surprised. "But a promise is a promise, so I will give you one chance. Return to the palace at noon tomorrow and you will tested. If you pass the test, you may marry the princess. If you fail you will spend the next six months in the castle dungeon eating bread and gruel, as a warning to any other young upstart who might think of asking for my daughter's hand!" So the next day the scholar returned to the palace and was shown into the king's study. "Here," said the king, indicating a collection of objects on the table, "are two identical stone jars and one hundred coins. All the coins are identical, with the exception that fifty of them are copper and fifty gold. No one, other than by looking at them, could tell the copper coins from the gold coins." "Yes, sire" said the scholar, wondering what was coming next. "What I want you to do," continued the king, "Is put all the coins into the jars. You may put as many of each kind of coin into whichever jar you choose, but every coin must go into one or other of the jars. When you have finished, my daughter will come into the room blindfolded, and take one coin from one jar. If she chooses a gold coin you may marry her, but if she chooses a copper one it's off to the dungeon with you!" Question: how many of each coin should the scholar put into each jar? **** (I'm pretty sure I know what the optimal solution is... though I'm mindful of the cautionary tale of Monty Hall!)

You could of course ask them if they were aware of these items. It might seem unlikely that they didn't, but if they were aware that there was a stash of booze and porn in the house, wouldn't they have hidden them before you turned up? Also it's nice to think the best of people :)

You're quite right of course: the excuse these people always give is that they are "raising awareness" of whatever-it-is they are supporting. I saw a story a little while back about a black woman student who created a fake Facebook account, claiming to belong to a white supremacist and threatening to "kill all black students on campus". She claimed at her trial that she did it to "raise awareness" of the racism supposedly endemic at her school. The judge gave her 90 days in jail.

Be warned before you watch this video - she uses some strong language.... Now this is quite obviously a parody of the "loony fringe" of the feminist movement. But I've been astonished by how many people have assumed this woman is for real. Here are some of the milder comments I've seen: "Dumb b*****s like you are the reason people laugh at feminist. Please stop it." "What did you want him to do, LEAVE YOU IN THE B****Y OCEAN?" "The man was wrong for saving you I wish he has let you drown" I wonder though; have any real feminists - even the most extreme ones - ever got so bad that this kind of satire is indistinguishable from reality? Or has the way they have been portrayed by their opponents (conservatives, mens' rights activists etc.) caused people to believe almost anything of them?

I always used to wear a shirt and tie to church and when I got to my mid 20's I started always wearing a suit. That was about the time I started going to the LDS services, but it carried over to when I returned to the C of E. Then one day it occurred to me that I was about the only person (at least among the younger people of the congregation) who even wore a tie, let alone a full suit. Nowadays I always dress casually for church, with the exception of baptisms and weddings.

The genie came out of the bottle the day the Internet went public. Even the Temple endowment ceremony isn't secret anymore: the text has been available online for over a decade, and I've even seen a clandestinely recorded video of it posted on YouTube (though I didn't watch more than a few seconds of it - it didn't seem right).

I used to like the comics in Bazooka bubble gum too. I remember one time my brother and bought a load of Bazooka, and found out afterwards that the comics were in German. We had hours of fun trying to work out from the pictures what the German words meant!

Hmmm....spangle jewellery? What happens when they all melt into sticky goo?

Do you remember "Spangles"? The correct answer of course is: "Yes I do, but so what?" Well aside from being a watchword for lazy nostalgia (along with Space Hoppers, "Super Flight Deck" and the Six Million Dollar Man), it seems the "gypsy woman" put silver ones in her eyes! Why? History does not record. (I think it must have been rather painful and sticky.) Something else for the "frighteningly weird" file? Seriously though, I used to buy the fizzy ones and put them inside my Lego space ships for the crew's supplies. More than Spangles though I miss the old Victory V's which had chloroform in them. I used to drool over them. I'd eat a whole packet of them at one sitting. They still do sell Victory V's in some chemist shops, but "sans ether" they're not the same. One thing I don't miss though is plastic pencils. (I'm not talking about mechanical pencils here: I mean those pencils which look like they're made from wood, but it's actually plastic and it bends and twists in your hands and feels horrible.) I would go to the stationary shop at college and ask for "a wooden pencil". The guy would give me a plastic one. I'd say "No, I want a wooden one". He's say "That is a wooden one." I'd say "No it isn't, it's plastic". He'd say "It looks like wood to me." I'd say "Well it's not."...Etc...etc. If you heated up a plastic pencil you could tie it in a knot. The lead was flexible too. I don't know how they did that - maybe it was graphite powder mixed with some sort of binder. It didn't "grip" the paper like a wooden/graphite pencil would: it would slide oilily (is that a word?) across it making a bit of a smear - nothing like the crisp line you'd get with a proper pencil. As for toys, there's nothing that will ever beat the old, original "Mouse Trap". The one that had an actual metal spring to make the "helping hand" tip the thingumajig and make the bowling ball fall into the bathtub. The cheaper version you could get in the 1990s might have worked OK, but it was never the same. (And what was the deal with collecting those cheese pieces? Anyone would think the joy of building a true Rube Goldberg Machine wasn't enough!) But...if only....if only we had back then the battery-powered helicopters and aeroplanes kids of today enjoyed. We tried so hard to make free-flying battery-powered models, but the batteries were always too heavy. Some kids went in for something called RTP (short for "round the pole" - a kind of aviational version of Scalextric) but I always thought that was rather naff. (Not that Scalextric wasn't a wonderful toy - even though you did spend more time tinkering with it to make it work than actually playing it. Which reminds me I must get a set for my daughter some Christmas soon!)

LOL - weird though that is, it's fantastic they are using their imagination, instead of just playing computer games!

I think it was Bertrand Russell who said "the trouble with the world is the ignorant are cocksure and the wise are full of doubts" P.S. I just looked up the exact quote - it is: And it was Bertrand Russell.

Don't ask me why, but but I have an idea He may have been a postman. Like my cousin Richard.

You fascist!

OK miss clever clogs - tell me something more ridiculous than trains that runs past your front door, and or equine-propelled jet-copters. (and none of your avant gard surrealism - I'm talking about the unintentionally weird here)

Looks like I was wrong about there being no missionaries in North Korea! (Seriously though, I do hope and pray the guy is OK!)

What is the weirdest thing you can remember: something so ridiculous that it almost scares you. Here are mine: Runner Up: When I was a kid, one of my friends had a model railway in his bedroom. It was mounted on a board that was hinged to the wall, so that it could be swung up out of the way when it wasn't in use. It was quite impressive, having scenery and even a few tiny trackside buildings. But... ...these trackside buildings included a row of houses which FACED ONTO the track, so that the trains ran past the front doors. I was always asking him why he did this, because that would NEVER happen in real life. I would say "Why not have the houses facing away from the track, and make a road run along their fronts." His reply was always something along the lines of "Well it's a model railway, not a model roadway" or else "Well it's not real is it?" Well if realism isn't the object of railway modelling why stop there? Why not have giant bananas as road bridges, or trackside sausages and paper-clip farms? A model (just as a fantasy story) should have a consistent internal logic to it - and his didn't! Winner: When I was about 6 or 7 we went on a family day out to Weston-Super-Mare. On the beach there were a number of donkeys and horse-drawn vehicles that children could have rides on/in for a small fee. (Donkey rides on the beach are still very common in England.) But... One of these vehicles was very futuristic-looking. It was painted a mixture of silver and Air Force blue, had swept-back wings covered with RAF roundels and imitation jet-engines, a tail fin and a spinning set of gleaming helicopter blades on the roof. On each side, in a racy-looking font was printed "Joe 90 Supercraft". (If you don't know who "Joe 90" was check out here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_90.) And the whole space-age looking contraption was propelled by....a horse? Dali and Magritte I can handle because they are supposed to be weird; it's the fact that no weirdness (or so I suppose) was intended in either of these cases that makes them so unsettling.