Hardly ever spanked our kids...they did know it was an option...we always looked for other ways to punish them...my wife and I discovered that when we grounded them ....that was more punishment for Mom than anyone else....we then just started taking privelages away such as.....no computer or video games or cd's and if they were driving they could not drive. They would also loose tv rights.....at first they would ask us what are suppose to do....we told them they could sit in the living room and look out the window and or read a book or magazine....this worked out good for us......just my opinion....