I have been a YW Adviser for many years and have taught that the YW should actively encourage YM to go on missions and that they should do this because they should marry an RM. I think "should" carries quite a bit of weight when it is taught to you in this way. As I think about it I need to consider what else could the church do? We need missionaries to spread the gospel and we know what kind of persuasion females have upon males since the beginning of man, so it is needed. As I think about it a bit more, many of the youth of 1974 (With the "should talk" from Pres. Kimball) are now parents and they believe their children "should" be held by the same standard. Then fast forward to Oct 2002 with the "Raising of The Bar" Talk of 2002... LDS.org - Ensign Article - The Greatest Generation of Missionaries Things changed and was even more laid out in a letter to the bishops and stake presidents. As I have written here before (in previous posts) the course of my family was changed with that new policy. I have been quite angry about it in the past, but for this post I will chose a more gentle approach. How I see it now, or at least today, what is done is done. One of my sons was not sure about about going, he had a sweet gf (who is now the mother of my grandchild) and didn't know if he could leave her. When they stressed the BOM and testimony of it, he saw that as his open window and he leapt. He married his gf a year or so later in the Temple. My second son was almost killed when he was injured at work when a tire and rim exploded and did a dance on his face and head before traveling up another 12 feet destroying the lighting and heating in the garage. He was just 17 when that happened and he still wanted to go on a mission when he turned 19. He was told he could not go. I had always been told that it is not the person who testifies the truth, it is "the spirit". I don't know many who holds a stronger spirit than my second son. Just in case anyone is wondering, he had the capability of fulfilling a mission but it was bc of what he had been through (the accident) that he could not go. Of course, there are more stronger feelings I am not sharing here right now. But the truth be known, we know my family wasn't, or will not be, the only family affected as shown here (this thread and others like it) and here.... Unintended consequence of church's 'raising the bar' - Salt Lake Tribune Shortly after my second son was told he could not go for "medical reasons" we have seen many young men who we know t of their "past" go on missions and I am struck.... I wonder if there has been another "new policy" come out? The last policy I head of was the raising of the bar in 2002. There must be a new policy because according the the 2002 policy and letter that followed (very specific) they would not quality. I guess here is another example that these things will be left for The Lord to figure out. I know with the way things have been laid out for the YM in the church there has been a clear division line and it happens at 19. The way I see it is a case of the "elite" being called on missions and those who don't measure up in one form or another being left behind. That division line might as well be posted on your forehead because it carries over in YSA or until you are married. Maybe a better way to put it is a crown of glory being bestowed on your head as a RM. It's not only the YW (who have been conditioned), but the YM themselves who wear the crown; they carry a certain air about them. I have personally witnessed other YM being oust because they had not served a two year mission for the church. It even passes onto the mother's of missionaries, and it's a "class" that some will never fit into.... well I guess that's life. I do feel for these young men who have not gone on missions and the struggles they feel within the church and dating. I know these are real situations and that going on missions doesn't necessarily make better husbands or fathers. I think if the truth be known most 19 year old YM don't souly go out to convert people to the gospel. They go for various reasons that I think might warrant a new thread. Many of the newly returned missionaries I see come home do so with a spirit of entitlement. Last week one of my good friends was telling me about her son's "Homecoming" (yes, they still do have the open houses here in Utah afterward) and how many YW were there. She mentioned how the YW lingered longer than the YM did and how she was excited to watch him fall in love bc he had so many to choose from. In the end mysticmorini, and those who also find yourself in this situation, I believe the we have a Loving and Just Heavenly Father and is Him whom we serve. Pray that you find a woman who will love YOU unconditionally. That is what is more important here than just the credentials of two years of your life. Also remember that the division line I mentioned earlier in this post will not hold from just serving a mission. Some of those "elite" at 19 will be on the other end of the division at 25. Life is ever changing just like new policies change things. This is such a difficult period of time in our lives (18-30) and this only ads to the pain that can be caused within the church. As it has been said, there are many righteous men and women who have NOT served two year young adult missions of the church. I hope to be able to serve my Heavenly Father every day of my life in one form or another. I know that the church is very concerned about the member of the church who are YSA and in this age group. I have been called to serve with them in my ward and I am excited to do so. I have began to rally some of the people I served when they were in YM and YW and as we meet I want it to be more on the end of fellowshipping these kids, so many get lost for the reasons mentioned here. The church is very concerned about what has happened to these kids and is now doing something about it. I pray things will change and by the time my grandchildren will be at this difficult age and involved in the church there will be a kinder, more gentile take on things. Try to to happy where you are right now and trust in The Lord to make things right in His time.