JudoMinja

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Everything posted by JudoMinja

  1. From my review of the site, it's purpose does not seem to be to cover every detail of the life and man Joseph Smith- but to provide brief, factual, positive information concerning his purpose and ministry. The information provided is clearly very minimal and to-the-point. In essence- it is a summary, not a novel. Those who have done a more full study of Joseph Smith's history know at least some of his flaws and imperfections, but these only serve to bring out the fact that he was in fact human and incomplete. He is not our object of worship, but we do revere him and are thankful for the work he completed while on this earth. I've heard the arguments of many who attempt to flout the flaws of his character in an effort to sully his mission and cast doubt about his sincerity, and I see no reason why such arguments should be addressed on a site dedicated to providing a little enlightenment to those who might not know anything about him. It'd be like digging into all the faults and flaws of someones character at their funeral. The site encourages those who read it's information to dig deeper on their own, and as they do so they will find that every bit of information on that site is truthful, if not complete. Sites officially recognized by the church share one purpose- to spread the gospel. It is not our leaders' job to provide history lessons or dig into all the speculations and thoughts and information (factual and otherwise) about any of our past leaders, Joseph Smith or otherwise. It is their purpose and mission to spread the gospel and share their testimony of Christ. So, it seems fitting that a church sponsored website on Joseph Smith focuses on that very mission.
  2. The official stance of the prophets on this matter can be found on lds.org under the topic of "Birth Control". It states that: "The decision of how many children to have and when to have them is a private matter for the husband and wife." (emphasis added) So, if your husband thinks you should be having kids now, and you think you should wait- you need to discuss this matter between the two of you until you can come to an agreement privately. It is not the in-laws decision; it is yours. A couple things to note from the section on birth control: The prophets counseled that the bearing of children "should not be postponed for selfish reasons". But, not all reasons for postponing a family are selfish. "Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families. Issues to consider include the physical and mental health of the mother and father and their capacity to provide the basic necessities of life for their children." It sounds like you are concerning yourself with your ability to provide the basic necessities and security for your children. It is possible that you are capable of providing for these needs sooner than you think, but it is important to be careful and responsible in your planning as well. Discuss this with your husband, prayerfully, and whenever the two of you decide to start having children- it will be the right time for your family. As to the decision between taking the job in Rexburg so your husband can complete his schooling full-time or staying where you are so he can work and study part-time... that is also between the two of you. Take care that your husband is not being influenced by pride and that you are not being influenced by greed. Either path could be the right path, and you both need to be open to listening to one another and making compromises- and you both need to be very open to the influence of the spirit.
  3. You know I'm not really all that bored at work... I have a book to read, and things to write, but I really start wondering about the state of my mind when I glance at the title of a paper I'm copying which reads "Monitoring of Exited Students" and I read it as "Monitoring of Excited Students" and find myself thinking about the excited state of electrons... I mean, chemistry?! Really?! Of everything I've studied, I've never fathomed chemistry and now its just popping in my head at work? I must be more bored than I realized. Anyone else have interesting "signs of boredom" to share?
  4. I'm sure I have other things that qualify as pet peeves, but the only one that is coming to mind right now is when kids (or anyone really) lie to you about something you witnessed them doing, as if they think you don't already know the truth. It's like an insult on your intelligence or perceptive skills. It happens to me a lot at work, since I work at a middle school and have lunch duty, and it really bothers me. Examples: I witness a child pouring his milk over the food of his neighbors tray. I get his attention, and before I even say anything the first words out of his mouth are "I didn't do it". I tell a child to pull up his pants, and he says "But I'm not sagging." ... when I can see his boxers as plain as day. There are many others, but yeah... It really gets under my skin when kids try to lie their way out of something I know they did.
  5. There are shows that I enjoy, as can be seen from my answer to the "Favorite TV Shows" thread, but I don't really "watch TV" at all. As in, I don't have cable or even an antenna, and I don't "tune in" at any particular time to watch anything. If I'm at my parents place when one of their favorite shows comes on, I'll sit and watch it with them, but I can go weeks at a time without ever watching any TV. And I don't watch it online with Netflix or Hulu or anything like that either. So, when I have a particular show I find myself enjoying, I'll either watch it with my parents or get the dvd's to pop it in whenever the mood strikes me. Like watching a movie. Part of it is for the reasons you voiced. I get bored with it and generally just don't like most of the shows that they make. Even some of the shows I do like, I consider "guilty pleasures", because they don't really strike me as "clean". I'll sometimes entirely cut-out a show I used to like if/when an episode is just so raunchy that I can't understand how it made it to public television. I would love to see some shows with some of the same clean values as older shows like Full House, Family Matters, and Home Improvement made with the advanced scripting, acting, effects, and etc of today. But even if they did- I probably wouldn't watch TV all that regularly. I'd do the same with those shows as the ones I currently like, because I feel like there are much better things to take up my time than gluing myself to the TV for an hour or so on a daily basis. Even my computer rarely gets turned on when I'm at home- most of the time I spend on here is while I'm at work and bored from the lack of attention it takes to run the copy machines.
  6. Soul, You've identified basically exactly what I was talking about except from the other end. Being gay or straight simply doesn't fit into any kind of package that can be easily identified. Our personalities, as people, are very fluid. We are all extremely diverse, no matter our orientation. What makes a person homosexual is nothing more than the fact that they are attracted to others of the same gender. Everything else that people try to use to identify whether or not someone might be homosexual can be misleading- and since that orientation cannot be truly pinned down until they feel some kind of sexual attraction toward another, you cannot identify whether or not someone is/will be homosexual until they at least experience their first crush. You had clues that such would probably happen when you were young, but I had similar clues that would have pointed me toward homosexuality and I have never felt myself attracted to anyone of my same gender. You didn't know, until you actually felt who you were attracted to. And you didn't make any conscious decision about who you wanted to be attracted to either. It just happened. We all find ourselves feeling attracted to whomever our biology has programmed us to feel attracted to- whatever traits our hormones respond to. This means that we will all sometimes feel attracted to someone who is "off limits", especially those who are already married where anyone you feel attracted to who is not your spouse is "off limits". I don't know how I would handle it if everyone I ever felt attracted to fell into my "off limits" category, but anyone who is truly homosexual and also believes what the church teaches would end up facing this struggle- and while the church is officially striving to be more supportive of those facing this dilemma, most of the members are still stuck in a "racist" mindset where they pin on the stereotypes and refuse to even attempt to understand the homosexual person or make any connections with them.
  7. Good point. Yes, if I call on a weekend, I don't mind having to wait until Monday. :) So, within the next business day.
  8. When I read the title, I thought this was going to be a poll about whether we prefer talking to a machine or a person when we make a call to customer service. :) To that- I was going to have an answer like "it depends". There are some things I can call about that get done faster with a machine, and then there are certain things where I really just want to talk to a person. As to the actual question- I support the idea that there needs to be balance. But most importantly, I believe that anyone on the phone that had to leave a message needs to have someone get back to them within 24-hours. I've had several offices that I would call and always have to leave a message and they'd never get back to me. Sooooo irritating. I wouldn't mind leaving a message if somebody would actually call me back. So, as long as you can do that and you aren't just hanging up on someone you're already talking to, I'd give the walk-in customer more attention than those on the phone.
  9. This piqued my interest, mostly due to your "Prince Charming" reference. Because, as a child, I never fantasized about being a princess for Prince Charming to come and rescue. Even when watching movies like Sleeping Beauty or Snow White, I never pictured myself in the role of the princess. The thought of taking on such a role as a "maiden in distress" simply did not cross my mind. Instead, when playing pretend, and even in my dreams- I was always the one doing the rescuing. I specifically remember playing "Sonic the Hedgehog" or "Mario" with my sister and our friends, and I would always insist on being Sonic or Mario, while my sister would be Tails or Princess Peach in need of rescuing. When playing the 3 Musketeers, I'd always be D'artagnan. And when we would play power rangers, I was always one of the male rangers- or Ninja Turtles... I always took on the masculine role of the Prince, the Hero, or the rescuer. As I grew older and started maturing, I was very much a Tom Boy. I was mostly interested in the kinds of things the boys were interested in and even preferred boyish clothing. Almost all of my friends were boys, and I was often seen as just another "one of the guys". I exhibited absolutely no interest in dating or had any feelings of attraction toward anyone, be they male or female. Thoughts about my sexuality never even crossed my mind, until one of my few female friends- who happened to be a lesbian- attempted to ask me out on a date. I was not in any way interested in her, and her attempts to flirt with me just made me feel icky. I told her that I certainly wouldn't stop being her friend, but I just wasn't interested in dating, and we remained good friends for quite some time. But that started a short period for me as I started wondering if I was actually homosexual myself and just hadn't figured it out yet. Such thoughts had never even entered my mind until then, but as I started adding up what I was interested in, how I pictured myself, etc... I really started wondering. It wasn't until my second year of college that I started actually feeling anything like sexual attraction toward someone and had my first "crush", and I realized that I am indeed attracted to men. :) But had I voiced my concerns to others while I was trying to figure out my sexual orientation, I had many friends that might have influenced me to think I was attracted to females and my family would probably have reacted very adversely, causing me to feel hurt and rejected. Sometimes, I still wonder if someday I do find myself feeling attracted to a female... what would I do about it- as far as who would I tell/talk to about it? This just goes to show though that what we show interest in, how we see ourselves, etc can be extremely fluid. My attitudes, thoughts, behaviors, interests, etc are extremely masculine, but I still self-identify very strongly as female and am attracted to males. We cannot rely on any of these outside "markers" for determining whether or not someone is going to feel attracted to another of the same gender or feel themselves self-identifying as the opposite gender. That sexual attraction is entirely biological and I don't believe it can be controlled. I agree with the homosexual community in that you cannot change who you are attracted to- it just happens. What matters though, is what people do about that attraction. If, someday, I were to find myself feeling attracted to a female, I would treat it the same way I do when I feel particularly attracted to a guy I would never want to date- ignore it.
  10. Of course people of other religions can be and are inspired by God. To think otherwise is just prideful. Our own scriptures tell us that the founding fathers of the United States were inspired by God- that the constitution is an inspired document- but these men were not LDS. We ALL have within us the "light of Christ" and can be led by His inspiration. Were it not so, people would not ever even convert to the faith, as they would not be able to feel His inspiration to do so. I believe that ALL "light, knowledge, and truth" comes from God. So anyone who has made any discovery of truth- be it scientific, philosophical, religious, or otherwise, was somehow, in some way inspired by God. They may not all credit such inspiration to our creator, but that is where it comes from.
  11. That is not a defeatist attitude. It is a committed attitude. To what worth do you hold someones word? That you are willing to leave your marriage shows that you are desiring to go back on your word. But if you truly want something better than what you currently have, then you should be striving to emulate the Lord- and the Lord is one who always keeps His word. We aren't given the best, most wonderful, most perfect people with which to make our lives and associate. Neither are we the best, most wonderful, most perfect people in the world. We are all sinners. We are all imperfect. And in some way or another, we've all been handed the short end of the stick. But instead of casting our eyes about hoping to find something better than what we have- we take what we have and make the best of it we can. That is an attitude of optimism, creativity, ingenuity, patience, longsuffering, hope, and faith. Believing that it is impossible for your marriage to become any better than it is, simply because you made a wrong choice at the beginning... THAT is a defeatist attitude. It holds no hope. No faith. No wiggle room for improvement. And it frees you from responsibility and the need to work on what you have. Arranged marriages- to take one of your examples- CAN and DO work, when those marriages are between two good people who are COMMITTED to MAKING the best of what they have. Spencer W. Kimball said: "[W]hile every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price." Are you willing to pay the price? Until you can answer "Yes", this is the last of the advice I will be offering you about your marriage. Good luck.
  12. Does it say Hi I'm Vort? With the same profile picture?
  13. To add on to Dravin, our communication with the spirit will feel a bit different to everybody. Some describe it as a burning, some a tingling or a chill, some as an enlightenment of the mind. It is something that is very difficult to describe with words, and the spirit communicates with each of us in a way which works best for that individual. Learning to recognize and respond to those spiritual communications is a life-long process. Sometimes we will feel very intune with the spirit, and we will be flooded with feelings of peace, joy, and personal revelation. Other times, it will be very difficult to discern his whisperings.
  14. Sounds like the Holy Ghost is having a conversation with your spirit. :)
  15. It's not a matter of forgiving her. You don't have to marry her to forgive her. I know it's been awhile since this was posted, and the original poster Vort was responding to is no longer with us, but I just want to expound on this, because I've seen this thought process far too many times- and was once plagued by it myself. Vort has identified a very important distinction that many of us seem to lapse over when considering our relationships with people. As human beings, we have a strong tendancy to generalize things. It helps us make connections between things that are related and have an affect on one another- a very useful ability we don't even realize we use at times. But, it can also lead to overgeneralizations, where we make connections where there are none. When we link forgiveness to how we respond to a relationship, we are overgeneralizing. It can lead to all kinds of problems. You can forgive someone and still have a desire not to interact with them. The two don't have to go together. If someone steals from you, do you give them an opportunity to steal from you again? No! But you still have to forgive them. If someone commits adultery, do you have to trust them? No! But you still have to forgive them. If someone hits you, do you stick around so they can hit you again? No! But you still have to forgive them. Clearly, our decisions about our relationships, who we allow in our lives and how we interact with them is NOT connected to our ability or willingness to forgive. But we subconsciously make that connection all the time. When we make decisions about how to interact with an individual based on our understanding of their flaws, weaknesses, and mistakes- we are not being unforgiving- we are simply using sound, wise judgement. But wait! We aren't supposed to judge, right? We aren't supposed to judge THE PERSON. THAT is what forgiveness is about. We withhold making any sort of judgement about the person, their sincerity, their repentance, their soul- because it isn't our place to do that. We can't see inside their hearts and know what they are about- so we must keep ourselves open and understanding enough to be forgiving of everyone. But we CAN and SHOULD use our judgement to determine who and what we will allow to have an influence on our lives. That is something entirely separate from forgiveness.
  16. What I'm doing with my three-year-old, and which seems to be working fairly well, is I have a rule that whatever he has out must be picked up and put away before he can do something new. Say, for example, he has his cars out, but now is asking me to play a matching game with him. I simply tell him that if he wants me to play the game, he must first pick up the cars. Sometimes he refuses or even throws a fit, but if he does- I just shrug my shoulders and put the matching game up where he can't reach, then ignore him. He usually very quickly gets the idea that I won't play until he's picked up the mess. He then puts the cars away with no argument, I praise him for his good work, get the matching game down, and play with him. :) This works well because it prevents the place becoming an utter disaster before any cleaning gets done, and it teaches him that he has to clean up after himself before he gets to do new fun stuff. They do basically the same thing at his day-care, and all the kids there know when it is time to do something new they have to clean up their messes first. Now my son isn't an angel. He's going through his power struggles too, but I don't really have any problems with him with regards to toys. I think that the key is to (whenever possible) not allow the situation to even become a power struggle. Find ways around the struggle so that you don't become engaged in an argument or battle with your child. You should be able to simply state an expectation and then leave the child to mull over whether or not they are going to fulfill that expectation- while you go about doing your grown-up business. It's good to give them choices- just make sure the choices have the results you want. With your example, I would suggest- instead of offering a choice to pick up the books or the clothes, offer a choice to pick up everything (since that's the real goal) with help or without. If your child makes a big fuss about it, say that means they're choosing to have no help and leave the mess until the child cleans it on their own. Another possibility is to offer the child a choice to have the toys/books/etc to play with later or not. If they pick them up, that means they want/get to play with them later. If you pick them up, that means they get put up on a closet shelf or in the garage and cannot be returned until they are earned through the doing of chores. If you like those suggestions and they work for you, I would get "Parenting with Love and Logic: Magic for Early Childhood". That is the book I pulled those ideas from. :)
  17. I wish you the best as you chart this new course for your family. I hope you've made the decision carefully and prayerfully, and not out of frustration. Remember that such a big change will present very new challenges, but it will all be worth it if it is truly the right course for you and yours. Make sure all your legal matters are in order. As a single mother and aunt to two nephews from a divided family, I would be glad to offer you whatever comfort and advice I can from my experience. And I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
  18. Oh yes. Custody technicalities and terminology can become a real headache. Especially if/when some of the people involved are more concerned about themselves than they are about what is best for their children. It can be difficult for the courts to determine what is really in the child's best interests, but from what I understand they lean more towards joint custody now, unless proof can be provided to show that it would be in the better interest of the children for a parent to have sole custody. No matter how everything is splayed out custody-wise though, both parents maintain their parental rights, which is a separate issue from their custody arrangements. The courts cannot take away someone's parental rights without a really good solid reason for doing so. Someone can, however, voluntarily give up those rights- and it sounds like this is what shdwlkers ex wants him to do. Legally speaking, if you give up parental rights, it's as if you were never their parent. No one should ever do this, unless they truly think it would be in the best interest of the children to be completely cut out of their lives.
  19. I think MOE hit this one spot on. For the actual guidelines from the church for those not yet endowed, you can read the section on Dress and Appearance in For the Strength of Youth. This is a pamphlet that is given out to all the youth to give them the guidelines for how they can remain modest, righteous, and faithful in their daily activities as they mingle with others. While directed toward the youth, it applies to all of us, and it was recently digitized for easy access online. :)
  20. To give up parental rights is to completely sever all ties to the children whatsoever. No child support. No visitation. Not even a right to see them in the hospital. This is the kind of thing that should only be allowed when a parent is causing harm to the children, or would potentially harm them by interacting with them. Don't do it.
  21. I think you're on the right track with this thought process but just want to address what I bolded. It's not about caring less. If anything, you need to care more. However, there needs to be a recognition that caring about someone includes letting them make their own decisions, exercise their own agency, and make their own mistakes. Does God care any less about us because He allows us to exercise our agency and make our own decisions, even when those decisions are wrong? Certainly, not. He cares about us so much that He gave us the opportunity to have that freedom to act for ourselves and to use our own judgement, even knowing that we might make decisions that would lead us away from Him. It was Satan's plan to control our actions, to make everyone choose right. Sometimes, when we really care about someone and want them to do what is best for themselves, we get a little Satan-esque in our thought processes and wish we could force them to do the right thing. But that wasn't God's plan. Because God knew that we wouldn't learn and grow and progress without the ability to make mistakes and learn from them, without the ability to steer our own courses. Continue to be a good example to your friend. Continue to love him and care about him. But allow him the space and freedom to make his own decisions. Trust him with his agency, and hope and pray that he exercises it responsibly. Be a good role model. Offer him advice when he asks for it. Don't push or coerce- exercise patience and longsuffering. And even if he makes the wrong decision, be there for him to see him through it.
  22. I think the reasons Soul listed are fairly expansive, and I highly doubt he's trying to say those are the only reasons or that he is trying to speak for all gays. I'm far more inclined to accept his interpretation of things as they relate to gays and the gay community than I am to accept an interpretation from someone who isn't gay, because he has more experience and understanding with it. So, I have no problem accepting him as a kind of "spokes-person" for the gays, understanding that much of what he shares comes from his own personal experience and that there are likely some who went through similar experiences and don't agree with him. It's no different than being more willing to accept the word of someone who's been through abuse as speaking for people who've been abused, or the word of someone who's been to the temple as speaking for people who've also been to the temple, etc. Certainly, there are going to be people who don't see things the same way and this individual should not be taken as giving an all-inclusive opinion for everyone who's been through the same thing. But these individuals are far more likely to understand where those with similar backgrounds are coming from and far more likely to be correct in their reasoning as to the mindset of others like themselves than anyone who has not also been through the same or similar experiences.
  23. I have struggled with masturbation as well. It is an emotional/hormonal release that works as a coping mechanism for other problems that aren't as easy to recognize. Loneliness, depression, idleness, fear of rejection, lack of faith, guilt, lack of self-esteem, etc. These feelings can sometimes be overwhelming and present a very personal, hidden struggle. The high you feel through masterbating then becomes addictive and it becomes harder and harder to resist the urge to seek that release. From a biological perspective- your body is seeking a chemical balance. When things are out of whack, you will feel desires and urges for things that your body has already experienced and knows can (at least temporarily) restore that balance. The problem is that your body does not know or recognize the difference between things that provide temporary relief and what will be truly healing. You have to make that distinction for yourself. If you are experiencing feelings of depression- speak with a doctor/therapist to find out if medication might be necessary. This isn't a fix, but it can help if you have clinical depression since this means that your body simply cannot naturally maintain the chemical balance it needs. And whether or not you need medication- these are all some good things that will help as well: Exercise- getting your blood flowing and your heart pumping releases endorphins and improves your health. Eat healthy- healthy foods also provide good chemical releases that are necessary for your body. You can talk with a nutritionist to find out specifically which foods might help you to determine whether or not you have any deficiencies in need of correction. Get outside- sunlight provides vitamin D, which helps give you a "positive charge" and is why people seem more happy on sunny days as opposed to gloomy rainy days. Keep busy- don't let yourself be idle. Ever. Idle hands lead to temptation. Fill your schedule with positive things to do like volunteer activites, college classes or talent workshops, hobbies, collections, etc. Serve others- find ways to be "useful" and improve your sense of self-worth by putting your individual skills and talents to work helping others in need. Avoid being alone as much as possible- spend time around other people as much as you can and get involved in activities that will get you out of your house and interacting with others. Finally, we get to the spiritual side of things. It is good that you've contacted your bishop. He is going to be your "coach" to help see you through this rough patch of your life as you strive to overcome your weaknesses. When I saw my bishop, he had me keep a scripture journal- reading by topic on things like repentance, sin, forgiveness, temptation, etc. and taking down all my thoughts as to how these scriptures pertained to me. He also had me re-read the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet and write a more personalized version for myself. Fill your time with spiritual things as much as you can. Whenever you feel a desire to masturbate returning, whenever an unclean thought enters your mind- grab your scriptures. Say a prayer. Sing a hymn. Do some pushups. Go for a run. Tackle it the moment it enters your thoughts so that it doesn't take root. And last of all- keep a tally for yourself to help you see your progress. Don't just mark every time you give in. Mark every time you feel the temptation, and you resist it. And I can assure you, that as you keep a tally this way, you will see that you are doing better than you think. I went through a time when I would masturbate every day, and then maybe once a week, then about once a month. I would beat myself up every time and feel like a failure. But when I started keeping this tally, I realized that I wasn't failing. I was WINNING. And I eventually also noticed that I would feel that temptation less and less, until such thoughts hardly, if ever, even entered my mind.
  24. Your friend, right now, is on a high. Good relationships start off with the development of this euphoric feeling that leaves you craving more and more. It's that "head-over-heels-in-love" feeling that drives people to do crazy things. Without something to balance it out, without a strong desire and reason to keep it under control, it is going to lead to moving very quickly into making some quick and probably bad decisions. If your friend does not take some time to step back and engage the rational part of his brain, he is going to end up acting without thinking. This could lead to a whole slew of problems depending on where he and his girlfriend decide to draw the lines. They may break the law of chastity, or they may decide to go ahead and get married without really thinking it through to see if that is what they really want. You are right to be worried about him, but... what can you really do about it? Your profile says you are 24 and you said your friend is 21. That means you are both adults now. As adults, you are now free to be making your own decisions without having to check in with your parents or follow their rules. It is up to each of you as individuals to decide what rules and limitations you are going to hold upon yourselves. It sounds like your friend is leaning toward not restricting himself, since he's slipping out of church activity and is now toeing the line with the law of chastity. So, if you attempt to place a restriction on him, he is going to reject it. From what you wrote, it sounds like he was raised in the church? So, he knows what is expected of him, but is probably struggling with his testimony. He needs to figure all that out on his own so that he will be able to stand on his own two feet. He needs to be able to hold himself accountable instead of relying on others to do it for him. So arguing with him about the morality of his decisions, at this point, isn't really going to get you anywhere. He knows where the church stands, where his parents stand, where you stand... and he needs to figure out for himself if he stands in the same place or somewhere else. A better approach, I think, would be to focus on his relationship with this girl. Ask him if he really loves her, and if so- what is he willing to do about it? Is he ready to provide for her? Is he ready to commit himself to her? Is he ready to start a family with her? How does she feel about him? Is she ready to make the same commitments? Then, let him know that you wish him the best, and that you hope he makes the responsible, adult choice with the future in mind- for himself, for this girl, and for any children they could potentially create together.
  25. I enjoyed reading over that thread. :) Apparently, I joined the forum just a couple months too late to have known you for your gansta avatar. I always thought the Iclandic girl was your original. Do you have any significant results for your experiment? You've now done at least three avatars- the gangsta, Iclandic girl, and mushroom clown... Which one do you think garnered the best reactions?