carlimac

Sour grapes?

Where in Idaho? (General part of the state if you don't want to be specific.) I'm in SE Idaho.

I can relate to this feeling. It was very common when I had little ones under foot all the time. Three important things for me became 1) a lunch group. Several young moms got together at least once/month. We fed the kids lunch first and then fed ourselves- either ordering take out that we could eat at someone's house or bringing pot luck. Then we just chatted. 2) Two different book groups that I joined. and 3) a quilt guild. So therapeutic!! Women tend to need to associate with other women. It's engrained in our DNA. I was always shy about trying to start a group of my own. In fact I need to do that right now since I'm fairly new in town. But I've always been lucky in the past to be invited by neighbors or ward friends to join different groups. Is there a MOPS group nearby to join? You are not alone. I"m sure there are many other young moms feeling exactly the same. Find them!

Rosario Argentina- 1983-1984 I'm not fluent in Spanish anymore although every once in awhile I have dreams where I'm speaking fluent Spanish so I know it's still in there. I was a Welfare Missionary. We didn't do whole lot of teaching non-members. We worked more with members teaching them to read, manage their meager incomes, trying to strengthen the branches by teaching leadership skills (pretty interesting when I'd never really had a leadership callling before I left- educational for me as well), health principles, etc. One of the most interesting experiences was teaching some little kids to read way out in the country after riding a bus, getting off at the end of the line and then walking dirt roads for about a mile. They invited us for dinner which was cooked over an outdoor fire. Their house had no doors or windows- chickens running in and out, no protection from the rain storms. But they shared their meal so generously. Very humbling! We taught first aid to a RS homemaking group of 4 women including an 80yr old who walked 2 miles to get there. I saw Faith and Dedication like I've never seen since!

I'm grateful the nutcase didn't target the missionary training meeting. But I'm so sad for all those kids that died and their families. And the ones that had to witness the horror...they will be changed for life.

I keep saying these words over and over and I can't tell if I drop the T or not. I can't hear it. I grew up in Utah but spent the last 11 yrs in MN so who knows what I speak anymore.Now I live in Idaho or Ida'o as they say it. The case of the missing H.

Do you have to tell him who it was for full disclosure? Or could you just say I did this with someone in our _____________ (name a large general vicinity). I don't think I'd want to know who the woman was if my husband did this. It would be really uncomfortable to always have that on my mind when running into the person. Just a thought.

Why isn't it helpful to point out what the brethren have said? If it's doctrinal truth it should be OK, shouldn't it? Sometimes all that's needed to clear up a debate is to get the final word from the prophet. Isn't that like hearing the Lord's opinion? I can see how someone could go about it in a self-righteous manner. But I've always found the words of our church leaders to soften the rancor if they are taken in a spirit of humility.

About the part I bolded, that goes on about all kinds of topics, not just homosexuality. It seems to me that that is one of the purposes of the forum, to clarify what is and isn't doctrine. It's always helpful if someone can link a quote from church leaders AND the context the quote it was given in so that there isn't a question.

Yup, my dad broke his leg skiing on the last run of the day.

One more tiny question...are we to not ever post anything about homosexuality here again? It is one of the most perplexing current trends that we as LDS have to deal with. It is extremely controversial but I feel it helps to talk to LDS members about it to sort it out in my own mind. I haven't found any friends willing to talk about it in real life. When I do bring it up, the reaction is usually "Ick!"- end of discussion-really closed-minded blanket dismissal of the topic. I don't think it's an issue to be swept under the rug. It's not going away and as LDS we need to prepare ourselves to face living with it all around us. Any suggestions?

I suggest you don't wait to long to deal with this. It has the potential of eating you up inside. When we sin we're always counseled to pray, humble ourselves and go to our bishops ASAP to resolve the issue. I don't know your husband so I don't kow how he will respond, but it only seems fair for you to tell him humbly and apologetically. Don't place any blame on him. In fact I'd keep his past porn use completely out of it. Don't even bring it up. That is his sin to deal with. The peace that comes from sincere repentance is so comforting. It may take some time and effort but you can get to a good place again. It is so worth it! Best wishes on that journey.

I think it requires treading lightly at first with newcomers, just like you would do in real life rather than verbally bowling them over. Be polite. Keep the "judgement of personal character" type comments out of the discussion. They aren't helpful unless the poster is asking the members here specifically to judge an aspect of their character. One of the first comments to me when I became a member and asked a troubling question was something to the effect of "Why don't you grow up." Yikes!! I looked that up and yes, a mod did step in. (Thank you John Doe) I wasn't remembering that yesterday. And several others came to my defense which I appreciated. It's just tricky at times. The nuances are all pretty subtle. Some people will be offended more quickly than others. But I would suggest that if we have the spirit with us as we try to answer questions and offer opinions that we'll know when we're stepping over the line. This is a delicate thing I'm constantly trying to teach my children. They forever want to blame the fallout for their own nasty behavior on someone else. But if they take a minute to evaluate what they just said and how they said it, they will hopefully see how hurtful or inflammatory their comments were. Better yet, if they take a just a second to ask themselves if they are feeling like a bully or just plain mean before they say something, then keep it in check! The spirit can always let us know beforehand if what we're going to say or do is appropriate. It takes a huge amount of being in tune and then discipline to keep from gratifying ourselves with making a snarky comment. I'm still working on that, myself...obviously. But no excuses. It's a refining process. I'm not perfect - yet. :-)

I've only ever done chat on any board about twice because it moves too fast for me.

I would guess that some posters have been here for so long that the mods or other long-times "know" them well enough to recognize that their sarcasm or tendency to hammer or push isn't really malicious. So no warnings are posted. No disciplinary action taken. That can really kill the courage of a poster new to the forum who may be timidly asking a tough question here that they just can't ask anyone in person in real life. I know this because I've been on one board (a bunch of moms) for 8 yrs now and we know each other pretty well and pick up on the subtle nuances gained from "talking" together that long. Where I was befuddled and somewhat offended at times on that board at first, I learned over time the posters who were just blunt all the time or and the ones whose shocking sarcasm wasn't really as mean spirited as came across. There are only a handful of us who have stuck it out and still post, and we have matured and mellowed over the years so that really there is almost no argument or offense ever taken. Just friendship and respect. We are all different religions. There isn't much new traffic there anymore. It's become a refuge for the dozen or so of us who still post. The ones that don't come around have just become disinterested or just too busy. For someone to be treated rudely is almost unheard of on that board at this point. This forum, on the otherhand has a huge amount of new traffic coming through. I would bet there are many, like me who, if they hang in there without giving up are still trying to "get" the many diverse personalities and styles of posting of the members. It really takes some effort to not get offended by some of the more blunt and sarcastic posters. I come and go, and everytime I come back I have to re-learn the "regular's" styles. I think there are tons of people who come here that get weeded out (intimidated) immediately. This isn't intentional on the part of the regular posters, but simply because trying to express things in words without the benefit of tone of voice and facial expression is really hard. Some of the more uninhibited or opinionated "oldie" posters probably don't recognize how they are coming across to a newbie. Also there are some threads that a newer member might just make a total fool of themselves trying to join in on because they simply don't get the inside jokes. Many of you have met in person or have been around for years. That makes it doubly hard for more recent joiners to understand the gyst of certain threads. I guess that what I mean by cliquishness (still don't know if it's a word.) I'm not especially bothered by it. I can walk away and just go...Oh well, I didn't get it. There is life away from the internet. I was up to my eyeballs with an Activity Days project yesterday and today as well as running a household, so this evening was the first time I had to re-visit what felt like getting my tongue cut off the other night. I'm over it. Life goes on, but just wanted to ask these questions to understand better what the "rules" are. Anyway, I think the bottom line for anyone using the internet to seek out or give advice, especially on an LDS forum is to be kind and Christlike. To be patient and take more care to think about what the person might be trying to express...to be sensitive to the underlying feelings. Haven't we been warned of that by general authorities in conference- to be civil in our computer discussions and to always try to be good examples of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I feel like I'm qualified to bring this up mostly because I'm on both edges of this lds.net "community"- not exactly new but not posting every day either. I have a little bit of a view from outside the forest. I know how it feels to be misunderstood...to try so hard to put my thoughts into written word, only to do it badly at times- then to be told by some regular poster "You're not making any sense" or "Why don't you say what you mean?" . That kind of thing is pretty un-Christlike IMHO (in my humble opinion). I have seen this kind of thing slip by the mods a few times. It might be that they just don't "hear" the barb since they know the poster well and have gotten past it over the years (?). I've been less than kind myself. I never feel good when that happens. I'm sorry for any offense I've spewed out myself. I really appreciate the posters who are kind and patient. There are some from whom the Spirit emmanates with every word, no matter the topic. They aren't always gifted writers but are gifted in expressing the love of Christ. Well, I've spent too much time here. But since I do enjoy discussions online and still have many gospel/church related questions- enough to ask for another 52 years, I don't intend to run away for good with my tail between my legs everytime I get frustrated or have my sensitivies peppered. Thanks always for the good advice and cyberhugs (Awww!) and for the insight that many of you have.

;-)

I guess it's hard for you to know if someone else might have just one more insight- a really good, uplifting one to add. And they feel cheated if they don't get to add it. OH well. No use in taking this so seriously.

I appreciate what you do. I'm sure it's a challenge to always be on the lookout. I have no interest in being a mod myself but just want to make a tiny suggestion again. A warning that a thread is about to be closed would be appreciated (say a 15-30 min warning or so) so those of us in the discussion have a chance to reset our minds, or apologize if we've said something inappropriate, so that we don't end up feeling like we've had the rug yanked out from under us. Thanks again!

Thank you for the info. I am surprised, though that often I feel the spirit is definitely not there in a discussion. There are blatant put downs going on but the mods don't take any action. This happened to me the first time I posted on this forum. I was blasted right away for a few innocent questions and opinions about my husband taking a job that would take him away from his calling as bishop. I've been on many forums before but was flabbergasted by the treatment I recieved on an "LDS" forum. I've often felt that uppity attitude from many board members since then. Gang responses, cliquishness (is that a word? ) and " You are so stupid" -written clearly between the lines. I'm sensitive but not completely thin skinned. These comments aren't always directed at me. It happens to others, too. I wouldn't be surprised if some fragile newcomer has lost testimony or developed a pretty sour attitude about members of the church due to this kind of treatment. It will often turn me away from this site for months at a time. But I have a short memory and tend to return here- who knows why? (duh) So anyway, it seems like the moderation of this forum is a bit random. And that certain posters have acquired special status to say whatever they want without having their posts removed. I would hope this could be place where kindness and civility are tops and that intelligent discussions are allowed to go on and ideas exchanged without the moderators cutting it off at will. That is very frustrating! Perhaps they could post a warning before closing a thread. Thanks!

THe other day we were having an enlightening discussion on the New York passage of gay marriage when it was abruptly closed by a moderator. So now I'm wondering how the mods work. Do they collaborate on their opinions about a thread if it needs to be closed? Or does any mod have the power to close a thread at will, simply because they don't like the topic or think it's gotten out of hand? I was a bit offended becuse I was in the middle of mentally working though some of the ideas being expressed, and had taken the time to write out a long thoughtful response only to find the thread abruptly closed and not able to post what I had written. When I complained about that happening and named the mod who closed the thread, my complaint post was removed. Do you mods put your heads together or can you just do whatever you please without consulting each other? Can a thread ever be re-opened if the mods don't agree about it being closed? Can a mod be removed for rude behavior? Just wondering?

Buck naked or butt naked? ;-)

Yes, monthly.

My son gets home from his mission in 48 hours!!

Here's the response from my cousin (who is a fairly liberal single LDS woman in her late 30s who works in Times' Square): "I haven't seen it, and not sure if I will. I have had a few friends see it and one loved it and one hated it. Both LDS. Surprisingly, the more conservative of the two liked it more. It is getting great reviews here. Everyone loves it and it has become a celebrity favorite. I am a little horrified, if only because it may not be the most accurate depiction, like Big Love on HBO (which I have also never seen). I do know that one of the cast members served a mission, but is now openly gay. Another friend did an interview with him that you might like -" Leaving Facebook... | Facebook