LDSJewess

I guess this all comes down to what each individual defines as fun. Also everyone is different and comes from different backgrounds and has different likes and dislikes irregardless of whether they were raisedin the church, converted along the way, or are not members at all. I guess I should be grateful that the Words of Wisdom was never my challenge and was like a walk in the park for me when I joined the church. I ahppen to be a health nut so I find the odor of cigarette smoke offensice and unhealthy. One the rare occasions in my youth before joining the church and had coffee, I became so jittery I was ill. Tea is not tastey to me, and I had found alcohol to leave me with upset stomach, headaches and never found alcohol to taste good. Drugs are out of the question because I want to live healthy for a very long time, Then again I do not like sodas, lemonaide or fruit juices either because I don't like feeling that sugary high. Never understood why people like sodas because if they are good toilet bowl cleaners (and they are, they canot possibly be good for my insides. For me living long and healthy supercedes getting ill or abusing my body. I often wonder at what point in our lives we were told that drugs, alcohol and smoking was "fun". So what is fun to me. Well last week we got together with about five other couples from the church and went out to eat at a great restaurant. We went together for fun and friendship. It was not a bibl study. Dinners conversation was funny, joking and jovial, political debates kept respectful and friendly, and lots of interesting topics. From dinner we went out dancing. More fun, joking, dancing, learning to line dance. Yes the restaurant where we had dinner and the place we all went dancing were serving alcohol, and waiters came buy to ask us for a drink order. So there was a lot of water and a few sodas being served at our table. We were having just as much fun as others there that were drinking alcohol only we would be safer drivers going home and not needing to deal with headaches, hangovers etc: On other nights with the same little crowd we go to a movie, or exhange getting together for pot luck's in each others homes and play board games . I am in the cruise business so we go on a lot of cruises with firends or on our own and even in larger groups. Yes the cruise ships have casinos (they reek of smoke and I see no fun in tossing my money into a machine). We see shows, sightsee, go to spas, dance and everything others do on cruises but don't order alcohol. As for the "dirty" thoughts, many Mormons are married and they are likely not celibate since there seem to be a lot of kids and grandkids roaming arouns that did not arrive by way of the stork. LOL Personally I think people get caught up in custom or what they were taught to think was "fun". I have to laught when my own husband who has said he feels he wants the option to have a beer once in a while said comes from a German family so they have to have a beer once in a while. HUH???? That's a rule to being born German? LOL He is still an active church member just not ready to go to the Temple and that is something he can work on and is betweenn him and Heavenly Father and in the meantime won't lie about it. So I guess what I am saying is you have to define fun and what it means to you. Everything we do is a choice. For some the Words of Wisdom is more of a challenge than for others. One thing I would suggest for the op is to put into perspective that fun does not equal evil and deprivation does not equal virtue. I find that the Words of wisdom are not about merely obedience and pleasing Heavenly Father, rather they are guidelines for us that when we follow the guidelines we can be happier and healthier. And to me happy and healthy equals more fun! :)

Newbirth, You are most welcome. I think we sometimes feel that our circumstances are different than the norm and if we continue with this mind set we wind up creating some of our own isloation. And in turn others think their situation is outside the norm or they are different and don't feel anyone can relate to them, and they wind up closing themselves off and isolating themselves as well. So what we wind up with is a bunch of isolated peopel thinking their story is completely unique to to others, and while closing themselves off they learn to create for themselves a kind of facade so they appear how they think they need to appear to fit in. People at church really do have their own story. And while in church I amagine until we really get to the point where we can really let our guard down and get to know each other as brothers and sisters, we just live in the facade of what everythinks members of the LDS church are or should appear to be. Once we started meeting people in our Ward outside of the church and getting to know them on a much more personal level, we found ourselves saying to them, "wow I never realized this ir that", and in turn they were saying the same thing to us. And of course this is understandable since at chuch even the nicest people can seem luke warm. Everyone of us whether we admit it or not want to be wanted, needed and accepted and feel like we truly belong. The LDS church is I believe structured to create and encourage this among members more than any other church, Unfortunately, we are far from perfect and we all fall short of opportunities. Even after almost a year of returning I do not know everyone by name (but with my calling I'm working at it) lol, and not everyone is going to be our best friends and truth be told we may come across a few that we have little to nothing in common with. But it's kind of like a fishing expedition. We just keep seeking people that we have common bonds with and then from there we do our best to nuture friendships. And of course through those friendships we meet others and so on. Just always remember that for ever person you want to reach out to be your friend, also reach out to be theirs.

I have a daughter with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and it can be draining on the entire family. She is grown and has had multiple marriages and relationships and had children (our grandchildren) from these relationships. It is never easy. The one thing I will say is if your husband is in therapy you may be at least dealing with half the battle because this disorder has the person thinking that they are right and there is nothing wrong with their thinking rather it is "everyone elses fault." This means many refuse therapy because they do not believe they need therapy. They also are classicly chronic liars and are masters of manipulation in cheating in many situations, including lying tho themselves and ultimately cheating themselves of a happier life. I am not sure if this is something that can ever be fixed, however perhpas going into therapy to learn how to cope with your husband may be helpful. I wish you all the best.

Hi Newbirth, I enjoyed your post and although I am a member I have been there and done that so I am sure I can relate to you. You will not get any preachy answers from me but I can give you a few suggestions based on my own experience and I hope it works. A little of my own experience... My husband and I both joined the church 20 years ago and were baptized together. We are a second marriage and only one child was baptized with us, as our other four children were grown or off to college. None are members at this point. In our first ward where we were baptized, we were very active and it was fortuaately for us a very friendly and active ward and we truly felt a part of it. Then five years later we moved to another State. The weard was luek warm at best, and we never felt connected. We made a few friends but most members were very transient and only lived there part time or traveled a lot. So we became somewhat inactive. Then 6 years later we moved again. We went to church but although we awere always treated with plesentry, we never felt like we were a part of it. Perhaps we missed the closeness we had at the first ward when we first joined. And maybe the "honeymoon" of being new to the church had subsided. But eventually we simply lost interest in coming. We never had our names taken off the roles and we never lost our faith or beloefs or the testimony we had. But we never truly felt a part of it either. I hope that missionaries, Bishops and other LDS members read this because what it took was a freiendly outreach and a phone call to bring us back. One day almost a decade after we were completely inactive, two missionaries came to the door knowing we were inactive members. I happened to be sick with the flu and told the missionaries I was ill and possibly contagious but they were welcome back in a weel A few days later the Bishop (who I had never met) gave me a call and asked if he and the bishopric could come by and give me a blessing. Of course we had them over, asked a lot of questions and made a committment to retuen to church. WOW I have to say it was like getting an engraved invitation to return. When we did return that first time, there were a few couples that remembered us when we first started coming and greeted us as if we had just had dinner together the other day! But as we continued to return, we felt apart from the loop. So this time we took it upon ourselves to break the ice and take on the responsibility of truly seeing our members rather than hoping they would just be friendly to us. We asked the Bishop for callings that would help us to integrate us back into the church. BE CAREFULL WHAT YOU ASK FOR lol. My calling wound up being Relief Society secretary. Sounds simple enough right. I'm saavy on a computer and can do newsletters. Oh but wait, I had to take attendance at Releif Society meetings. Her's the name list, just check off the ones that are here. OK no problem. 80 or so sisters, and I knew maybe four of them by name. Well it forced me to introduce myself and then get to know who they were. We also decided to attend a smaller Sunday school class where many newer members attend. Taking them under our wing allows us o form new friendships that are not already established. Another thing we do is that our ward passes around a calender where we can sign up to have the missionaries for dinner. We do this once a month. Missionaries know members and they are interested in keeping you in the ward and are great liasons among members. We have also since invited another person or two to dinner from the Ward on the same night we have the missionaries. From there it has grown to attending a month Family Home Evening where ward members that have grown children have family home evening once a month together. And we have also found a few couples where we go out to dinner suring the week or get together in each others homes. Forming a social circle outside of just a three hour block on Sunday morning is very helpful. By the tine Sunday rolls around we are reconnecting with friends. It takes time but well worth the effort. Oh one more thing. We went through almost a year without knowing who our HT or VT was. So instead of asking who was going to HT or VT us we asked who WE could go out and HT or VT. If they won't come to us we will go to them. I know we all get busy and time can be a deterrant for not just us but everyone, but this time around we are not going inactive. Even if your ward is small, there are some you can reach out to. If it is large, you may not get to know or be friends with everyone but you have a lot to choose from. Hang in there. Get involved and don't give up. Even in a church there can challenges. But take on the challenge and you may find it is well worth the investment of time and effort. :)

After reading this entire thread I have seen a lot of comments regarding the parents or the two parties involved in making a baby out of wedlock. There are comments about how it is easier to back out of an unmarried relationship. More comments about how how the outcome of one's life or their success and happiness does not necessarily have anything to do with a marriage certificate. The interesting thing about this thread is there is talk of the couple that make the babies, but not a lot of talk about the babies. No matter how easy it is to vacate a relationship, rationalize how people living together outside of marriage can be happy, who gets child support payments etc: What about that baby who has no say in the matter and the child who grows up in such a situation. I can speak of this from very personal experience. I am 63 years old and when I go to the Doctor I am given a form to fill out regarding family history... is father living, if not how did he die, any diseases and all I can fill in is unknown, unknown, unknown. I had visited the LDS church long before I actually joined 20 years ago. My main reason for not joining the church earlier was that I did not feel I fit in with all of the family oreinted teachings. I remember seeing an LDS video with a song about Heavenly Father giving us earthly parents "kind and dear". And I thought I must have been absent when those kind and dear earthly parents were being handed out. To this day now that I am a grandmother and a great grandmother, I go to the family history library and cannot do geneaology on my fathers side because when mom and pop conveniently "vacated" their relationship they failed to leave a forwarding name no less a location. And since mom was pretty much estranged from her family, the family records on her side are very sketchy at best. Did I grow up to be a successful adult. Yes I did. Good career, good husband, although not on the first try. Since I had no parental role model, I spent most of my youth and young adulthood surviving and I learned to parent my own children by trial and error. Life would have been easier for them and subsequently easier for my grandchildren had I learned parenting skills from my parents and then passed the same values on to my children. Life is good now. But it could have been better for me and my children. I would have loved to actually know grandparents, and my children would have liked to know what is was like to have grand parents. Having babies is a life long commitment which takes a life long committment between the two people that bring those babies into the world. It not only effects their babies but their babies babies throughout generations. Not having a life long committment before making babies is selfish and irresponsible at the very least. Am I bitter? No. But I once was and spent a lot of precious time getting over the resentment of not having a "normal family." In spite of it all, I love life and thank Heavenly Father for it every day. I also know that had abortion been legal in 1947/48 I would likely not be here because mom would have "vacated" her problem early for convenience. So you can say I am pro life and glad for the laws back then that gave me the opportunity to life long enough to have children of my own and enjoy the generations that follow them. (I know perhaps this last paragraph is a different topic but unfortunately this too is the result of non-committed couples making babies.

Ok now in addressing the spouse issue. I clicked the thank you icon to RM's post because I was struggling with some of these issues. Neither my husband or I were born and raised in the LDS church. We are both converts of 20 plus years and our children are grown (5 between us). One child was baprised as a teen and another grandchild since baptized. The rest are either faithful members of Catholism, Judiasm or are not particularily religious (meaning they have no organized church affiliation). My husband and I were sealed in the Temple, were very active in the church and then out of complacency and laziness became fairly inactive. My husband didn't discuss any of his reasons other than he preferred working on Sunday where the pay was best, and he did not want a calling. So like the OP, I got lazy too and although kept up on prayer and scripture study it seemed easier to stay home and sleep in most Sunday mornings. A year ago we decided to return to church with a little prodding and encouragement from a new enthusiastic pair of missionaries and an enthusiastic new Bishop who called on us in our home. We made the committment to return and we both are active in our callings. So a year has passed and I wanted to renew my Temple recommend but was hesitant because my husband did not want to renew. His reasons were 1. Did not want to commit to tithing, 2. Did not want to commit to wearing garments because he felt they were to hot???? and 4. He wanted to "keep the option to have a beer once in a while" but I am not sure when he ever had that beer he wants to keep the "option open" to have. And 4. He has to have that morning cup of coffee. For me it is easier to tithe because my income is not responsible for paying many of the household expenses. 2. I never liked coffee or alcohol in the first place including before I ever joined the church, and I am perfectly comfortable in garments and don't find them relative to weather hot or cold etc: So for a while I felt guilty that it was probably easier for me to be Temple worthy. Or at least that was my thinking so I decided to wait to see if my husband would change and we could eventually go back to Temple together. But then I talked to a sister about this and she said, the Temple and my decision to go is about me and my covenants with Heavenly Father, not anyone else. So I had a heart to heart discussion with my Bishop, and eventually my Stake President. And my Stake President asked me the very questions almost verbatum that RMguy just posted here. And needless to say I received my recommend and will simply go to Temple with others in my Ward when they go. I will miss not sharing this with my husband at least for now. I have hopes that he will have a change of heart. But I know that if he does not choose to, it is about him and not about me. Perhaps he may never attend Temple again in this life. And perhpas we may not even wind up in the same place in the after life. But our lives are indeed eternal and with an eternal perspective, we are ever progressing in this life and in the next. We each need to allow our loved ones to use their free agency and progress at their own rate and Heavenly Father will answer our prayers in his own time., not ours. After all we have an eternity. But in the mean time, as my Stake President added, through prsayer, scripture study and regular Church attendance, and accepting a church calling as well as attending the Templee as often as possible, I would be setting an example. My husband and I are happily married but in two different places regarding at least the Temple right now. Only one of 5 children and one of 14 grandchildren are baptized, and none are Temple Worthy right now. But it has to begin somewhere in each family. With so many members of the church (perhpas close to the majiority being converts), it is likely that many of us do not have complete families in the church at all. So it is up to those of us that are to pray, read scriptures, and lovingly encourage our spouses, family members and loved ones. We cannot force anything to happen. But we can do our part, and I believe with all my heart that the blessings we receive will be worth the effort and the wait. Wishing you and your family all the best.

I decided to respond to this thread in two spparate posts since they really address two separate issues. The first is regarding Masonry and the LDS church. 1. Joseph Smith himself was a Mason. 2. There are a number of Temple worthy men in our church that are Masons and have held high offices in the Masonic lodge while also being Priesthood holders in the church; one I know of is a former Bisop and another a former Stake President. 3. If you "read a lot of things" about Masonry please keep in mind that the rituals and beliefs in the Masonic Lodge are kept as confidental among it's membership much as Temple rites are among Temple going LDS members. Because of this some confuse the words "sacred" and "private" with "secret" which are not the same things at all. And when people are trying to find answers to all these "secrets: that they choose not to be a part of, they often get very confused and distort the truths (which is the main reason Masonic rites and Temple rites are kept confidential). To keep them from being the subject of ridicule from those who don not understand and frankly they likely only want to believe scintillating stories and myths rather than truths. So there are Masons that are also Mormons, and there are Masons that are members of other churches and synagogues. It is unlikely that any Mormon who is also a Mason will lose their faith and testimony in the church because of their Masonic affiliation.

Hala401, It can seem a little confusing because the terminology can seem so similar. Temple wear often referred to as Temple "clothing" "dresses" etc: are indeed worn at the Temple. Some of these clothing items can also be worn as street clothing to church, work, or other appropriate places. There are many examples of this cothing online such as Ebay, and the lds dot org website and also two nice sites called dressed in white dot com and my fave white elegance dot com. For men it's white shoes or slippers, socks, trousers, dress long sleeve shirts, ties and jackets that look like any other strrt wear but are all white. For women the attire is also white and would include white socks (knee highs are great), white shoes or slippers, slips for modesty, and a full length dress or skirt and top that would have a full length floor length skirt, long sleeves to the wrist and a modest neckline. There are many fabrics and styles from plain dresses, to suits and skirts and tops that have lace and some beading but not overly embellished. When people refer to Temple "Garments" they are generally referring to under glothing that is worn day and night both in and out of the Temple under regular clothing. And yes these garments are sacred and you will learn about them when you go to the temple. Without detail information, these garments are white, come in a variety of fabrics, and they do not come to ankles or wrists. Think in terms of knee length "bike shorts" and cap sleeve camisole type tops. They can be worn under any modest street wear including knee length shorts, skirts, cap sleeve tee shirts. Just not sleeveless, strapless or backless tops, or shorter shorts and skirts. Nothing mysterious, but are sacred and have spiritual significance in that the wearing of them and their symbolism are reminders of the wear of them covenants that we make. The reason detailed discussion is private to the outside world is that when people lack understanding, they tend to make up their own myths and legends, or tend to ridicule what is considered sacred. The other items that are worn only at the Temple arer sacred items that are more like accessories than what I would term "clothing" and yes are of spiritual signifance. It can seem confusing but in reality it is not. Although the clothing etc: does have significance, the blessings of the Temple are far beyond the articles of clothing worn.

We will need to disagree on this one. The flag lowering is meant to honor those who were in service to our country no based on a person's income. If a drug dealer or prostitute choose to pay taxes, leading to more State revenue would we then lower the flag for them? The church will not even accepot a tithe from money won in a lottery which brings a lot of money to the State revenue. I have nothing against Ms. Houston. She was blessed with a beautiful voice and she was entertaining. But even if she had not used drugs, the fact that she was not serving our Country irregardkess to the amount of her income or tax bracket, lowering the flag was completely inappropriate. The fact that Ms. Houston was a drug user made such an honor even more inappropriate as it sennds a terribale message to our youth and society as to what America values. And last but not least, our flag belongs to American's not a Governor of a State. This was a bad decision on his part, plain and simple. Had the governor wanted to honor Ms. Houston, send flowers or set up a trust to fight drug abuse. There a a nunmber of ways to honor Houston's talent, but lowering the American flag is not one of the,

@Dahlia, as per garments most sisters I know and even those wh post here seem to prefer the DriSilque fabrication. My favorite by far is the Carinessa II fabrication and style which differs slightly but works perfectly for my comfort and lifestyle. The fabric is a light poly spandex blend that fits more clingy than other garments and actually like a second skin. The tops also have no seam across the bust and has a slight gathering or ruching at the sides of the bust line which has a much smoother fit under seamless tee shirts. I wear a lot of work out wear such as dri fit leknee length or capri length leggings and spandex tops and the Carninessa II simply has the fit and feel of lining under clothing. I also live in a year round warm/hot (Florida) climate and I also spend a lot of time in the Caribbean, and I find thsat the garments are just a part of me and I would not likely be either warmer or cooler not wearing them. Sizing can vary but when I buy online at the lds website, I call the toll free number and found the staff to be extremily helpful with sizing. I don't like "wiggle room" because I like the snug second skin feel and fit but find the sizing to be pretty accurate. I'm 5'7 and long leg short waisted in proportion, Reg size 4/6 jeans and 10 12 tops and jackets so I wear XS-A bottom and Med-P on top and it works perfectly. I think the Carnessa tops run just slightly larger because I have worn a Large-P in Dri Silque ok, but the Large in Carninessa slide off the shoulders at times. You will find what works for you. @Hala401 Actually you need to wear your gamrnets Day and Night which will be part of your interview. They are constant reminders of your covenants. The exception would be swimming of course or in sports events where uniforms or some sports clothing may not conceal your garments or cause undue soiling such as on sports teams etc: Some new Temple goers may need to adjust their wardrobe to acomodate their garments however, I find the blessings received from being in the Temple far out weigh giving up sleeveless tops or shorter skirts and shorts.

What disturbs me the most about this is the message that we are sending out to the future generations. Become a celebrity, take drugs, become an addict, die from an over dose, and then become honored with flags flown at half staff, get burried in golden caskets, become memorialized and even more celebrated than you were in life. This message is one that American's are sending out to the future generations. Very sad!

I have a suggestion that may or may not help (not just regarding the old ;lady with the snacks and makeup) but for members as well. Legitimize a few guidelines in the weekly bulletin that one can refer to these "written" rules as need be in a respectful and loving manner of course. Our Ward has a rotating clean up crew where each member is assigned to a week to clean up, rearrange chairs, take out trash, vacumn etc: And I know when it's my week I cringe at the grounded up sugar, candy and sdnacks that members bring to pacify their children. Often there are wrappers, spilled drinks from sippy cups and an overall mess. There are also parents that bring crayons and paper and do little to correct a child that is "coloring" on the pews, railings, carpeting and chairs. Finally we actually have a brief paragraph in the bulletin that stages food, beverages and items that can take from the reverence of the sanctuary may only be used in designated areas like a nursery, kitchen, etc: This does tend to cut down on the problem some and would give someone like Iggy a little leverage who could gently and kindly (important key words) say that these things are not allowed in this area. It is easier to be firm about a defined and written rule which in and of itself carrys a bit of authority. Not sure what to d about that dog though. LOL

Sorry I never saw this post earlier, but my answer to the op is yes, all the time! Coming from a Jewish background and a Bat Mitzpah, being partially raised Protestant Christian in my youth, minor in World Religions in College, and a convert to the LDS Church 20 year ago, I love talking about religion and philosophy. This past week I have just completed reading a book titled "Mormon's Believe What?! Fact and Fiction about A Rising Religion (The punctuation is correct), authored by Gary C. Lawrence. I found that Lawrence (a member of the LDS church) did a wonderful job of explaining many of the questions that non LDS members (and perhaps even a few newer LDS members) have about the church. Lawrence is in addition to being an author, a pollister an statustician. He dispels many of the myths and much of the confision that others have about the church. I highly recommend this book. It is not an official church puplication, but I even recommended this book to my Stake President. And I think PC you would enjoy it as well. :)

Prison Chaplain, Regarding the Facebook issue, I don't necessarily think that opposing the idea that one take their grievances to Facebook means the girl should keep quite if there has been a wrong doing against her. However that being said, I am a very active "Facebooker" and since I have two business interests I have a lot of "frienmds" from varied ages and backgrounds. One common thing that really annoys me is when people take their "griveances to the Facebook wall. More often than not there is an agenda on the posters part, and it is not to merely speak out against an injustice, rather they want to gather others to their camp. It reminds me of the old middle school days when a person has an issue with someone and then rounds up and rallies others to take their side. All this serves to do is to create a herd mentality and causes even more contention. These manipulative posts make me cringe just as much as an offensive letter would. I don't have a problem with the outfit from what I could see in the photo. If BYU has a problem and it's against their policies then they can contact and discuss it diorectly with the girl. It is a private school and they are within their full right to exercise their policies. As for the offending note; if the girl could not get past the note by simply ignorging the author of the note, then she could have taken it up with him and said that his note was offensive to her and left it at that. It is not a matter of speaking out against offenses, it is about the growth experience of learning when and where it is best to speak out or handle the situation.

Congratulations Dahlia, Althpugh I have permanently move South my endowments were at the Chicago Temple and it's beautiful! As for clothing, I tend to be an online or mail order shopper, and I don't wear one piece dresses well because of size variations (4 bottom and 12 top). So two piece skirts and tops work best. Agree with other posters about a pocket in the dress or skirt. Also some slips meant for Temple wear have a pocket in the hem of the skirt which is useful. My favorite website for Temple wear is called White Elegance dot com. They have a lot of photos, and also the ladies on the toll free number are always very helpful with measurements and sizing. My shoes are a plain white pair of ballerina flats which have a sole where they could be worn outdoors but I use them exclusively for Temple. Or there are totes slippers some with lace and beads. A lady on eBay carrys a variety of them which are title under "wedding slippers" in the word search. I wish you much happiness.

The photo I saw was not all that clear so hard to comment, but personally I think the harsh note was far more inappropriate than the outfit. As for what I saw of the outfit in the photo in the op's link, I thought it was rather cute and reasonably appropriate especially for a college kid. The neckline would have very likely covered garments, althought tights unless they were "leggings" would not conceal garments although actual knit leggings (such as knit skinny jeans) do worn over a tunic style top. If the school had an issue on the girl being in compliance with the dress code, it would have been appropriate for them to call her to the office to discuss. Another student or anyone outside the authority of the school administration is not the fashion police. I have found that people tend to mature into fashion that is appropriate for them. At our ward there are occasional women that are well beyond college age and show up in relief society wearing skirts or sundrtesses (warm climate here). The rest lead by example not by nasty comments or notes. Eventually the women adjust their attire and of course once they have been to Temple they will adjust to comply with the wearing of their garments. Meanwhile the best thing the fellow classmates or other members can do is treat others with the love and respect that we would want to be treated. :)

Just my opinion of course but my take on this is that if a child is born with their gender in question or with two genetailia or none, that is a birth defect and one may need to have gender declared perhaps by medical professionals. But this is a far different thing than an adult using their free agency and conscious choice to have their bodies physically altered to be different thawhat they were born on this earth with. But a woman that chooses to become a physical man should not be holding the priesthood or be called to the Bishopric, and more than a man who physically chooses to become a female be called to become the relief society president. There are very clear and defined gender roles when it comes to the church and certainly in the Temple. So I do not think this is something that could be condoned. Just my opinion for what it is worth.

Although I agree with this post in the regard that we need to define what constitutes a "bad movie", even thought I am generally on the liberal isde with a live and let live attitude, the line is drawn with me when the live and let live infringes on the respect for another and the infringes upon another's rights. One things I would have to ask the original poster, is did this issue just come up suddenly. Generally speaking when a couple meets, falls in love and marries they have already determined whether or not they are on the same pagean when it comes to values and likes or dislikes for entertainment. If this has been oongoing even when you first knew your hhusband and his family (which seems to be the case since entire families don't usually abrupty change their value systems), then you may have a problem conveying to your husband and his family why the "bad movie watching" is a problem for you now when it was tolerated at an earlier time. This being said though, I am thinking the problem is not so much the movie content as the lack of communication within your family in discussing what your family values are, and secondly, respecting each others beliefs and values. For instance, in our home the F-Bomb is NEVER appropriate ever. We just don't like the word and associate it with low life and always have before we ever joined the church, during our times of both activity and inactivity in the church. We are a second marriage and our children grew up in two different households but none of our children were allowed to use objectionable language and we believe that they will lessen their chances of progressing and succeeding in life if they make a habit of talking trash. We are not as hung up on sexuality. No we do not watch porn at all. But a movie with love scenes is not nearly as big an issue as the F word is. This evening we were both shocked and appalled when someone on our Facebook said that her Mother (grandmother to her child) bought her a book called "Go to F-ing Sleep" to read to her child. No such book would have been allowed in our home, and there is no way we thought that was funny as many did. On the other hand we are less concerned with the flashing of skin scenes (however children do not live in our home). And we do watch TV shows like Criminal Minds and NCIS that have scenes of violence but no F-Bombs since they are prime time TV. In any event, we all have certain issues we find objectionable. Within the home it is important that couples define what is appropriate and what is not, and definitely respect each other in regards to not offending and disrespecting the others values.

Although I feel that is is imperative that a husband and wife communicate with each other; I am not in complete agreement that it is ones "business" as Vort put it. I think that is why Temple Recommend interviews are between the Bishop and the interviewee, and not the Bishop and the couple. That being said I have just faced the same situation, only my husband and I had been inactive for quite a while and although we are back in the church and active and hold callings, I felt it was time to interview to renew my Temple Recommend. I made the appointment and over dinner asked my husband if he planned on doing the same, and he said that he just was not ready to do that yet. Although I pretty much knew the main reason, I certainly did not ask my husband if he was worthy. After all he is definitely worthy to be my husband, but if he is not yet Temple worthy, I simply need to give him the time and space he needs, and to pray. I believe he will eventually be ready and worthy in time. He has not lost his belief in the Gospel and I do not know the level of his testimony. But I do know the major reason is that he has an issue with a full tithe, knowing that we would likely lose our home if he did. He also has some issues with wearing his garments all the time and claims the bottoms are too hot to wear outdoors. And there is that morning cup of coffee that although is not a daily need, he doesn't want to commit to EVER having that cup of coffee. So bottom line is he is not yet ready. I believe he will be in due time. And the timing of it all will be between him and Heavenly Father not between him and me. After all the covenants he makes regarding the Temple Recommend are with God not me. Meanwhile we can enjoy the blessings of going to the Temple alone until our spouses are ready to join us there.

For those that are hostile and threatening, there is not much to do other than to let them know the church is there for them and perhaps they will have to initiate the contact next time if and when they are ever ready to do so. Ultimately it will be the inactive persons responsibility to use their free agency to return or not. It is important for them to know that Heavenly Father does not force the Gospel or the gift and blessings of the Savior Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost upon anyone. It is there for us for the taking, but it is us that have to reach out to be receiving of it.

Hi Salls, I too was once a long time inactive member but decided to check out my old Ward and came back. Glad I did. :)

Sure I get that rhetoric from Fundies at times but don't consider it a threat, since I don't think their opinions have any validity or merit.

It is aparent that the parents of the children and owner of the dog has no interest in resolving the problem, and it seems unlikely that it will change, so the ball winds up in your court so to speak. I know it is an inconvenience, but I for locking the gate and perhaps butting up a np tresspassing sign as well in case these kids have an inclination for climing over the fence. I know you are frustrated and righly so, but honestly it is less of an inconvenience to lock and unlocs the gate then it is to have to clean up after someone elses dog, risk your own dogs getting out due to a gate left open, or a law suite due to injury of the offending children.

Hi Annie, I'm in my second marriage but we have been married over 20 years. We joined the church together a few years after our marriage. At the time our kids were teens and young adults and frankly my kids although accepting of my new husband at the time, did not think of him as much more than "my husband." My husbands children didn't like me at all because they were hoping that their dad would perhpas go back to their mom (although they had been divorced 6 years before we met). As time went by and our kids matured and had families of their own, we don't have any of the discord that we had in the beginning, but unfortunately our kids (his an mine all adults) co exist in friendly but cool terms at best. In addition we don't seem to have the close bonding with our children that other families appear to have which makes us sad, especially since we want closer conds with our grown children and our grandchildren. Not having that causes some feelings of emptiness. I have some melencholy days over it and I am sure my husband does as well. I think we have come to the point that we must accept that which we cannot change. Our children, (and yours) are indeed grown and we have good men so we nedd to count our blessings. But I too wish that everyone could be one big happy family.

Agree that both boyus and girls can be subject to lust and porn and also mastrubation, bit mastrubation is far more common in adolescent boys. They already know that mastrubation has nothing to do with love since there is no other person involved and it is a biological self gratification. Ideally they will not do it, but in reality the majority of boys do. The important thing is that although you can acknowledge it as a reality, it does not take the place of healthy sexual relationships in the confines of marriage. But a 12 year old boy is likely not thinking of marriage and possibly not even girls, rather releasing biological urges. Throwing extreme guilt into the mix can offten result in them turning away from the church all together. Guidence and understanding without throwing big guilt is a better way to deal with the situation.