Forget-Me-Not

Ah yes, very good advice to husbands, lol. The couple I knew - the husband was so very kind and so loving toward his wife. So patient. Always so calm and gentle and mild. Always wanting to make her happy. I can't even imagine anything she could have ever done that would have ruffled his feathers, at all, or that he would have allowed to, and she absolutely adored him for it. He also showered her with gifts, but cost didn't matter to her and she described some of the most humble of gifts she loved that he'd given her when they were poor and struggling in their early years and loved those every bit as much as the more costly gifts he could give her later in life. But she loved all his gifts because he gave to her from his heart. She was truly his queen and he her king. They were a very beautiful and rare example of happiness in marriage.

Oh my. Don't borrow trouble, lol. The honeymoon phase doesn't have to end for everyone. I knew a couple where it never did. That wasn't just how things looked from without, either. They talked of it often. And if you could have seen how they looked into each other's eyes as they danced on their 60th wedding anniversary, you would know it was true. Bless you that you will always be so happy! :)

Your thread title asks, "When is it time to give up?" I don't know that one must "give up" on someone they love, but if what you really want is a temple marriage, you need to focus on the things you need to do to prepare for that. Of course, there's always the chance that committing yourself to no more sex outside the bonds of marriage, could create an issue your boyfriend doesn't want to deal with. Oh, and I know that when you love someone you don't want to risk losing them, but you need to realize that on your present path, you've already lost him, before even having him, really, because you've placed yourself beyond the only thing that could enable you as a couple to last, and that's an eternal marriage covenant. So, you need to ask yourself if you want a temple marriage enough to have the courage to commit to seeking that goal. And yes, it does take courage, especially when you don't want to lose someone and you're afraid you might. But even if that happened it wouldn't have to keep you from loving him from afar, and praying for him, that he will one day desire that blessing enough for his own life, to make the changes he needs in order to have it. Yes, he may turn from you, but he could also turn back. Even if that didn't happen, though, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, in the end, by preparing yourself for what you really want, because there are still plenty of men out there who desire an eternal mate and are willing to do what it takes to have her.

Awe! Great update! I'm swooning, lol. I'm smiling for you too

1. Reason. Logic. 2. I don't know about a religion being proven false, any religion, really, as each individual has to consider the elements of any given faith or belief system and judge, according to his own comprehension. Therefore, what one person may believe has been proven false, another may believe has been proven true. 3. Certainly we base all beliefs, ideas, and opinions on our own understanding, whether that understanding comes by way of a witness from God, or comes by way of reason, or it comes by our own life experiences and how we view things from our particular perspective, or any combination of those.

Of course it's not always the man's fault. But, sometimes the way men treat their wives can make them feel that they are neither valued or loved. I'd say that Satan and temptation are always naturally a part of it, but I'd also say that's because Satan knows well the weaknesses that a woman can succumb to if she is feeling a lack of love and value, for whatever reason she's feeling it.

He who? Your husband? So he filed? Did you talk about that in this thread and I missed it? Or in another thread? Sorry, lol. I feel like I left the room in the middle of a conversation so thought I should ask. Life has been a little crazy the last couple days and I've been distracted so could have easily missed things.

Yes. Go to the family law courthouse as skippy mentioned and ask questions and request help. They know what they're doing and will gladly help you. At least that was my experience. The laws vary so much from state to state it's hard to say, but sometimes filing fees can be waved, depending on the circumstances. My divorce, for example, cost neither myself nor my ex-husband anything (we're in Oregon). It's too bad she refuses to agree to divorce, especially under the circumstances of now having a live-in boyfriend. If there are no children and if both are in agreement as to the distribution of property, the divorce process can sometimes go very quickly. My divorce was final less than two weeks after filing, but that's because we filed as co-petitioners and were in agreement on everything. I would add, though, that even with the most amicable divorce, where both parties are in agreement on everything and both wish to divorce, it can still be a traumatic life event.

I'm sorry I'm unable to cite references for you. This is not something I read about. It's something that took place within the family of someone I know personally and I'd had the privilege of meeting the young woman in the story shortly before her death. Ordinarily I wouldn't even mention an example like this, particularly because of the way hearsay stories tend to take on a life of their own, but I just felt impressed to. I wish I could say more, but as far as I know the family has not yet published an account of what happened. But truly I do appreciate your skepticism. It was, indeed, a highly unusual circumstance and, yes, they did have to seek clearance from the first presidency, which they did. If I could relate the events as they unfolded you would understand better why I mentioned it, though. I do regret that I cannot explain further, as all it involved was quite an interesting process and it also involved such amazing love that I wish I could share the beautiful nature of all that transpired to bring it about, but for the sake of privacy I don't feel at liberty to say more publicly. I'm sorry.

Where's that laugh button anyway?

Thanks Vort. Children do love wings, and halos too.

Oh yes! Awesome inclusion! Thanks for posting that jayanna! :)

You know, nearly each Sunday, I think of those who prepare, bless, and pass the sacrament and wonder if they think about the beautiful thing they do, in helping bring such a profound and essential ordinance and blessing into the lives of those who partake. I haven't asked any boys, or men, what that feels like for them, but my gratitude runs deep. So, thank you. :)

How many children altogether? Ages? All within your custody except the 10 year old son now?

Thanks for posting that Vort. I loved it too! :)

Oh my Dear. You have so much to heal from. Do not force demands or expectations on yourself, but do what you are able. Do not give up, either. Healing is sometimes very slow, sometimes so slow, that there is no perception of it occurring at all. Just as we are often physically numb and have a sense of deadness after nerves are damaged in an injury, and often long, long, after the wound itself has healed, so too can we suffer with a sense of numbness and deadness emotionally for a long time. Give yourself the time to heal. And please, God knows what you're feeling in your mind and heart, so just talk to Him, tell Him of your pain, your anger, your sorrow, your grief. He is your Father and He aches for you, I can assure you. I can't know what it's like to lose children. I've never had the blessing of motherhood. But I've known what it's like to grieve, and be in such emotional pain that I literally thought I could not survive it, with it being that hard to bear, more than I felt I ever could. You need to be as patient and kind and compassionate with yourself, in your need for time to heal, as you would be with others who are suffering. Here, I just wrote this earlier today, about how we should see others, but I hope you can look in the mirror and see you, and open your heart and have compassion for the woman you see, to allow her the time she needs to heal. If we could see into the heart We'd love instead of judge We'd have compassion, tenderness We'd carry not a grudge If we could feel the depth of pain That's hidden there within We'd seek to cleanse and soothe the wound So healing could begin

I haven't yet read beyond your OP so I don't know if anyone else has posted this, but I had to: Isaiah 1:18 18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. :') Bless you. Now I have to go back and read the thread.

Yes, you can probably tell. And it's true. I confess. I am a romantic and I love fairy tales. :) But for me, and quite possibly for the woman you love, and maybe for most women, especially those who come from troubled backgrounds... I want and need to be able to trust my husband so completely, with all of me, that I can expose to him my deepest longings, joys, sorrows, hopes and dreams, as well as my deepest wounds, vulnerabilities and emotions, without fear or reservation. I want to trust him with my everything, mind, heart, body and soul, so much that I can go to him for anything and feel completely safe and secure, as if I could allow myself to fall backwards and have complete trust that his arms would be there to catch me, because this man I want to spend eternity with loves me enough to do anything in his power to protect me from harm. And I want him to feel that safe and secure with me as well. That I will be there, to support and defend and uplift him. To comfort him. To sooth him mind, and heart, and soul. To strengthen him. That he need never be alone, and to ever love him as if he were literally woven into the fibers of my being. That may be idealistic, but we seek for the ideal in our need for completeness, and just as I couldn't imagine having complete trust in my Savior if I thought he would turn away from me because he didn't want to hear or accept my pleadings, I can't imagine having the kind of trust I feel makes a man and woman one, if the man I loved was not willing to let me trust him enough to share the very deepest intimacies of my heart.

Your love sounds lovely. I don't know if her particular reasons for feeling this need to tell you of her past might be as mine in my life, but let me tell you a little about my experience with the man I love regarding this subject. I had a past of a troubled youth, as well as having been married. While the man I love had known me for most of his life, he was unaware of the negative aspects from my youth and marriage. My past, too, the good and bad, helped to teach me and mold me as the person I am and that I continue to become (thankfully the Lord can make weak things become strong unto us) and the bad is as intimately a part of me as the good. But the thing was, the man I love had me on such a pedestal that I was nearly perfect in his eyes, and, as a result, I was, on the one hand, rather guarded because, as close as we were and as well as he knew me and knew my heart, there was much about me he didn't know, and that concerned me. On the other hand, even though I was afraid to divulge details, I wanted him to know me fully, to better understand me, and to also know and understand that I would have the ability to be understanding and accepting of things in his past. So, I actually wrote my story for him. I should hasten to add, though, that my story did not include graphic details of those events, those were certainly not necessary or appropriate. But I felt it important and needful emotionally, as per my relationship with him, and his trust in me, and my trust in him, to paint the picture of my life for him. Thankfully, too, I'm still on the pedestal. :)

It is so important that he (we all) realize how important it is to respect the private. The lesson I recently learned was not even by way of talking to one person about another. At least not in the actual sense. I had written a poem and posted it on my facebook wall where my friends were able see it. The content was very personal between myself and another person, but because it was a poem and no one who would read it would know who, or even specifically what the poem was actually about, I didn't give thought to posting it. Shortly after I did, however, the other person within the poem messaged me very upset about my posting such a poem for others to see, and when I inquired of his reasons, he said, "Is nothing sacred!?" That hit me extremely hard to realize I had breeched something very personal and even sacred to him. Weeping, I quickly removed it and begged his forgiveness. It was a lesson I shall never forget, and it has caused me to try to be that much more careful and sensitive when it comes to the privacy of others and what they need kept very personal. A painful but very good lesson.

Because they were thrust down and banished forever, I would think that to be a pretty clear indication that they had (and have) a far greater knowledge and understanding of the evil they did, and do, than even most of we who sojourn here in mortality presently have ourselves.

Wow, that's just beautiful! I know it can take a lot of time and effort. I did a small village once, with a couple houses, church, barn, river, and covered bridge, but nothing anywhere beautiful and detailed as this! What a great subject to make for the contest! Missionary work yes!

I am saddened to read this. Trust is crucial in marriage. Without trust, what is left, really? Having said that, though, many couples have overcome such things, where trust was able to be rebuilt. I do not envy you what you have learned about the pictures etc. It sounds like you now have a very difficult road you must travel through. As for your husband talking to his mother and other people about you, sometimes one of the hardest things to learn is when not to discuss one person with another, especially when it has to do with things within our personal relationships such as those between a couple or within one's family unit, whether it's discussed with parents, siblings, extended family or friends. Sometimes what can be very personal and private to one individual, may seem safe or harmless to discuss openly by another. I just recently learned a very important lesson about this myself and it was a painful lesson. It is so very important to be sensitive to the needs of others in maintaining their sense of privacy. I cannot stress this enough. I'm sorry I have no advice to offer at the moment and saddened you're having to go through it.

I haven't read any other posts yet in order to respond without influence, just from my own personal perspective on the matter. Then I'll go back and read the wisdom of others. Ideally man and woman make a union together. Each is a half of that union, which, when combined as the Lord intends, enable them to be one. They twain shall be one flesh. Each has special gifts, attributes, and responsibilities which they combine in order to function as one. Together they are typically given posterity of God, and together have stewardship of that posterity. One of the responsibilities God has placed upon the man's shoulders is that he preside over that posterity to provide for, protect, and bless them, so God grants unto him priesthood power and authority in order that he may act in that responsibility. Woman, as half of that union shares in that power and in the blessings that come of it, but she has been given, and has upon her shoulders, the special responsibility of carrying, bearing, and nurturing the children that come of that union. So with that, and since it is the man who has been given the responsibility to preside and act in the name of God in his duties as man, husband, and father, it is man God ordains to His priesthood power, that he may do so, that his wife and children may be blessed through him.

"Run" That's my instinctual response to the OP. I would find it far too risky and actually if it was me in the situation and realizing the attraction, I would have wanted to remove myself as soon as I recognized an attraction risk, before any emotional attachment had a chance to develop. Also, does one simply "choose" to fall in love? Oh, I would agree that in most cases romantic love blossoms as we deliberately and consciously help it along, by spending time getting to know someone we're attracted to. But it can, in fact, happen completely innocently and unintentionally and unexpectedly. Yes, that can happen. Now, while we may have control over who we choose to share our feelings of love and affection with, as far as acting on those feelings, love is not a switch that can be conveniently turned on and off at will. Oh how many problems that would prevent and/or solve if love were that simple.