LDS0617

Being concerned for others is a very Christlike trait. But, we also are to follow Christ's commandments. (John 14:15) One commandment is to serve a mission. Be careful, as you get older, to not become so wrapped up in helping someone else that you lose yourself along the way. Look up codependency. I hope you will pray and fast and go to the temple before you make your decision.

Jenn, I am a lifelong member and very active. I also look our for my elderly/aging parents. I see you are very concerned, but you are also being extremely polite. I appreciate that. I would also be VERY concerned if this was happening to my parents. I do not think the sisters are necessarily meaning to do anything wrong, but I do think their actions need to be addressed and need to change. I do advise reporting it to the area mission president. You may be able to find that by googling....something like your city then "LDS mission area." Once you get the potential mission home city, it looks like you can find the office here: http://preparetoserve.com/blog/how-to-contact-lds-mission-offices/ . Even if you end up with the wrong office, I assume the person answering can get you to the right place. I think with your concerns but your polite manner, they would like to know what is going on. Good for you for looking out for him! I wish more kids did. I am sorry about this behavior....I think the girls are naive (as many can be at that age), but they do need to be taught.

I have mostly served in primary/nursery for 7 years (only exceptions were short times between particular callings). I did get asked to serve as a YW leader, but it was not finalized due to, in part, my work schedule precluding me from being available Wednesday nights. I was very disappointed. I can understand somewhat how you are feeling. In general, I love being in primary. I love the kids, and I love being able to move around. But, I do worry about my diminishing attention span (not that it was great to begin with). Sometimes, I do want out. But mostly, I try to remind that the Lord is mindful of where I need to be. I do not think there is anything wrong with you that keeps you from being in YW....I think it is just where the Lord wants you, for now, I also think there is such a huge number of people needed in primary callings (at least 17 people, but often more if there are dual teachers and if you include Activity Day girls), that many will spend a lot of time in primary. That probably does not help, but I wanted to empathize with you some. :)

That is so awesome!! Congrats!

Is he always in his own world, or just a little bit after he gets home? If it is more often, is it possible he has depression? I wonder about it due to the "unavailable" part and the no interest in hygiene....I think that may be a sign. Would he be willing to go over The Five Languages book with you? My husband and I were doing very well, but this book is a HUGE help. It helped us understand why we needed certain things and reacted certain ways to things. I also recommend reading the "Men Are From Mars" book as well as "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." I loved both books. It helped me to understand guys better, which I think helps dh to respond better to me. Yes, opposites do attract. Dh and I vary wildly in our interests, but we are so similar in his we view the world and the gospel. However, I can understand why you are concerned. I hope some of this and other advice helps.

Since it has to do with something that MUST be done that day (feeding, cleaning out litter boxes, walking, etc), I am sure it is fine....especially if it is the same things you would do if the animal belonged to you.

Does he sound like he is sawing HUGE logs in his sleep? I seriously know your pain. Unfortunately, we did used to sleep apart a lot. Although the spontaneity is less, we really are doing just fine. Part of it, though, is he goes to bed earlier than me due to health concerns...so it still happens more often than I like. I use Hearos Xtreme ear plugs...I get them from Amazon. If I have those and fall asleep first, his snoring will not wake me up. I recommend trying them. Really, though, if you guys need to sleep apart, you will be ok as long as everything else in your marriage is healthy. We just try to make sure we get snuggle time before bed to help.

That sounds so awesome!!!

I just read your post from a few days ago. My advice still stands, but it sounds like you are on a good path. Stay strong!

I am a little late, but I have to comment. Your wife is a LOT like my mom. The similarities are frightening. So, as a daughter of someone like that, here are my thoughts: --Keep standing up to her. My dad either never did or stopped long ago. Thus, my mom seems to have no concept that her behaviors or accusations (including one against him and his daughter/my half-sister) are wrong. I wish he had made her go for counseling years ago. Now, she is likely too old to change her ways. I love her....she can be so sweet. But, when she has one of her fits....it is scary. Much like your wife....very much. -- Do check into BPD and narcissism. I have wondered if my mom has either or both of those issues. --Check into codependency yourself. You may be ok since you are standing up for yourself, but be sure you do not develop those traits. I feel that is a lot of why my dad does not fight my mom and sticks with her. --Far as kids: This is painful to say, so I will be brief. My mom pretty much stopped allowing me to be alone with my dad after a certain age. I do not know that it was strictly enforced, but she did not approve of it. As a teenage daughter, it was hard and confusing to not be allowed to even go on errands alone with my dad. And yes, it affects, somewhat, my relationship with him now. My family is very split, and it is heartbreaking to me. I do love my mom, but a lot of the strained or absent relationships between my siblings and my parents has to do with whatever mental/personality disorders she has. It has also greatly affected the relationship between us siblings, too. I am not saying there is no hope if you want kids.....I like to think I turned out fairly ok to pretty good, myself. But, I had to learn a lot of things. Without going into too much detail, but it did cause varying issues with all of us. I know that is vague, but I cannot give more details. I just want you to have the perspective of a child who grew up in the household of someone very similar to your wife. I love my mom....but, I wish someone had made her get help many decades ago. She has possibly softened with age, but I still see signs.

Personally, I loved the colors. :)

If you do want to try again, I recommend reading the "Fuve Live Languages" book. It us an eye-opening on understanding yourself and your loved ones. Above all, pray and pray.

Yep....that is a VERY common sign! TrueCalm should definitely help you. I got it for my husband before I figured out the overactive sympathetic nervous system thing. Turns out the stuff in it is stuff people recommend for OSNS sufferers. :) He says it works better in an empty stomach, and he only has to take it right before (I think an hour) speaking/teaching ( though not as often now) or if he feels a stressful episode coming on....he does not take it everyday. There are foods he eats everyday (like eggs and almonds) that help a lot (he can tell when he slacks off eating them), as well as zinc and magnesium (which he was told to take by his dr for low levels, anyway). I hope you find something to help. The change in him has been night and day since we researched it. :)http://www.amazon.com/Foods-True-Amino-Relaxer-Capsules/dp/B0006U6IMI http://drlwilson.com/Articles/NERVOUS%20SYSTEM.htm (We did not do the hair analysis....just followed some of the food recommendations.)

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