seashmore
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Posts posted by seashmore
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Welcome! Your road back will be rocky, but the destination is worth it.
Someone who I am close to went through similar struggles (pornography and law of chastity violations). While he was excommunicated for awhile, it turned out to be a blessing, as it motivated him to recommit himself to living up to the covenants he had made before.
You may feel more comfortable confessing to your bishop once you know him, or it may be easier to confess to a stranger. If the former, follow the previous advice and just show up for a few weeks and get to know folks. If strangers are easier, follow the advice to set up an appointment and tell him what you've told us.
You mentioned concern about having to change careers because you work a lot of Sundays. If the Lord needs you to, He'll let you know and provide a way. But He may not require that. The 2nd counselor in our Branch Presidency works in a factory that requires he be gone every other Sunday. Don't let that fear be what stops you from progressing on the path back to Christ.
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On 5/10/2017 at 9:27 AM, NightSG said:
Frankly, though, if she was gold digging it would be a lot more profitable for her to find a 40-50 year old millionaire wanting a trophy wife, but not willing to marry one who's actually his kids' age.
Life goals. Thank you!
But, seriously, attempting courtship is tough enough at 31 without the added baggage of knowing I look barely 20 to most people. I'm often left to assume guys are flirting with me because they think I'm college aged, which is a red flag if they are actually my own age. (I use life events, such as graduation years, to gauge ages.) The good news, I suppose, is that I've had to fend off more high school flirts than potential pedophiles.
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21 hours ago, askandanswer said:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/10/the-lord-jesus-christ-teaches-us-to-pray?lang=eng]
So a moment of prayer is a very, very sacred moment. He is not one to say, “No, I will not listen to you now because you only come to me when you are in trouble.” Only men do that. He is not one to say, “Oh, you cannot imagine how busy I am now.” Only men say that.
Elder Juan A Uceda, Saturday morning session, October 2016 General Conference
Mosiah 21:15 And now the Lord was slow to hear their cry because of their iniquities; nevertheless the Lord did hear their cries, and began to soften the hearts of the Lamanites that they began to ease their burdens; yet the Lord did not see fit to deliver them out of bondage.
Doctrine and Covenants 101:7 They were slow to hearken unto the voice of the Lord their God; therefore, the Lord their God is slow to hearken unto their prayers, to answer them in the day of their trouble.
Does anyone else see an apparent inconsistency between, on the one hand, Elder Uceda’s teaching that God is not one to delay responding to a prayer because of some fault with the person praying, and on the other hand, the two verses above, which seem to suggest that the Lord is slow to hear a person’s prayer because of some fault with the person?
To answer your question, no, I don't see any inconsistencies. In the quote you provided, Elder Uceda says nothing regarding the speed of an answer.
The scriptures you provided say we set the pace for the response rate on our prayers. (Warning: imperfect metaphor ahead.) Imagine you had an arrangement with someone where you leave notes for each other in a special place. When you first start, you're sending and receiving messages all day long. Eventually, it tapers off and days start to go by before you hear back. How often do you think you'll be checking that place to see if there's a note?
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I can't say that I've had that family/sister on my route, but I have totally been that family/sister on someone else's. I once read in a blog somewhere a description of HT/VTing being a relationship of trust. I give 99% of folks a fair shake at making a first impression, so I'll let someone in once. But if, for whatever reason, I don't believe they want to care about me, I don't make it easy for them to come back.
Almost any time someone says, "is there anything I can do for you?" I make some inane request, most often dropping my trash off at the dumpster on their way out or checking my mailbox because it's slightly above eye level and I've missed a thing or two before. It helps me discern who is sincere about helping me if I need it, versus reading a script. I also flip it and instead of asking "is there anything I can do," I offer to do something specific, like taking out their trash or helping with dishes.
Show interest in their life. If they decline a visit due to a kid's ball game, ask if they'd like some company in the stands. Make an effort to patronize their employer if you can. (I love seeing friends from church in the drive thru, even if we don't say more than general pleasantries.) There's probably a reason you've been assigned; try and find out what it is. Pray for them and with them.
"First observe, then serve," said someone in a General Women's meeting in the last five-ish years.
"See a need, fill a need," was the oft repeated motto in the movie Robots.
"It's by understanding me that you've helped me," is one of my favorite quotes from Willa Cather's O!Pioneers.
Because I like lists, here's one I got in a VT training years ago, and I've found it a helpful launching point. (Curse the wonky formatting!)
How well do you know the sisters you visit?
Physical Do they need…
. a ride to church?
. help around the house?
. help budgeting and shopping?
. babysitting help?
. someone to watch their homes while they
are away?
. help with small children in church?
. someone to sit by in church?
Mental Do they need…
. help learning English?
. stimulating adult conversation?
. to learn new skills or hobbies?
. the opportunity to participate in a
future RS lesson?
. you to let the leaders know of their
special skills and abilities?
Social Do they need…
. a friend to share activities with?
. regular weekly visits?
. to be called about ward activities?
. a place to go on holidays?
Emotional Do they need…
. phone calls and notes of encouragement?
. to know they are loved by someone?
. someone to build up their
self-confidence?
. help coping with small children?
. to know that they are important and
useful?
. to know that they are accepted for what
they are now? -
I know I'm late to the topic, but was drawn in by the title. My mom sounds a bit like yours, though not nearly as extreme in her manipulation. Physically distancing myself from her did at 21 me a lot of good, even though I felt terrible about leaving my sisters behind. Eventually, my sister (2 years younger, psychologically troubled, and into much carousing at the time) recognized how much satisfaction I was experiencing in life. She wanted to change, and talk began about her moving in with me. To which my mother said to me, "Good. Then you can take care of her."
My point is, I had to put my oxygen mask on before I could help my sister get hers on, and I don't even think my mom has realized she needs one. I'm glad you're making such progress and hope that someday your siblings will appreciate your influence, even though it may be from a distance.
*hugs*
- a mustard seed, zil and my two cents
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13 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:
Source?
I keep hearing this, but I believe it is members making stuff up. I do not believe it.
I think it's a conclusion drawn from rebaptizing people who have been excommunicated. If excommunication did not release you from baptismal covenants, there would be no need for rebaptism.
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First of all, I feel awful about what happened to your stepdaughter. I feel worse about how the bishop handled that. He is accountable to God for that.
"If it weren't for the Gospel, I'd have left the Church a dozen times over." I woke up an entire Sunday School with that comment once. What I mean by it is that the doctrine of Christ, the core of our teachings, the hub of the wheel, is what keeps me around. I fall through cracks all the time, have received empty promises as my only help, and have been indirectly told I'm not worth it. Chieko Okazaki said, "Did you know that if you were the only person in the world who needed his Atonement, he would still have died for you--just for you?" I cling to that.
I've read through your posts, and noticed one thing missing. And, honestly, I probably noticed it because I need to be better about it myself. What of your scripture study? You mention filling all sorts of callings, and implied you followed the counsel to pray about matters, but have you tried the Bible? Start with Paul's story and his letters. Read about Christ's ministry. Take it slow and pay attention.
D&C 82:3, "...he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation." It sounds to me like you're asking if you can dim the light you've been given (by officially cutting ties with the church) in the hopes that you'll be held less accountable come Judgement Day. Personally, I don't think it works like that. So, you may as well leave your name on the records and just tell callers you'll come back if/when you're good and ready. If a home or visiting teacher, etc. gets too persistent, I know someone who got her address blacklisted by a proselytizing group because she invited them in, fed them cookies, and talked with them for six hours.
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What's nice about Nebraska? The people, Winter Quarters temple, and open fields. Carhenge and the College World Series are fun, too. Omaha's Henry Doorly Zoo gets voted Number 1 zoo on a regular basis, both on national and international lists.
Fun fact: the third largest city in Nebraska is Memorial Stadium on Husker game day. The college football stadium seats 90,000 (and has something like 65 years of sellouts) and the only cities in the state with larger population are Omaha and Lincoln (which is where the stadium is). Mission presidents counsel missionaries not to knock doors during the games, as it will do more harm than good.
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8 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:
D&C 18:15 And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
Exactly what scripture I was going to quote!
Two things have helped me in my member mjssonary efforts:
1. I ask myself: do I care more about them knowing the truth or them liking me? For a long time, I didn't talk about faith experiences with others because I didn't want them thinking I was being pushy or turn the friendship awkward.
2. It is my sincere desire to help everyone in my path get at least one step closer to Christ. Baptism is only one of those steps; there are countless others to help with.
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1. What does a typical worship service look like? (An LDS answer would describe Sunday meetings, emphasizing sacrament meeting as the most important.)
2. How do people of your faith learn the doctrine? (LDS answer: scripture study, prayer, and general conference)
3. What is one thing you wish others better understood about your faith/religion?
I think this is a fabulous idea if you live in a religiously diverse community. "...If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things." Just last week, I shared five reasons I like to learn about other religions, and at the top of the list was opening myself up to faith promoting experiences, as well as finding common ground. I don't think that learning about what others believe means you have to agree with it. Sometimes, learning that someone sees something differently only reinforces my own belief. Example: the Trinity.
- An Investigator and zil
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Advice first, perspective later.
You've obviously looked at the situation from a romantic side, now try a rational side. What are your thoughts about putting in your own mission papers in a year? What's your five year plan? What's his? How closely do they align? Have you consulted your patriarchal blessing (or considered getting one)? If you need to talk it over with someone, try your brother. He will know you and your family, and might be able to give you some counsel.
To give my advice some weight: I'm a YW Leader (1st counselor) in my branch. I'm 31 and single, but my semi-active sister just got married at 17 (she'll be 18 in July) to a (barely) 19 year old Catholic Marine. She and her husband have been exclusive for three years. It's a pretty drawn out story, but suffice it to say it was right for them, and our dad was over the moon to walk her down the aisle.
- askandanswer and Sunday21
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4 hours ago, Vort said:
Now I'm getting all tingly with anticipation! You'll be sending us the announcement, right?
Haha! This past month, I've been joking that I'll be getting married in three years.
I have two sisters, both younger. One got married at 22 with three hours notice, and one just got married at 17 with three weeks notice. (Her husband is being stationed on a Marine base overseas, and it was kind of a why wait situation. She's actually coming to live with me in a couple of weeks.)
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On 5/21/2017 at 3:57 PM, An Investigator said:
I'm fairly up front type of lady certainly not shy! Maybe I scare people in my ward hahaha I dunno we had a whole Relef Society lesson once where the only thing I learned was the temple had carpets.
In defense of the carpet lady, there is symbolism even in the carpets at the Winter Quarters temple. (There's a vine-based design that is continuous throughout the halls. If you find a leaf in the design on the floor outside the baptistry, you can follow the vine, unbroken, upstairs to the hallways outside of the endowment and sealing rooms. Similarly, we are all connected via family history.)
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I love the temple! It is my very most favorite place to be in the world. I get Music Time in Nursery excited about going. I could easily yak anyone's head off about my experiences there. In fact, it takes conscious effort on my part not to do so. Believe it or not, I reached a point in my life where temple attendance became a casual thing for me, and that made me a little uncomfortable. For me, personally, talking about it too much, even in a reverent manner, cheapens* my experiences in the same way wearing your best pair of shoes every day would quickly wear out the soles.
*I'm not convinced that's the exact word I wanted to use...
That all being said, I had a blast preparing for my first time. The Church published excerpts of Packer's book in a pamphlet of the same name, as well as dedicated the Oct 2010 issue of the Ensign to temples.
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10 hours ago, Carborendum said:
Curious. What songs do you respond with?
There was once co-worker who responded with "Grrreeaat..." And he said it as monotone as possible. It was just that combination of straight man humor with a touch of sarcasm that made most people smile at it.
Really, just the one.
"I'm super, thanks for asking!"
I googled the lyrics just now, and apparently, it's a song from South Park. Someone used the first verse/chorus in a Supernatural fan clip video, and that's how I know it. Who'd a thunkit?
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Disclaimer: I'm not married, and I didn't read all of the other responses.
A woman in my branch once shared that she and her husband have a list of 5-10 ways they want to be shown affection. They come together periodically to revisit the list, but it works pretty well for them. For instance, he knows she likes when he calls her over his lunch break or surprises her with a candy bar, and she knows he likes a kiss as he leaves for work.
In any relationship, clear communication brings forth the best results.
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Great question! It reminded me a little bit of Joseph Smith. He, too, was searching for a church to join and was inspired to follow the counsel in James 1:5, which reads: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.
My suggestion is to pray about what is right for you and your family, and decide to follow whatever answer is given. Should you decide to join the LDS Church and be baptized, that doesn't mean you should give up your friendships with those from your previous churches, especially if they bring faith, hope, and joy into your life.
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4 hours ago, MormonGator said:
It's not an elderly thing. My elderly relatives (and neighbors who are older) are amazingly, inspiringly, wonderfully pleasant and happy. It's a personality thing. If you are unpleasant, hate smiling, kick puppies, have a personality that makes women and children cry (you know, like @Vort) at age 35, you'll be the same way at 50, 55, 60, 65, 70....etc, etc.
It takes effort to be happy. It's easy to complain, be sad, grumpy and miserable. Being pleasant and happy takes work.Amen, and amen!
It takes conscious, continual effort to be and look for the positive. But it's well worth the work. There's a song bit in a Supernatural YouTube fan/crack video (my old roommate showed me; don't ask me where) that goes, in a really sarcastic voice, "I'm super, thanks for asking! All things considered, I couldn't be better!" Every once in a while, when someone at work throws out that obligatory "how are ya?" I respond in song. 99% of the time, it brightens the atmosphere. There is one lady who absolutely and actively HATES it. Obviously I no longer do this within her earshot, but it is indicative of her sour personality.
It baffles me that people willingly hold personal grudges for decades. Why? I mean, it's one thing to BE mad, and an entirely different thing to STAY mad. I've lived and worked alongside people like this, and I just don't get it. Probably why we're instructed to pray for our enemies.
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There's a designated page on lds.org for conference music.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/music?lang=eng
For some reason, I'm seeing some gaps in the dates, but for your sake, I'm hoping that's because I'm viewing it using a non updated mobile web browser.
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On 4/29/2017 at 7:56 AM, MarElise said:
Hi everyone, i'm new here and am hoping you can help me with a question! I am a mid-20's woman who has been endowed for just over three years now. I try my hardest to only wear clothes that are modest and respect the garment, even if they are hard to find at times. I also care quite a bit about looking nice in my clothes and being fashionable. I have lived in dry dry Utah for my entire life, and just recently moved the very humid southern US in the past few months. As the spring goes on and starts to become summer, it's getting much more hot and humid, and so I wanted to find some new things that would work well in the summer without any layering besides garments+ bra.
One of the shirts I picked up is made of very lightweight fabric, and I was worried it might be a bit see through without a cap sleeve, which would defeat the point of me owning it right now, as I don't want to layer. It's dark blue, and in the mirror I could faintly see that there is a white t-shirt thing (my garments) underneath. I asked my husband for his opinion, and went outside in bright sunshine and did the "bend forwards like tying my shoe" to stretch the back of the shirt to see if he could see through it, and also asked if he could tell that my bra was on top of the garments through the shirt (a style that I try to rock, but still feel would look really weird if people could see it, because lets be real, who wears their bra on top of the undershirt outside of the the LDS church right?) My husband reported that he could see through the shirt and also that all the lines of the garment+ bra combo helped emphasize it. We tried several combos (with the bra, without the bra) and he reported that without the bra he could still see exactly where the garments were but that it just sort of looked like a strangely shaped undershirt. After getting all sad that I might have to return the shirt, I made the discovery that this was the case with pretty much EVERY shirt that I own, just me nor him had ever paid much attention. Even standard, thickish t-shirts from target- you can tell that there is another shirt underneath, and when bending over the lines of the bra give away that the bra is on top. The new shirt isn't even the worst offender, I had other shirts I've worn for years that are the same amount or even a little more. Let me clarify that you can't see the symbols at all, just the outlines of where the garment is.
I have always maintained that I do not think it looks good when people with garments wear sheer or lacey clothes and you can see the garments through them. Any clothes in this category I would just layer a capsleeve shirt and then the regular shirt. But now I'm realizing that this is literally every shirt, and that even with a white bra (to blend with the garments) you can still see it if you look for it. I'm now wondering how I never noticed this before. My question is, does being able to even faintly see garments underneath your clothes look tacky? How do other ladies take care of the "too many lines gives away the bra" problem? Do you think these things just look like undershirts to the untrained eye? Even to the trained eye, is that a fashion faux pas? I don't know if there is even such as thing as a completely non-see through shirt when you are wearing white underneath, but now this is really bugging me and making me wonder if people are doing double takes wondering what is going on under there. How do people who live in hot climates dress themselves to stay cool and not run into this happening? Trying to figure out if people don't pay attention like I didn't till now, or if it's just a fact that happens when wearing garments and you hope other people don't look too close.
Something that I didn't see mentioned is to try out different materials. (Disclaimer: I haven't shopped for any in a few years, so my specifics may be outdated.) I feel like the carinessa lines are easier to hide than others, since it's more of a snug fit. However, the mesh are more breathable, so I wear those when it's super hot or if I'm going to be doing light physical activity (where I may get warm, but not sweaty enough to feel justified not wearing them).
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On 5/19/2017 at 10:03 AM, anatess2 said:
Okay, this may not sound like showing compassion but it's still in that realm of service that I appreciate being done for me:
You know what really tops my cake is when we would go to Subway and I could just go and scope out a table while my youngest kid order my food for me. He knows exactly how I want my sub - how much lettuce I like, how much tomato I like, how much vinegar and salt... he gives very detailed instructions and watches the process like a hawk so that my sub comes to me EXACTLY how I like it. This is not something I taught him to do. This is just something he learned on his own after noticing that I order the exact same thing every time we go to Subway.
That is actually awesome! He pays attention to what you order, and remembers it. That is a skill that will serve him well, especially if he works in food service at any point in his life. (Regular customers appreciate this.)
My uncle collects wheat pennies, and one of the gas station attendants will save them for him. Every once in a while, he'll get her a scratch off ticket as a token of his gratitude.
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At my part time job today, I repeatedly thought to myself, "I am tired of people taking their bad day out on me." (The past couple of weeks, some of my coworkers at my FT job have been doing this.) I mentioned to a friend/coworker that the person I would be working with for the day was kinda grouchy, and my friend kept doing little, specific things to be nice. Nothing in particular stands out, but she seemed to be making an intentional effort to balance things out for me.
There was a man who moved from my branch before I moved in, and leaving behind a massive toy car/truck collection, all still in original packaging. For three years running, all the Primary kids who like playing with cars get one from Santa at the Christmas party. And there's still plenty for next year.
There was a young, extroverted couple with a three year old and an 18 month old who moved here for a job. Mr. ended up finding a better opportunity about five hours away, and they even found a house rather quickly. However, closing dates were set for about six weeks after his first day on the job, so the couple decided to put him up in a hotel for the time being. Every day, I drove past their house before crossing the railroad tracks on my way home from work. One day, there was an incredibly slow moving train, and I thought if I sped up, I could beat it to one of the crossings. As I passed their house, I saw Mrs. and the kids out on a walk and I'm surprised I didn't squeal my tires when I slammed the brakes so I could park on the street and join them. As we walked to the park, she expressed how grateful she was for some adult companionship after a long day. I shrugged and said, "I'd have to wait for that train, anyway." She was who I called when I found out my grandma died and all I needed was a hug.
Big things: my best friend's best friend did the labor to replace an entire engine in my car, and his wife let him give up two whole Saturdays to do it. (One to take it out, one to put it in.) I obviously paid for parts and what labor I could, but it was still an incredibly generous thing of them to do.
"My roof's safe shelter overhead"
When my sister eloped, I was left with an extra bedroom. Because of a promotion I was offered three days later, my monthly income increased by half the rent. Recognizing it as a gift from above, I decided I could/should be generous and hosted a number of people over the course of a year or so. Some were able to pay, some weren't. It eventually landed me with an old friend who had moved away from the area and the church. She called and asked if I knew of anyone looking for a roommate, or if I knew who might know who was looking. I laughed and said, "Actually, I'm both." Like a few others, she didn't necessarily plan on staying long term, and I knew she was in a tighter financial space than I was, so I set the price at a little less than half. Three years later, we're still roommates, but I've lost my job and she's getting a promotion that comes with a transfer 90 miles away. She asks if I want to move with her. I agree, she finds a beautiful place whose renovations were slated to be done a week before she would be starting at her new location. She set my price at much less than half.
- Sunday21 and my two cents
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7 hours ago, JohnsonJones said:
Sharpie markers on the TV. Good times. I have had that happen some time ago. Kid always wanted to draw on the TV.
I believe what I used was a dry erase marker. If you use dry erase on top of the sharpie marks, and then erase it, it is as if the sharpie was never there.
In college, we had some folks who loved to use Sharpies to write and draw inappropriate things on the whiteboards on people's doors. Going over their work with a dry erase marker worked like a charm.
I've removed Sharpie from a poly cotton blend uniform shirt by dabbing hand sanitizer gel with a cotton ball.
I also make my own static guard with a little bit of fabric softener and a lot of water in a spray bottle. I spray it on blankets and carpets in addition to clothes. (I have to discharge myself on a regular basis in the winter.)
When conducting opening exercises, put announcements in chronological order. Most newspapers list Time, Date, and Place (TDP) in that order for events, so it's something people are unconsciously used to.
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6 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:
In my family history? Nope, that is MY situation. My mom never married my father, but she did get married twice later. I have heard different suggestions of what to do about this, and I should decide soon since I have my moms name reserved at the temple....
I could seal her to her second husband, even though they were divorced. And then seal myself to them--even though he's not biologically or legally my father....hmmmm, feels wrong to me, but that is what I was told.
I was also once told I could be sealed to my grandparents. Then I would still be sealed to my mom (though more as a sister.)I'll have to pray about it, I guess.
Technically, you're part of your family history. ;-)
From what it sounds like, you're needing to decide which husband to seal your mother to (thereby having a full set of parents to be sealed to yourself). Definitely pray, and maybe attend some sealing sessions as a proxy to listen for an answer.
The reason I ponder this rather often is because I have a younger sister whose mom never married our dad. And I just can't imagine Heavenly Father saying, "Nope, sorry. You only get her as a sister in mortality."
Why was Jesus perfect?
in LDS Gospel Discussion
Posted
All of the above.
Also, something I remember learning in Institute:
the instruction to become perfect is given twice in scripture, once in the NT and once in the BoM. In the former, he says, "even as my father." In the latter, he says, "even as I am." What's the difference? Resurrection. Even Christ's perfection was not completely complete until he received his resurrected body.
Was he perfectly obedient before that? Absolutely. Are we to be perfectly obedient? Well, we're supposed to try, and then utilize the Atonement when we fall short.