Lost Boy
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Posts posted by Lost Boy
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59 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:
Why don’t these people just get married? What on eartH? You are sleeping with this person. Why not marry them?
I don’t get it!
I have a friend who had a child with her boyfriend. He was willing to marry. She said No. She tried other flavours. They broke up. She cried for about a year because she lost the love of her life. So why not get marry in the first place and stick to one flavour!
If I weren't a member, I would try different flavors, but I certainly wouldn't have a kid out of marriage. That is just dumb.
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How much effort have you spent on courting him? What is the benefit to him for courting you?
I let my marriage go flabby and I now spend a lot of energy courting my wife of 25 years. I don't get as much out of the courting as I would like, but I suspect that this will change soon.
He may not feel enthusiastic about courting. Have an honest and non judgmental discussion with him. Tell him you miss the date nights. Ask him why "we" don't do them any more. Share in the responsibility of courting. Find out his feelings and don't judge him for his feelings. Work together on any issues.
And pray for guidance. Offer to set up the first date. Trust me guys like the attention as well.
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Just now, Sunday21 said:
@Lost Boy. I am so sorry to hear of your troubles! You are very strong!
Nah, I was stupid and lazy for letting my marriage get flabby. I think had I been on my game, this wouldn't have happened, but hopefully I would be lackadaisical (yeah, I didn't even come close to spelling that word) in the future.
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Update,
I was wrong on a lot of things.
The other guy is a work colleague that lives in a different state, but comes to her place of work once or twice a month. The two of them started messaging about 3 years ago. She thought he was gay at first and had not romantic feelings for him. the first year they exchanged around 7,000 messages. The following year they stepped it up and exchanged 11,000 message in the course of 6 months.
Unfortunately, my wife was not very forthcoming with this information and I had to go through her phone to discover this. I felt like a dirt bag for doing it, but would do it again. I was desperate for information. By the way when my wife asked if I had gone through her phone, I told her the truth. I want honesty in our relationship and I wasn't going to lie about it. And I have her passwords and she has mine.
So about a year and a half ago, he decides things had gotten too close between him and her. It turns out that he isn't gay and has a wife. So he decides to break off their relationship. It was at this time that my wife had a vision of sort of him and her with twins in between and she thinks to herself twins. and then she said she heard in her ear the word soul. Twin Soul... she googled it and that is what led to her believing this guy is her twin flame.
I read through all of the messages. There was never anything of a sexual nature discussed other than whether he would ever cheat on his wife. Which is ironic because both of them were engaged in an emotional affair. So he shut down the relationship and he has no idea that she thinks he is her twin flame. He probably doesn't even know what one is. And he has broken off all contact with her. When he is in town he does his best to avoid her and won't talk with her.
After telling her I have read all the messages, she was not very happy about that, but at the same time expected me to do so. She wanted to know if I would confess that I did so or not. like I said, I confessed that I did and things have been much more open between us since. We are significantly more intimate in many ways than we have been in years. I take this as a sign of going in the right direction.
She does question whether this person is her twin flame or whether he was just put in her path to start her on her twin flame journey. Unfortunately she still is firmly attached to this new age spirituality stuff. She likes the church, but doesn't feel it holds all the truth. Maybe some day she will return.
She says she finds this Twin repulsive. Absolutely not her type and can't see herself being with him in any type of romantic union. Does she see me as an eternal companion... She doesn't have the answer to that yet.
For the first 6 weeks after finding out about this, I had this heavy weight in my heart. It just hurt everyday. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate at work. I was a mess. I did the only thing I knew to do and that was to pray. And that I did... and the answer I got was to love her and treat her with kindness and to know that God is watching over us. At this point the primary song, "I'm trying to be like Jesus" popped into my head and that has been my theme song ever since. It has really helped me remember to think about her and what I can do to be kind and loving to her.
Are things all rosy. No. The twin flame thing will bear on my mind for some time. and sure we still have some disagreements, but I strongly feel that she is committed and I am committed to being a strong couple again. The terrible feeling I had in my heart is gone. I think we have a long way to go, but feel that we both want to take that journey together. I have a strong feeling that Lord has strange ways of motivating us. And maybe this was his way of motivating me to be a better person. Wake me up from both physical, emotional and spiritual laziness. I don't know what the future holds, but I am trying to improve myself for whatever the future holds.
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Most Sento and Onsen are segregated men/women. It is very unlikely to find one that isn't. I personally love visiting the onsen and sento in Japan. very relaxing.
That said, in many sento there is an old woman that sits between the female and male side. She will be able to see you buck naked. If you get hung up on an old woman seeing you buck naked, then don't go.
But a little story. The first time I went to Japan, I got off the plane and headed for the restroom. I am standing there doing my thing at the stall and in comes the cleaning lady cleaning behind me. It was then that I decided that getting hung up on petty stuff is not going to do well for me.
- NeuroTypical and Jane_Doe
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To me this just screams of prolonged emotional abuse. If you have no kids and no sealing... I would probably cut ties and move on. It sound like neither of you were quite ready to be married when you did. You may want to try marriage counselling first, but my guess is your husband has many personal issues that need to be worked through and you may have some too, and the two of you together seems rather toxic.
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On 2/19/2018 at 8:03 PM, Lost Boy said:
My relationship with my grew cold over the years. There are many reasons for it, but a large portion of it is due to her work schedule. Her days off do not fall on Saturday and Sunday. As a result she has fallen away from the church and has replaced it with new age spiritualism, Channeling, tarot cards, angel numbers, etc.
About a month ago I figured something had to change so we talked about why we had grown apart and what to do about it. During the discussion it came out that she had learned about this thing called a Twin Flame. If you haven't heard of it, google it. There is plenty about it. And it came out that she had "found" her Twin Flame. And guess what, it wasn't me.
Over the years I have learned that reacting to stuff like this is not beneficial, so I kept my cool and asked her about it. They had met on line through one of these spiritual groups that she had been participating in. They have chatted on facebook over the past several month and have had voice chats and in December they met up. He lives in another country, the country where my wife is from and on a visit to her hometown, they got together just to meet. Nothing physical happened. However, she won't tell me his name either.
Anyway, I asked if she was contemplating a divorce and she said no, that she still loved me. But if you read online about Twin Flames, the great consensus is that Twin Flames are meant to be together. She told me the feelings she has for this person are not romantic and she views him more as a younger brother.
Since that discussing with my wife, things have been getting considerably better between her and me, however, she still communicates once every week or so with a brief message to this other guy.
I don't want to lose her, but I can't bare having another guy in the picture. The other guy by the way is married and has two young kids.
I am in a difficult situation here. What to do.
Good news on the home front. We have been talking a lot more than we have in years and it is good conversation. Not always stuff that I want to hear, but stuff that leads to a better understanding of us.
She let me know that this twin flame person has been trying to contact her for the past week, but she said that she has no intention of contacting him and if she does she will let me know. She isn't even going to tell the guy that she is not going to respond to his requests. Yes, that is mean, but it makes me feel better.
I feel our relationship is completely salvageable. As for her coming back to church, there is hope. Right now she thinks it is the most correct church on earth, but doesn't have all the truth... Well I'll take that for now.
A long way to go... Hopefully eternity. Hopefully just a bump along the way to wake me up a bit.
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1 hour ago, DoctorLemon said:
This situation is indeed difficult, partially because an appropriate response seems so elusive.
On one hand, your wife is probably more emotionally involved with this other guy than she should be. If we take your wife at her word, she is heading for an emotional affair. If we take the evidence for what it is, she probably is already in an emotional affair. This kind of friendship is not only a chastity risk, but it is also extremely disrespectful to you, the wife of this other guy, and Heavenly Father. While my wife has male friends, many of whom she has known since childhood who I feel good about (and with whom we usually associate now as a couple, as opposed to her going off and hanging out), when we got engaged in 2006 I did earnestly convince her to break one friendship with a guy who had made romantic overtures to her in the past and who was not thrilled about us getting engaged. I demand others respect my role as a husband in my marriage, and I wasn't going to put up with any competition for my wife.
On the other hand, the Church strongly discourages divorce except for cases of adultery, abuse, and addiction. Assuming your wife is being truthful, this isn't really adultery.
I think you need to get your wife away from the occult. In contrast to real religions, occultism (tarot cards, ouija boards, dianetics, etc.) is 100% NOT of Heavenly Father and nothing good can come from it. You need to get your wife back to Church and away from the occult, even if that means she needs to quit her job. I would discuss with your bishop how to balance being loving and assertive to reach this end, and how to approach getting this other guy away from your wife before something really bad does happen.
That pretty much sums up the situation. The problem is she loves the occult. She is all into energy healing and what not. And she truly believes in it. That is why this twin flame thing is so hurtful.
As for the other guy... He being married and having an emotional affair with another man's wife is 99% likely hoping for something more and will do his best to convince her to go further.
And I don't know if our relationship is in a place I can tell her me or him, and have a good outcome.
I think the only thing that I can do is to continue to improve me and try to romance her back to me and eventually back to the church, but I see this as a very long process.
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19 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:
Kudos. This sounds like a good comprehensive plan. At the end of the day, whatever your wife does, whatever effort you put into the marriage, the only thing you ultimately control is you.
God bless.
This is true. I am an engineer by trade and am so use to relying on my intellect to solve whatever problem comes my way. This is so far from that and I am so out of my depth here. I figured all I can control is me. And at the end of the day if that is not enough for her, it will break my heart more, but I know things will somehow work out. I keep getting the same answer in my heart. "Do what is right and know I the Lord am with thee" I don't know what it means, but it does give me hope and has brought some peace to my heart.
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4 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:
@Lost Boy It's clearly wrong for your spouse to have a "twin flame." However, so long as she is not engaging in intimate talk, or betraying confidences between you and her, the better focus might be to end the coldness that has developed in your relationship. Without being abrupt, or dramatically out of character, start rekindling the romance. She says she loves you, and you wonder, because of the other person. Find ways small and big to show her how much you love her--to remind her of what you've had and can regain. And, no, it's not because you "owe her," or because it's your responsibility to prove something. It's just what husbands do. May Heavenly Father grant you encouragement as you labor towards an upward trajectory in your marriage.
The whole Twin Flame thing was done behind my back for several months. This has just torn my heart in two. But I knew the day I first found out from her that I was half of the problem of the coldness of the relationship. I spent the entire day formulating a plan to recreate myself. It is a three point strategy. 1) physical. I have gotten fat over the years and I am fully committed to getting back into shape. That has gone well, but will be a long term commitment. 2) emotional. I have committed to rekindling the romance. And unfortunately a lot of what I do at this stage does feel a bit inorganic, but I figure I have to start somewhere. 3) Spiritual. I've been as flabby spiritually as I am physically. I am recommitted to bringing myself closer to the Savoir and am taking the steps to make it happen.
By the end of the Journey, I expect to be a much better person than I am today. A much better husband and lover than I am today.
I am seeing positive results, but I anticipate some rough, rough waters along the way and just pray that at the end of the journey she and I will be madly in love and the Twin Flame will be kicked to the curb. As of right now she has had very little correspondence with this person since our first discussion and I have been having positive results on all fronts, but I still have a very heavy heart and no longer sleep peacefully through the night.
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My wife is having an emotional affair with someone right now. It has torn my heart in half. She believes this other guy to be her Twin Flame. And she no longer believes in the Gospel.
Our relationship had grown cold over the years. We both let it happen. And this is the result. That was about a month ago that I found out. She has not had any chat time with the guy since then, but has posted a couple of things to his face book account. She says she still loves me, but the hurt is tremendous.
If she could just let go of this guy, things would be much better, but she still thinks he is her Twin Flame and that is not something easily set aside. She thinks she is spiritually connected to this other guy. But she says she wants to stay with me. There is no way I can live with a third wheel in the marriage. I am on a journey to improve myself physically, emotionally and spiritually this year. At the end of the year, I will probably give her the choice, me or him. I am hoping she will make the decision long before then, because every time she communicates with him, it shreds my heart over and over. At the end of it, I'll either be a better person with a renewed love and friendship with my wife, or I will be a better person, but with a broken heart. either way, I'll be a better person.
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My relationship with my grew cold over the years. There are many reasons for it, but a large portion of it is due to her work schedule. Her days off do not fall on Saturday and Sunday. As a result she has fallen away from the church and has replaced it with new age spiritualism, Channeling, tarot cards, angel numbers, etc.
About a month ago I figured something had to change so we talked about why we had grown apart and what to do about it. During the discussion it came out that she had learned about this thing called a Twin Flame. If you haven't heard of it, google it. There is plenty about it. And it came out that she had "found" her Twin Flame. And guess what, it wasn't me.
Over the years I have learned that reacting to stuff like this is not beneficial, so I kept my cool and asked her about it. They had met on line through one of these spiritual groups that she had been participating in. They have chatted on facebook over the past several month and have had voice chats and in December they met up. He lives in another country, the country where my wife is from and on a visit to her hometown, they got together just to meet. Nothing physical happened. However, she won't tell me his name either.
Anyway, I asked if she was contemplating a divorce and she said no, that she still loved me. But if you read online about Twin Flames, the great consensus is that Twin Flames are meant to be together. She told me the feelings she has for this person are not romantic and she views him more as a younger brother.
Since that discussing with my wife, things have been getting considerably better between her and me, however, she still communicates once every week or so with a brief message to this other guy.
I don't want to lose her, but I can't bare having another guy in the picture. The other guy by the way is married and has two young kids.
I am in a difficult situation here. What to do.
Hi! Newbie Here!
in Introduce Yourself
Posted
Definitely come back. I have never fallen away from the church, but for the longest time I was an apathetic participant. Lately I have been really digging into the gospel and has really awakened something good in me.