Lost Boy
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Posts posted by Lost Boy
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10 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
So, it sounds like the Church does have a program to help people learn to talk in Sacrament. Thank you.
Yeah, I don't think so.
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What really sticks out to me is the optimism. The church does not teach hell fire and brim stone. It teaches loving and being kind to everyone. If you listened to GC, you would notice that there were a number of talks that mentioned not getting wrapped up in nationalism.. that we are all Gods children in this together. It is a church of love. priesthood is there to share God's love. The temples are there to share God's love.
We don't teach repentance to keep people from going to hell. No, we teach repentance so people can progress and move forward to a Christlike person. We teach that even though Christ atoned for our sins, we still have the responsibility to try to be as perfect as we can and to learn of Christ. We don't worship statues or crosses, or whatever, we worship God, the giver of all.
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12 minutes ago, zil said:
I think I have heard people in GC mention that they felt inadequate to speak in GC. What you won't hear is them saying they were asked on Thursday (basically 2 days ago since it's always Thursday night) to speak on Sunday. When the leadership start giving people a month to prepare (nevermind the 6 months that GAs generally have for GC), maybe they'll start getting people who are more prepared.
Other than that, IMO, people have ample opportunity to learn how to speak in Sacrament meeting. They choose the degree to which they'll take advantage of the opportunities. Until the saints no longer need gospel lessons on Sunday, I doubt they'll get (direct as opposed to tacit) public speaking lessons.
What if my definition of a good talk is to skip the sappy story about your personal life and start presenting doctrine from scripture and GC talks, followed by powerful testimony and maybe a fist bang to the podium?
What if Joe Bloe zones out on scripture references and just wants a bullet list of tactics he can use to overcome his various weaknesses?
What if Mary McCrary is moved by the personal examples of people doing good things?
What if Bob Dobb is asked to give a talk on fasting (because the bishop was inspired, and it turns out Bob never fasts, but needs to learn) and therefore Bob can't give a personal experience related to fasting?
What if Tammy Timid cringes at every speaker who raises their voice, and William Whaddidyasay can't hear unless the speaker shouts?
And what if Harold Hardnose wants to get up and walk out every time a speaker gets a little weepy?
In short, I'm in the camp of:
a) There's no way any given person is going to be able to present a talk which appeals to all his listeners.
b) Any given person is responsible for their own ability to speak in church - ps - his parents (if he was raised in the church) should have taught him how to speak in church.
c) President Kimball was right - if Sacrament meeting is boring to you, it's your own fault. (See @Sunday21's nice way of putting that.)
Sure, no talk will appeal to all, but there are definitely talks that hardly appeal to anyone. I would agree that people should be responsible for their own ability to speak.... except... They generally are not actively looking to speak, they usually don't want to speak, and they don't know how and there is very little motivation for them to actively go out on their own to figure it out.
I suspect the church avoids telling people how to give talks, because they don't want the same format time and again, and they don't want people being criticized who don't use that format. But then they end up with people not knowing what to do at all and fumbling and flailing the who talk through.
I still think it wouldn't hurt to provide some instruction on how to spruce things up a bit.
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2 minutes ago, Carborendum said:
True. Can't argue against that very convincingly, myself.
Of course there is.
Yup. Unfortunate.
Most general authorities are seasoned individuals with a lot of confidence in public. Most of them were also in bishoprics and other leadership positions where they're very well aware of and are equally frustrated with hearing those same statements. So, they don't do it themselves.
No, not really. That is one formula. And, sure, it works. But there are plenty of other ways to bring the Spirit into the message. (see below)
Don't take the following as an attack. It is an honest effort to get you to consider something.
What are YOU doing about it? Do you have any friends that you're coaching to help them speak better? Do you reach out to anyone to help them with speaking skills? Have you ever shared your formula with others? If you yourself aren't doing anything about it when you seem to care about these things more than the Church or the bishopric, then how can you complain that no one else has?
********************** ANECDOTE *****************************
There is a young woman in our ward who is very sweet and kind and... from a broken home. She has friends in the ward and a lot of support. One week she was asked to give a talk in Sacrament. As shy as she was, she had difficulty even getting to the podium. But she spoke. I honestly can't tell what she said. She was so unsteady and suttered and corrected herself a LOT. She began crying.
Then another young lady came up to the podium with her and gave her a hug and some verbal encouragement. I'll tell you what, it really didn't matter what she spoke of that day. The show of love and friendship was something that touched all our hearts. We did feel the Spirit even without your tried and true formula.
I have helped a number of people. My kids all know the what to do and what not to do. I have taught it to some of the young men. And those that follow the that tend to give much more interesting talks. And I have talked with my friends in church and they all agree.
The formula is not the only way to go, but it does work. And it is pretty easy to follow. The problem is, many people have not been coached at all and they are just lost. So they rely on other's talks that follow the mistakes of others.
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Of course. Still doesn't answer the topic.
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19 minutes ago, Just_A_Guy said:
@Lost Boy: that analogy was probably the most unexpectedly awesome thing I’ve read all week.
I can't for the life of me remember the name of that horse, but man it had the smoothest gait. Just an absolute pleasure to ride.
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I am sure I am going to get push back on this, but some talks are absolutely boring. And there is very little reason they have to be.
How often do we get the... "The second councilor stopped me in the hall and gave me the topic of blah blah blah. I feel so inadequate to speak on this... blah blah blah" You would never hear this in general conference.
To me good talks have similar elements. They typically start with a story... particularly a personal story... people like hearing personal stories. Of course it needs to be pertinent to the topic at hand. bring in GA references, scripture references, personal testimony, etc. It doesn't have to follow this exact format of course, but the basic elements are there. And really personal experiences related to the topic really bring the spirit into the message.
But week after week, we have speakers struggling to figure out how to give a talk and a congregation that is hoping to feel the spirit. Things could be a lot better.
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It didn't mention facebook. Interesting....
I wonder if VPN will still work. If so, it is easy to get around all of that. Of course there are data plans.
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9 hours ago, darthzilla99 said:
So I was not sure if this belongs here or on the general advice board or the interests board so if it needs to be moved go ahead and I do apologize for posting in the wrong area if so.
Long story short, I am a 31 year old LDS guy with some childish hobbies and interests. I enjoy weightlifting, walks with family, spending time with family, eating healthier, learning languages ( currently learning Japanese), watching nerdy shows and movies, playing video games sometimes, and collecting action figures and other collectibles. Mostly I like collecting marvel select figures, Godzilla and other monster toys, and some japanese super hero figures.
I recently got my bachelors degree last year and living at home with my parents until I find my eternal spouse or a career job that requires me to move. I currently work part time at the moment while still seeking full time employment.
During my time in college, dating was not so successful for me and in general have not found my spouse. During my time while I was 30, I dreaded being kicked out of the YSA ward. My bishop felt it was best for me to stay and I have a calling and everything still. Also, there are a few SA a year or two older than me that my bishop lets stay.
I am trying out dating again. I have some self-confidence issues I'm still over coming. My big fear is that women think I am just another typical immature irresponsible man-child nerd who lives in his parents basement and that wont move on in life. Some of this stems from stories and comments from my family members before. When I once talked about wanting to try this one miniatures board game, my Sister-in-law overheard and commented "Girls are not impressed with your action figure collection". I also often hear stories from some of my married friends about their wives making them give up some of their collections (one had to give up his comic book collection and another had to give up his 70s and 80s movie poster collection). Because of this, and hearing the horror stories sisters in the church share about their boyfriends and husbands being addicted to video games or just not have mature conversations beyond family, church, video games, and movies, I am very afraid of telling my interests to dates beyond telling them I like walks, weight lifting, learning japanese, and family. On the other hand, when I start talking to non-member girls, they are supportive of my hobbies and get really shocked when I mention my stories above.
1. Am I wrong to have these hobbies? Should I give up a big chunk of my hobbies that, while not breaking commandments, are a little bit looked down upon in the church (video games and not sure if toy collecting as an adult is looked down upon in the church)? I don't expect my spouse to be into everything I'm into and I won't force her to be into it. I also won't put my collections in the master bedroom or anything like that.
2. Is it wrong to collect some female fictional characters? I'm wanting to collect a few marvel legends spiderman and xmen characters. I of course don't get anything breaking the law Chasity. I grew up with the 90s xmen cartoon and my favorite x-men characters include Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Jean Grey, Rogue, beast, and gambit.
3. I welcome any advice in general as I am scared of being myself in general.
I hope my post does not seem too petty. I should also mention I have no student debt, and I put more than half my pay checks into savings. I give myself a little money for dating/fun in general. My parents are letting me live at home very lovingly. I am an RM, and eagle scout. I hold a temple recommend. It took me extra time to finish college as some classes were really difficult for me. I also try not to be too distracted with life and be responsible. My married brothers jokingly pick on me for the fact that I spend less time on video games than they do even though I am single still.
Your hobbies are not an issue. You thinking them to be an issue is really the issue.
What is your life plan? Is your life plan to live with your parents and collect action figures? There is nothing wrong with the collecting. Living with the parents is a pretty big turn off. Chicks don't want a mama's boy. They want a take charge guy. Not an overbearing guy, but a take charge guy. Living at home working on collections while having a part time job is not the type of person that would spark my interest if I were a young lass.
I would be more interested in someone that has a plan and has show that he is executing it effectively. They want the cave man that can go out and kill the beast, bring it home for dinner and provide the comfy cave. They especially don't want a whiner either. People that complain all the time are weak. They want a guy that will slay the issues that come in front of them. Don't have money for a new car? You go out and figure out how to get the money or some other (hopefully legal) means of obtaining it.
Confidence is not being able to do everything. It is knowing that you have the ability to accomplish something that you set out to do. Everyone can do this. Can you make a million dollars this week? Highly unlikely. But you can certainly take steps towards making the million in the future. It is having a can do attitude. It is knowing that even if you fail at something, you are going to get right back up the horse and keep going. You have some good accomplishments to your name, let those be some form of base for your new confidence.
What steps are you taking to be a good provider? How focused are you on doing this? You don't have to give up your hobbies, but honestly they seem like the center of your life right now. Put that part of your life on hold, or scale it back.
When dating, tell her of your hopes and aspirations (hopefully this does not include collections). They need to be hopes and aspirations that paint you as a competent provider. Make sure you have fun things that you and your future GF/wife can do together. Both my wife and myself have hobbies the other isn't interested in. Never been a problem. The problem is not having hobbies that you do together.
Like someone else said, you don't have to change much, just be a confident you.
I'll tell you a story of a young stallion. True story by the way. He came from good lineage. Worth well over $200k 30 years ago. When the ranch bought the stallion, the young horse had been hand bred. He didn't have to do any work to attend to the mares. But once arriving at the ranch, things were different for him. gone were the days of things being handed to him. He still wanted "love" but the lady horses kicked the crap out of him when he tried to get some loving. The young stallion was beaten up pretty good, but the ranch manager didn't help him out. If the young stallion was to get some love again, he had to have confidence in himself, and this young stallion did. After 6 months to a year, and after many failed attempts and getting the snot kicked out of him, he figured out what the lady horses wanted and he finally took charge. And after that first year, he finally figured out how to get the "love" he wanted without getting beat up in the process.
Don't be afraid of failures. Use them as learning experiences. Trust that you will figure it out. But to figure it out, you have to try and try again.
- BeccaKirstyn, Sunday21 and Jane_Doe
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On 4/5/2018 at 6:40 PM, Lee said:
Hi, my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We always thought that we would just know when the time is right to have our first chid, we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right. My wife thinks that she wants to have a baby but we have prayed about it and neither of us have received a definitive answer that it is the right time to try and have a baby. Practically, speaking we are more than ready to have a child but I know it is a huge responsibility so I want confirmation from the Holy Spirit that it is a good thing. My wife she is more of the opinion that it can't be against god's will for us to have a baby so we should just have one. Which opinion do you think is right ? How did you know when was a good time to have your first child ?
There is never a good time to have kids. They completely change your lifestyle. They change your relationship with your wife. They change you. You will never be really ready for parenthood. Nor do I think the spirit is going to give you a strong prompting to have them.
But in my opinion, if you have a good head on your shoulders, have a life plan and are working that life plan, then having a baby is a good thing. Do you think you are responsible enough for a baby (not asking if you are ready, just responsible)? If so, there is no point in waiting.
My wife and I knew we wanted a family, we also knew we wanted 4 kids. We also wanted to travel the world together (she and me) when the kids left the house. We also wanted to be young enough to still travel. So we decided to do the kids earlier than later. Been a few challenges along the way, but very much worth it.
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1 minute ago, zil said:
This is reality no matter what language you learn. I studied Russian for 4 years in college. That got me enough to start learning once I got there - the Russians could understand me just fine, but I had to learn to understand them. Day-to-day casual language never matches what we find in print or in language classes.
At least with Russian they have an alphabet that is not to hard to learn and therefore you can start reading right away. With Chinese or Japanese, the thousands of characters that are used make this significantly more difficult.
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From all that I've read animals are not permitted in the Temple. The temple patrons will assist.
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9 hours ago, Myhappilyeverafter said:
Applepansy, I've searched everywhere, but can't seem to find where it says no service dogs in the temple...can you let me know? I am also wanting to go to the temple, but need my service dog with me. Thanks!
Service dogs are not permitted in the temple. There are people there that can assist you.
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5 minutes ago, JayKi said:
Have is a word I dont understand, when I was learn before I move to England I was told have mean I posses. I have 4 sister. I have black shoes. In England they use like you, "I have lived in England". I interpret it as I posses lived in England, which doesn't make sense. I think you mean the same as I lived in England a long time now.
Using have before another verb creates the Perfect Form. Google search "Perfect Form" You can find a brief description in the link below.
https://leo.stcloudstate.edu/grammar/tenses.html
In the example above, it is the Present Perfect Tense. It means that you were doing an action (living) for some time and your are still doing that action.
It has nothing to do with possessing something in this usage.
You are not quite right with what you think it means. Close, but a little different.
"I have lived in England for a week", "I have lived in England for a day", "I have lived in England for 10 years", "I have lived in England"
It can be a little confusing because you can say "I have lived in England before" When you add the word before, it means that you aren't doing it now, but you did something in the past.
Some of these grammar tenses aren't used in some other languages. I have been speaking (present perfect progressive tense) Japanese for 25 years. Japanese doesn't use all of the tenses that English uses. So you have to find other ways of saying what you want to say.
I used to teach English in Japan many many years ago. Verb tenses were always a challenge. Usually taught best with many examples.
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46 minutes ago, richard7900 said:
Hi. I believe the gospel is true and Joseph Smith was instrumental in restoring the priesthood and the kindom of God on the earth.
But, I've never felt great joy, even though I know I'm blessed to have the gospel knowledge I have. I get most of my real joy enjoying a warm summers day out in the country. But, that should not be.
So, may I ask - what is it about the gospel that makes you really joyful? Or, what should we have joy in?
Is this great joy unobtainable without actually being filled with the Holy Ghost?
Is feeling of peace a substitute for joy?
If one is not joyful, are they missing something, or failing to appreciate something?
Thanks. Rich
I often felt like you. And I am sure the reason why was because I was complacent. I am not saying you are, just giving my own thoughts. I had an easy life. A good wife, a good family, a good job, a good house, etc. Most things in my life were pretty good. I would listen to uplifting talks and feel uplifted. Some would bring a tear to my eye.
It wasn't until my heart was broken did I get to experience great joy. I almost lost my love, the person who should have been number two in my life. Through prayer I have gained hope for a much better future. A much greater understanding of the importance of repentance and redemption.
I don't think I would have experience my joy without the Holy Ghost, nor do I think peace is a substitute for joy. More and more I am looking forward to every day.
I don't think you can really have your yin without your yang. I don't think you have to go through trials yourself to really feel great joy. I think you can really help others to experience the hurt and the great joy that can come after.
Can you recognize great joy without the refiner's fire? I don't know. I think from my life experiences, I'd probably say no.
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14 minutes ago, Fether said:
Start wearing short skirts and spaghetti straps and we might
NOTE: for outside readers, I say this because Grunt is a guy... not because I have a distaste for people who are dressed immodestly.
How do you know Grunt wouldn't feel more comfortable in a short skirt with spaghetti straps? And why do we need to force grunt into a gender role??? Maybe grunt feels more comfortable gender neutral....
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4 hours ago, br012118 said:
Ive been in a relationship for a while now and things have taken a different turn than I expected. I was born into in the church and faithfully go as often as I can. Im still young and living at home but I've always wanted to serve a mission. Ive always loved the church and believed everything about it but I struggle with staying sexually pure and resisting temptation. After repenting and talking to my bishop would I still have the opportunity to serve a mission? Ive yet to go into my bishop but feel great regret almost everyday. I know for a fact that I won't marry this man and I want my old life back. This is one of the worst decisions I've ever made in my life and I feel as if ill never be the same again because I have sinned so badly. I really don't know what to do.
Unfortunately your old life is gone. You now have life experiences that have changed your course in life. Don't worry about a mission right now. Get right with the Lord first. Talk with your bishop. Don't make the mistake of trying to make repentance contingent on whether you can serve a mission or not.
Many people have made the same mistake you have and have repented and lived good lives. Repent and move on with life. Make it a good one.
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5 hours ago, JayKi said:
Is frustrating because I live in England a long time now but I can't always express what I want to say in English. Where I live is hard to learn because lot of people use slang and have accents. If there is no major mistake then I will pass test and continue my study in England
Is very obvious I not native speaker ?
Here is how I would say it. As you will see the issue is minor, but obvious that you are not a native speaker. Unfortunately, most foreigners won't correct you. I've spent 25 years speaking Japanese and still make many mistakes, but hardly anyone will correct me because they understand what I say and they don't want to insult me or bother teaching me. I a little frustrating.
It is frustrating because I have lived in England a long time now, but can't always express what I want to say in English. Where I live it's hard to learn because a lot of people use slang and have accents. If there are no major mistakes then I should pass the test and continue my studies in England. Is it very obvious that I am not a native speaker ?
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26 minutes ago, JayKi said:
Can you tell me what you think regarding my English language skill? I have to sit test to continue my studying in England but I don't get feedback on writing because most my studying is practical or vocational and when I get is not grammar feedback. Is there many mistake?
You have a few mistakes. The last sentence you wrote should be.. "Are there many grammar mistakes."
Not huge errors. I know exactly what it is like when trying to get better at a foreign language and everyone lies to you saying that you sound fine.
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14 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:
Have never heard of this! Sounds yummy!
There is a youtube channel called sous vide everything. A guy by the name of Guga cooks just about every meat out there sous vide style showing how to make it and then shares it with two of his buddies to rate the creation. Not everything they do comes out great and they are not shy about letting you know. They are fun to watch.
Check out this clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WF84pOixYA
They sear the meat in the end with a device called a sears all, but you can sear it in a pan, on the grill or with a butane torch.
They have dozens of videos and watching a couple will make you want to invest the $80 or $90 for this amazing cooking tool.
Put a chuck roast in the sous vide Saturday at noon and when you come home from church, pull the roast out, sear it a bit and poof... the best tasting chuck roast you have ever had. So easy you almost feel like you cheated.
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Yeah, I know lots of people that do essential oils. Mostly quackado medicine in my opinion. Do some have some positive effects? Sure... yes, they smell good and probably help you sleep better. Are they going to increase your energy levels? unlikely except if they are helping you sleep better.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/c/pmh_sr/?term=essential oils
This has some decent links. I think for the most part essential oils are more of a placebo. But even placebos can be effective in certain cases.
In the end though, they do smell good.
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I had been wanting to cook sous vide style for a long time. I finally broke down and purchased an immersion cooker about 3 months ago. The same time I decided it was time to remove a few inches from the waist line.
This kitchen gadget instantly became my favorite toy.
List of food toys from most used to least.
- Sous Vide Immersion cooker
- Pressure Cooker
- Smoker
- Grill
I am doing a low carb thing. Not really Keto as I am not really loading up on fats, but basically a lot of veggies, a piece of fruit or two a day and 4-6 oz of meat each meal. As I am limited to what I eat, I really only want to eat the best tasting stuff I can get my hands on and that usually means cooking it myself.
I've been trying to figure out the best way to cook steak for 25 years and never really got good at it. That is until now. Throw the steak into a zip lock bag, remove the air, and throw it into the sous vide around 133 deg F for a couple of hours. Then pull it out, pat the steak dry and put it in the fry pan or grill for a minute or two and presto.... Perfect medium rare steak. Steak better than most restaurants will serve. Tender and juicy, full of flavor. Absolutely amazing. Do chicken, sausage, pork, fish, etc. It all comes out incredibly delicious.
The prep time and actual my physically doing the cooking time is a lot less with sous vide as well. Takes me less than 5 minutes prep and 5 minutes to finish the cooking. However it does take some planning as the meat typically needs a few hours to soak and relax in the hot water.
So do you guys sous vide? If so, what is your favorite thing to cook?
And yes, I have shed a few pounds and continue to do so. It is awesome to be able to eat great food and drop weight at the same time.
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Been married 5 years and sleeping in different rooms? Sounds to me like the honeymoon is over. My bet is that yelling in public is a symptom of a much bigger issue. I recently read the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I've been married almost 25 years now and I have always loved my wife and would never intentionally hurt her. but we grew apart for a number of years. Why? Because we didn't speak each other's love language. I would do things for her to show her my love for her. But they were not things that she really wanted in a loving relationship. She recognized to an extent that I was trying, but I really wasn't reaching her. And the same was with her towards me. She would do things for me, but never really what I wanted even though I knew she was trying. She said that she felt at times that she was just a live in maid. And I to her I felt like I was just a money bag.
Those feelings of neglect were misunderstood by the two of us and led to some bad decisions. After, some difficult time and much prayer my answer was to lover her and to be kind to her... and show her kindness always. Well I thought that I had been kind to her buy after a lot of self reflection, that kindness wasn't really kindness at all. It was more just not being mean.... kind of a big difference. So I decided to look for things to do just for her on a daily basis. Put a lot more effort in around the house even though I thought I was pulling my share. Her attitude towards me really didn't change, but I felt compelled to keep at it regardless.
After a month of this I had a conversation with her about this. She had noticed and was grateful for what I was doing, but she had her reservations of whether or not I would continue, so she essentially tried to ignore it for the most part. It has now been three and a half months. I have continued to do what I set out to do. And after reading the book the 5 love languages, I realized that I was on the right path. Her love language is "Acts of Service." She feels the most love when I do things for her. She also knows my love language. And lately she has been trying her best to speak it. I know I am not the best at speaking her love language, but I am pretty sure I am getting better at it and she is getting better at speaking mine.
This has made a tremendous difference in our relationship. Is our relationship where I want it to be? Absolutely not. You don't change things like that over night. It takes time for the loving feelings to return, but I think we have corrected the heading our ship was sailing and is now back on course. Whereas 3 months ago I had a strong desire to abandon ship.
I can't help but believe this couple are experiencing the same type of issue. They aren't speaking each other's love language and therefor aren't feeling each others love. And if you aren't feeling the love, you are more likely to treat your spouse in an unloving manner.
The answer giving to the question isn't addressing the underlying issue. It is addressing the symptom only. And while the symptom does need to be addressed, the real answer lies deeper. Two people loving each other doesn't verbally abuse each other. The love in that relationship is dying and needs some serious love doctoring...
- lostinwater and Sunday21
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A few of you have expressed your dismay about socialism and how it is taking root in Europe.
Socialism in and of itself is not evil. It is a socio-economic device. That is all. We have plenty of socialized things in the U.S.. The military, road systems, schools, fire department, Medicare, etc
Then there is the opposition to socialized health care. It is essentially socialized already. Most of us really don't have a choice in who our insurance provider is. Only but the largest of companies offer a choice between providers. Then it isn't like you get to shop emergency rooms when your life is on the line. You usually end up going to whatever is closest. It is very much not a capitalist system, nor can it really operate as such.
Welfare operates much better as a socialized system. Sure churches have systems to help the poor, but nothing that really truly helps the vast majority of the poor in the U.S..
There is nothing wrong with having a hybrid capitalistic and socialistic system. Neither system is perfect at everything. Use socialism where it excels, use capitalism where it excels.
This is why I hate politics. Democrats and Republicans alike need to pull their heads out.
Is very obvious I not native speaker ?
Why doesn't the Church teach its members how to give talks?
in General Discussion
Posted
Yeah, none of that is my responsibility. If the bishopric wants to change that, they can pray themselves.
All I am doing is asking the question why the church doesn't have any guidance they offer from time to time.