Repentant1 Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 My 8 year old son is asking to have a sleep-over at his friend from school. His friend is a real nice boy. We had him sleep over at our house last Friday night. Naturally he has been invited to sleep over at his friend's house now. The only problem his mother and I have with that is, other than not knowing the family, is that we just found out that his friend "has two moms". We suspected this was the case but didn't want to jump to conclusions. When we questioned our son tonight about his friend's family, he said that his friend's dad lived somewhere else, but that his friend had two moms! Now we're unsure how to deal with his invitation to sleep over at his friend's house Friday night. Part of me thinks it would be fine, they seem like nice folks. But another part of me doesn't want my son exposed to this "alternate lifestyle". Are my wife and I being paranoid and overly protective if we say no? And how do we explain that to our son and his friend, and his friend's "two mom's" Yikes! Any quick advice is appreciated! Thanks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrNirom Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 Your son nor his friend should be punished for parents sin. Even the Church has people who are homosexual.. and heterosexual.. who sin. The Prophet tells us to love the sinner.. and hate the sin. I would not worry but I would at sometime talk with your son so he understands your position on it and how it is a sin in your eyes and in the eyes of God. My two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 I would agree. As long as there is no danger of them trying to push their lifestyle on your son, and it is a safe place, I don't know that there is anything to worry about. This boy deserves friends as much as anyone else does. Now, if they were to lock him in a room with them and force him to watch them making out, that would change my position........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrNirom Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 Well.. we have 3 opinions.. all from men.. lets see what a woman has to say about it. hehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WANDERER Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 I'm thinking that the logical progression is to allow him to play there first and check things out before signing up for a sleep over...um just because it's a place that you don't know and have never seen and more to the point he hasn't been there. Most parents go by the 'we need to meet them first rule on sleepovers' (even if it's just at dropoff or pickup from play situation). Umm, wouldn't you find it odd if someone's parents just left their kid with you knowing nothing? You will have to do the two mums conversation...but if it's okay in other respects I don't think there should be a problem with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 (edited) Well, I have taken plenty of risks in my life. I am glad I only get to pick and chose what I want to talk about here but soon enough you'll find out the totally insane life I had before finding the Gospel. I think Cedar Fort will put out the book in December. But, changing gears. When it comes to children I am not about to take ANY chances, specially while they are small. The situation in that (2-mom) house is abnormal to begin with and you are not aware of what else is being taught, spoken, shared and discussed in order to rationalize the arrangement. I will never expose my children to that. They are impressionable and inquisitive. Information is a double edge sword and if they are going to slide their finger over the edge I want to be the one holding it. You do not want to give the child the impression that the arrangement and whatever else he may see there is normal. I have in-laws that are not member of the church. They drink and smoke and squabble as a matter of course. I NEVER let my children go over there with their cousins if we are not there. Simple, for us is a matter of being able to monitor and mediate should the need arise in an environment that is quite different from our home. I have to be able to point out to them when some is wrong, period. We are commanded to love and embrace into the fold the repentant sinner. Those who do not repent and seem content in their sin we should keep at a distance. Help him make friends with other children as well so that he would have more choices for play time. Also, do not feel obligated to reciprocate the gesture. There are girls that come to our home all the time, they stay overnight for slumber parties, although non-members they come to church with us sometimes and the like. But we would not let our girls go and stay over at their friends. That is just the way we run our ship. Just some thoughts. Edited July 11, 2008 by Islander Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacey_Jay Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 Ok, a woman's perspective. I would allow it. How old is your son? The chances are he wont even really grasp or understand the situation anyway. I remember my Parents saying things to me about when I was a child, and I did not pick up on the situation atall. If you do nothing he will probably think nothing of it. Kids are not as judging as adults. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 I have a no sleepover rule period, at least for now. When I was in Kindergarten, I slept at a friend's house and she showed me her parents' porn. My cousin was groped by her friend's father, so there are multiple things to worry about in overnighter situations whether the parents are homosexuals or heterosexuals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RachelleDrew Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 One of my closest friends growing up lived with her father and his partner. My father was outright disgusted, but he allowed me to be in their home anyway. He knew that these people were responsible and safe. There was no reason to keep me from them. If these women are caring individuals who would take good care of your son then I would allow it. On another note, that kid is going to have a hard enough time making friends because of his mother. I would feel like I was punishing him for what his parents had done. Whatever you choose, you really need to have a talk with your child about the church's stance on the issue.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PapilioMemnon Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 (edited) Sleepover, especially not knowing the parents, is a no-no at all for me! Children can be exposed to a series of detrimental things that I do NOT expose my children in my own house; some things are trivial, but some things are really serious stuff whether it's a home with same-gender parents or not!A couple of years ago, I met a couple, same-gender, and they invited me to go to their home with my children; since I had met them before in different circumstances, and they were not "in your face" type, and seemed very respectful, good individuals, and knew my beliefs, and respected that, I felt comfortable going to their home with my children. As far as sleep-over, I would not allow them, not only because of the same-gender factor, but because even if that's not a factor, other things could be, like watching inappropriate channels, movies, alcohol, drugs, etc... and I'm very concerned with sexual abuse... As Islander said, I would take the same apporach even with relatives/friends who don't share the same beliefs & lifestyle I do!I also would not feel the need to allow my child to sleep-over someone's house just because the other child came to mine.Your son is old enough, and will realize things; as many people have said, teach what's right and the Lord's position on it; teach him to love people, but not to condone things that are not right based on the Lord's teachings (which can be hard for a child to understand how to draw the line; some grown-ups don't understand that either). It's a great teaching opportunity!I'd suggest you to get acquainted with the family, take your child there along with you to meet them, and spend a few hours, and see things for yourself. There's nothing wrong with saying you don't allow him, your child, to sleep over anyone's home if that's the case.I feel for their child though... I would probably make arrangenments to meet at parks, or somewhere outside more often so that he could also have a friend to play with.Again, as with any cousel or advice, I would gather as much opinion as possible, think about them, make a decision, and take it to the Lord for Him to confirm it.Wish you well! Edited July 11, 2008 by PapilioMemnon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rico Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 Not letting your son sleep over at a friend's house is NOT punishing the other boy. Why not invite the boy over for another sleep over at your house again? It's a great opportunity to help the boy adjust to normal situations instead of the abnormal one he is living in. I think that your priority should be first on raising your own son the right way, next you should do what you can do to help the other boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hordak Posted July 11, 2008 Report Share Posted July 11, 2008 I don't think you are punishing the kids if you don't want your child exposed to this. After all if the parents were drinkers, smokers or engaged in any other lifestyle choice you contrary to your beliefs you probably wouldn't even think to ask for opinions. Do what YOU want to do and don't feel guilty about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fish4kitty Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 I guess if I were put in a similar situation as long as they were discrete in the showing of affection in front of guests I wouldn't have a problem with it. You can explain things later if question were to arise. 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Repentant1, Have you gone and talked to the two Mom's? Seen for yourself what they are like, expressed your concerns to them? Don't you think you should do that first before denying your child the opportunity to spread the Gospel by his actions, to his playmate and the two Mom's? Have a prayer with your wife, get a blessing from your HT, and go armed with the Holy Ghost and an open heart and mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Seems to me with two Moms the sleep over kids would be doubly cared for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FayetteIA Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 No..No..No..there are some situations I would not allow my children, or my grandchildren to be "knowingly" exposed too. First. When my kids were young, the sleep-over rule was if we did not know the people..know them well. No sleep-overs. They were not allowed to have sleep-overs at homes where there was drinking, smoking and so on. Ever try to get the smoke smell out of kids clothes after a night in a home where people smoke..... We have been told to avoid certain things like a plague. I would say this "Alternate" life-style fits nicely in that category. Think of the example you set for your child, you teach him Gospel Principles, true he is only 8, however, 8 yo's are pretty knowledgeable. So you send the message to your child, that is okay to be in their home, as long as nothing is implied?? What is wrong with this picture? Everything is implied:eek: If I was 8 and allowed to sleep-over in such a home, I would question my parents teachings....Hmmm.."They tell me this is wrong...but it is okay to stay with a friend with "2 moms" because he is my friend"??? A few weeks ago we had a situation here, totally diff. But I told my husband "When your OX is in the mire, you don't jump in with it..then complain about being stuck in the mire with the OX. You get the silly OX out of the mire" There is no way I would knowingly allow my son or daughter into that type of situation. We are trying to raise Stripling Warriors here....that goes for my grand babies too. Joni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Repentant1 Posted July 12, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Thanks for all the great feedback! Lots of different perspectives to consider. Our bottom line is that we are not comfortable with our son sleeping over at anyone's home we don't know well, let alone exposing him to lifesyles we do not condone. We'll continue to have his friend over here though, even though his moms haven't made any effort to get to know us at all. He's a good kid and these two boys get a long great together. We simply told our son that we don't know his friend's family well enough to allow him to spend the night in their home. We just left it at that for now, and he was fine with our decision. We'll have the talk about the alternate lifestyle thing soon enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Username-Removed Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Thanks for all the great feedback! Lots of different perspectives to consider. Our bottom line is that we are not comfortable with our son sleeping over at anyone's home we don't know well, let alone exposing him to lifesyles we do not condone. We'll continue to have his friend over here though, even though his moms haven't made any effort to get to know us at all. He's a good kid and these two boys get a long great together. We simply told our son that we don't know his friend's family well enough to allow him to spend the night in their home. We just left it at that for now, and he was fine with our decision. We'll have the talk about the alternate lifestyle thing soon enough. I think you made the right decision in my opinion. GOOD JOB!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FayetteIA Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 You are doing the right thing....it's a tough situation for the boys. Hugs Joni Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Islander Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Thanks for all the great feedback! Lots of different perspectives to consider. Our bottom line is that we are not comfortable with our son sleeping over at anyone's home we don't know well, let alone exposing him to lifesyles we do not condone. We'll continue to have his friend over here though, even though his moms haven't made any effort to get to know us at all. He's a good kid and these two boys get a long great together. We simply told our son that we don't know his friend's family well enough to allow him to spend the night in their home. We just left it at that for now, and he was fine with our decision. We'll have the talk about the alternate lifestyle thing soon enough.Good job. You should no have to voice your concerns to others, especially since they are not concerned about it. It may come across as critique and judgments and create contention which you do not need. They live how they will and you as likewise. Better safe than sorry. Again, swell job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iggy Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 We'll continue to have his friend over here though, even though his moms haven't made any effort to get to know us at all. Being the devils advocate here- but have YOU made any effort to get to know them? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrNirom Posted July 12, 2008 Report Share Posted July 12, 2008 Being the devils advocate here- but have YOU made any effort to get to know them?Why is someone always wanting to play the devil's advocate? hehehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 Why is someone always wanting to play the devil's advocate? hehehe Why couldn't we call it God's advocate in this case? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VisionOfLehi Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 Is your home open to the other child? Can you have the sleepover at your place? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VisionOfLehi Posted July 13, 2008 Report Share Posted July 13, 2008 Because of our anti-homosexual behavior stance as LDS, I don't think most "gays" look too fondly on that. Speaking from experience with only one fellow, though. My dad has been vocal about that towards me. To a young LDS child I doubt he'd even bring it up, but an older one nearing adulthood, he might... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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