When to see my bishop

[chocolatefan]

I have a BF who is a non member and we have been dating for almost 8 months. I am 18 and used to have a very very strong testimony in the church. I miss having it in my life. I am scheduled to see my bishop for an annual interview on sunday but I don't know if I want to tell him about my bf and I. The two of us haven't had sex... but we kiss on top of each other and stuff. I tell my BF that i have mixed feelings about it becuase of the church, but he tell me to think for myself.. when should I tell my bishop? my boyfriend is leaving in a month for college i think it would be easier if i just waited until after he leaves.

do you think i'm worthy to go to the temple? my friends are coming to pick me up right now....

[utcowboy]

If you feel guilty enough to not want to talk to your bishop then I think you have already answered your own question. From a male point of view your bf wants one thing and one thing only, and he will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what he wants. Stay true, you know what is right for you, be strong..... we are here to help as much as you'll allow.. :)

[utcowboy]

By the way, welcome to the boards, there are a lot of great people here. I hope you find what you are looking for

[Islander]

I have a BF who is a non member and we have been dating for almost 8 months. I am 18 and used to have a very very strong testimony in the church. I miss having it in my life. I am scheduled to see my bishop for an annual interview on sunday but I don't know if I want to tell him about my bf and I. The two of us haven't had sex... but we kiss on top of each other and stuff. I tell my BF that i have mixed feelings about it becuase of the church, but he tell me to think for myself.. when should I tell my bishop? my boyfriend is leaving in a month for college i think it would be easier if i just waited until after he leaves.

do you think i'm worthy to go to the temple? my friends are coming to pick me up right now....

Sad and difficult as the truth may be, ignoring it would be dangerous and foolish. You already know that what you are doing si wrong. Fear is what separates girls from women. I think you engage in sexual behavior because you are afraid that he will have nothing to do with you and your fantasy would be done. I think that the minute we succumb to sin for fear of the alternative we allowed the enemy to have power over us.

You seem to be weak currently and thus you could be in great danger. I suggest to address this issue with your bishop before it is too late and not worry much about this guy. Worry about your future and the consequences for a mistake at this junction.

[NeuroTypical]

Here's a link to the Church's For the Strength of Youth publication - I wholeheartedly recommend everyone read it - especially 18 yr old ladies with boyfriends.

Especially page 26 and 27.

LM

[VisionOfLehi]

I have a BF who is a non member and we have been dating for almost 8 months. I am 18 and used to have a very very strong testimony in the church. I miss having it in my life. I am scheduled to see my bishop for an annual interview on sunday but I don't know if I want to tell him about my bf and I. The two of us haven't had sex... but we kiss on top of each other and stuff. I tell my BF that i have mixed feelings about it becuase of the church, but he tell me to think for myself.. when should I tell my bishop? my boyfriend is leaving in a month for college i think it would be easier if i just waited until after he leaves.

I never went to the Bishop, and I should have. Same sort of situation. So, been there, done that.

It was essentially the cause of a lot of problems in that old relationship, and outside of it as well.

I should have gone, at least for counsel. Repentance was probably more difficult without his help.

It's so easy to keep doing it once you start. Even though you two are somewhat reluctant (and so were we) there was still the "well, we've already..." and "it's not that bad" attitude that stopped us from stopping.

And Islander, to shift blame entirely from girls, my ex-gf was just as often the one who'd initiate. And I must say, when I eventually learned about what it said it the For Strength of Youth I was like "Oh crap, and... DUH, I should've know that anyway, what was I thinking?"

Bishop or not, you need to stop now. I can tell you that it causes harm. Relationship-wise and more importantly, spirit-wise.

[HskrVern]

9 years ago my wife was in your shoes, but her b/f was a Navy Recruit headed off to basic training and she was headed to a small college in centeral utah. She wasn't as strong as she should have been and I wasn't a member then either, I got what I wanted and she got pregnant. I had to save up to fly her to my school in Pensacola, Fl and we married in the courthouse without our parents blessings. I know things turned out ok in my case (8 years married and 4 kids) but I know she has thoughts of what could have been. Please take time and really think about the big picture and whats in the future and remember that there are somethings you can't ever take back.

[Hemidakota]

I have a BF who is a non member and we have been dating for almost 8 months. I am 18 and used to have a very very strong testimony in the church. I miss having it in my life. I am scheduled to see my bishop for an annual interview on sunday but I don't know if I want to tell him about my bf and I. The two of us haven't had sex... but we kiss on top of each other and stuff. I tell my BF that i have mixed feelings about it because of the church, but he tell me to think for myself.. when should I tell my bishop? my boyfriend is leaving in a month for college i think it would be easier if i just waited until after he leaves.

do you think i'm worthy to go to the temple? my friends are coming to pick me up right now....

Any swapping of spit [kissing] is in danger of greater sins. For men, it introduces the raging hormones that some cannot contain. President Spencer W. Kimball talked at length on this subject of a simple kiss that leads to other drives between two perfect couple.

If you feel the weight of the Spirit, then confide with your Bishop.

Sister, are you considering a mission call?

[Canuck Mormon]

From a male point of view your bf wants one thing and one thing only, and he will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what he wants.

This is so true. He will say anything and everything to try and get what he wants. Been there, done that. This seems especially true if he's going away to college.

TALK TO YOUR BISHOP!!!!!!!!!

[RachelleDrew]

Your own heart can answer these questions better than we can. I think you already know the answers to your questions..

I was always told that anything I didn't WANT to tell my Bishop about, was probably the first thing I SHOULD tell my bishop about. : D I always thought that was appropriate. If you are ashamed, nervous or scared about telling your bishop about these activities then that's a good sign that your conscience is nagging at you to shape up.

As for the temple, it's the same thing. If you think you might not be worthy for the temple, then you might not be.

You may also want to consider dating somebody with the same values as yourself. Yes, some people date outside of their faith and although they face challenges have wonderful relationships. But not everyone can manage juggling an inter-faith relationship with remaining grounded in their beliefs. If you feel like dating him has pulled you away from your testimony then perhaps dating outside of the LDS realm is not for you.

Good luck, I understand where you are coming from and it's not easy. But you certainly can turn away from temptation if your will is strong enough and you lean on the Spirit instead of your loins.

[chocolatefan]

thanks but he has never pushed me farther than I wanted to go. and we have never even thought about having sex. but i think i will see my bishop. thanks you guys. whoever said that what i dont want to tell my bishop is the first thing i should tell him... that really helps thank you

[chocolatefan]

thank you. your post helped me the most out of anyones and i really appreciate it.

[chocolatefan]

thank you, but it has never been considered to have sex and he told me that he wants to wait also. so thank you. I am glad that everything worked out for you and your wife in the end

[chocolatefan]

I have thought about a mission call yes, And i am going to talk to my bishop.

[chocolatefan]

when I see my bishop do i tell him everything? like every place my hand has ever been?

[RachelleDrew]

when I see my bishop do i tell him everything? like every place my hand has ever been?

What do you mean by that? I don't think he wants to know the degree angle of your hand in relation to your boyfriend's crotch. I think if you just mention "heavy petting" or whatever the term is nowadays he'll get the picture.

[Hemidakota]

LOL....good one Rachelle. I usually would stop someone from going into details that is not necessary.

[bytor2112]

I think it is more important to tell the Bishop that your struggling with this temptation. I don't think your Bishop needs a play by play. If this guy doesn't respect your values and standards... you should wish him well and move on to someone who does.

oh yeah.....who hasn't been tempted to do wrong? Especially this....I applaud you for not giving in..

[Misshalfway]

Setting standards is a deliberate choice. Living by those standards is a deliberate choice to. Show me which part of that isn't thinking for yourself!!!

Your BF isn't really thinking about you!!! If he was, his behavior would have been much more respectful. It sounds like to me his words are much more geared to something a little South of the border.

Why not make your attitude about this Bishop visit more independent of the bishop himself. I mean, are you going with the idea that he is a hall monitor and that he will catch you at something bad.....or are you concerned about your relationship with the Lord and your commitment to being true to yourself and your standards and the stewardship you hold with your body. The Bishop is there as a support for you. Let him be that. If you are worried about any lines you may have crossed, go in and say, "BIsh, I am worried about my behavior. Can you help me determine where I stand and if I need to course correct? I personally think this kind of attitude puts you in the drivers seat of your life. No fear. KWIM?

Edited July 22, 2008 by Misshalfway

[chocolatefan]

thanks bytor...

[Guest ceeboo]

Hi chocolatefan,

I will offer you my 2 cents ( If I may )

I would encourage you to take advantage of the resources that are available to you.

The support, love, and advice that can be gained from your Church community ( as well as your bishop ) is a great tool to help you sort things out in times like this.

I would add that the advice you have recieved on this forum seems to have your best interest at heart. :)

God bless,

Carl

[deydream]

Physical contact with the opposite sex is like traveling down a road. The farther you have gone, the easier it is to go even farther. Whether you are traveling fast or slow down that road, you will eventually end up at sex, even if you have no intentions of doing so. unless you turn around and go in the opposite direction.

The more you cross the line, the more Satan will tempt you to go a little more, and you will feel less and less of the guidance of the Spirit. A friend of mine from college had a roommate who used to cuddle all night with his finace in his bed. They never let anything go past kissing. They thought they were too strong for any temptation, and they had the goal of marrying in the temple. A few weeks later, I heard they had gone all the way, and they were devistated they couldn't marry in the temple. They had no intention to have sex.

There are reasons the prophets have said to stay as far away from temptations as possible. Don't even dangle your foot over the edge of the cliff, because you could slip and fall.

And yes, talk to your bishop.

[lilered]

I have a BF who is a non member and we have been dating for almost 8 months. I am 18 and used to have a very very strong testimony in the church. I miss having it in my life. I am scheduled to see my bishop for an annual interview on sunday but I don't know if I want to tell him about my bf and I. The two of us haven't had sex... but we kiss on top of each other and stuff. I tell my BF that i have mixed feelings about it becuase of the church, but he tell me to think for myself.. when should I tell my bishop? my boyfriend is leaving in a month for college i think it would be easier if i just waited until after he leaves.

do you think i'm worthy to go to the temple? my friends are coming to pick me up right now....

A different slant on the same story. I was not always a member. My wife on the other hand was born into the church. We started dating in HighSchool. She remained true to her faith, church standards, and values. We dated all thru school. She went to her church meetings and always invited me. We got married after graduation. Again, she remained faithful to church standards. She lived her religion. Finally I started to attend with her. I finally joined the church 7 years after we first started dating. Bottom Line: She was worth the wait and I knew what I had to do to win her love, respect her honor, and establish a good solid relationship. She raised me up to her standards and did not allow me to pull her down to mine.