Guest SisterofJared Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 (edited) Okay, so my husband comes from a large family which is NOT close at all. Something went wrong there, basically they act as though they could care less about each other. So on Facebook I had put a folder of old pictures and in there was a picture of us from about 1981. All the kids had butchered hair cuts.... because my husband's sister had butchered them. For years my kids have teased me about the hair cuts. On Facebook I put in the caption about the kids never let me forget that I had let Aunt Shirley cut their hair. So..... of course..... one of his sisters got on facebook, then a nephew.... well, yes, they showed the picture and the comment to Shirley. It is 27 years later, but I got an email recently from her saying she read the derogatory comment and she had only tried to help me fix the kids hair and never would she do something like that again. It was a VERY offended email. After reading it, I thought "What?" because she claimed that she was just fixing the hair I had messed up and I have never cut my kids hair. Then I couldn't sleep last night, because I HATE family conflict.... and I was thinking about it, and I remembered the details. In RS we had a class on hair cutting, and I took my two oldest daughters, and they cut their hair during the class, and then we went on vacation two days later, and she told me they had done it wrong, and she "fixed it" for me. And while she was fixing it, it somehow was decided to cut everyone's hair.... so she gave everyone haircuts that were supposed to be "pixie" haircuts, but that didn't come out right at all. Well, I never told her they were a mess.... what are you gonna do? You're on vacation at someone's house, you're not just gonna tell them they just ruined your kid's hair!!! ANYWAY, I wrote her two emails apologizing and explaining that it was just family tradition for my kids to tease me about their haircuts and hair styles from their pictures.... which is true, they love to make fun of them and me for it.... and that it wasn't a personal thing about her at all, they don't even remember her, most of them only saw her once in their life. I apologized very much and asked her to forgive me. Total silence. She has not responded at all. I am frustrated. I don't know what to do next, if anything. I asked my husband and he said, "I don't know. Those people get mad at the drop of a hat and stay mad." In my family, if someone ticks us off, we talk. We clear it up, because family is the most important thing. But Jack's family is WIERD.... the only time this sister has ever called us is when his dad was sick, when he died and when his mom died. Jack calls her a couple times a year, and she acts pleasant enough, but basically can't be bothered. So I'm double frustrated.... once, because I don't know how to make it any better, and secondly because I have to try and make it better when she doesn't even give a darn about us anyway, and is only choosing to be offended over a matter of pride, not because she gives a darn. I've apologized twice. I've changed the caption under the picture on Facebook. (Really kissed tush doing it, too. lol) I really don't know what else there is to do. My son in law says it's their problem now. (His family is the same kind.... drama and fuss, fight and ignore, be offended. That just doesn't work for me!!!!!) I would like there to be peace a good feelings. I do not understand people choosing conflict. Sister of Jared Sister of Jared Edited February 22, 2009 by SisterofJared Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 I apologized very much and asked her to forgive me.Total silence. She has not responded at all. I am frustrated. I don't know what to do next, if anything. I asked my husband and he said, "I don't know. Those people get mad at the drop of a hat and stay mad."Your husband gave you the answer. You can't force them to change - they are who they are. How does that saying go? You can pick your spouse, and you can pick your nose, but you can't take a pickaxe to your inlaws without going to jail? Something like that...LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puf_the_majic_dragon Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 Doctrine and Covenants 98I think you've already gone above and beyond the call of duty (I personally would have changed the caption so it WAS derogatory - no sense in making my in-laws out to be liars ). You have already tried to make amends and cleanse the way between you, if she doesn't repent, it's on her head. It can be hard to accept that, especially if you're used to a close knit family, but all you can really do now is pray for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ruthiechan Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 I would've left the caption. But, anyway, you've already apologized twice. It's her choice to still be angry. I wouldn't worry over it. Forgive her for being full of pride and idiocy and go your way. You've already done all you can in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 SofJ, You've done your part. You cannot forced someone to soften their heart. If she chooses to stay offended that is her choice. I know it hurts. I've been through similar situations. Its hard. I suggest that you take this to the Lord. Let him heal your heart and pray that he will heal hers. applepansy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Book_of_Mormon_Warrior Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 What they all said except the part about leaving the caption. I think it was good to change it, it shows a willingness to try and make peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaspah Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 I think a brief apology would have been more than enough, really sucking up to someone who you dont have a strong bond with comes across very insincere. well thats my opinion. don't suck up, just be pleasant thats all you can do, dont just cater to their ego. i generally treat people the way i want to treat them, which is usually pleasant and nice as that's my natural personality, that same personality wont let me suck up... i'll leave that for teenagers in love... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissar Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 I agree with the above posts. You have apologized, now it is up to her whether to accept it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest missingsomething Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 You cant please someone who doesnt WANT to be pleased. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 You cant please someone who doesnt WANT to be pleased. The difference between in-laws and out-laws? Out-laws are wanted. The Traveler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gabelpa Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 I have a mother-in-law that physically assaulted me only a few days after we met, and her opinion of me hasn't gotten much better since. I can't do anything to impress her, or change her opinion of me, nor can my wife. You can not please someone that doesn't want to be pleased, and you can't change opinions that don't want to be changed. Let it go, and move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 Here's a quote from this talk: LDS.org - Ensign Article - Beware of Pride"The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SisterofJared Posted February 23, 2009 Report Share Posted February 23, 2009 Wow... your mother in law physically assaulted you?? Maybe I should count my blessings that I don't see this sister in law often! LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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