Need Help Pretty Badly

[taisama]

Well, to sum it up, I'm 16, been addicted to pornography since about 11, talked to my bishop, blahblahblah, the problem escalated about a year ago and I got caught with some uh...bad pornography and my parents found out and the police came and took my computer and I'm waiting for a court date. I went to counseling and joined a 12 step program called Sons of Helaman and have been going for 5 weeks, but I keep messing up. Pornography isn't really a problem anymore, but it's "Mr. M" that's causing me to mess up. Well, as of late, I have been questioning some parts of my testimony and have almost no desire to go to church, start blessing the sacrament again, go to the temple, etc. It all seems pointless to me. I've talked to my bishop since then and it hasn't helped at all. I've been trying to say prayers and stuff, and sometimes it works. My parents are driving me insane because they "want to help any way they can", but I can't think of anything they can do. I'm studying for 4 AP tests and waiting to find out if I got accepted to an international college, so I have extremely little time to think about stuff and I'm way stressed out. Does anyone have any suggestions that might help me???

[TruthSeekerToo]

(((hugs))) I'm sorry you are struggling with addiction.

The problem with addiction is you can't just "stop" you have to replace the behavior with a new one.

Is that part of the program you are in? Hopefully you have gotten ideas of things you can do instead of the addicting behavior.

Some people have to totally rearrange their room, get rid of certain music, start jogging, etc.

Only you know what starts you into the cycle of behavior. If you can figure out what your triggers are you will have much better success at ending the cycle.

You are so young! You will beat this!

I also have to add my disclaimer that my advice somes from an addiction leadership training meeting.

[Wingnut]

We had an amazing talk in Sacrament meeting today. It was on agency, but it was given by a man who is one of the stake Addiction Recovery Program specialists. He talked about agency in the context of addiction, and gave some interesting insight. He said that a lot of the time, addicts (of pornography or whatever) will think or say to themselves "If I could just choose not to do it, it would make all the difference. I need to just choose not to (fill in the blank)." In reality, he said, what they need to do is not choose not to (blank), but rather they need to choose Christ. When they choose Christ, and commit to that, it will affect all the rest of their decisions.

Maybe not very helpful, but I wanted to throw it out there.

[talisyn]

Dang those must have been some pictures

I'm worried about you, sincerely worried. 11 year olds are not really known for their overt sexuality, like, say, 16 year olds are. I think, and this is just my thoughts.....I think you should have a very frank talk with your bishop, and you should tell him about what you haven't told him yet, and have probably never told your parents. If I'm right being completely honest is going to be the best thing you ever did, because you cannot cure the illness unless the cause is known. Be strong, be brave, and rely on your older brother Jesus Christ, because He loves you and wants you to succeed too.

[applepansy]

My husband and I are involved at an AA Camp. What I have noticed (and its pretty evident right from the start) is that the men who put God first succeed in their recovery process (which takes a lifetime of struggle). Those that don't find their "higher power" (as AA puts it) fail miserably and return to their addiction.

I loved Wingnut's post. It expressed what I know to be true. When we focus our lives and thoughts on Christ everything.... EVERYTHING bad or hurtful .... falls away.

applepansy

[Guest queries]

My gut reaction is that an 11-year old porn addict who is now 16 years old needs professional mental and medical help, in addition to the AA program and bishop's counsel. Just my instinct.

[talisyn]

My gut reaction is that an 11-year old porn addict who is now 16 years old needs professional mental and medical help, in addition to the AA program and bishop's counsel. Just my instinct.

I agree. There's more to this. I'm not gonna ask what, but my heart goes out to him

[hordak]

Well, to sum it up, I'm 16, been addicted to pornography since about 11, talked to my bishop, blahblahblah, the problem escalated about a year ago and I got caught with some uh...bad pornography and my parents found out and the police came and took my computer and I'm waiting for a court date.

I'm confussed why the police are involved? Don't take this personally unless it does apply

There is only one type of pornography (that i know of) that would cause the police to take your computer. If your dealing with this you have much bigger problems then the Bishop can address and i would recommend a licensed Psychiatrist.

[Just_A_Guy]

Pornography isn't really a problem anymore, but it's "Mr. M" that's causing me to mess up.

I agree with others that you're going to need some professional help. In the meantime, though--at least for me--staying busy is a help, as is trying to make a point of always being around other people (or at least not being holed up somewhere by myself).

I hope you're getting some legal assistance as well. If your court date is about what I think it's about--this can have long-term consequences for you, and you need to be informed about those before you enter a plea.

[sister_in_faith]

I am going to make a stretch of an assumption here, but I think that any child who is interested in sexual matters at such a young age had to be introduced to it somehow. From personal experience I was molested from age 14-16. I would not have been 'sexualized' had it not been for that, and I may have been blissfully innocent for many more years to come. I really feel like a chunk of my life was tainted because of this. I say this to suggest that taisama maybe you would find relief speaking to a counselor and exploring what caused this to start. You may even be repressing some kind of abuse that you suffered, and dealing effectively with those wounds may help you find comfort.

[Just_A_Guy]

I am going to make a stretch of an assumption here, but I think that any child who is interested in sexual matters at such a young age had to be introduced to it somehow . . . You may even be repressing some kind of abuse that you suffered, and dealing effectively with those wounds may help you find comfort.

Hi Sister_in_faith--

Without wishing to diminish the gravity of your own experience, and without wanting to go through my own past in lurid detail, I will simply say that this is not always the case.

[sister_in_faith]

Just_A_Guy... I agree! I just think it is an option that may be worth exploring. One might find a gold mine of explanations and opportunities to heal, but it is not, by any means, always the case. I wish the answers were always easy to find!!

[StallionMcBeastly]

I really have no idea about these specific issues, so take this for what it's worth.

For now, how about just work on not looking at pornography, and work on the other part after?

One step at a time?

Start praying every night too, even if it's only 10 seconds. I think that'll make a difference.

[Dravin]

Pornography isn't really a problem anymore, but it's "Mr. M" that's causing me to mess up.*

To use Elder Packer's terminology, the factory is running at full bore, it can take a while for things to settle down. Try periodically increasing the timing between lapses. So if twice a day is normal, cut down to once a day, then every other day, and so on, it'll help with the body's screaming of, “We've got a build up here!” though that won't be completely eliminated, you are 16.

Also, expect plenty of nocturnal emissions in this time. It can take a while before with the Lord's help (that part is key) you can get control of it. I had nights were I really wasn't sure if I wasn't going to give in even 6 months or so after. Heck, its been 2 years and I still occasionally find it a hard thing to control, but this always (at least that I've noticed) coincides with an ebb in my spirituality. You spent a lot of time establishing the habit, its gonna take time to break it.

Well, as of late, I have been questioning some parts of my testimony and have almost no desire to go to church, start blessing the sacrament again, go to the temple, etc. It all seems pointless to me. I've talked to my bishop since then and it hasn't helped at all. I've been trying to say prayers and stuff, and sometimes it works.

Prayer and scripture study are two big ones. Pray that you can feel the spirit at church, pray to have your testimony reconfirmed.

When you say your prayers sometimes work, what exactly do you mean?

*My parents are driving me insane because they "want to help any way they can", but I can't think of anything they can do.

They are probably doing it, but ask them to pray for you. To add your name to the Temple prayer roll, go to the temple and pray for you there. Fast with you. Even if they are already doing these things you requesting it will help them understand that they are helping in ways they can.

Edited April 20, 2009 by Dravin
Typo fix.

[prospectmom]

Dravin... very good advice.........

[jiminycricket]

Is the Sons of Helaman program specifically for pornography and sex addicted males? I've heard that 12-step programs tailored specifically to particular addictions can be more effective than general ones. Also, do they use the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program manual? If they don't use that one, or at least a manual based on it, you might want to read it. It is excellent. You can order one from the Church Distribution Services website (click here) or you can download the PDF version for free by clicking here.

Also, I've come across another LDS.net member who apparently specializes in helping people overcome pornography and sexual addictions, and who claims that his system (called InnerGold - also his LDS.net username) can help people for whom the typical 12-step program might not cut it. Here's a link to his website: www.innergold.com. He also has some videos on his LDS.net profile that might interest you (click here).

Those kinds of habits can be very disorienting, discouraging, demeaning and demoralizing. It can quickly become all you can do to keep your head above water. I hope you find the strength you need to keep fighting.

I pray for you, our brother.

Jiminy

Edited April 21, 2009 by jiminycricket

[Islander]

This is a very old thread. We should close it???

[jiminycricket]

Islander, check the date on the OP again. Brand new thread.

JC

[Islander]

Islander, check the date on the OP again. Brand new thread.

JC

Ooooops!! I think I was looking at a different thread. Carry on.

[Guest missingsomething]

Well, to sum it up, I'm 16, been addicted to pornography since about 11, talked to my bishop, blahblahblah, the problem escalated about a year ago and I got caught with some uh...bad pornography and my parents found out and the police came and took my computer and I'm waiting for a court date. I went to counseling and joined a 12 step program called Sons of Helaman and have been going for 5 weeks, but I keep messing up. Pornography isn't really a problem anymore, but it's "Mr. M" that's causing me to mess up. Well, as of late, I have been questioning some parts of my testimony and have almost no desire to go to church, start blessing the sacrament again, go to the temple, etc. It all seems pointless to me. I've talked to my bishop since then and it hasn't helped at all. I've been trying to say prayers and stuff, and sometimes it works. My parents are driving me insane because they "want to help any way they can", but I can't think of anything they can do. I'm studying for 4 AP tests and waiting to find out if I got accepted to an international college, so I have extremely little time to think about stuff and I'm way stressed out. Does anyone have any suggestions that might help me???

First, your parents probably just feel guilty - like they 'let this happen" and now just want to fix it. They also love you and want you to not suffer and to be happy-- yeah, you wont "get that' until you are a parent. Up until the very day I became a parent a part of me found some sick pleasure in bugging my parents :)

Secondly, if you dont have a strong desire to overcome your problems - or believe they are problems, then you wont have success. Dont beat yourself up - everyone has problems but it is how you emerge from them that counts. While you maybe busy - next time you feel the temptation -grab the scriptures and read- while your head may not be in it at first, it will help. I did that when I first joined and gave up my sweet tea. NOT the same I know -but it might help.

Finally - its ok to question your testimony if you are doing it to strengthen it. Consider that perhaps you are questioning the church and principles because right now they go against what you WANT to do. its easy to rationalize that this church isnt "right" when you arent living "right".

Hopefully your court date outcome wont affect your chances to study abroad. But be honest with your parents - tell them to pray for you. And dont just pray sometimes...do it all the time. And ask yourself this - would your life be better without the gospel? Is it worth the risk if this IS right and you blew it?

Good luck - you are so young and have so much of life ahead of you. Don't try to grow up too fast- growing up really isnt all its cracked up to be.

[Still_Small_Voice]

I knew someone who had a problem with masturbation. He started it in his teenage years and it took him many years to overcome it. The process of healing may be long but those who endure with faith in Christ clinging fast to the word of God will overcome. Read thru this thread and take a lot of the advice to heart.

[Snow]

Well, to sum it up, I'm 16, been addicted to pornography since about 11, talked to my bishop, blahblahblah, the problem escalated about a year ago and I got caught with some uh...bad pornography and my parents found out and the police came and took my computer and I'm waiting for a court date. I went to counseling and joined a 12 step program called Sons of Helaman and have been going for 5 weeks, but I keep messing up. Pornography isn't really a problem anymore, but it's "Mr. M" that's causing me to mess up. Well, as of late, I have been questioning some parts of my testimony and have almost no desire to go to church, start blessing the sacrament again, go to the temple, etc. It all seems pointless to me. I've talked to my bishop since then and it hasn't helped at all. I've been trying to say prayers and stuff, and sometimes it works. My parents are driving me insane because they "want to help any way they can", but I can't think of anything they can do. I'm studying for 4 AP tests and waiting to find out if I got accepted to an international college, so I have extremely little time to think about stuff and I'm way stressed out. Does anyone have any suggestions that might help me???

1. Lighten up. You're 16.

2. "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior." (Boyd K. Packer)

[Islander]

Well, to sum it up, I'm 16, been addicted to pornography since about 11, talked to my bishop, blahblahblah, the problem escalated about a year ago and I got caught with some uh...bad pornography and my parents found out and the police came and took my computer and I'm waiting for a court date. I went to counseling and joined a 12 step program called Sons of Helaman and have been going for 5 weeks, but I keep messing up. Pornography isn't really a problem anymore, but it's "Mr. M" that's causing me to mess up. Well, as of late, I have been questioning some parts of my testimony and have almost no desire to go to church, start blessing the sacrament again, go to the temple, etc. It all seems pointless to me. I've talked to my bishop since then and it hasn't helped at all. I've been trying to say prayers and stuff, and sometimes it works. My parents are driving me insane because they "want to help any way they can", but I can't think of anything they can do. I'm studying for 4 AP tests and waiting to find out if I got accepted to an international college, so I have extremely little time to think about stuff and I'm way stressed out. Does anyone have any suggestions that might help me???

Rationalization is one of the favorite weapons of the enemy.

You have been engaged since early puberty in one the most intractable and pernicious psycho sexual male behavior for 5 years now. Minimizing the impact it has and that it will have in years to come denotes that fact that you pretty much has given up fighting this addiction on account of you history of failure abstaining.

If you procrastinate seeking and going thru treatment, this addiction will cripple your life in ways you can not come to imagine. The fact that the prophets keep bringing the subject twice per year for the last 3 years should bring to your attention the gravity of the situation. NOTHING should be more important to you at this moment than getting all the help available to deal with this issue. This addiction will keep you from serving the Lord, will keep you from receiving blessings of the Temple, may keep you from finding an eternal companion, it will keep you from holding and exercising the keys of the priesthood and all but turn you in to a psychological hermit and rob you of your future.

You can try and compensate with professional/academic endeavors. It will not amount to much. I once heard the late Elder Maxwell quote this: “If you have not chosen the kingdom of God first, it will in the end make no difference what you have chosen instead.”

[pam]

Because of the seizure of the computer, I'm kinda guessing what it all might have been. If so, been there done that with my 17 year old son. Court mandated therapy was required as well as court mandated parent support therapy.

[Mahdi]

In the name of Allah(God)
the Beneficient,the Merciful

My brother,
in my religion we are adviced to fast for God to be safe from satan's temptations and to stay chaste,and it has helped me much during my life to keep myself to be chaste.
And also if you believe that God will help you and want Him to help you ,He surely will help you.Don't boubt it!
I hope that it will help you.

thanks
Mahdi