About To Marry A Non-member

[Guest]

hi, was wonderig if there is any advice anyone can give me.

in June I will be getting married, this girl is amazing don't want to live my life without her on second. BUT some "friends" of mine have started getting her to go to church with them (saddleback church (southrn baptist)). She was raised in a southern Baptist family and since stopped going when I had met her. I have voiced my concerns about that "church" trying to explain that all the rock n roll and casual dress and casual atmosphere are distracting and disrespectful to God and that they diminish God Authority by making him a Buddy figure rather than a Father figure. I even went as far as to actuall attending a service just for curiosity sake or whatever, and I felt the most intense feeling of wrong doing I even have before, The Spirit was practically yelling at me that I was in a bad place, I told her this too...however she still is attending.

Now what advice is there that would help me deal with this, or change her outlook possibly and realize that she is involved in a bad situation, also I don't want to put any pressure on her to convert but how do you convert a Southern Baptist?

[Spencer]

How do you guys match up as far as how you want to raise your children? what will be allowed and what will not? Get to know her principles and feel her out for things, and slowly let her know what you believe and maybe some of our basic gospel principles. Pray often and read your scriptures..

Wish you the best.

Spencer

[Guest]

ok...I'l back up a bit an admit that I am not the strongest member by any means, I have not had an desire to attend church...that being said, when I met her we agreed that we really didn't want to raise kids in ANY church and rather just teach them about many churches and when they are old enough to decide they can do so and that was ok...but I have been feeling necessities to return to church and try and share with her what I know is true but still lack a little desire, in a way having her go with me so I can share is desire enough, but I don't know because she has strongly said that she MAY go but she will definately NOT get baptized. so I ask myself then..."why bother" *sigh*

[Maureen]

Originally posted by Aquabat64x@Feb 9 2004, 10:38 AM

....She was raised in a southern Baptist family and since stopped going when I had met her. I have voiced my concerns about that "church" trying to explain that all the rock n roll and casual dress and casual atmosphere are distracting and disrespectful to God and that they diminish God Authority by making him a Buddy figure rather than a Father figure.....

Oh those evil Baptists. Where's the Spanish Inquisition when you need it? Casual dress and atmosphere? That's just wrong, we all know that fashion and appearance is very important to God.

Aquabat - If this is your attitude towards the Baptists and their style of worship and your fiance is from a baptist background I would reconsider marrying her. If your plan is to change her just before or after you're married your expectations will be sadly frustrated.

Have a talk with her about what you both believe and how you both understand God (to the best of your ability of course). Don't assume, talk.

M.

[AFDaw]

That can be a difficult situation. I'm sure you've heard it before, you need to pray about it.

This is just marriage advice in general, member or not. Make sure both of you are headed in the same direction in life. If what you want in a marriage and life is the same as her, then that's great. If it's not, then it could be a hard road for the two of you married.

I was engaged to a non-member (who I was pretty sure would join) and I didn't do too much to convert him. I never pressured him, I never made it an ultimatium, all I did was attend church and do what I thought was right and he came to church with me. In fact, he was the ones who asked for the missionaries to come over, not me. The only thing that ever threw me for a loop was one day he said "What would you say if I told you I wanted to go to a different church and you and the kids could go to your church?" I said "I wouldn't like it." he asked why and I said "Because you're making that decision without knowing everything I know about my church." and that was it. To me, the entire family going to the same church was a big deal.

However, I had prayed about it and I did honestly feel marrying him was the right thing to do and it was. He joined the church less than a mo after we got married and we went to the temple a year later.

Something to keep in mind while praying is D&C 8. Especially v. 2 and 10. Best of luck!!

[HalleysComet]

I'll tell you my piece. Ask God and than follow your heart. If anything else he'll know which way to steer you. Don't dismiss the possibility of true happiness and a good marriage based on different backgrounds,you just might surprise eachother.

[AFDaw]

I started posting and had to idle while feeding my son so my reply was before you can back and replied to Spencer.

My brother also married a So Baptist woman who also swore she was not going to get baptised. He did the same thing, kept going to church and eventually she came around. To her, our church's views on woman and family were what convinced her to convert. So there is some hope even with her saying she will not be baptised.

However, if you're feelings are as strong as they are, and her's are as strong as they are...I don't know what to tell you about that

[cedar]

Originally posted by Aquabat64x@Feb 9 2004, 11:38 AM

how do you convert a Southern Baptist?

You don't. They convert themselves. Let me give you my two cents. You need to go into this marriage with the idea that she will never become a member. Because there is a good chance that is exactly what will happen. Just think about if this is important to you or not, and are you going to change your mind later on.

Also think about what you have invested in the church. And then compare to what she has invested in the church. Well she has very little invested. If you want to marry and be active in the church, sit her down and explain what your marriage will be like. Tell her what religion you want the kids to follow. Tell her that 10% of your increase is going to the church. Tell her you won't want to eat out on Sunday (unless you are living in Utah, it is ok for them to do it j/k).

[cedar]

Originally posted by Aquabat64x@Feb 9 2004, 11:55 AM

we agreed that we really didn't want to raise kids in ANY church and rather just teach them about many churches and when they are old enough to decide they can do so and that was ok

Are you ok with your kids choosing aetheism? Because if I was told about all religions at once, I would choose none, because it requires no effort. And even though there are more blessings in keeping the commandments, the bleesings are hard to prove, especially since in ours and other Christian religions, you are supposed to be keeping the commandments because you love the Lord, not because you want to get something out of it.

[cedar]

Originally posted by Maureen@Feb 9 2004, 12:03 PM

Aquabat - If this is your attitude towards the Baptists and their style of worship and your fiance is from a baptist background I would reconsider marrying her. If your plan is to change her just before or after you're married your expectations will be sadly frustrated.

Yes yes, to Maureen you listen.

My wife is convinced that some of my clothes are ugly. There is no way to change her idea. She can chage her opinion, but nothing I do will make a difference. Imagine if my clothes were religion... now that would be a messed up situation.

[Guest]

Well I came from a Baptist church, my DH grew up Luthern. We got introduced to the church 2 yrs ago through some close family friends of ours whom are also LDS.

We finally came around to having the missionaries come about in Dec of 2002 & got baptised after the 6 lessons in Jan 2003.

Well needless to say DH left,got removed, from the church because he didnot want to quit smoking, & I became inactive, but rejoined a month ago.\

DH is now gonig to a non-denom church & lets me do my own thing on Sundays.

He attends as well, but I think it's because his mothers house is close by ,(the church is the half way point)

I am happy where I am at & not forcing him to do anything, & I see he's comming back around. His worship time is on Wed nights & he takes the kids to go interact with other children.

Point is you cannot force your spouse into anything , religion, marriage ,etc.

We should be submisive to our husbands like the bible says, but it also says men should treat their wives like Christ treats the church, respect & love. :)

[SilkRose]

Aqua, I grew up Southern Baptist and married a Mormon. We discussed exactly how we would raise our children. We discussed finances, roles for each of us, views on discipline, and life in general. It does not sound like you value your fiance's self worth or ability to think and feel for herself. Nor do you respect her decision to choose apart from your church. You don't sound as if you are emotionally or mentally mature enough to marry if you cannot get past the fact of converting her or showing her the "evils' of her way. As for the rock and roll and casual dress, you may want to view the book of Psalms for the use of musical instruments in church. It may give you a different perspective. My husband was unconfortable in my church, and I was uncomfortable in his. So, We go to the LDS church in the morning, and the Baptist at night. I found one that was more similar to the LDS in strict dress and only piano/organ type atmosphere. We value each others individual choices and free agency. I learn about his religion as he does about mine.

Converting someone simply for the numbers is ridiculous. You need to teach her about your beleifs, and let the Holy Spirit do the rest. That is what he is there for. You can only lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink. You instead, should be focusing on your compatability with your fiance. Make sure you feel the same on basic religious beleifs.

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT BAPTISTS vs. MORMONS

1.) We beleive in the pre-existence just as you do.

2.) We baptize in the name of the father, son and holy spirit with full immersion just as you do.

4.) We beleive in God the Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.

5.) We beleive that in order for salvation you must first have faith, be baptized, and follow God's law, just as you do. We just don't do the whole Temple thing, because in our beleif system, the veil was rent when Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

6.) Women cannot hold positions of authority in the church.

There are too many to list. You need to do more research.

[Maya]

I was married to a lutheran.

The thing I felt was worst was, that he did not want me for ever, just for time. It hurt me inside a lot. If he had really loved me he would have done everythig to have me for ever.

I could never marry someone that is not an LDS. I would not allow myself even to situations that might develope to somethign with an outsider.

[Stampede]

hi, was wonderig if there is any advice anyone can give me.

in June I will be getting married, this girl is amazing don't want to live my life without her on second. BUT some "friends" of mine have started getting her to go to church with them (saddleback church (southrn baptist)). She was raised in a southern Baptist family and since stopped going when I had met her. I have voiced my concerns about that "church" trying to explain that all the rock n roll and casual dress and casual atmosphere are distracting and disrespectful to God and that they diminish God Authority by making him a Buddy figure rather than a Father figure. I even went as far as to actuall attending a service just for curiosity sake or whatever, and I felt the most intense feeling of wrong doing I even have before, The Spirit was practically yelling at me that I was in a bad place, I told her this too...however she still is attending.

Now what advice is there that would help me deal with this, or change her outlook possibly and realize that she is involved in a bad situation, also I don't want to put any pressure on her to convert but how do you convert a Southern Baptist?

you cannot marry someone to change them. you either accept them for who they are or you break it off. it is that simple. Can you deal with her going to a baptist church if she chooses? or will you try to become controlling?

As parents we are commanded to teach our children the gospel. in a mixed religion home it is extremely difficult to do. so tread carefully when making life-long descisions like this.

[Stampede]

I was married to a lutheran.

The thing I felt was worst was, that he did not want me for ever, just for time. It hurt me inside a lot. If he had really loved me he would have done everythig to have me for ever.

I could never marry someone that is not an LDS. I would not allow myself even to situations that might develope to somethign with an outsider.

that's a shame, i married a catholic who embraced the gospel fully. my bishop told me that it was the right thing and that the Lord endorsed the wedding himself in a blessing.

you never know what could bring someone into the gospel you just have to be careful

[ghost_01]

hi, was wonderig if there is any advice anyone can give me.

in June I will be getting married, this girl is amazing don't want to live my life without her on second. BUT some "friends" of mine have started getting her to go to church with them (saddleback church (southrn baptist)). She was raised in a southern Baptist family and since stopped going when I had met her. I have voiced my concerns about that "church" trying to explain that all the rock n roll and casual dress and casual atmosphere are distracting and disrespectful to God and that they diminish God Authority by making him a Buddy figure rather than a Father figure. I even went as far as to actuall attending a service just for curiosity sake or whatever, and I felt the most intense feeling of wrong doing I even have before, The Spirit was practically yelling at me that I was in a bad place, I told her this too...however she still is attending.

Now what advice is there that would help me deal with this, or change her outlook possibly and realize that she is involved in a bad situation, also I don't want to put any pressure on her to convert but how do you convert a Southern Baptist?

Jesus taught in the new testament to be equally yoked. I say, lds marry lds, baptist marry a baptist and so on. Why jeoperdize the hightest order of the Celestial Kingdom by marrying a non-member in the hopes that they will join. Check out Ezra Taft Benson on this subject, He says it like it is. I will say it like it is, I have been a member for 25 years, do not marry a non-member. You will thank me when you find a true, honorable lds lady who wants a guy to take her to the temple the first time and get married right the first time.

[Guest Snivelinjack]

My dad married a non-mormon, not heeding the advice of his bishop. She turned out to be the best wife and mother a family could ever hope for. Hope the stupid bishop is leading the music in jr. sundayschool now. But follow your instincts. You're the one that has to decide---no one else.

[afewmorebeats]

This all has to be something you really want, if you don't want it how can you expect her to? From what I have noticed the best way to convert a girlfriend or wife is to go to church on a regular basis, live its teachings, and pray for her. Basically be a shining example! Also, invite the missionaries over for dinner...not necessarily to teach the discussions or anything. Eventually she will be intrigued enough to start going to church with you and things will snowball from there...hopefully. I once heard a missionary say that the church will convert you dead or alive it's all just a matter of time. I hope things work out for the best!

[smurfy2000]

My son married non member and is now inactive. church says only marry someone you can take to the temple. Thus you have to be a member. This will affect your future generation of children not just you. Dont do it. You will find the one God has prepared for you thru the church. You must marry in the temple or not at all. Then whats the point.

[Guest saintish]

At first I was going to tell you my opinion on whether you should or shouldn’t marry this girl, I am not going to do that. I will give you some advice and some things to consider.

You need to sit back and think about what is and isn’t important to you. If it is important to you that your wife be LDS or not attend a certain style of worship don’t marry a person who’s not LDS and goes to a certain style of worship.

You know this Girl better than anyone reading this forum. If you can honestly say to yourself that you want to marry this girl today, exactly how she is, southern Baptist and all, then I think you will have a good marriage. If you think you are going to change something then it’s probably better to really consider what you are doing.

[sweetiepie]

I find it hypocritical to say you felt uncomfortable at her church when you don't show her that you attend your own. The spirit was practically yelling at you that you were in a bad place? Can you not hear it whisper that He wants you to be in the right place (i.e. attending sacrament). Even if you are doing things that make you feel like you shouldn't go, He wants you there, and I know the spirit is telling you that.

[prisonchaplain]

Oh those evil Baptists. Where's the Spanish Inquisition when you need it? Casual dress and atmosphere? That's just wrong, we all know that fashion and appearance is very important to God.

Ironically, in the Pacific Northwest we are now being told to dress more causal...so it's easier for us to be relational. Saddlback Church, home of the Purpose Driven Life, is probably one of the most open, moderate, invitational ones around. If you are sensing an evil or wrong spirit there, all I can say is, "Wow!" That's probably just more your inner desire to remain LDS, and perhaps convert your fiance, than any real discernment of the demonic. But hey, I'm biased. One of my best friends is a Baptist minister.

Aquabat - If this is your attitude towards the Baptists and their style of worship and your fiance is from a baptist background I would reconsider marrying her. If your plan is to change her just before or after you're married your expectations will be sadly frustrated.

Have a talk with her about what you both believe and how you both understand God (to the best of your ability of course). Don't assume, talk.

M.

I agree. Think of all the LDS who quit because someone told them the church was wrong. Their faith gets damaged, and they usually do not go somewhere else. Convince your fiance that her choice of church is evil or has a bad spirit, and she'll not likely trust your ward either.

[Vort]

Ironically, in the Pacific Northwest we are now being told to dress more causal...so it's easier for us to be relational. Saddlback Church, home of the Purpose Driven Life, is probably one of the most open, moderate, invitational ones around. If you are sensing an evil or wrong spirit there, all I can say is, "Wow!" That's probably just more your inner desire to remain LDS, and perhaps convert your fiance, than any real discernment of the demonic. But hey, I'm biased. One of my best friends is a Baptist minister.

Maureen is not LDS. Her words were meant as a sarcastic criticism.

[applepansy]

did anyone notice the OP is SEVEN years old? Just curious

[prisonchaplain]

Maureen is not LDS. Her words were meant as a sarcastic criticism.

I'm well aware that Maureen is Lutheran. I was agreeing with her criticism of the OP's apparent belief that there was a bad and disrespectful spirit at Saddleback Church. Maureen's post spurred my original response, but I quickly turned to responding to the OP. Sorry, if my approach was confusing.