lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 I have decided to contribute to the forum by volunteering my ADVICE and considerable expierence in all matters of the heart, as well as other housecleaning advice. Similiar to ANN LANDERS. At no charge I might add, so if you have a question concerning your love life, dating, etc. feel free to ask... :cool: For example: You may be having trouble with communicating with your spouse on certain subjects? My advise: Call you home when he isn't there from your cell phone and leave him/her a message on the answering machine. , See how simple that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minemouse Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 How do you get over a broken heart when he remarried and lives several blocks away from you. Yes, we have kids together. It's painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Ans: You have Options: Move and take kids with you. Ask him if he would like to start a polygamist group Plot with the kids to make the new wife miserable Take two aspirin and call me in the morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear lilered, I can't seem to find and keep any good men. I think I'm so awesome that I intimidate them. What do I do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Change your methods. First, quit licking them on the first date Second, quit mooing, when they take you out for dinner Third, Start wearing a bra in public And finally, try to always be in a good mooooooood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear lilered, I can't seem to find and keep any good men either. I think it turns them off that I'm a covenantly sealed and happily married husband. What should I do? LM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear lilered,I can't seem to find and keep any good men. I think I'm so awesome that I intimidate them. What do I do? I need the laugh button Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Change your methods. First, quit licking them on the first dateSecond, quit mooing, when they take you out for dinnerThird, Start wearing a bra in publicAnd finally, try to always be in a good mooooooood. again....need the laugh button..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 I have decided to contribute to the forum by volunteering my ADVICE and considerable expierence in all matters of the heart, as well as other housecleaning advice. Similiar to ANN LANDERS. At no charge I might add, so if you have a question concerning your love life, dating, etc. feel free to ask... :cool:For example: You may be having trouble with communicating with your spouse on certain subjects?My advise: Call you home when he isn't there from your cell phone and leave him/her a message on the answering machine. , See how simple that is. Hey....are you trying to cut in on my gig here.....that line about advice being free.....thats a shot at me...I just know it is...:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear Lilered. Dogs only like me for the pork chop tied around my neck. These dogs all seem so superfical and cannot see the real me. What should I do? Moksha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear lilered,I can't seem to find and keep any good men. I think I'm so awesome that I intimidate them. What do I do?Why own the cow when you can get the milk for free?Not sure how that applies in your case, but surely it must. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear lilered,I can't seem to find and keep any good men either. I think it turns them off that I'm a covenantly sealed and happily married husband. What should I do?LMYour case in a little different. Suggest you quit watching Jerry SpringerCancel your Playboy and Harley Davidson magazinesQuit hanging out in gay barsStart doing your home teaching Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Why own the cow when you can get the milk for free?Not sure how that applies in your case, but surely it must.Vort: Great comment, but quit stealing my thunder or I will make a voodo doll from your avatar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Dear Lilered.Dogs only like me for the pork chop tiedaround my neck. These dogs all seem sosuperfical and cannot see the real me.What should I do?MokshaDear Moksha: My grandmother always said you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.So, exchange the pork shop for honey. Flies can be put in a jar and keep, so they can watch you 24/7. Whereas dogs like to wander throughout the house or sniff all over the yard.Besides flies don't lift their leg.P.S. Have you thought about dating the opposite sex, instead of hanging out at the pound so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 again....need the laugh button.....Pale: I think you fail to understand the seriousness of this here situation, that of the anquish suffered by the LDS Forum love forelorn. I didn't go thru years of on line computer courses to learn brain surgery, dishwashing, and of course lawn insects 101, just to be my wifes eye candy at Home Depot and Pets R Us. Matters of the heart and other organs are no laughing matter. I am doing this not for laughs, but because I want to help ease the pain of the misfortunate. We all know if the new health programs go into affect, good advise will cost more than I charge. If the ERA would have approved my request for my service in the church magazine, I probably wouldn't be doing this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Palerider Posted August 1, 2009 Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Instead of Clunker Cash....you need Love Lorn Cash... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 Not that I'm not taking lilered seriously..... but I need the laugh button! ----> vort, lilered, LM, Pale......too, too funny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 Why own the cow when you can get the milk for free? I had a girlfriend once who actually said that to my mother, when mom was bugging her about the two of us getting married so she could have grandchildren. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairChild Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 Now that I am not working so many hours, what should I do with my newly found free time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 Dear FairChild: That is good. Work is the curse of the idle hands. Have you thought about being a juggler on your local street corner, or perhaps start up your own business (selling hot dogs from a sidewalk stand. I don't know whether or not you are married, but if not, you may want to consider a complete make-over and give your local ward something to talk about. You are only bound by the limits of your imagination. Have you learned how to twitter yet? Adapt a new puppy. Housebreaking will take a lot of your free time. If none of these float your boat, then how about taking exotic dance lessons and practice at night in front of an open window in your home. That is certaintly bound to cause some excitement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 I had a girlfriend once who actually said that to my mother, when mom was bugging her about the two of us getting married so she could have grandchildren.I notice the operative word was once. Your mother knew exactly what she was doing. She didn't approve of the girl and her comment was designed to scare her off. What you should have said is: Mom that is wonderful to hear, she has 6 kids by a former marriage and we thought we could move in with you until we get financially sound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 I had a girlfriend once who actually said that to my mother, when mom was bugging her about the two of us getting married so she could have grandchildren.Now that's funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted August 2, 2009 Report Share Posted August 2, 2009 Now that's funny! Yeah, my mom had never heard that saying before. It stopped her in her tracks for a whole minute, then she started to roar with laughter. They got along really well after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilered Posted August 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Did I also tell you I read palms. So if you want your palm read, hold it up to your screen after you leave a message. I am doing palm reading this coming week for 1/2 price. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mynewlife Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Should we hold up the left or the right? Or does that depend on our situation and the advice we need? You see, my situation is quite grim. How can I get control of the remote control so my husband will stop channel surfing during commercials? By the time he goes back to the show, we miss the beginning of the next segment. I'm holding up both palms to the screen so there is no mistake as to which hand I should be holding up for this issue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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