We're disfelowshipped and trying to get reinstated. Need advice.

[randoman]

My wife and I were disfellowshipped last year at this time. We didn't even know each other at the time. We saw our bishops individually and then met online. We were married last October and moved out of state and couldn't be happier. We have daughters and stepdaughters. We have been faithful church goers, tithe payers, and read scriptures as a family and have regular family home evenings and service projects. since our disfellowshipment.

My wife and I met with our bishop 4 or 5 months ago. He kept getting leaders inquiring about us because they want us in callings and leadership positions. He told us that the 1 year disfellowshipment recommendation was a guideline and at the bishop's discretion. He told us that it would be soon that we'd get back our fellowship status. Well, after bugging him every other week for the past 4 months and meeting with him, nothing every happened. We got discouraged. We then just got a new bishop one month ago. We made an appointment to see him. He was disappointed that our bishop's court hadn't happened already and that it should have been taken care of. Well, that was going on a month ago and still NOTHING. It's been a year. Our daughter is turning 8 in 3 weeks and has asked me to baptize her. The bishop is aware but as with the other bishop, nothing is being done.

What should I do now? I don't want to bug them, but we need to move forward spiritually and seem to be hitting a road block. Any advice?

[Gwen]

meet with your stake pres.

[beefche]

Meet with the bishop again. Ask him why the delay. Work with him to make a deadline for all of you (you, your wife, the bishop) to have full fellowship again.

Please remember that you are dealing with men who are learning the position and responsibilities as well as working, having a family, etc. I know this is extremely important to you (and am glad it is!), but you are dealing with men who have other distractions that can delay them. Sometimes it isn't about you, but more about the other things that are going on in a ward or with the bishop and his family.

Good luck.

[NeuroTypical]

Question - which priesthood did you hold? Bishops usually deal with Aaronic, Stake Presidents usually deal with Melchizedek.

Bug them. Weekly if necessary. I mean, if it's due to their inaction, then bug them as often as it takes. Call the executive seceretary and ask for 15 minutes every week.

Of course, I must consider that there's a great big honkin' The Rest Of The Story going on here. I'm not presuming anything, but when an anonymous poster on some message board tells me that two bishops in a row have done them wrong, I gotta consider the possibility that there's another side to this story. I gotta consider the posibility that neither Bishop has been dragging their feet, they've both been doing their jobs and trying to help you folks through the repentence process. If that's the case, perhaps it would be better to address what's really going on.

You haven't shared why you were disfellowshipped, or the current state of your repentence process. You mention faithful church attendence, paying tithing, and family scripture study - that's all good stuff of course, but rather meaningless if there's some other thing standing in the way of being a disciple of Christ. In other words, there's no way to game the system just so you can appear worthy by baptizing your daughter.

But yeah, I wouldn't accept feet-dragging. There is an explanation out there, and if you truly don't have it, your kid's upcoming baptism demands that you get it.

LM

[bytebear]

It also could be that the bishop is getting promptings from the spirit to wait, and you have to be understanding if that is the case. The Lord may have some reason for the delay, that neither you nor the bishop understand. I would pray about the situation, see what the Lord tells you (not just your mind) and at the very least, pray for patience and understanding. When the time is right, things will fall into place.

[Kenny]

While this is probably not what you want to hear but if you desire to move the church then simply go inactive, put your tithing in a holding account and plead with the Lord continually. It might take some time but you will be sure to get their attention.

This is not advice that I in any way feel comfortable with but sometimes drastic measures are needed to let leaders understand that while they are only human and have calls on their time, like work and family plus other member problems they have been given the keys to cope with it. No matter how green they are it is not their church but the Lords and if He was here you'd get his attention. Just like these leaders get His support.

[NeuroTypical]

Interesting advice. When I stopped paying tithing and went inactive, they all left me alone for 6 years until I decided to come back on my own.

I used to hometeach an inactive guy who had been disfellowshipped. I say 'hometeach', but since he really wasn't comfortable with visits, I mailed him a letter every month for several years.

Of course, pleading with the Lord continually is excellent advice - we could all stand to incorporate that advice into our lives more. And following that advice might very well place you before the door you need to open and walk through, to get where you need to be.

LM

[Gatorman]

Oh, that seems like such dangerous advice. To 'move' the church? To 'tempt' Heavenly Father.

You have been doing the right things. Stay faithful. Stay active. Pay tithing. Do not tempt the loss of your faith. I would think the right answer is to go up the chain. It is there for a reason. So, go to the Bishop and specifically ask what the delays are for, what is going on, etc. If you do not get answers, then, let him know you will be going to the Stake President. Etc...

[Guest Alana]

While this is probably not what you want to hear but if you desire to move the church then simply go inactive, put your tithing in a holding account and plead with the Lord continually. It might take some time but you will be sure to get their attention.

This is not advice that I in any way feel comfortable with but sometimes drastic measures are needed to let leaders understand that while they are only human and have calls on their time, like work and family plus other member problems they have been given the keys to cope with it. No matter how green they are it is not their church but the Lords and if He was here you'd get his attention. Just like these leaders get His support.

I've not paid my tithing for months and you know how much attention that got? A BIG FAT ZERO! lol.

I would suggest that not paying tithing is a great way to with hold blessing from yourself, as far as attention goes... I'm doubtful it will get any results.

The squeky wheel gets the grease!

Being in full fellowship reinstated and being forgiven by the Lord don't always happen at exactly the same time. If indeed you personally (each your wife and you seperatly) feel as though you have completed the repentance process and obtained forgiveness, then I would push for this as much as you can. Call the bishops secretary and tell him you need to make an appointment with him as soon as possible. If you still have a way to go on your own process of repentance, then perhaps there's no need to be hasty at this time.

Congrats by the way on the up and coming birthday of your daughter, what an awesome age!!!

[lilered]

Randoman: It would seem logicial to me that since have talked with your old Bishop and your new Bishop you should back off a bit and await a decision. There could be a myriad of reasons why a decision has not yet been reached. For example; from your post I gather you moved out of the ward where the original disfellowship ocurred. If so, then it will take a bit of time for them to work thru the incident. Another could be the Priesthood you presently hold (Aarronic vs Melchizadeck). The Bishop may be consulting with the Stake President for guidance. In short, you have done all you can do at this stage, the next step requires action from your Bishop &/or the Stake President. What I would suggest is that you continue to be patient and be obediant etc.. I am sure that something will happen in the near future. Give it at least 30 days and if nothing, then ask your Bishop to bring you up to date with the progress of your request. This process is a humbling one and the advise you are being given to shake up the leaders over it, just seems to me to be in opposition to the process and your future welfare in the Kingdom.

God bless you

Edited August 25, 2009 by lilered

[Kenny]

Interesting advice. When I stopped paying tithing and went inactive, they all left me alone for 6 years until I decided to come back on my own.

I used to hometeach an inactive guy who had been disfellowshipped. I say 'hometeach', but since he really wasn't comfortable with visits, I mailed him a letter every month for several years.

Of course, pleading with the Lord continually is excellent advice - we could all stand to incorporate that advice into our lives more. And following that advice might very well place you before the door you need to open and walk through, to get where you need to be.

LM

Actually you are right it was bad advice because it could only ever happen in theory, nobody really cares about the rebel no matter how it came about.

The sad thing is that there are so many with bad experiances like the ones you mentioned one might wonder why.

[Guest Alana]

The sad thing is that there are so many with bad experiances like the ones you mentioned one might wonder why.

This makes me think about when people get offended and stop coming to church. I'm grateful that I've finally come to an understanding that going to church isn't about the social aspects, or even the learning part of it. It's about worshiping our Heavenly Father. Yes, church is social, and we worship together, but sometimes people aren't fair or kind to each other because they have their own issues, sins, shame and pride. None of that changes what the gospel is about or how our Heavenly Fathers love for us.

[Kenny]

This makes me think about when people get offended and stop coming to church. I'm grateful that I've finally come to an understanding that going to church isn't about the social aspects, or even the learning part of it. It's about worshiping our Heavenly Father. Yes, church is social, and we worship together, but sometimes people aren't fair or kind to each other because they have their own issues, sins, shame and pride. None of that changes what the gospel is about or how our Heavenly Fathers love for us.

One of my favourite meetings in church is Fast & Testimony. To be able to listen to people stand up for what they know to be true is a wonderful thing. Of cause there are those that want to talk about things unrelated to a testimony but would we miss them if they were to stop?

However without exception the testimonies bourn that have the most profound spiritual meaning to me are of those from members that have been inactive or are currently inactive. Despite not being subject to the full measure of blessings those that are in full activity receive they still have a sweet understanding that Lord is real and this is His is church on Earth.

While it was a man that delivered the message of the gospel to me knowing that I was being told the truth came from Spirit;.

Your testimony is much appreciated know that you have done some good today;).

[Danite]

In the church today it's highly unlikely that the Bishop is not consulting with the Stake President, and mostly likely he has spoken to your former bishops as well. I can ensure you that they want you back in fullfellowship. It's also important for you to understand that there looking for more than activity in the church. They have to feel comfortable that your aware of why you were disfellowshipped and that you have godly sorrow for your sins which is much different from church activity.The one year period is a minimuim in most cases and is many times much longer. I know this must be painful to hear and I'm not sure why you weren't told this before. The imortant thing is to live the gospel, bend your whole soul in living the gospel, and stay active in the church and close to your Bishop

[Hemidakota]

Before we move on, I would wait for an OP response on what LM had asked about.

[HEthePrimate]

My advice: Be patient. There's no rush. It sounds to me like you're on the right track. I can understand that you want to baptize your daughter, and you probably can. She doesn't need to be baptized immediately upon turning eight, and can wait until you're able to exercise the priesthood again. I have a good friend whose daughter didn't want to get baptized at eight, because she didn't "know" the Church to be true. She did get baptized--at nine--and is turning out just fine.

Peace,

HEP