Someone went to the bishop about me...please help

[WoefulRespite]

This is a long and complicated story. I tried making it short, but I BEG you to read it and help me.

A long time ago I made a mistake and paid for it. In an emotional moment I confessed it to my sister in laws. I even told one that it was something that had been taken care of. Fast forward one year later. My divorce is final but my ex is being a real pain. I'm a single mother working from home taking care of 2 small children while finishing school and honestly trying hard just to keep my head above water. My stress levels were insanely high so one day over dinner with the entire family, I told everyone that I had too much going on and in the best interest of my kids, I had to keep my mental health stable and would no longer be able to take on anyone's problems or dramas. I assured them I loved them and I wasn't trying to be cold and uncaring, I just couldn't emotionally handle it anymore.

About 4 weeks ago, one sister in law became chat buddies with a one of my bosses. Just so happened it was the boss that I don't like nor trust. In her conversations, I kept coming up and every time he found out something about he, he would bring it to my attention. After the third instance of this, I emailed her and very bluntly, but politely, asked her to refrain from talking to him about me since I feel like it should my place to decide what I want him to know, not hers. She didn't take this well, it caused a huge argument that my other sister in law was pulled into. The end result was me telling both I was done with them.

Life was quiet and sometimes lonely, but extremely peaceful. I was polite when I saw them, I just no longer talked to them privately or shared anything personal. Two weeks ago, my other boss comes to me and says "I feel like you should know about this, but <my other boss> told me a story about you." and proceeded to pretty much tell me this secret that I confessed to them a year earlier. I was beyond hurt. I decided to try to calm down before confronting her. Before I did, I got a call from the bishop asking me to meet him. Eventually he brings this up and asks me about it. I immediately tell him about it, tell him it happened before I ever even moved into this ward and that it was something that had been taken care of. I know who said something to him but he wouldn't confirm it. After we talked he said that he wanted to have a mediation between me and "several family members" that came to him. I was again extremely hurt. I decided to tell my parents what was going on and prepare them since I had a feeling my past was going to come out. It dawns one me I have no idea the version my bishop was told. I call him back and ask him about the details. He said he had given me the highlights and I had agreed. I said I understand, but I was agreeing to the story in my head. Certain details make the story drastically different and I was curious how they two version differed, if at all. What he tells me is NOTHING like my story at all. It's a complete and utter lie. I instantly went from being hurt to being furious! I told the bishop I swore on everything I hold dear in life that it was not true at all. He then tells me that he has believed me from the get go and said that when he presents something to someone he can tell if they are telling the truth or not. He said he could tell I was being honest the entire time.

We were suppose to all meet on Wed but she left early, so now we're shooting for Sunday. My emotions have been all over the place with this. I am pissed, I am hurt, I am confused, I am scared, I am anxious. You name it, I'm feeling it. The worst part is I have no one I can talk to. I only have 2 brothers and both their wives are involved in this. My bishop asked me to hold off on confiding in my parents. I no longer know who I can trust and can't. The rational person in me is trying to make this make sense. I can't fathom the idea that someone would just make up something and then actually expect to get away with it, so I want to say she's just confusing stories and there's been a miss communication of some sort. You know how when you hear anti-Mormon information you know it's a lie but at the same time you know what they were referring to? I can't find a connection to this story at all. She would have to severely twist a story of mine to even make it closely make sense.

I'm so worried about the ramifications. The bishop said he believed me, but what happens if she is adamant with her story? Does it become a she-said/she-said thing and we both are released? She told my boss this story (I went back and asked the other boss the details of what she said and it was the same lie that bishop informed me about) so I have no clue who else she has told this to. I told the bishop that I wanted a chance to confront her and I wanted him to be there to keep me from punching her in the face. I swear, I want to do it.

Has anyone been through this? I know this sounds like I could be lying, but as God as my witness I did no do the things I was accused of. Am I ever going to be able to move past this and actually be a part of their lives anymore? Am I within my right to completely cut them off? I feel that's unfair to my kids but at the same time how can I trust that they won't ever say something to them? This is just all so surreal to me.

[AELK]

Although I am not certain of what you did or was accused of doing, I am going to try and help because you asked someone to.

If you did do something to hurt someone or break covenants, you need to go to bishop and talk to him. Be upfront and honest, and he will guide you. It isn't better to keep it from coming out, it may seem hard to disclose it now, it will more difficult in the long run if you don't go through a repentance process.

Sounds like there is a lot malice in your heart. To have such a strong desire for revenge is not good thing to have as part of your spirit. That in itself, the malice is enough to go to the bishop on.

Part of repenting is forgiveness. Forgiving not only those you feel have transgressed against you, but also forgiving yourself.

It is challenging when others do or say things that we may not perceive the same way.

The only person we have control over is ourselves.

One test to know where you are along the pathway is- does what I say make you even anger or does it make some sense?

What is the outcome you want to take home with you? What conclusion of this event do you want to report to Father on?

You ask if anyone has been through this. I believe to some extent everyone has this trial. Even those who seem like happy Mollys with a life of bliss...... it is a facade.

And remember, we all perceive things differently, what this other person said or did probably did have a different meaning to her than it did to you. Some people thrive on conflict and discontent. It helps them feel in control of a life that is usually out-of-control. Like I said repentance is about forgiveness, love and understanding beyond one's own self.

[jadams_4040]

This is a long and complicated story. I tried making it short, but I BEG you to read it and help me.

A long time ago I made a mistake and paid for it. In an emotional moment I confessed it to my sister in laws. I even told one that it was something that had been taken care of. Fast forward one year later. My divorce is final but my ex is being a real pain. I'm a single mother working from home taking care of 2 small children while finishing school and honestly trying hard just to keep my head above water. My stress levels were insanely high so one day over dinner with the entire family, I told everyone that I had too much going on and in the best interest of my kids, I had to keep my mental health stable and would no longer be able to take on anyone's problems or dramas. I assured them I loved them and I wasn't trying to be cold and uncaring, I just couldn't emotionally handle it anymore.

About 4 weeks ago, one sister in law became chat buddies with a one of my bosses. Just so happened it was the boss that I don't like nor trust. In her conversations, I kept coming up and every time he found out something about he, he would bring it to my attention. After the third instance of this, I emailed her and very bluntly, but politely, asked her to refrain from talking to him about me since I feel like it should my place to decide what I want him to know, not hers. She didn't take this well, it caused a huge argument that my other sister in law was pulled into. The end result was me telling both I was done with them.

Life was quiet and sometimes lonely, but extremely peaceful. I was polite when I saw them, I just no longer talked to them privately or shared anything personal. Two weeks ago, my other boss comes to me and says "I feel like you should know about this, but <my other boss> told me a story about you." and proceeded to pretty much tell me this secret that I confessed to them a year earlier. I was beyond hurt. I decided to try to calm down before confronting her. Before I did, I got a call from the bishop asking me to meet him. Eventually he brings this up and asks me about it. I immediately tell him about it, tell him it happened before I ever even moved into this ward and that it was something that had been taken care of. I know who said something to him but he wouldn't confirm it. After we talked he said that he wanted to have a mediation between me and "several family members" that came to him. I was again extremely hurt. I decided to tell my parents what was going on and prepare them since I had a feeling my past was going to come out. It dawns one me I have no idea the version my bishop was told. I call him back and ask him about the details. He said he had given me the highlights and I had agreed. I said I understand, but I was agreeing to the story in my head. Certain details make the story drastically different and I was curious how they two version differed, if at all. What he tells me is NOTHING like my story at all. It's a complete and utter lie. I instantly went from being hurt to being furious! I told the bishop I swore on everything I hold dear in life that it was not true at all. He then tells me that he has believed me from the get go and said that when he presents something to someone he can tell if they are telling the truth or not. He said he could tell I was being honest the entire time.

We were suppose to all meet on Wed but she left early, so now we're shooting for Sunday. My emotions have been all over the place with this. I am pissed, I am hurt, I am confused, I am scared, I am anxious. You name it, I'm feeling it. The worst part is I have no one I can talk to. I only have 2 brothers and both their wives are involved in this. My bishop asked me to hold off on confiding in my parents. I no longer know who I can trust and can't. The rational person in me is trying to make this make sense. I can't fathom the idea that someone would just make up something and then actually expect to get away with it, so I want to say she's just confusing stories and there's been a miss communication of some sort. You know how when you hear anti-Mormon information you know it's a lie but at the same time you know what they were referring to? I can't find a connection to this story at all. She would have to severely twist a story of mine to even make it closely make sense.

I'm so worried about the ramifications. The bishop said he believed me, but what happens if she is adamant with her story? Does it become a she-said/she-said thing and we both are released? She told my boss this story (I went back and asked the other boss the details of what she said and it was the same lie that bishop informed me about) so I have no clue who else she has told this to. I told the bishop that I wanted a chance to confront her and I wanted him to be there to keep me from punching her in the face. I swear, I want to do it.

Has anyone been through this? I know this sounds like I could be lying, but as God as my witness I did no do the things I was accused of. Am I ever going to be able to move past this and actually be a part of their lives anymore? Am I within my right to completely cut them off? I feel that's unfair to my kids but at the same time how can I trust that they won't ever say something to them? This is just all so surreal to me.

Yes i have been in situations as yours that are very unfair and it seems no way out; the only thing you can do is count on the righteouss heavenly father for guidance thru sincere and honest prayer and in the long run he WILL help you!:)

[WoefulRespite]

AELK - I am not sure if I am misunderstanding your reply or if you misunderstood my post. The very short version of my situation is I have a sister in law who went to the bishop and accused me of a very serious sin that I did NOT commit. I do understand that I am being vague about the circumstances and that could be a reason for the misunderstandings. I was hoping that it would sort of be implied without me saying it.

My bishop has told me that he believes me because he could tell when he confronted me on it that I was telling him the truth. And yes, I am angry. I told the bishop that too. Wouldn't you be angry? Not only was I accused of something I didn't do, but I know she's at least told my boss. Who else has she told? Gossip is like toothpaste, once it's out, it's out. You can't put it back. She could go back and recant and say she was lying, but people are still going to wonder if it's true. I have a calling I LOVE and I am upset that this could potentially ruin that for me. I told him that I wanted to confront her and I wanted him to be with me when I did it, mainly to mediate between the two of us.

[dazed-and-confused]

look.....this all sounds too much like peyton place, to me......he said, she said........they said, but this is what really happened.......is it a misunderstanding?...or a conspiracy?........

sometimes, if you feel like you have to over-explain?....might be more going on than you want others to know about....so why did you bring it up?

it's nobody's business but yours and HF's....unless you feel some paranoid fear to explain to the world YOUR version.

BTW.......just 'cause you're paranoid, doent mean they arent out to get you.

if thats not clear....well, figure it out.

[Honorentheos]

WoefulRespite -

I'm sorry to read about your dilemma. To be honest, I am not sure I have any good advice either. But I will point out a couple of things.

First - it sounds like you bishop is not pre-judging you and was fair and honest about hearing your side of the story before it went past him. And he seems to want to be there for you.

Second - you are self-aware enough to realize that confronting the person who is spreading gossip about you needs to be confronted in front of the third party to whom she spread this gossip who I am assuming is also an authority figure in her life as well.

Third - while your work situation is not bettered by this, how you handle it will reflect on you as much as the story.

So, taking these three into account I think it is justifiable that you want to get this cleared up asap. And I don't blame you. I think anyone who lost a credit card would get it canceled at the bank before it is used wrongfully. And we should be even more protective of our reputations when they have been wrongfully used.

But have some faith that for points one and two to work together, you need to have some patience. And while I am not one who places a gold seal on scripture, I think there is comfort to be found in these words -

1 Peter 2:19-25

19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.

25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls."

James 1:2-4

"2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

I wish you the best, and that patience may have her perfect work in your soul.

Peace.

[FairChild]

Why are your supervisors at work involed in your personal life? I don't know what you do or where you do it at, but this whole drama needs to stop in your workplace. It's not their place to be calling these people to involve them in your situation.

[Tarnished]

From reading your original post here is what I am getting from your story. Years ago you committed a sin, I am guessing that you went to the Bishop and repented for it and now have it all sorted out between you, the church and God. However, while you were going through this you confided in your (it sounds like two) Sister in laws. Now years later one of your SILs is going about spreading rumors about you. At first you thought it was about this sin that you confided to her, however upon questioning the people she told you now find that what she told them is a completely made up lie about you. Now you wish to confront her, and talk to her about stopping her rumor-mongering against you. However you wish to have the Bishop mediate between you so that the confrontation does not turn hostile.

Am I correct in my reading? To me it sounds like you are doing the right thing. No one deserves to have their good reputation ruined by someone else, especially with a lie. Having your Bishop at your meeting is a good idea as well, not only does it give you an outside observer to judge between you, and to mediate the conversation, but it also gives you a witness. I hope it all goes well for you.

[NeuroTypical]

Gossip stinks. You should avoid people who gossip. You should also stop gossiping about yourself.

[Just_A_Guy]

1) Seems a little odd that a bishop would get involved in what is essentially a family dispute--I've never seen it done--but if you're OK with it, then that's all that matters.

2) Let's be honest here. If what you say is true, your SIL is making a concerted effort to destroy your personal, professional, and ecclesiastical life. That is pure evil. You do not "negotiate" with people like that--you defend yourself. I don't mean you get even; I mean you close the avenues she has been using to hurt you.

No more contact with her unless she comes crawling on her hands and knees to the bishop's meeting. As soon as you can practically do so, change jobs and don't let her know where your new job is. If she persists, have a lawyer write her an official letter explaining such concepts as "defamation" and "civil stalking injunction". (I don't know exactly what she's accusing you of, but in many states it is still defamation per se to falsely impugn a woman's chastity.)

[Moksha]

Why are your supervisors at work involved in your personal life? I don't know what you do or where you do it at, but this whole drama needs to stop in your workplace. It's not their place to be calling these people to involve them in your situation.

This entire situation is wrong on many levels. Somewhere up the line, I would hope the supervisor's supervisor would be concerned about her supervisor enraging in on-line non-work-related poison pen gossip about an employee. Most likely the employment commission would be dismayed at it as well.

What Honorentheos and Justaguy have said sounds really good.

Best wishes on a positive resolution to this mess.

[Moksha]

Forgot to add, the Bishop should not allow himself to be a tool in the commission of a vendetta.

[ruthiechan]

1) Seems a little odd that a bishop would get involved in what is essentially a family dispute--I've never seen it done--but if you're OK with it, then that's all that matters.

I have, depending on the dispute. But in this case, the SIL told the Bishop this lie, so that's what is odd to me.

[lilered]

My counsel would be this. Based on your account, I would pray prior to the meeting with your Bishop. I would trust your Bishop to manage the meeting and simply respond to his guidance and invitation to speak. While none of us know what's in your SIL's heart, she no doubt, may be given the chance to speak in the meeting. Again, let the Bishop manage the entire thing. It will turn out fine. I echo the wisdom previously given concerning seperation of your home life from your work life. Your bosses, should respect this and judge you for your work product. The less they know about your private business, the better you all are.