Top Ten Ways some General Authorities would eat a Reese's PB cup

[BenRaines]

TOP TEN WAYS General Authorities Eat Reese's Peanut

Butter Cups

Remember how each one speaks in conference as you read through these.

10. Paul H. Dunn: "I remember back in WWII that I

ate a Reese's Peanut

Butter Cup. Back then, they were big enough to live

on for a week. Being

the only soldier to have survived the battle in my

brigade, I really didn't

know if I could eat it or not, but I remember my

fallen buddy's words as he

died in my arms: "Paul, if you just take one bite at a

time you can tackle

anything." So I took that giant cup and, breaking it

with the bat Babe Ruth

gave me after I struck him out with two outs in the

bottom of the ninth in

the seventh game of the World Series, proceeded to

wolf down the tiny

morsels."

9. David B. Haight: "Imagine 70 years ago on a rough

road between Idaho

and Logan. There were no Circle K's, no 7- 11's. You

had to bring your

Peanut Butter Cups with you. Ruby and I split one for

the first time in

1937.

8. Dallin H. Oaks: "The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

challenges us to

consume. From the beginning there have been three

steps in eating a Reese's

Peanut Butter Cup. First, remove the wrapper. This

is best done quickly,

by turning the cup over, grasping the outer fold and

pulling away from the

bottom. Second..."

7. Joseph B. Wirthlin: "When I was young I would

sprint to the corner

store, buy a Reese's and run my hand through my hair

before taking it down

in one bite. These days I don't sprint, and I have no

hair, but the peanut

butter cup remains."

6. Richard G. Scott: "If you have not eaten a

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, I

plead with you. Eat one now. Enjoy the chocolate,

the peanut butter. Do

not delay. If you have thought, "That's not for me",

I plead with you to

reconsider. Of all foods I treasure, this one was the

first."

5. M. Russell Ballard: "The time has come when

members of the church need

to reach out to our friends and share a cup, a peanut

butter cup. It is not

enough to raise a chocolate bar, it must now have

peanut butter."

4. Thomas S. Monson: "I remember I ate my first

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

when I was a tender lad of eight. My mother came up

to me, and with a

loving twinkle in her eye, asked, 'Tommy, are you

eating a

Reese's?' And I would invariably smile up to her,

'Yes, Yes, I am.''But

Tommy, did you know that Sister Jensen next door

hasn't eaten a Reese's Cup

in years?' My young mind thought upon the plight of

my neighbor. Tears were

shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared."

3. Boyd K. Packer: "In all my years, I have always

eaten my Reese's Peanut

Butter Cups the same way - the established way we

have been instructed to

eat them. There is a far greater evil in this world -

those who believe

they can eat their cups in a way unconventional to

the time- honored manner. We must be true and

faithful and eat our Reese's

Peanut Butter Cups in the customary and recognized

approach as it has been

established."

2. Neal A. Maxwell: "I intentionally initiate the

delicious design of

deglutition of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup by

nibbling a negligible nit of

the culinary creamy cavalcade. It is exclusively

through small entities

that the great things are fabricated."

AND THE #1 WAY

1. J. Golden Kimball: "Hell, Heber, I'll eat a

Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

any damned way I want!"

[talisyn]

This is so irreverent....but anything with J. Golden Kimball rocks

[pam]

I love #1

[dazed-and-confused]

ROFL.....thanks ben

[mightynancy]

Imagine my dismay. When I was a Gospel Doctrine teacher, I was getting all worked up about something, then slapped my hand over my mouth. "I almost had a J. Golden moment!" Only a few people understood.

[Maxel]

Oh MAN, those were funny! I almost cried when I read the Thomas S. Monson one, I was laughing so hard.

[pam]

Yet isn't it so like President Monson?

[Jenamarie]

I love #1

You miss Bro. Kimball, don't you?

[Just_A_Guy]

You miss Bro. Kimball, don't you?

Well, she did watch him grow up . . .

[Maxel]

Yet isn't it so like President Monson?

YES! That's why it's so hilarious.

"Tears were shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared." I can HEAR him saying that.

[pam]

Well, she did watch him grow up . . .

Hey hey..watch it bucko.

[Jenamarie]

I wonder if anyone's ever forwarded this onto them (the ones still alive... I'm sure they have...) I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall to see their reactions.

I wonder why there isn't a Pres. Hinkley one though.

[Maxel]

Hey hey..watch it bucko.

And pam raises the banhammer...

I agree Jenamarie- seeing how the GA's would react to their own 'Reese's PB Cup' section would be priceless.

[miztrniceguy]

Pam babysat J.G.K. when she was a teen.

[pam]

Pam babysat J.G.K. when she was a teen.

What happened to the "nice" in your name. Do you need to change your username?

[BenRaines]

I would comment but then someone would say I was there to witness it. :)

Ben Raines

[miztrniceguy]

lol Ben...i thought you were the kid next door to Pam back then!

[lilered]

I believe that Pres. Hinkley might have said something like this.

My Dear Brothers and Sisters, welcome others into your fold, extend the hand of fellowship and love towards them. Reach out to the misfortunate among you. Those that require but a small act of kindness. Share with them your most prize possession, a bite of Reese Peanut Butter Cup. Let them see the joy on your face, the love in your heart, as you lovingly share this heavenly treat. Welocome those, that who might be of another faith to share this divine confection that we have in so rich abundance.

We do not find fault with others who prefer different candy, we in fact welcome them to bring their favorite, and together we will enjoy the spirit of partaking in one of the most enjoyable expierence outside of our Temples.

Edited September 7, 2009 by lilered

[Moksha]

Early polygamist approach:

May I be so bold Miss Buttercup

as to inquire about thine matrimonial

status? Whilst thou tarry here, I will

tell thee of thy wondrous bounty

and how my horde of blessed candies

wouldst be enriched by thy hand and

thy chocolate peanut butter goodness.

:)

[lilered]

Porter Rockwell:

Bro. Joseph, point out those who are in opposition to your direction to partake of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and I will pay them a visit this evening. I stand ready to ride with the Butter Cup Avengers to allow these fools one more chance to repent before meeting their maker. You know I stand ready to defend this principle, even with my life. I have been accused of being a cereal killer, but you and I both know, I never shot any box of cereal that didn't need killing, because of poor taste and high sugar content.

[Vanilla]

Thanks so much for sharing Ben, these were awesome. I read them at work, (during lunch of course!) and I was totally laughing out loud with no one around that would understand why they were so funny. I will never eat a peanut butter cup the same way again! Of course, Richard G Scott's was my favorite, with President Monson's a close 2nd.

[Maxel]

I love Neal A. Maxwell's one, too. I've always loved his use of alliteration, and the overbearing alliteration used for his PB cup entry was comedic genius.

Did you write these, Ben?

[lilered]

And finally Bruce R McConkie:

When the McConkie clan left their native Scotland and went to Ireland, they were searching for the very

origin of this phenomena, having no success, they left for America. It was during this pilgramage that they disovered the true joy of the gospel and much later they were nurtured because of their obediance with those wonderful angelic like qualities of the Peanut Butter Cup.

There is a parable of the Peanut Butter Cups, whereby we are taught the great lesson of making prudent and wise decisions. As you will recall, in this wonderful example, great meditation was necessary before the blessings of enjoyment come from savoring just one mere morsel of a Peanut Butter Cup.

[skippy740]

<bump>

[Kawazu]

Worth a chuckle.