SeattleTruthSeeker Posted September 29, 2009 Report Posted September 29, 2009 My wife and I are expecting a little girl. She is 31 weeks along and we are scheduled for a C-Section on Nov. 23 if she does not go into labor. We have discussed at length some parenting strategies that we would like to integrate in our parenting with this little girl. One of them is modesty and modest clothing and attire. We both agree that tank tops, even on infants and young girls are not something we are willing to allow. So, our question is this: When is being too staunch in modesty and what ideas for those who have raised (or are raising) little girls where they have instilled some standards for what is allowed to be worn and not allowed to be worn? Quote
Jenamarie Posted September 29, 2009 Report Posted September 29, 2009 I have a 5 year old girl, and she also has not worn any tank tops or bikinis, even as a baby. I didn't want her seeing pictures of her as a baby in a bikini and asking "Why was it okay for me to wear those THEN, but not NOW?" Kids can spot hypocricy (even if it's hypocricy only by their own interpretation) and I wanted to avoid those fights (cuz I know I gave them to my parents!). We don't wear tank tops or bikinis because we don't. Period. Of course I'll teach about modesty and all that as well, but there aren't going to be seperate modesty standards presented by age or gender. My sons don't wear tank tops either, and if the trend of boys wearing their pants around their ankles is still around when they hit the teen years (Please, God, NO!) they won't be allowed to do so, whether they're showing skin or not. Quote
Jenamarie Posted September 29, 2009 Report Posted September 29, 2009 Oh, and of course, CONGRATS on your little girl! Quote
Hemidakota Posted September 29, 2009 Report Posted September 29, 2009 My wife and I are expecting a little girl. She is 31 weeks along and we are scheduled for a C-Section on Nov. 23 if she does not go into labor. We have discussed at length some parenting strategies that we would like to integrate in our parenting with this little girl. One of them is modesty and modest clothing and attire. We both agree that tank tops, even on infants and young girls are not something we are willing to allow. So, our question is this: When is being too staunch in modesty and what ideas for those who have raised (or are raising) little girls where they have instilled some standards for what is allowed to be worn and not allowed to be worn?Rearing six daughters, I do believe it is our right to teach modesty. Quote
hordak Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 I have a 5 year old girl, and she also has not worn any tank tops or bikinis, even as a baby. I didn't want her seeing pictures of her as a baby in a bikini and asking "Why was it okay for me to wear those THEN, but not NOW?" Kids can spot hypocricy (even if it's hypocricy only by their own interpretation) and I wanted to avoid those fights (cuz I know I gave them to my parents!). We don't wear tank tops or bikinis because we don't. Period. Of course I'll teach about modesty and all that as well, but there aren't going to be seperate modesty standards presented by age or gender. My sons don't wear tank tops either, and if the trend of boys wearing their pants around their ankles is still around when they hit the teen years (Please, God, NO!) they won't be allowed to do so, whether they're showing skin or not.BingoI have a 5 year old girl and i will not let her wear a 2 piece bathing suit. People say shes too young to worry about being provocative and perhaps i'm too strict. They way i see it is it is better to instill the rules now then trying to explain why they changed later. When i was a little kid i never wore a bike helmet, i was low to the ground and didn't go that fast so my parents saw no reason for them. Then when i got older, rode farther, faster, and in traffic my father decided it was time for me to get one. Needless to say after years of not having one i didn't see any reason for it later and he couldn't get me to wear one when i really "needed" it. Because of this experience i think it's best to start the standards you wish to enforce at a young age. Quote
pam Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 I think it's never too young to teach modesty and what kind of dress is appropriate. Quote
Blackrockshooter Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 I'm glad to see people taking this kind of resolution. It makes me feel bad when I see little girls wearing miniskirts, minishorts, tank tops and sexy clothes. For heaven's sake, I even see thongs for girls in some markets, it's disgusting! I miss the days when girls used to wear cute frilly dresses and actually looked like little girls. Quote
Generally_Me Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 I'm glad to see people taking this kind of resolution.It makes me feel bad when I see little girls wearing miniskirts, minishorts, tank tops and sexy clothes. For heaven's sake, I even see thongs for girls in some markets, it's disgusting!I miss the days when girls used to wear cute frilly dresses and actually looked like little girls.I miss those days too, and I've been trying for it myself. Here's another vote for, if you dress 'em right in the beginning, they'll know the standards before they get to the dressing themselves age.Regarding the description by Blackrockshooter, they were talking about that on a TV show I watched a while back and said something like "Oh those mothers dress their kids like prostitots." Quote
Generally_Me Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 Oh and Seattle, congrats on the new addition! Quote
maybeinNH Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 I have done this with our four and a half year old. I just feel like if I teach her now the proper ways to dress it will not be a fight later on. Quote
SeattleTruthSeeker Posted September 30, 2009 Author Report Posted September 30, 2009 Thank you everyone for your sound advice here. I talked with my wife about it (and it is an ongoing discussion, even while we are shopping for clothes for her). On the one hand, we don't want her to wear just jeans and t-shirts, but we also do not want her to wear dresses and skirts all the time. And, if we find something that is like a tank top, we will try and find a shirt that will compliment it and then use that as an outfit, or not get it at all. I want her to take pride in herself, and have a self-confidence that just blows people out of the water, but still be a sweet girl. We want her to be herself. In fact, I commented to my wife the other day (we happened to be in the Bra section at JCPenny) how she will come up to me and say "Dad, I need to go shopping for a new bra and panty" My wife just cracked up saying, "Yeah, can't wait for that day to happen now can you...that will be very interesting" The whole issue is knowing where to be a parent and say "No" and yet still allow her to make her own decisions without making her feel bad or guilty. Quote
Hemidakota Posted September 30, 2009 Report Posted September 30, 2009 BingoI have a 5 year old girl and i will not let her wear a 2 piece bathing suit. People say shes too young to worry about being provocative and perhaps i'm too strict. They way i see it is it is better to instill the rules now then trying to explain why they changed later. When i was a little kid i never wore a bike helmet, i was low to the ground and didn't go that fast so my parents saw no reason for them. Then when i got older, rode farther, faster, and in traffic my father decided it was time for me to get one. Needless to say after years of not having one i didn't see any reason for it later and he couldn't get me to wear one when i really "needed" it. Because of this experience i think it's best to start the standards you wish to enforce at a young age.Same here... it is not allowed in our home either, whether for our own pool or at the local beach. Quote
will227457 Posted October 6, 2009 Report Posted October 6, 2009 WOW all way to stric for me, Im all for modesty, but a tank top on an infant is just plain cute...and a lil sun dress super cute....My daughter will dress modestly and I will teach her the principles behind our modest dress standard, but jeez to impose it on an infant? really? I realize that I am in the minority and please don't take this the worng way but it all sounds a little extreme..... Quote
beefche Posted October 6, 2009 Report Posted October 6, 2009 Curious, will, at what age will a tank top be immodest for a girl? Quote
will227457 Posted October 6, 2009 Report Posted October 6, 2009 beefche, when she starts to wear garments Quote
SeattleTruthSeeker Posted October 7, 2009 Author Report Posted October 7, 2009 WOW all way to stric for me, Im all for modesty, but a tank top on an infant is just plain cute...and a lil sun dress super cute....My daughter will dress modestly and I will teach her the principles behind our modest dress standard, but jeez to impose it on an infant? really?I realize that I am in the minority and please don't take this the worng way but it all sounds a little extreme.....I agree that these are cute. Yet, what is wrong with sleeves? There is no extreme here. Even though you may feel or think it is extreme, the reality is that we are not going to wait when she is 8 and say "okay, now start wearing more modest clothing". It builds habit, habit forms, and becomes easier. Quote
will227457 Posted October 7, 2009 Report Posted October 7, 2009 Seattle, there is nothing wrong with sleeves I have them on all my shirts...LOL.... in your post you asked what is to staunchly modest I am only giving my opinion, I see no immodesty in tank tops or shorts that do not go to the knee..now before I get jumped on are there tanks that are inapropiate for a girl yes are there shorts that are to short yes and as a parent we need to monitor that.... but at what age is it necessary for a child to dress "modestly" you threw out 8 yrs old, I would argue that as long as the child is tastefully dressed they can wear tank tops shorts, and skirts till they are required to wear the garment... Quote
beefche Posted October 7, 2009 Report Posted October 7, 2009 Just something to think about.... When I received my endowments, I didn't have to change my wardrobe except for a couple of pairs of shorts. Some women I knew had to almost buy a whole new wardrobe because their clothes were not compatible with garments. Quote
will227457 Posted October 7, 2009 Report Posted October 7, 2009 (edited) Yeah my wife had to change her wardrobe...thank goodness I'm not a girl.... Edited October 7, 2009 by will227457 Quote
Generally_Me Posted October 7, 2009 Report Posted October 7, 2009 I will be having to change my wardrobe But that's my own fault... lol Quote
annamaureen Posted October 9, 2009 Report Posted October 9, 2009 After I got garments, I only had to get rid of a few items of clothing... my roommate at the time, who went through the temple shortly before I did, had to replace almost half her clothes, and complained about it contantly. Quote
talisyn Posted October 13, 2009 Report Posted October 13, 2009 Congrats on the new addition! Yes I agree it is important to teach modesty. However, it is important also to teach kids that just because something has sleeves doesn't mean it's good to wear. My daughter has a lengthy body so the only modest swimsuit she's been able to wear is a tankini. I've also allowed her to wear tank tops when she was little and over teeshirts now that she's older. Kids can understand that what was ok for a little kid may not be for a bigger one. They are usually so eager to be adults that they have no problem dressing to adult standards. Sadly, in some families that means baby thongs and padded training bras.Padded baby bras!!!!!!! I couldn't believe it when I saw that at Wal-Mart. Of course my daughter wanted the super-sized one until I let her try it on (ok I admit it, I was in the mood for a good laugh). Out of her own volition she went and chose one that was much much smaller. Yet when she puts it on she looks like a pair of submarines ready for war (I swear it looked much better in the store). Totally of her own free will that particular undergarment hasn't seen the light of day in months. Like I said, kids are capable of choosing the right when they have the way pointed out for them Quote
lizzy12 Posted November 22, 2009 Report Posted November 22, 2009 I wore all tank tops and short skirts and 2 piece "kinys" (bikinis) when i was younger. When i entered kindergarten i stopped (our school said no tank tops or shorts above fingers anyway). I have never had a problem with modesty. My own children will probably not be wearing such things though. I will buy sleeveless dresses (thick strap..not the spaghetti strap)that they can were with a sweater or shirt underneath when they are out. I see nothing wrong with a 3 year old wearing a sleeveless dress. (15 btw) Quote
JessicaHarper Posted February 16, 2010 Report Posted February 16, 2010 Congratulations on the little girl! Yay! They are so much fun.My husband and I have an almost 2 year old. She has worn tank tops before, especially when it is really hot outside, etc. No, we have not bought her a bikini or anything of that nature, and, we will not. We didn't pierce her ears and I have never painted her nails. Kids grow up too fast as it is.My husband and I are not LDS, so we do not wear garments, but we do dress modestly. I hope this helps. Quote
talisyn Posted February 17, 2010 Report Posted February 17, 2010 I didn't allow my daughter to have pierced ears either, JessicaH. I've told her many times not until she's 13 (at least). In all honesty, it probably has more to do with me not wanting to take care of them for her Kids do grow up too fast! Quote
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