BrownieLover Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 I married a non-member last year. I love him. And we have a child together. My husband has no current interest in being baptized or taking me to the temple. It makes me really sad. Sometimes I feel like I cant even move, I get so sad. Lately the missionaries have been coming around to teach my husband. They've become really good friends to our family. They've been coming for weeks now and just last week I started having weird feelings towards them. I really love them. Not like I want to leave my husband for them or anything like that. But they have something that my husband doesnt have. And I love that part about them. I really want that part of them. I wish that my husband had the things that they have. Things like the preisthood. I cant stop thinking about them and how wonderful they are. Im feeling distant from my husband now. I dont know where I see myself with my husband 10 years from now and that scares me. My heart is in a very weird place right now. I dont know what to do. I just wish my husband would be the same as me. Mormon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Look, you married him knowing he wasn't a member. You have absolutely no right to ask him to do something he doesn't want to do. Does he treat you well? Does he treat your child well? Does he try to be as good as he can? If the answers are yes, then you need to fall in love again with the man you married. Whether or not he becomes a member should not play into your acceptance of him nor your love for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 The grass is greener on the side you water. Work on your marriage. Maybe even discontinue meeting with the missionaries for a while until you can sort out your feelings, or try and start meeting with ward missionaries instead (usually a married couple). And of course, pray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Hey look, do you think it would be better if you left your husband, the father of your child, just because he's not mormon? I mean, you're the mormon, you're the one very intimate with The Family: A Proclamation to the World. What you're doing is forgetting that. Get working on that marriage. You're neglecting your husband. And from your little story, it sounds like he completely doesn't deserve it. If your marriage crumbles, the fault is on you. Sorry if I sounded harsh. I was a non-member without any intention of converting when I married my husband. He loved me nonetheless. If he did what you're doing now, our children would have to grow up in a broken household and I would never have become LDS. I'm very grateful my husband was a great example to me. That's what YOU need to be for your husband. So do whatever you need to do to get that marriage back in working order. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WmLee Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 You're "loving" a figure or an idea, not a person. The missionaries are wonderful, spiritual men, but you don't know "them". Your love is for the spirit they bring into your home. I hope you never lose that! But first, work on your end of your marriage.Like was said before, you married a non-member because he was (and is) Mr. Wonderful. You do have a love for him. Ignite it again and hold to it. You will better convert by your example than my word! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soul_Searcher Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 You're focusing on what he doesn't have. Focus on what he DOES. Why did you marry him? Does he love you, treat you well, is he a good Father? These are the important things. I love my husband no matter what religion he was. He is the number 1 thing in life, even before the church. I wonder why you married him if you want a member husband. Because you 'love him' isn't enough of an answer as this obviously isn't enough for you judging by your post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairChild Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 My sister had very conflicted feeling about the missionaies. She is very good to them, feeding them and bringing them into her home, however, it was very difficult for her because she has 2 handicapped boys that she knows will never be able to serve a mission. The missionaries are symbols of what her children will never accomplish. I agree, if your husband is a good man, treats you and your child well, focus on the good and let the fact he is a non-member go. I married non-member husbands, but in my case, each man was abusive. The more you love him, the greater the chance he will become a mamber. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
josh85 Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 I think first of all you should be happy that you are married and that you probably have a wonderful husband and child. The fact that he is not a member of the church does not mean that he won´t become a member of the church sometime. And if he treats you well, if he loves you, you should be happy and thankful for what you got. If I think about him and his feelings I would say that I would be so sad and hurt if I get to know that my wife is not happy with me, because I am not a Mormon. Perhaps I would become a member of the church because of the wrong causes. (just because I want my wife to be happy and not because I believe in the scriptures) My advice would be: See all his good sides and never forget: To become a member of the church is not somekind of a race. You are already a member and he will see what a good and wonderful person you are and someday he will probably join too. If he won´t it wouldn´t be that terrible, because there are so many good people all over the world who are not members. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unixknight Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Hey guys, let's try to be a little more understanding. Marrying somebody who isn't a member isn't an easy decision to make, and I think a lot of people do it without really thinking it through. I mean, unless you do it assuming they'll convert (which is a recipe for disaster) then you're willingly and knowingly sacrificing your Celestial future. It's easy to see why so many LDS parents try to steer their adult children toward fellow members. I think the OP has a genuine concern here. She's got a household that doesn't have the blessings of the priesthood in it, she has no Temple Sealing to look forward to, and has to show up in church alone. While it may be true that she asked for it, a lot of the replies I'm seeing here are "You asked for it, now suck it up." That's cold, guys. My suggestion is this: Pray for him. Pray that he will receive a testimony. If you feel drawn to the missionaries because they bring the priesthood into the home then that's okay, but if you feel like it's crossing some line then maybe it would be better to request the sister missionaries and then bug your Elders' Quorum President to get on your home teachers to provide you with the priesthood benefits you need. (It sort of sounds like maybe that isn't happening.) I'd also suggest talking to the Bishop. There may be books or resources he can recommend. You're not by any means the only person in this situation so if yuo can connect with others in the same boat it may help. Pray also for yourself. Ask for the strength and the patience to endure. Whatever you do, don't put any pressure on your husband. If he's like me, that will only result in him pushing back. Oh, and uh, pray some more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Hi. I think that wishing and hoping that your husband was the spiritual strength you view in other families or in missionary behavior is valid. Why wouldn't your heart long for such blessings especially when it is part of the eternal perspective you love so much. BUT.......I believe the way you are thinking about your situation is causing most of the pain.....more than the actual situation itself. This earth life isn't perfect. Even the people and the missionaries who look SOOOO shiney to you don't have it all together like you think they do. Yes the gospel brings visual blessings BUT they aren't the only blessings God gives people and families. Find ways to accept your circumstances in gratitude. Your situation might be ideal in its own unique way. Ask God to show you how to think about things and how God might help you meet your religious differences with patience and long suffering and less controlling panic. I was just reading in the scriptures the other night something about the grace of God and his blessings to marriage partners when one isn't faithful. I think there are more blessings than we recognize. Be hopeful. Be patient. Be grateful for what you do have and the measure of goodness that is in your life today. Give the rest to God and let Him work it out in His own time and in His wisdom. You can still pray that one day your H will gain a testimony, but don't need that to be part of your current happiness. If it happens, its a bonus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 I'd like to learn more and understand before trying to give too much unsolicited advice. I hope you can provide some more details. Your husband has "no interest in being baptized", but the missionaries are teaching him. Is that correct? Where is he at in the discussions? Has he refused invitations to be baptized? Does he feel it is true? Is it just too early to tell what will be the end result? What's the situation? Why are you feeling distant from your husband now? Did this start when feelings for the missionaries started? Was this present prior to that? Do you know exactly why you feel distant from your husband? Your post title asks 'what you should do about these feelings'. It's normal to feel loving feelings for missionaries. Obviously, they should remain brotherly/sisterly love feelings. If they are more than that, it would be wise to separate yourself from the situation and let the feelings die of neglect. If they are not wholesome, don't feed them. Only trouble comes from feeling unwholesome feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
will227457 Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Look, you married him knowing he wasn't a member. You have absolutely no right to ask him to do something he doesn't want to do. Does he treat you well? Does he treat your child well? Does he try to be as good as he can? If the answers are yes, then you need to fall in love again with the man you married. Whether or not he becomes a member should not play into your acceptance of him nor your love for him.+1 best anwser so far..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 The grass is greener on the side you water.Quite possibly the coolest thing I've heard in the last six months. May I quote you on that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Quite possibly the coolest thing I've heard in the last six months. May I quote you on that?Sure. (but just because I can't remember who I actually heard it from. Dr. Phil? Reader's Digest? I dunno. Somewhere ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrownieLover Posted October 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Yeah I think alot of you guys misunderstood what I was talking about and just wrote judgemental and untrue things. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 wow. how did we misunderstand? And I have read this thread. What parts were judgemental? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Brownielover I think your thoughts are valid. I can see how their example of a Priesthood holder and loving the same thing you do could affect your way of thinking. I can see that. Yet at the same time..I always find it interesting when someone comes and says..hey what are your thoughts on this..then get upset and cry people are being judgemental and uncaring or unfeeling. That they aren't being understood. People don't know you. They are basing their answers on a brief intro. But you did ask for opinions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Lets see if I understood the OP. Married a non member male, disappointed now that no Priesthood in the home. Seeing young, clean cut, worthy, young men as missionaries in her home and now wondering why her husband can't be like them. From the information in the OP maybe even an interest in the wholesomeness of the missionaries and from that wondering about her own marriage. Did I get it right? If so I think it is time to send some sister missionaries to teach at your house. Stop the comparing. One of the dangers of dating outside of one's faith is that you can not control who you fall in love with. That is what I always told my three daughters. Ben Raines Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrownieLover Posted October 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 OK lets see... Judgemental? Maybe like when people are saying that I have no right to tell my husband what to do when Im not, telling me to work on my marriage when they have no idea what my marriage is like, saying if my marriage fails its my fault, practically accusing me of crushing on the missionaries. I dunno....thats not what I was saying and yet people pulled it out of my writing. Its just weird to me. And you know...I guess if you dont have anything nice to say then why say anything at all? This site doesnt really seem like a very healthy site to be on. People are rude and honestly, its a little disheartening. Im just really glad that my ward isnt filled with negative people like you guys. Cause if it were, I probably wouldnt be able to go. It would be very hard. This is a really good example at how satan is on the internet. Constantly trying to pull you off your path my discouraging you. And you guys definetly have been discouraging. So you all can take your words and eat them. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 And you know...I guess if you dont have anything nice to say then why say anything at all?Because you asked them to? One of the dangers of asking what people think, they just might tell you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrownieLover Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 · Hidden Hidden Dravin why dont you just take ur head out of your ass and stop being such a down right flippin jerk? U are such an asshole. Im starting to wonder if anyone is actually mormon on here. Everyone is so STRANGE and rude. You all can kiss my ass. Peace out. Link to comment
pam Posted October 23, 2009 Report Share Posted October 23, 2009 Thread closed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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