candyprpl Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 When does concern for someone's well-being turn to gossip? Here's the deal. I've been asked to help the missionaries with this single mom who is investigating. The missionaries have only had one meeting with her -- other's have been cancelled or she's not been there. The first time I was asked to do this I pulled up in front of the house and thought -- oh no. I've lived in this small town for twenty years and know this neighborhood's reputation for drug activity. My son (grown) was into drugs and that scene for quite a while and he went to parties at this house often. He changed and is living a very good life now raising my two granddaughters -- I'm very thankful for this blessing. I know that the person who lives in this house may also have had a change of heart and turned her life around. However, I do have my doubts. Last night I met the missionaries there for a scheduled appointment but her little girl came to the door and said that she had a migraine. I haven't told the missionaries any of what I've just said. I want to believe that they have been led to this person and I don't want to put doubt into their minds. But when I got back into my car there was a yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach. What should I do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 What is your concern, exactly? That she'll try and get the missionaries hooked on drugs? Unless you believe she may be out to harm the missionaries in some way, I think you should give the missionaries the chance to touch this woman's life. My brother was involved in the miraculous conversion of a drug-addict while on his mission. He said she was the complete antithesis of a "clean mormon" at the beginning of their meetings with her - used drugs daily, was dealing them out of her home, etc. - but somehow the Spirit was able to reach her and change her heart and she cleaned herself up. If she's not genuine in her interest in meeting with the missionaries then that'll probably come out eventually, and they can move on. But a persons reputation should never be a determining factor on whether or not they're worth trying to preach the gospel to. (unless of course their reputation is that of causing severe physical harm to people) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Is there reason to think that the missionaries can't handle themselves appropriately? If she isn't a sincere investigator, they'll figure that out quickly enough on their own. Edit: I see Janamarie covered my thoughts pretty well. See the post above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 It is the missionaries' job to teach any and all who will listen regardless of past behavior and transgressions. Everyone deserves the chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I agree with JD on this. If she is sincere, then the missionaries will teach her. Also, one thing to remember is that missionaries have protection. Of course you need to talk to them if you are aware of an actual danger to them. But just because a house was one of drug activity isn't necessarily a reason for the missionaries to stop going. I don't think I'm expressing myself well here. I'm reminded of an experience on my mission in which we made an appointment to teach a woman who was a known alcoholic. When my comp and I showed up at her apartment for the appointment, the Spirit spoke very loudly to both of us that we should not enter that apartment and to discontinue any connection with her. There was nothing to indicate why this was so. But my comp and I both felt that inspiration a moment before the door opened. As we walked away, we discussed this. As missionaries we want to teach every single person, so we were disturbed by the whisperings. But, we decided that we must follow the Spirit and when it is appropriate, this lady would be taught the Gospel, though likely not by us. I have never regretted that decision. I do not know why we couldn't go into that apartment or why we had to discontinue any relationship with her, but we knew to obey. My point is that missionaries are guided by the Spirit. If you know that actual harm may happen to them, then you must warn them. But speculating about reputation or harm is not sufficient (in my mind, at least) to warn missionaries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) What should I do?You should read 2 Nephi 26:33.You could also go rent New York Doll. It sounds like getting to know a few people from that background might help you not worry so much.My wife is really good at this, having known many of these folks in the past. She's currently working with a kid trying to come off heroin and alcohol. It's a rough road. He was so happy to earn his 30 day clean coin from AA, and so hurt and afraid when he messed up and got high last week. These people tend to see themselves as people who the 'good people' of the world want to stay away from. To the extent that you wish to help one of these people, the better you are at having that not be true for you, the better it will go with them. See if you can't find a way to turn that 'yucky feeling' into some tender love for your fellow human, and some heart-wrenching concern over their situation.LM Edited November 9, 2009 by Loudmouth_Mormon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 If it's a dumpy area rife with drug activity, it's also probably pretty inexpensive to live in that neighborhood. The fact that someone lives in a particular grotto (or ghetto) doesn't categorically prove that they engage in that neighborhood's behavior. Perhaps she lives there because she's a single mom who can't afford to live anywhere else right now.If missionaries never went into dangerous neighborhoods, there would be far fewer people joining the Church than do every year. The humble are usually more prepared to accept the Gospel.Another good reference to look at is D&C 20:59.Personally, I'm more worried about the investigator than about the missionaries, and more worried about you than about the investigator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted November 9, 2009 Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 I agree with JD on this Okay I've looked and looked..where did JD comment on this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 You should read 2 Nephi 26:33.You could also go rent New York Doll. It sounds like getting to know a few people from that background might help you not worry so much.My wife is really good at this, having known many of these folks in the past. She's currently working with a kid trying to come off heroin and alcohol. It's a rough road. He was so happy to earn his 30 day clean coin from AA, and so hurt and afraid when he messed up and got high last week. These people tend to see themselves as people who the 'good people' of the world want to stay away from. To the extent that you wish to help one of these people, the better you are at having that not be true for you, the better it will go with them. See if you can't find a way to turn that 'yucky feeling' into some tender love for your fellow human, and some heart-wrenching concern over their situation.LMBoth my children were a part of that world and I was always sick with worry. I also had my problems with drugs. Not a pretty story and I no longer like to dwell on it. I don't condemn this person because I've been there, done that. The yucky feeling (I guess I didn't explain that very well) is because I know what will make her life more complete and her sweet little children I worry about. When I was baptized my kids were blessed with the fortitude to turn their lives around and I thank the Lord every day for that blessing. I know this woman through my son's (past) relationship with her. And I know about the parties that go on in that house. I haven't said anything -- I've only prayed about it. Thanks for explaining about the missionaries. I mean, I knew they had special blessings and I guess that's why I wanted to ask you guys what I needed to do.I was just worried about how sometimes genuine concern can just turn into gossip and I didn't want to be a part of that. My whole life has changed because of the Atonement and I want everyone to have that healing power. I already love her children from our first brief moment at the door and would love nothing more than to see them in our primary!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 9, 2009 Wingnut -- I'm not sure why you're worried about me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Okay I've looked and looked..where did JD comment on this? Oops. Sorry Jenamarie--I thought it was someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 BTW, I always joke that I don't gossip. I just discuss the welfare of others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Perhaps we could start gossiping that you are seeing things that aren't there now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Oops. Sorry Jenamarie--I thought it was someone else.Because me and JD look sooooo much alike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Because me and JD look sooooo much alike. You are losing your hair too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 I wasn't talking about jd--john doe. I thought it was JD--JennaDean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenamarie Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 I wasn't talking about jd--john doe. I thought it was JD--JennaDean.You really ARE seeing things that aren't there. Pam: 8 months post-partum I've finally STOPPED losing hair. Thankfully I stopped before I ran out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
john doe Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Because me and JD look sooooo much alike. They took away the laugh button again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 They took away the laugh button again!Maybe because I was wanting a serious discussion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Maybe because I was wanting a serious discussion.He wasn't talking about laughing at you, just the little mix-up in the thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 I didn't think he was talking about me -- just that the topic got forgotten -- oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generally_Me Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Candyprpl, I wouldn't say anything. If they are tracting in a yucky neighborhood, they probably have a pretty good idea what sort of people they are working with. She may not have turned her life around yet, and may not with these missionaries, but with persistence she could in a year or two. They aren't wasting their time working with her (or trying to). At the very, very least, those kids will grow up and remember the Mormons who always showed up clean and in nice clothes and were kind. If the missionaries want to drug up while on their mission, they will do so, with or without this particular contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Thanks Generally_Me No I'm not going to say anything -- that's the answer I've been getting in my prayers. I'm not worried about the missionaries either. I'll trust their judgment. It's just hard sometimes to know what's best. I don't want to rob her and her children's opportunity to hear the gospel and I don't want to let my knowledge of her past(?) get in the way of her hearing the message. I want the Spirit with me when I visit with the missionaries and her. So please pray for me and let me be an example of forgiveness. Thanks all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted November 10, 2009 Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Candy....you are a gem! Love you, girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
candyprpl Posted November 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted November 10, 2009 Back at ya miss1/2!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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