Having problems with the church

[brynngal]

I don't know where to post this, so I hope this is an ok forum. I don't know who to talk to about it this, so the random strangers on the Internet it is!

A little back story, I have been married 7 years, I have 3 kids, and I was seal in the temple. My parents were sometimes active in the church, other times not. I became inactive at 16. I met my husband at 18, I talked with the missionaries, became active, and married soon after at 19, he was a return missionary. It just seemed so right me, I still can not deny the feelings of him being right as so strong. It seemed like a bad match though considering I didn't believe in the church anymore, but I tried, and I think I got by with enough testimony, and happy feeling that I went through the temple. I figured I would just be one of those people that may take a while to get a better testimony, and I felt good feeling about it so I went forward. My in laws are very devout, their whole family is, I have always felt like they never though I was good enough, my parents got a divorce, and my mom and sister are no longer members. I think my in laws thought I was sort of a mess, and well you know what they teach about dating members.

Anyhow.. I have been fairly good about going to church. I never really felt like it was true, many things about the church history has bothered me, but I just tried not to think about it. It has always been a precarious thing, my involvement in the church, it involves not thinking too much about anything.

Our family moved, and some other huge horrible events happened, which became sort of flood gates for me. Suddenly I am annoyed with the culture of the church, I always sort of have been. My mom worked and people were very rude to my family, especially my mom. It started the sort of mantra "people are people think of the doctrine". It is just wearing on me now that I am a mother myself. I stay at home, but I am just sick of this illusion one must create of perfection. I wish I could be authentic, say what I think, and not feel like I would be ostracized. None of these women would ever like the real me, what I really think. I think being a home maker is great, but I miss work so very much, I miss adult interaction. I hate feeling like a failure when my 3 year old *gasps* has a tantrum. I just have visiting teachers over, and they were going on and on about how at their house they don't do this, and so and so lets her children take scissors to church, oh the horror. It is sickening these conversations, I would rather spork my ear out then listen to them go on and on. This is the culture I am in, this I l::heart:: sewing, cooking, my kids are perfect, I read scriptures to them, I am going to take pictures of everything and post it on my blog so you can see how cute/creative/perfect I am.

So I try not to let that get in the way, be as I might, but it does. It makes me want space, and in turn I have not really been going to church. I try to read scriptures to find out for myself if it is true, but they don't speak to me. When I pray I feel as though I am talking to myself, I have always felt that way. When I think about polygamy, it embarrasses me, it makes me feel angry. I see Waren Jepps, and it just is gross and wrong. I feel the same way about our Church history, the only way I can see me getting past it is by not thinking about it, or just figuring it was a mistake.

I feel so trapped in this church, and I am not happy with it. I feel like I would be happier if I were not LDS, it feels like a huge weight would be lifted of me. I feel like I can't leave, I just can't. My husband told me too bad, he wont let me not be a member. He said just to hold on like I am doing. My in law, oh goodness if I were not a member that would not bode well for me or my family. I guess I am in this thing, and that stuck feeling, that hardness will not let up. With that annoyance and anger I am going to get no where, how will I ever feel the spirit to know if it is true. So I try to have a better attitude, think of all the good and wonderful things, but it is like shutting off a part of your brain that doesn't want to shut off. A part of your mind that just tells it can't be right, this can't be right. I believe in God and Jesus, I don't feel close to them at all, but I think they are there, I hope they are. I am not sure this is the true church. I am not sure what I think about anything.

This is so long sorry, I just had to get it off my chest, so somebody, anybody. If you read this, thanks. If you have ever been in this struggle I would love to hear from you. If you haven't but you have something to say I would love to hear from you as well. I talked to my mom about it, and she told me her life is so much better since leaving the church, it just makes all of this all the harder.

[marts1]

So sorry to hear about your troubles. Realise that you are a daughter of God and that you have the ability to overcome these problems. You will get some great advice here soon.

[Saguaro]

Have you been here?

Stay LDS / Mormon

There are some articles and essays under "Additional Support Resources" that may interest you, there is also a forum where you can discuss your issues with others who have been or are in the same boat as you.

[rameumptom]

I suggest you stop focusing on the problems, and start developing an attitude of thanksgiving. When we focus on the wrong things (like the messy portions of Church history, or our own family's history), we get ourselves off balance.

Focus on the Savior's love and atonement. Focus on the good things in your family and with your husband. Learn to be grateful for the good things he does. You will gain a testimony as you learn to focus on the positive things, and not dwell on the negative.

Quit focusing inward on yourself. Take up your cross and follow Jesus. Lose yourself in His work, serve others, and bless others. With time, you will find true inner joy and peace; and with it will come the blessings of a strong testimony.

[Wisc]

The above post is the best answer you can get.

Also, I might add that the WHOLE point to church is to grow closer to the Savior. So, if church seems to be the issue then perhaps you have stalled in your progression towards Christ? Not to sound like Im teasing you but set aside some time to be alone with the Savior. Make a date as it were. :) Tell your husband that you need an hour or so and then you go anywhere you think you might be able to relax enough to be able to pray, meditate, read scripture, or just flat have a conversation with the Lord.

I meet Christ at the park. I enjoy walking along the trails and sharing my thoughts with Him as I walk along. Its not formal prayer, but I know He accepts it and I know I enjoy it. I would think He does as well.

[brynngal]

Thank you all for the advice. I will try to be more positive, and grateful, and hopefully I can figure things out.

[suzicle]

hey there. first of all, i have a question, do you live in Utah? haha.. sorry to say that.. but i am from California and I currently live in Utah. I love the state, but somethings the people here are overwhelming. we somethings compare ourselves or as women of the church we feel that we need to compete with others. I just went to a fireside which Sister Beck from the General RS talked about this. It needs to STOP! women in the church often try to out do each other. she said, "its not needful to have a successful family by having FHE, have family scripture study, and sew leper bandages out of silk as you go so".I grew up in a family which we had it off and on, but i think i turned out alright. its nice to try to have a family prayer or scripture study, but it doesn't always happen as we want it to. we are not perfect and we shouldn't act like we are. we are all beggars, who all depend on the same God, (Mosiah 4:19).

another thing... wow who tells us that we cant work as women or mothers? the church only has said that as women in the church, we should try not to work ,but if we have too, then we do. My sister faces this everyday as a mother and the bread winner in her family. She makes more money then my brother-in-law, so he stays home with my niece and it all works out for them. who cares who the breadwinner is, right.. as least you have food on your table and the bills paid. So, if you really want to work, talk with your husband about it and see what is best for your family right now. its hard if you really want to work, but you cant because you are home with your children. You need to ask yourself, do i want to work because I need too or because I just miss interaction with adults? it sounds like you miss the interaction with adults as well, so if you don't need to work, then try to get out of the house with your kids. find things to do, like play groups, or go to the movies with friends with your child's. you seem like a smart lady and you probably already do these things, but continue to figure out fun interactions you can have with friends while at home with the kids.

I don't know how old your children are, but do they have a nap time? if they do, then that is your time for yourself or try to find a time for yourself. Yes, I imagine that its hard when you have 3 kids pulling on you or want your attention 24/7. maybe when your husband comes home from work, have him watch the kids.. its just not your kids, but his too. anyway.. you need YOU TIME! you need to find space to breath. often as LDS women, we are on the go, but we don't have to be. if we miss an activity or don't get the laundry all done by the end of the day.. your salvation in not on the line. So, this time you can turn you your Heavenly Father who gave you a brain and a beautiful body to learn and grow. Turn to Him. He knows EVERYTHING which you are going through. He knows YOU! its hard if you cant Hear Him, it happens to the best of us. One word... is CONTINUE to pray even if its Dear God... or have a prayer in your heart always. He trusts you and know that you will Make the correct choices. I know that He is there! as I started to write this note, I asked Him for help so that you can be uplifted. I don't know you, but you seem strong.. continue to be STRONG!

Also, if you cant find your testimony or don't know if you have one, I challenge you too search.. be like Joseph Smith, often i have met people who are LDS and have had the chance to explore other religions and were able to see why they were a member of the LDS church. don't feel bed that you don't have all the answers to your questions right now. be patient with yourself. Read the scriptures even if its one verse a day. pray, go to church and you will see changes down the road, it might not be right away.

Also you need to communicate with your husband too. I am assuming you do and I don't know where you are at in your marriage, but tell him everything, open your heart to him. I will pray that he understands your situation and how you are feeling.

You talked about somethings about church history, mainly about polygamy! its a hard topic. but during the time of Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, its was a commandment.. not all men in the church had that calling to have more then one wife. so, when it continued, it wasn't of God. that is why we don't practice it. it might again but I am not sure. I wouldn't let that bug you as much, but if you focus on your personal prayers, scriptures and attending church, this will give you more answers to questions. if you have more, I am here for you! I am not sure if this was helpful at all, but the main thing i want you to know, is you are not alone and your Heavenly Father is there for you! Also,

your mom might not give you a clear answer to any questions about the church mainly because she doesn't believe anymore in the teachings . I will keep you in my prayers. :)

[brynngal]

I use to live in Utah, so I know how it goes :) I do think we need to lighten up on ourselves. I have the worst problem with comparing myself to others. This thread has been eye opening, and I think I have had a very eye opening day. To be honest which this is the first time I have "told" anyone other than my family, my husband cheated on me a year ago. I don't know why that is so hard to type, I guess it is because I am ashamed. I tried really hard to be the perfect wife, really hard, and I feel like it just wasn't enough. I went to counseling with him, and we are actually really good now. He cheated because he wanted to escape, and in a strange way I empathize with him, who doesn't look back on the single days and think "wow how care free and fun was that". I would never do that to him though, and the fact that he has disregaurded me so has just ripped to shreds any esteem I have. I met the girl, she didn't know he was married. She was nice, kind of odd, I was expecting her to be prettier than me, but as shallow as this sound she was just sort of average. I couldn't figure out why her, what does she have that I don't. He said it wasn't about her, it just sort of happened with her because it was easy.

But.. back to what I was getting at. So I feel like I have been doing better with my husband, he is making it up to me, and I am forgiving him. I feel like I transfered some of that anger from my husband to the church. I just can't help but feel not good enough at church, not good enough to be there. When you think about it logically, it is so unfounded I know. But reading over the comments and what I wrote I guess I just realized those are not the words of a nice person. Sure nice people can question, but do nice people have such anger towards an entire community that has yet to do anything bad to them? I am negative, I use to not be, but I feel sort of like I have spiraled into this mad anger person. Outwardly I am still nice, but inside I feel dark, and never happy.

I read the link someone posted about staying LDS. I am very grateful for the link. I think if I can not have it be all or nothing I can stay. Who knows maybe I will grow from there and I will finally know one day.

Thanks again for all of the input, and letting me air my emotional bagage. Sometimes you just need an unbiased voice to be a sounding board so I appercaite it!

Edited March 24, 2010 by brynngal

[Faded]

I use to live in Utah, so I know how it goes :) I do think we need to lighten up on ourselves. I have the worst problem with comparing myself to others. This thread has been eye opening, and I think I have had a very eye opening day. To be honest which this is the first time I have "told" anyone other than my family, my husband cheated on me a year ago. I don't know why that is so hard to type, I guess it is because I am ashamed. I tried really hard to be the perfect wife, really hard, and I feel like it just wasn't enough. I went to counseling with him, and we are actually really good now. He cheated because he wanted to escape, and in a strange way I empathize with him, who doesn't look back on the single days and think "wow how care free and fun was that". I would never do that to him though, and the fact that he has disregaurded me so has just ripped to shreds any esteem I have. I met the girl, she didn't know he was married. She was nice, kind of odd, I was expecting her to be prettier than me, but as shallow as this sound she was just sort of average. I couldn't figure out why her, what does she have that I don't. He said it wasn't about her, it just sort of happened with her because it was easy.

It reminds me of the day a little over a year ago when my wife told me that she had cheated on me with a man who was about 30 years older than her and a man who I knew first-hand was ugly as sin. It tends to flush your self esteem down the toilet.

We're all sorted out now and it's behind us. But I know what it's like to find out that your spouse cheated on you. It stings like nothing else can.

But.. back to what I was getting at. So I feel like I have been doing better with my husband, he is making it up to me, and I am forgiving him. I feel like I transfered some of that anger from my husband to the church. I just can't help but feel not good enough at church, not good enough to be there. When you think about it logically, it is so unfounded I know. But reading over the comments and what I wrote I guess I just realized those are not the words of a nice person. Sure nice people can question, but do nice people have such anger towards an entire community that has yet to do anything bad to them? I am negative, I use to not be, but I feel sort of like I have spiraled into this mad anger person. Outwardly I am still nice, but inside I feel dark, and never happy.

I'm glad to see that you made that realization (in bold).

My wife and I have three friends that have a problem in common. They're all PSYCHOTIC!! We'll call them J, K and G. For some reason, all of them like my wife and I just fine, but they consider us a notable exceptions to the terror that is Mormonkind. Don't ask me why they like us in spite of their hatred for the Church. We don't understand it either.

J was probably the most brilliant friend I ever had when I was younger. He had a strong testimony, was mature far beyond his years and had a testimony and knowledge of the gospel that was an amazing thing to behold. Then it all went wrong. He got more and more rebellious. He started dating a girl who was an emotional train wreck. J married her at age 15, he dropped out of high school, eventually split with his wife and proceeded to go off and commit virtually every sin you can think of. Group sex, drugs, he picked up smoking and drinking. In short he became a completely worldly person. After getting kicked out of the Navy and spending some quality time in prison, he and his wife got back together. Currently, J is unbelievably paranoid that everything his family says is them guilting him into going back to Church. He completely avoids the Church. He denies he ever had a testimony. He is hurtful and inconsiderate to his very active and faithful family, in spite of the fact that they are not judgmental nor are they pushy about the Gospel. He's always jumping at shadows and seems scared that the Church is going to get him -- like it's the boogie man or some such nonsense.

My friend K was raised in the Church by a very good family but never had a testimony. It was shortly after committing fornication as a teenager (which he figures was fine and dandy to this day, no remorse and no regrets) that he finally got around to praying to know if the Church was true. No surprise, he never got any spiritual feeling of anything. We knew him in college while he and his ex-Catholic wife were living together. We attended their wedding and found out that the family that he had so many terrible things to say about were just regular ol' good folk who wanted the best for their son and brother. K and his wife went on to have an "open" relationship under the premise that "polyamori" was natural and normal. I guess it's a fancier term than to say that they are swingers, actively seeking extra-marital sex. They had a child, and they've gone to great lengths (creating a living Will, etc) to ensure that their daughter "never gets brainwashed by the Mormon family". He's just terrified that if he and his wife were to die and his parents get custody, they'll make her into a brainwashed Mormon drone.

My wife's disaffected LDS friend G is a former college roomate. I guess it was at collge that she decided that all Mormons were hypocritical, goodie-goodie and just plain awful. So she falls away from the Church. She has since married, has taken up bixsexuality and is a dominatrix -- all of which her husband is just fine with. She's also unbelievably paranoid about the Church. We attended a bridal shower for a mutual friend we all knew at college. G kept coming up to us and whispering how she just couldn't stand to be around all these goodie-goodie little Mormon girls, etc. Turns out that the only Mormons present were my wife and I, the bride to be, and one or two others, leaving about 15 non-Mormon women in attendance. (As previously stated, for some reason we're cool but the rest of the Mormons the root of all evil.) So she was all annoyed and irritated and worked up over absolutely nothing at all!!

What I take away from watching these people run their lives into the ground is this: It is a dangerous thing to obsessively tell yourself how much you hate the Church or the members or Sister Whojamacallit and her obnoxious kids, etc. All three people ended up in the same place. Utterly miserable, unreasonably bitter and hateful of the Church and up to their necks in licentious immoral living.

It is not because J, K, and G are bad people at the core. All three are very likable people and were once very good friends of ours. They became what they became because Satan is a real pro at turning decent everyday folk into psychotically bitter anti-Christian anti-Mormon people filled with hatred and hostility for no reason at all. It's such a tragedy to behold! And the tools he uses are resentment, disdain, being offended, bitterness, feelings of inferiority, etc. It blows my mind how far Satan has led each of them to in their bigotry and spite.

[Faded]

I would suggest that just ignoring your points of concern -- whether it's a doctrine or something in Church History -- isn't healthy. It tends to fester inside and lead to nothing good. You're welcome to share any specific concerns. I can offer you a 99% guarantee that I've confronted it at some point myself, and a 100% guarantee that somebody will have some useful insights on the matter.

[rameumptom]

Faded,

While that can occasionally be helpful, focusing on such things causes us to stop focusing on the important things. I've known some very good people, some were even defenders of the Church, who fell away because they spent too much time focusing elsewhere.

The solution is focusing on the atonement of Christ, and developing that one-on-one relationship with God. When one does that, the unanswered questions don't matter as much, as we know God will one day answer them. It becomes okay to place things on the shelf, realizing that the answer may or may not come in this life.

But we are enriched by focusing on our faith in Christ. It heals when nothing else can. And when we lose ourselves in Christ's service (to others), then we become masters of what is truly important. We learn to love others, rather than judge them unrighteously. Joseph Smith stated that such a person does not sit still, but begins to roam the world seeking to lift others up and bless them. Imagine how the Church would be if the members were to stop focusing inward and started focusing outward in service and love? Instead of 250K converts a year, we would have millions, even tens of millions every year. I suppose this is one of the reasons Pres Monson has added "caring for the poor and needy" to the key efforts in the mission of the Church to invite souls unto Christ.

[Faded]

I understand what you're saying rameumptom, but if you build up a bunch of doubts and never reconcile any of them -- whether they are found from anti-Mormon sources or just personal doubts -- they tend to poison a person's ability to feel the Spirit and receive confirmation and answers.

But ultimately, you're right. You begin with:

Do you believe in God?

What do you believe about him?

Do you believe in Jesus Christ?

Do you believe that he sacrificed himself to pay for your sins?

And you go onward from there.

[marts1]

I've known some very good people, some were even defenders of the Church, who fell away because they spent too much time focusing elsewhere.

I've heard these referred to as being "hobbies" by GA's in the past, which are dangerous.

[JudoMinja]

It sounds to me like you are expecting too much of yourself. Your self-esteem is wallowing, and I've been there. You say you are trying to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, to fit in with the Mormon culture, but in doing all of that you feel that you are losing a part of yourself. That is not what the gospel is all about. The gospel wants you to be open with yourself, to develop the person you are, use your gifts knowledge and talents to contribute to the lives of yourself and others, and to find happiness.

If you feel that you are shutting down a part of yourself just to cope with it all, you need to change the way you are doing things. Christ doesn't want you to shut down- he wants you to open up! Don't worry about the culture, the expectations, the history, and stop trying to be perfect. Nobody is perfect. Focus on you, where you are right now and what you need to do to feel fulfillment.

There are many working mothers in the church. They may not be the norm, but they are there. I come from a military ward, and there are many "single" mothers too (deployed husbands as well as actually single). You don't have to fit into the cut-and-dry "I love sewing, cooking, cleaning, etc etc" to be part of the LDS church. That is not what it is all about.

If you are struggling to find your testimony, start with the basics, and work your way into the gospel. Ask yourself- what DO I believe?- then write it down. Work from there.

The culture and social setting can be difficult to deal with, especially if you are struggling with your testimony and self-esteem. Just remember that everyone has struggled with their testimony at some point. Everyone has had to transfer from riding on the faith of others to developing their own. And you don't have to like all the things others like or do all the things others do to be a good wife and mother. Don't try to be like everyone else- be you. You are a wonderful person with something special to offer this world. Don't hide it away because you feel like you don't fit in. Let your light shine.

I had a crisis of faith while I was going to college. Because of it, I strayed away from what I knew in my heart to be true and became reckless and careless. Feeling lonely, depressed, and worthless, I clung to the first relationship that came my way and horribly messed it up. That crisis, though, helped me let go of all the issues I had to the church and recognize the central truth of the gospel. There is no other church that has the full restored truth. I know this now, and I go to church to learn more, build my testimony, and share my faith with others who might be in crisis.

Currently, I'm in the process of divorce, working a night job so its easy for my mother to watch my son while I'm at work, and enrolled to start a police officer training program in the Fall. I've never really fit the "homemaker" role, but I love my son and do everything I know how to raise him right. My self-esteem is slowly blossoming as I realize my own unique personalities, interests, experiences, etc have made it so that I have something to offer that no one else can. You do too. You are unique. The Lord made you special, and when you work on developing yourself you will find what it is the Lord wants you to share with the world.

[suzicle]

you should read the book, The Peacegiver.. its a wonderful book... you can find it at any Dessert Book store.

[john doe]

you should read the book, The Peacegiver.. its a wonderful book... you can find it at any Dessert Book store.

In the Cheesecake or Brownie section?

[Moksha]

We all go through ebbs and tides in our faith. It is good to get help, support and guidance. This board can provide all three.

[Nikkie85]

I am a convert to the church and sometimes I have the overwhelming feelings of having to be perfect. I feel like I am constantly surrounded by women who are happy, have great kids, thin, scrapbook, quilt, go to enrichment and are all around perfect. I grew up in a home that is complete opposite of LDS values and sometimes feel like I don't fit in with anyone. There have been some really great sisters who have encouraged my growth in the gospel and who have really been there for me. I am thankful their example to me and their willingness to serve. It seems to me like you need to take a breather. Having three children and a cheating spouse is super stressful. I do admire you willingness to forgive you husband and I think you will be blessed for it. I would take time out for yourself and if you want to go back to work I say go. I think it would be better for you to be working than at home miserable. I don't think SAHM get the credit they deserve. I hope everything works out for you!

[Miss_Mae]

Sorry if I repeat something already said--didn't have time to read all the previous posts.

It sounds like this has been going on long enough that you're really just sick of holding on and trying to look at the bright side of things. Perhaps it feels like you're just living a big lie.

I've been in a similar place--not exactly the same, but similar. I found that as soon as I really got to the end of my rope God lifted me. When I just stuck with it, longer than I thought possible, I finally got there. Now, I know so much more about the gospel. I even understand some very difficult concepts in the gospel. Polygamy is one of them. I now understand some things about it that help me see it has nothing to do with being perverted, oppressive, or unfair. I won't try to explain that unless you're really interested, b/c I think it may be something only the Spirit can explain/teach. The point is that, after I stuck with it long enough, I was blessed with knowledge and wisdom.

Don't forget that while "To some it is given by the Holy Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world.

To others it is given to believe on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful." (D&C 46:13-14).

Also, please try not to confuse the doctrine of the Church with those who fail to understand and/or apply it correctly. It sounds like your visiting teachers are gabby, busy-bodied gossipers. The parable of the 10 virgins was not about the world, but about those who were "pure"--or those of the Church. Many of the Church will fall and fall the hardest too. Remember the cycles in the Book of Mormon--the righteous tend to go bad, and become worse than those who don't know.

Do realize, however, that most tenants of the gospel make perfect sense--if you don't lie, others will trust you and you'll gain better work opportunities and more friends; if you don't drink, you will not be a burden on others who have to deal with your skewed attitudes and poor decisions, thereby losing real friends, and you won't get addicted; if you dress modestly, you will not gain the (albeit sub-conscious at times) self-doubt that comes with others noticing you for your body alone. This list could go on forever.

Good luck. Keep trying. Be honest with your feelings, but have faith--err on the side of faith and doubt your doubts before doubting your beliefs.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Well, I hear you. I hope I can offer something useful here:

1. Accept yourself the way you are. Realize that none of those other families are perfect -- they all have their 'warts' in some way or other.

2. Don't buy into those aspects of the Church culture you find disdainful, such as the "I'm perfect" culture. There are aspects of the culture I don't buy into -- for example, I'm NOT a bureaucrat, and the Church is the most bureaucratic organization I know of. I see myself as an entrepreneur in a bureaucracy, and it makes me feel like I still have an identity.

3. Seek to be close to the Lord. Forget trying to get a testimony of the Church for now -- focus on having a strong relationship with God. Talk to him daily about your problems and ask for his comfort and guidance. Rely on him to help you solve your problems. Pick something you could change in your life -- a character flaw or some small habit -- and offer it as a sacrifice.

I think this relationship will lead you in the right way of truth and you'll get a testimony.

I just want to say -- without a testimony, I wouldn't be a member of the church any longer. You need one eventually, but I was in a similar situation to you years ago, and found that simply focusing on my relationship with God led me to have a good heart before God, and the testimony came later....

[rameumptom]

For those who feel they must be perfect and doing everything just right now, I recommend Stephen Robinson's book, Believing Christ. It puts it all in proper perspective from the very first page. You don't have to be perfect. Heck, you don't have to be happy all the time, either. And all those women who seem to be always happy and have everything together? They have their issues and struggles, also. They just don't show them in public.

Don't run faster than you are able. Let Christ do the lion's share of saving you and your family.

[mrmarklin]

None of these women would ever like the real me, what I really think. I think being a home maker is great, but I miss work so very much.

1 I think if you share your feelings with like women you would be surprised at the sympathy you would get in raising a family and the stresses involved.

2 I am a successful, albeit male professional. I make a good 6 figure income, I have a good career and a good life.

BUT at the end of the day I WON'T say to myself when I'm retired I WISH I HAD SPENT MORE TIME AT THE OFFICE.

Enjoy your children, they ar gifts from God.

[Dove]

Hello, Brynngal~

thank you so much for posting your feelings. I really relate to what you are feeling/experiencing.

I have skimmed through the other posts somewhat; but, what I 'm writing mainly addresses what you have written.

I totally relate to your lack of trust with the women of the church. My opinion is listen to your gut reaction/ feelings about them. I often don't relate to these women either, and I have learned the hard way, to pretty much trust my instincts in regards to each individual I meet. I believe some really care. This is much more the rarity then the typical, though.

From what you're writing, it seems like you are really feeling pressured to be an active latter-day saint. Please don't pressure yourself~ Get in touch with your true feelings and go from there.

Also, never blame yourself for your husband's betrayal. Shame on him for doing so!! Shame on him!

I would write more, but I'm at a public library and they're closing soon~

C/ya

Dove

[MissKitty]

With respect reading that I could not help wondering if these feelings are infact reflections of your own inner negative feelings of self worth and inadaquecy?

No one can be perfect. What is perfect? The answer would surely be some thing different for each individual. Surely perfect is over coming ones own imperfections and becoming the very best we can be. It is the acceptence of the inperfect and the finding of joy in the journey of fulfilment. It is not having this or having that.

Really it doesn't matter what you have in this life. A big house, a fancy car, a posh dishwasher. The two most important things here in this life are family and education as those are the two things you can take with you into the next life. So do the very best you can and you are far from faultless.

I know for me I can be over critical with myself, "I could have done better", "maybe I could have done it a bit neater" etc. the thing is that is my achievement that I am talking about and I should be pleased with that!

One thing to remember, don't worry about other peoples attitudes. Remember you are a latter day saint on the lords business not in the entertainment business!! :)

And I am almost certain you are excellent at all the things you are doing already - you are a choice spirit daughter of the creator of this amazing and glorious universe remember!!

I would suggest to reach out to Heavenly Father really prayer on your own and read your scriptures set a side a little time each day. If we feel inadequate and "not good enough" it can be very hard to accept the atonement and the eternal and pure love the Saviour and our Father in Heaven has for us - so much so we do not reach out to them wich leads us to doubt their very existance.

Please pray and read the scriptures you are more precious than you realize.

Remember also you are of equal value to every one else in the eyes of God, because you have the same potential as every one else. Some of us can access that potential in some areas quicker than others - some a little slower but either way we all get there eventually you just got to keep working at it and don't let the pace of every one else distract you. This is your journey!

[Rico]

About perfection in the church: Ignore it. Your visiting teachers just sound like adult bullies. If you are trying your best then you are doing what Heavenly Father wants you do. Those bullies will get their just desserts in the future.

Your most important callings are to be a wife and a mother. Remember the church is there to support your family. If it is not supporting your family the way it should then you need to try to fit it in. If you can't then you need to do what you need to do in order to fulfill your first two callings.

Oh yeah, don't worry about problems with the history of the Church. Those problems are not God made problems, they are man made problems.