Remarriage for older couples

[islelassie]

I am in my mid 60s as is my companion. He is LDS, I am interested but not taken it any further as yet because we have no LDS church remotely close to us at our current living situation. All the advice for dating and so on is understandably aimed at young couples. What about older couples who have been married before? My marriage ended in divorce 30 years ago, and I later applied for anulment of that marriage due to my age and lack of informed consent at the time. My friend is a widower, who was sealed to his late wife.

What form should our 'dating relationship ' take. We are very physically affectionate and I wouldn't want that to stop for the reasons given why young people should be careful. We are mature enough to be honourable after all!

[MarginOfError]

I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're asking. Your post is worded to ask about remarriage, but the content of the post seems to avoid the idea of marrying him. Your post is also vague, and so I don't know how to interpret "physically affectionate" in relation to the "reasons given why young people should be careful." (not that I know what that means either). Could you clarify your question a little?

[beefche]

What form should our 'dating relationship ' take. We are very physically affectionate and I wouldn't want that to stop for the reasons given why young people should be careful. We are mature enough to be honourable after all!

I'm with MOE on this. What is your question? What do you mean what "form" should your dating relationship take? What advice are you looking for?

[islelassie]

I think what I meant was that we are considering marriage, in the meantime we have a very huggy relationship but not sex. We are in our mid 60s and that isn't even our priority but because I am not LDS myself I am trying to understand what is acceptable. Also if I converted would it mean that because he is sealed to his late wife, ( they weren't married in a temple, they were sealed about 20 years later) that it wouldn't be appropriate for us to be sealed eventually as well? I know that a man can be sealed to more than one wife, but there seems a lot of emotional stuff about being disloyal if he would want to be sealed to me as well.

[MarginOfError]

Okay, I think I understand now.

All of the principles behind the advice given to young couples will still be applicable to you. Specifically, the Church expects you to remain chaste prior to being married -- In other words, that you will not have sexual relations prior to being married.

Now, some of the specific advice may not be as relevant. For instance, we often caution young couples against being alone together, particularly late at night and in dark places where it is easier to give in to temptation. A portion of this advice is centered in the fact that young couples are raging balls of hormones, and at your stage in life, your hormones are doing different things. So I would say be wise, and don't put yourself in a place where you would be unnecessarily tempted. If you're not comfortable with a situation, avoid it. If you feel comfortable, don't worry too much about it.

With regard to the sealing, the Church's policy is that a widower may be sealed to a second spouse without affecting the status of the first marriage. There's no reason to think of it like being disloyal any more than a second civil marriage after a spouse has died. The Sealing ordinance and covenant are more about providing families with the blessings they need to manage and lead a family in this life than they are about romance.

[pam]

Yes I was a bit surprised by your question as well. There aren't different morality standards for young, old, those previously married. The same standards apply to everyone.

Also don't know to what degree your physical affection lies..but it's beyond the bounds of propriety, might want to take a second look.

Edited April 15, 2010 by pam

[gabelpa]

I am not LDS myself

The whole sealing thing, that's a bridge you can cross when you come to it, seeing as you aren't LDS and all. As far as anything else goes, the church's stance on morality stands whether you are 18 or 81, there is nothing there respective of age. Avoid temptation, etc.

[FairChild]

I'm not sure what you are asking? Are you talking about what comes after dating? What happens if you would marry? To be sealed in the temple you would have to be a member a year with a temple recomend. I am just curious and if I am wrong about anything I have said, please correct me. I hope the two of you greatly enjoy your friendship and relationship. FC

[Melissa569]

I think its something you have to work out for yourselves.

If you get remarried, would you want to be sealed to that person? If so, dating/marrying someone who is already sealed to someone else may not be the best idea, unless they have changed their mind about their first spouse...

But if you don't think you want to be sealed, and you are just together to keep from being alone for the rest of your lives, then simply getting married in a regular civil ceremony shouldn't be a big problem.

[Maureen]

...If you get remarried, would you want to be sealed to that person? If so, dating/marrying someone who is already sealed to someone else may not be the best idea, unless they have changed their mind about their first spouse....

I'm curious about this statement. LDS doctrine and policy allows for a widower who has been sealed to his first wife, to be sealed to another person. I would assume that Mormon culture would also accept this as well. If an LDS widower is sealed to a 2nd wife, why would he change his mind (do you mean feelings?) about his first spouse?

M.

[pam]

If so, dating/marrying someone who is already sealed to someone else may not be the best idea, unless they have changed their mind about their first spouse...

Why would you say this?

[NeuroTypical]

We are mature enough to be honourable after all!

I had to giggle - for a mature adult, you sure are trying for the same old excuse as a giggly flirty teenager! :)

Y'all keep your hands where they belong on each other, until you're married, just like the rest of us!

Good luck and happy marriage (if that's where it goes).

LM

[Bini]

Pam, I think there may be some misunderstanding on how sealings work etc etc. From how I read Melissa's post, it seemed that her understanding is that he would have to break his sealing to his first wife (aka. change his mind), in order to be sealed to another woman. I think that might have been her point. But just to clarify, men can be sealed to multiple women, however, women can only be sealed once. Correct?

And again, I loved LM's post :]

[baver3]

If you were to become a member of the church then you would have to wait a considerable amount of time (one year) to actaully get married in the temple and be sealed.

So if you two were to decide to get married you could do it civilly and then wait your 1 year and marry in the temple later.

I believe you can also be married in the temple for time ONLY if you want (AND NOT FOR ETERNITY) but I guess that would depend on your situation and I dont really know all the ins and outs of that.