Partner boundaries?

[Addz25]

Ok, so my girlfriend is mormon, and she has really interested me with the religion and I've been trying to live a much more mormon lifestyle (i.e. increased prayer, stop drinking caffeine, reading The Book of Mormon, etc.). Anyway, what I'm asking is that I know what "boundaries" per se the church sets. She has set her own specific boundaries, that she is very adamant about, which I respect, but I just want to know how things are viewed in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Like, we "cuddle" or whatever you want to call it on the couch (just like, holding each other or an arm around or something - nothing intimate), and then we've kissed before. Any advice/insight is greatly appreciated!

[beefche]

The law of chastity is that we do not have sexual relations with anyone unless it is to our legally and lawfully wedded spouse. In one of the support materials for our teens, there is this instruction that I believe is good for any age:

Do not have any sexual relations before marriage, and be completely faithful to your spouse after marriage. Satan may tempt you to rationalize that sexual intimacy before marriage is acceptable when two people are in love. That is not true. In God’s sight, sexual sins are extremely serious because they defile the power God has given us to create life. The prophet Alma taught that sexual sins are more serious than any other sins except murder or denying the Holy Ghost (see Alma 39:5).

Before marriage, do not do anything to arouse the powerful emotions that must be expressed only in marriage. Do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not allow anyone to do that with you. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body.

In cultures where dating or courting is acceptable, always treat your date with respect, never as an object to be used for your lustful desires. Stay in areas of safety where you can easily control your physical feelings. Do not participate in talk or activities that arouse sexual feelings.

How people interpret guidelines is up to the individual, couple, and God.

[Voyager]

Don't do anything you would not do if her parents were setting with you in the living room.

[Snow]

Ok, so my girlfriend is mormon, and she has really interested me with the religion and I've been trying to live a much more mormon lifestyle (i.e. increased prayer, stop drinking caffeine, reading The Book of Mormon, etc.). Anyway, what I'm asking is that I know what "boundaries" per se the church sets. She has set her own specific boundaries, that she is very adamant about, which I respect, but I just want to know how things are viewed in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Like, we "cuddle" or whatever you want to call it on the couch (just like, holding each other or an arm around or something - nothing intimate), and then we've kissed before. Any advice/insight is greatly appreciated!

There is no cuddling and no kissing in heaven and therefore it is forbidden in life. If someone tells you differently, they are an emissary of the evil one - Mark Harmon.

[Onhech]

I don't think I would feel very comfortable even cuddling with my previous gfs if their parents were in the room. :) But I don't like PDA too much.

http://www.lds.org/youthresources/pdf/ForStrengYouth36550.pdf

That is the recommended guidelines of the church, look under sexual purity for intimacy issues. Ultimately it is up to the individual so it really depends on her.

[kileyizzle]

ITA.

The missionarys taught me you have to hug like you were kids. The safe hug which is around the shoulders and the not safe hug around the waist. LOL... suffice to say since i am a convert and i've never really been uber worried about being touchy feely that went out the window.

They also said don't kiss anybody with tounge.

Point is. It's her covenant. She will decide what the boundries are. (Her & God)

It won't be an easy thing to do since we are all human. It's great to hear your looking into the church. That's awesome :)

Like i say to all my freinds when they are dating. Nothing wrong with a good old high five. PDA's make for an awkard time together. <with couples blearrrgh >

[talisyn]

I'm glad you're dating an LDS girl who is sticking to her standards, that speaks highly of both of you. Yeah, the part about not doing anything you wouldn't do if your/her parents were there works great. GL! Ohhh and about caffeine...nvm you'll find out on your own

[Just_A_Guy]

Quite bluntly, Addz25--unless you're thinking about converting, the church's boundaries are immaterial. You know what her boundaries are, and that's what's important to your relationship.

[Boris_natasha]

Even the most devout Mormons sometimes allow themselves to stretch their boundaries. Don't encourage her to do that, do encourage her to stick to her beliefs. Best of luck on your LDS studies.

[prisonchaplain]

Let the non-LDS guy toss out one more caveat...you should both be true to yourselves. The best marriage and family condition is that you both share the same faith. Our relationship with God the Creator is about as fundamental to our worldview and existence as anything can be. When two become one they should share that. That you are open to exploring her spirituality while dating is noble and good. Just be patient and open until you know for sure whether you can journey together in that realm.

BTW--I speak from experience...I stole my wife from the Presbyterians! :-)

[Elgama]

My personal rule until I got engaged was not to do anything that my husband couldn't see me doing, with maybe the exception of holding hands.

Nothing enriches our marriage more than knowing noone came between us before we married

[Onhech]

My personal rule until I got engaged was not to do anything that my husband couldn't see me doing, with maybe the exception of holding hands.

So does that mean that you would not do anything that you're future husband would look back on in Heaven and not feel jipped? And from you're last statement it is apparent that you never kissed anyone before you were engaged? Meaning that you never have kissed anyone but you're husband??

Everyone has their way of doing it but that makes me... not sad...I don't know. I almost feel the same way about that as dating exclusively before ever having a romantic relationship. You need to know what is out there and experience it. Know that you have chemistry. My opinion though, and all i know is that it works for me. (although I am currently single so maybe not :) )

[pam]

Let the non-LDS guy toss out one more caveat...you should both be true to yourselves. The best marriage and family condition is that you both share the same faith. Our relationship with God the Creator is about as fundamental to our worldview and existence as anything can be. When two become one they should share that. That you are open to exploring her spirituality while dating is noble and good. Just be patient and open until you know for sure whether you can journey together in that realm.

BTW--I speak from experience...I stole my wife from the Presbyterians! :-)

Have you repented of that PC? Isn't one of the commandments : Thou shalt not steal?

[Elgama]

So does that mean that you would not do anything that you're future husband would look back on in Heaven and not feel jipped? And from you're last statement it is apparent that you never kissed anyone before you were engaged? Meaning that you never have kissed anyone but you're husband??

Everyone has their way of doing it but that makes me... not sad...I don't know. I almost feel the same way about that as dating exclusively before ever having a romantic relationship. You need to know what is out there and experience it. Know that you have chemistry. My opinion though, and all i know is that it works for me. (although I am currently single so maybe not :) )

cheek only, hugs etc it was affectionate but not sexual. And its great not one of those men do i feel bad meeting up with now, or I need to worry about crossing the line. Only thing I did with them I wouldn't with my husband watching is hold hands.

And it certainly makes a huge difference to our married sex life:p