Unpleasant topic- seminary teacher

[carlimac]

As icky as it was, I had to tell my 15 yr old daughter about the seminary teacher who was just sent to prison for enticing and sexually assaulting his 16 yr old female student. My daughter cringed and didn't want to discuss it. But it's something all parents of teens NEED to discuss with them. My daughter just said, "Don't worry Mom. I'm not going to do anything like that." I'm pretty sure most LDS teens don't think they could ever find themselves in a situation like that with their seminary teacher. But now it's happened and even my eyes have been opened to the power that one misled, persuasive, (and I honestly think sick) man can have over a naive young girl.

Parents- please have this discussion with your kids- as unpleasant as it may be, and protect them from a repeat of that awful scenario. We need to have open, warm and trusting relationships with our kids so they don't seek it elsewhere, and in the wrong places.

[NeuroTypical]

Indeed.

It's not an "I trust you or don't trust you" issue. It's a "The world has bad people in it who will try to make you do things you don't want to, and they have lots of tools in their bags" issue.

My wife and I have been talking about this stuff with my 9 and 6 yr olds for years. It's easier if you start younger.

[pam]

Totally in agreement. Just because they are a seminary teacher doesn't mean they are above taking advantage of our youth.

[PrinceofLight2000]

Totally in agreement. Just because they are a teacher doesn't mean they are above taking advantage of our youth.

Fixed. People need to keep their eyes out with teachers at school, too. It's amazing how many of these sickos get through the vetting process.

[pam]

Heyyyy don't be editing my posts. :)

[PrinceofLight2000]

Heyyyy don't be editing my posts. :)

I can't edit your posts, but I can edit my quotes of you.

Loopholes ftw.

[carlimac]

I guess I'm still amazed at how this guy managed to convince her (and himself) that it was OK to do exactly the opposite of what he was teaching in seminary. Yes, he was way out of line. But to be honset, I'm still struggling to not place any blame on the girl. How could she have gotten sucked in that far? But from many comments on Deseret News, it looks like I'm in the minority. So I assume she must have been incredibly vulnerable. Hence my admonition (that makes me laugh- as if I can admonish anyone to do anything) to reach out to our own kids to keep them safe and less likely to need that kind of attention from a teacher.

Edited September 21, 2010 by carlimac

[Soulsearcher]

I guess I'm still amazed at how this guy managed to convince her (and himself) that it was OK to do exactly the opposite of what he was teaching in seminary. Yes, he was way out of line. But to be honset, I'm still struggling to not place any blame on the girl. How could she have gotten sucked in that far? But from many comments on Deseret News, it looks like I'm in the minority. So I assume she must have been incredibly vulnerable. Hence my admonition (that makes me laugh- as if I can admonish anyone to do anything) to reach out to our own kids to keep them safe and less likely to need that kind of attention from a teacher.

Hate to say it and might not be a popular view and doesn't make him any less guilty, but there are a fair share of young ladies and men who like to try and seduce teacher, leaders, people of power in their lives as well. As much as we need to warn our children, we also need to be watchful enough to make sure they aren't the predators as well.

[Moksha]

When news stories say he was the Seminary Principal, does that mean he was the lead teacher?

Six years to life.

[carlimac]

Hate to say it and might not be a popular view and doesn't make him any less guilty, but there are a fair share of young ladies and men who like to try and seduce teacher, leaders, people of power in their lives as well. As much as we need to warn our children, we also need to be watchful enough to make sure they aren't the predators as well.

I wasn't there in the girl's head when she chose to follow him so I don't know for sure, but from what I gather, she wasn't really trying to seduce him. She was troubled and reached out to him for help. From there it was probably a mutual attraction kind of thing. But the fact that she went along with his idea of checking her out of school and EFY is pretty basic dishonesty. I doubt there is any kid over the age of 8 who wouldn't recognize that lying and skipping out was the wrong thing to do. I assume all that was his idea. If it was her idea, it's even worse on her part. But whatever- she isn't being held accountable at all because of her age.

I guess whatever part she had in the scheme will be up to her, her bishop, and the Lord to figure out. I'm in no position to judge but I AM trying to learn from this situation. I do want to know what went wrong and be alert to warning signs if anyone I'm responsible for is heading down a similar path.

[carlimac]

When news stories say he was the Seminary Principal, does that mean he was the lead teacher?

Six years to life.

I guess so. My cousin is a seminary principal in another part of Utah but I don't know what the job entails.

[PrinceofLight2000]

I guess so. My cousin is a seminary principal in another part of Utah but I don't know what the job entails.

As far as I know, the "principals" are just hall monitors with a big title.

[Suzie]

Fixed. People need to keep their eyes out with teachers at school, too. It's amazing how many of these sickos get through the vetting process.

I agree 100%, however I think Pam's point of "seminary teacher" was VERY important since a lot of our members tend to trust MORE a seminary teacher (because they are in the church, etc) than a teacher at school. The reality shows that there are people with evil intentions IN and OUT the church.

[carlimac]

The reality shows that there are people with evil intentions IN and OUT the church.

Or out and IN. (Out being expected and IN being jarring but true.)

[Suzie]

Hate to say it and might not be a popular view and doesn't make him any less guilty, but there are a fair share of young ladies and men who like to try and seduce teacher, leaders, people of power in their lives as well. As much as we need to warn our children, we also need to be watchful enough to make sure they aren't the predators as well.

I disagree.

I think often times we forget that a teenager STILL a child. The brain still in development. One can only conclude that an ADULT will know BETTER than the child so even if the child may exhibit inappropriate behavior , he/she could never be considered a predator. The child is ALWAYS the victim in cases like this one.

[Suzie]

Or out and IN. (Out being expected and IN being jarring but true.)

I have personally seen enough cases to state that abuse cases involving church members is way more common than most members think.

[carlimac]

I have personally seen enough cases to state that abuse cases involving church members is way more common than most members think.

NO argument from me on that. We would like to live in our happy bubbles and never acknowledge that stuff like this goes on regularly. No doubt it does. But I would hope there is statistically less abuse among church members.

[Dravin]

I have personally seen enough cases to state that abuse cases involving church members is way more common than most members think.

Considering I imagine a lot of members may be under the illusion it doesn't happen (just like so many think, "He's the X he wouldn't be recruiting me for this investment if it was dishonest) that isn't particularly hard to achieve.

[Suzie]

NO argument from me on that. We would like to live in our happy bubbles and never acknowledge that stuff like this goes on regularly. No doubt it does. But I would hope there is statistically less abuse among church members.

I don't have statistics however I can testify that there is a lot of abuse behind closed doors. I can give lots of examples but it makes me so angry when I think about it that I rather not to mention them. I think parents in general should be careful and do not assume that just because their kids are staying with a member of the church (who happens to be "nice", "respectful", a "leader", etc) they are automatically "safe". They are MANY people out there leading double lives and it's our job to protect our kids and NOT to live in fear but also not be so naive. Things happen in all places and circumstances (recent case of litttle girl raped in Deseret Industries). My position is: I take the exact SAME precautions with my kids with regards to members and non-members.

[john doe]

As far as I know, the "principals" are just hall monitors with a big title.

I believe most seminary principals teach as well as oversee the administration in that particular seminary building. Unless it is a large school and he has enough administration work to keep him busy all day every day.

[Suzie]

Considering I imagine a lot of members may be under the illusion it doesn't happen (just like so many think, "He's the X he wouldn't be recruiting me for this investment if it was dishonest) that isn't particularly hard to achieve.

A friend of mine recently told me she does not want to hear about these cases because she cannot believe it happens. I shook my head and told her if she rather live in ignorance. I know some members rather NOT to know. For me, it's insane...I DO want to know so I can know exactly what to do with regards to the safety of my children.

[PrinceofLight2000]

I believe most seminary principals teach as well as oversee the administration in that particular seminary building. Unless it is a large school and he has enough administration work to keep him busy all day every day.

Ohhh, we're talking Utah. I didn't notice that until after I read your post. hahaha.