Breaking Up

[FreeForAll]

Well I just went through the biggest and best relationship ever. First off I am a member and she is not, but I truly believed they she could have been converted if I was able to communicate better about the gospel which I will learn plenty soon because I leave for my mission in 3 months.

We met in 2nd grade and were good friends but I had a little crush on her too. I wrote I love you on a valentine card that year and everyone made fun of us lol. It was very awkward and I didn't talk to her tell Senior year again. I always had this feeling for her all throughout my life even with seeing other girls cause I had some feeling we were meant together.

We went out for 3 months and we spent most of of the summer just hanging with each other out our houses always talking and watching movies. We got to know each other very well and soon the relationship turned very serious. We never got angry or disagree about anything and it felt like it was the "perfect" couple. I made sure i made her feel like the only girl in the world.

We talked about the future and marriage and both knew I was going to go on a mission and be gone for 2 years. Then about a month and a half ago she went off to college and been gone ever since. She isn't going to return tell turkey day. We txt almost everyday since she left.

While talking, we both knew the distance was a super killer and we kinda took a step back. But just yesterday, the first thing she told me was that we should go on just being friends now cause 2 years is a long time and thinks we will be completely different. I just told her I understand and that she needs to focus on her future and that she is making important decisions that she needs to focus on. She was happy with that and she ended the txt cause she had to finish studying.

I just can't understand how something so amazing like we had together just ended cause of distance and time. I might have told her that stuff cause I wanted her to feel happy, but deep inside, I feel destroyed. I had to let her go cause a quote that we have all heard hit me, "if you truly love someone, you have to learn to let them go."

I truly did love her and from the time we spent together, I knew she felt the same way before. I still feel we might have a chance later after my mission, but I just don't know how to deal with this. I am happy in a way as well though cause now I'll be able to focus on my mission now, but first I have to get her out of my head cause I've loved her in a way since elementary school. Any help? Thanks

[PrinceofLight2000]

The biggest problem is that she isn't a member. I've tried that before, and it's a lot to have on your plate if you're dealing with distance at the same time. It's much more comforting to me that all that separates me and my current girlfriend are physical miles, and that we believe the same things, so there's no problem for us getting the ordinances done to be together for eternity. On top of that she understands the whole mission thing and is willing to wait for me. Spiritual barriers are much harder to overcome than temporal ones. It seems to me like the temporal issues you're having (the distance and time required for a mission) are happening because she doesn't fully understand the spiritual gravity or need for missions.

Edited September 27, 2010 by PrinceofLight2000

[rameumptom]

Stay friends on your mission. Write on occasion, maybe monthly, to let her know how you are doing, and share some spiritual and wonderful experiences you have. Do not express emotional connections with her beyond the friendship you've enjoyed.

If things are to work, the Lord will prepare the way. He will allow your faithfulness on your mission to touch her heart and cause her to be interested in the gospel. Upon your return, if she's still single and you are still interested, you can look into possibly renewing the relationship.

And always remember what I was told by my first Zone Leader:

If she doesn't wait, it wasn't meant to be.

If she does wait, it means no one else wanted her....

[NeuroTypical]

Any help?

Sure - take it one day at a time. You are in emotional pain, and emotional pain goes away over time. Keep with your plans to go on a mission.

She's right - the two of you will be different people in 2 years. Maybe you'll be 2 people who might have a chance at something. But you won't know here in September 2010.

[Bini]

If she doesn't wait, it wasn't meant to be.

If she does wait, it means no one else wanted her....

This is so true but it read very funny to me. Seriously I LOL'ed.

Even if she does wait for whatever reason it be, that won't mean that you'll still want her. You may be a different man when you return from your mission and there may be someone else that will be a better companion for you.

[skippy740]

Your girlfriend won't wait for you.

Your wife will.

(Okay, I know it's a grammatical difference... )

BTW, I resent the zone leader comment because my wife DID wait for me. (She's a member.)

[rameumptom]

Your girlfriend won't wait for you.

Your wife will.

(Okay, I know it's a grammatical difference... )

BTW, I resent the zone leader comment because my wife DID wait for me. (She's a member.)

"Lighten up, Francis."

The best humor is designed to have some real connotation to it.

(from the movie Stripes)

[FunkyTown]

I think you did the right thing. I know it doesn't seem that way now, but dating a non-member who you expect to wait for you for two years is a recipe for being crushed on your mission.

The first week away at university, break-ups hit an all-time high. You were a statistic. It doesn't feel good and it's not nice, but you'll do better.

You'll find someone who you can really have a future with when you come back.

Well I just went through the biggest and best relationship ever. First off I am a member and she is not, but I truly believed they she could have been converted if I was able to communicate better about the gospel which I will learn plenty soon because I leave for my mission in 3 months.

We met in 2nd grade and were good friends but I had a little crush on her too. I wrote I love you on a valentine card that year and everyone made fun of us lol. It was very awkward and I didn't talk to her tell Senior year again. I always had this feeling for her all throughout my life even with seeing other girls cause I had some feeling we were meant together.

We went out for 3 months and we spent most of of the summer just hanging with each other out our houses always talking and watching movies. We got to know each other very well and soon the relationship turned very serious. We never got angry or disagree about anything and it felt like it was the "perfect" couple. I made sure i made her feel like the only girl in the world.

We talked about the future and marriage and both knew I was going to go on a mission and be gone for 2 years. Then about a month and a half ago she went off to college and been gone ever since. She isn't going to return tell turkey day. We txt almost everyday since she left.

While talking, we both knew the distance was a super killer and we kinda took a step back. But just yesterday, the first thing she told me was that we should go on just being friends now cause 2 years is a long time and thinks we will be completely different. I just told her I understand and that she needs to focus on her future and that she is making important decisions that she needs to focus on. She was happy with that and she ended the txt cause she had to finish studying.

I just can't understand how something so amazing like we had together just ended cause of distance and time. I might have told her that stuff cause I wanted her to feel happy, but deep inside, I feel destroyed. I had to let her go cause a quote that we have all heard hit me, "if you truly love someone, you have to learn to let them go."

I truly did love her and from the time we spent together, I knew she felt the same way before. I still feel we might have a chance later after my mission, but I just don't know how to deal with this. I am happy in a way as well though cause now I'll be able to focus on my mission now, but first I have to get her out of my head cause I've loved her in a way since elementary school. Any help? Thanks

[Just_A_Guy]

First off I am a member and she is not, but I truly believed they she could have been converted if I was able to communicate better about the gospel which I will learn plenty soon because I leave for my mission in 3 months.

Rule #1 of missionary work: You have a lot less power to convert someone than you tend to think you do. (And if you can get this through your head now, you'll be in better shape as a greenie than 60% of the guys I served with were in at the close of their missions.)

I just can't understand how something so amazing like we had together just ended cause of distance and time.

Quite bluntly: It wasn't a fluke. Distance and time are hard on all relationships and will kill most of them; that's just the way life is.

. . . but first I have to get her out of my head . . . Any help? Thanks

It's the same way you control any thought: You can't keep it from popping into your head, but you can choose whether or not to entertain it or not.

I don't mean to trivialize the process--I know you're going through a rough time, and I'm not saying it should or will be easy. But it is possible. Love is a choice.

[FreeForAll]

Thanks for all the replies so far. So far I feel its a lot easier already cause we already been apart cause of distance for a month in a half. Been trying to focus my mind on other things like intense exercising, but she comes to haunt me at night.

I know I made a good choice to let us go are ways, but those saying that cause she was a Non Member and I shouldn't have gone with it; well I should have explained more on how she was interested in the church a lot. Every night when we would lay down together and talk, she would always ask tons of questions about the church/gospel. I would had invited her to church, but it was too late to do all that stuff cause of her leaving to college. She had full support as well for me to go on a mission, but I knew as well as a couple of you, that she wouldn't be able to wait.

One of the things I wish I could go back and do is asked her out a lot earlier, cause I know if we had more than 3 months seeing each other, I know I would have had a good chance to convert her. She still wants to write to me on my mission, and like rameumptom said, maybe writing certain things to her might do something. But I am giving too much faith for this all to happen. Like you guys said, if HF has us plan, it will follow up.

[Roseslipper]

You did the right thing by breaking up, even if she was Lds this is the right thing to do. Two years chances people, and this two yrs you need to be focused on missionary work, not her. Stay friends and if it is meant to be it will be. Enjoy your mission. Do you know where your going yet?

[mrmarklin]

Thanks for all the replies so far. She still wants to write to me on my mission, and like rameumptom said, maybe writing certain things to her might do something. But I am giving too much faith for this all to happen. Like you guys said, if HF has us plan, it will follow up.

Distance and time will make both of you see clearly in the future. She wants to write and be friends and that is something.

But when you go on your mission your priorities should change, at least for two years. Be friendly. That's a lot.

[Guest]

In this kind of thing... I'm for Anakin, not so much for Spiderman. I fight for the boy I want.

But, if I were a boy and I was going on a mission, I wouldn't engage in that fight just yet. That will require my 100% devotion to winning my girl. So, I am going to focus 100% on my mission, then when I get off my mission and she's still available, then I'll go get myself prepped (steady income, good manners, a solid plan for the future, etc.) and go get 'em tiger!

[FreeForAll]

Stay friends and if it is meant to be it will be. Enjoy your mission. Do you know where your going yet?

This is what I'm hoping in the long run, and I'm leaving December 15 to Chihuahua, Mexico

Distance and time will make both of you see clearly in the future. She wants to write and be friends and that is something.

But when you go on your mission your priorities should change, at least for two years. Be friendly. That's a lot.

Pretty much, and that is what I know whats going through her mind right now. She wants to go out and find what she really wants in life.

In this kind of thing... I'm for Anakin, not so much for Spiderman. I fight for the boy I want.

But, if I were a boy and I was going on a mission, I wouldn't engage in that fight just yet. That will require my 100% devotion to winning my girl. So, I am going to focus 100% on my mission, then when I get off my mission and she's still available, then I'll go get myself prepped (steady income, good manners, a solid plan for the future, etc.) and go get 'em tiger!

When I was younger, I was a huge star wars geek lol. I agree with you at the beginning that if it weren't for me going on my mission right now, I would have gone full out on her instead of just letting her go so easy.

[Just_A_Guy]

Every night when we would lay down together and talk, she would always ask tons of questions about the church/gospel. . .

I'm assuming you misspoke there, because as-written I wouldn't necessarily recommend that as a proselytizing technique.

[PrinceofLight2000]

I'm assuming you misspoke there, because as-written I wouldn't necessarily recommend that as a proselytizing technique.

Where the heck is the laugh button?

[FreeForAll]

I'm assuming you misspoke there, because as-written I wouldn't necessarily recommend that as a proselytizing technique.

Well it was the only time she asked when we just in that situation lol. And like I said earlier, we mostly spent the time either walking or laying on the catch/floor watching a movie.

[slamjet]

Let me assure you, you will be different when you return home, and she will either be or look different. In other words, you both will have two years of life under your belts when you get back and the world will look different to each of you. After your experiences, you may find out that you two are not meant for each other.

Go on your mission without the burden (yes, burden) of having a girlfriend at home. You will be better off for it. When you get back, see what happens. You may or may not get together but you will look through it through the eyes of a bit more maturity.

There have been so many returned missionaries who've come home to their girls only to move on because they're "different" now. Count yourself blessed. Concentrate on becoming a full-time minister of the Lord. A calling shared with only one other group of people in the church; the General authorities. You will be much more effective that way as well as open to learn a whole lot more.

[Misshalfway]

Let go and Let God.

[Roseslipper]

This is what I'm hoping in the long run, and I'm leaving December 15 to Chihuahua, Mexico

Pretty much, and that is what I know whats going through her mind right now. She wants to go out and find what she really wants in life.

When I was younger, I was a huge star wars geek lol. I agree with you at the beginning that if it weren't for me going on my mission right now, I would have gone full out on her instead of just letting her go so easy.

thats awesome im sure ur excited about your call 2 serve..dont forget to stand tall, be proud of whose servant you are. i wish u the best on your mission

[FreeForAll]

thats awesome im sure ur excited about your call 2 serve..dont forget to stand tall, be proud of whose servant you are. i wish u the best on your mission

Thanks, and ya I'm super excited to go down there and being able to learn a 2nd language and also being out of country :)