Engagement/wedding advice

[applepansy]

My daughter just got married last September. Because of budget restraints we had to do it at the church, which was not my first choice other than for convenience and not my daughter's first choice because of the gym atmosphere. We did a full dinner buffet for family only, but even then my VTs were very helpful with preparing food and helping to decorate. My daughter's YW leader helped in the mother's room-turned-bride's room, which helped me out tremendously (except for when I needed to be in there for pictures. We had to take in a full length mirror (borrowed).

However.... its not all that hard to make the "gym" not feel like a gym. Lighting is the key. And as for making it even less expensive ask the ward to help by borrowing decorations and for suggestions. Be open to their ideas and use their expertise. There are some really creative RS sisters in every ward.

We borrowed antique doors (my husband had made the stands) from his bosses wife. We lined them up to hide the according doors that divide the chapel from the cultural hall. We borrowed potted flowers from everybody in the ward to place at the bottom of the doors and around the edges of the room to divide it and place more lighting. My neighbor borrowed the doors from us, used her own potted plants (some of which I had borrowed) and then ran tuile and white Christmas lights around the bottom. I hung pictures of the bride/groom on the doors. There are many inexpensive ways to decorate props.

For more lighting we borrowed dead trees set permanently in pots and decorated with white christmas lights. Again, borrowed from a neighbor (lights and all) and which she used the next week for her son's wedding. Another neighbor has a large selection of fake pine trees (the kind you see at the Quilted Bear). Another neighbor borrowed all those for her daughter's wedding and decorated them with white christmas lights.

We borrowed an arbor (again my husband made it for his boss' wife). This arbor has been used in about 10 weddings now and each time it has been decorated differently. I've seen it used to direct the flow of traffic at a reception to the backdrop for a civil ceremony. There are usually people who don't mind loaning out their yard decorations for weddings too. I saw a metal arbor with gate used to display a cake and as a divider for the "gym" between the tables and the reception line. Again, deocrate with 16" wide ribbon, lights, flowers, etc.

Tables... there is more than the big long tables in your ward building. There are the small rectangle tables in the classrooms and our ward has three small round tables by the Bishop's offices. When you use the church for a wedding you can use just about anything from anywhere and move it into the cultural hall, just be kind and put them back where you found them. The RS upholstered chairs can be used in the cultural hall, but I don't use them around food cuz I didn't want to have to clean the upholstery. The metals ones look better covered anyway.

Metal folding chairs can be covered very inexpensively with muslin. 1-1/2 yards of fabric 45 inches wide. They don't need to be hemmed even. Just iron out wrinkles. Drap over the backs of the chairs evenly and then use 5-6 inch ribbon to tie around the back of the chair with a big bow in the back (which holds the fabric in place on the chair. (looks amazing, very little money compared to making and renting more professional chair covers.

The RS will have table clothes. Use fabric and things gathered from your life and your fiance' life for centerpieces. In the centerpieces is a good place for the disposable camers. Candles with flames cannot be used in church buildings.

Borrow baskets, use ribbon to decorate. Silk flowers can be used too (look for end of season sales). Use the baskets to display whatever buffet you're doing (reception or wedding dinner buffet). They also make great displays for pens for the book/frame or whatever you're having guests sign.

If you have an older ward building there are probably some pretty amazing serving pieces in the kitchen. Some older buildings in Utah have some amazing china too.

Your ward RS will be thrilled to be asked to help out. Even more so if you still live in the ward you grew up in.

I agree with Jennmarie...GET A GOOD PHOTOGRAPHER. Its worth the expense.

Start now and shop/browse at craft stores, fabric stores (like Joann's), thrift stores. Silk flowers, leaves, etc are usually 50% off at end of season. The silk flowers for my daughter's wedding were all 50% off. I had to go back twice, once to get the acutally flowers and a month later to get the autumn leaves...but it was worth saving 50%. (I had 6 weeks to put this wedding together ).

Do not get hung up on what you think you want. Use the season you're getting married in. Craft and Fabric stores all have their sales to clear out seasonal things BEFORE the actual season.

Be creative. Ask for help.

We started decorating the night before. We invited my daughter's fiance's family to join us and after moving chairs, tables, and starting on the deorations. We sat around and ate a simple store bought meal and got to know each other better. It was a great "party"

oh... one last thing... Borrow a key or ask the RS President or one of the Bishopric to go with you. Check out the building. Ask about lighting. Most fo the buildings have dimmer switches on the lighting in the cultural hall. There is a switch somewhere to make the basketball hoops go up out of the way (Oh!! and then remember you can drap tuile and lights from the basketball hoops to give the impression of a lower ceiling.)

This is not suppose to be stressful. Its suppose to be FUN! Don't sweat the small stuff. Decide what is most important to you and delegate the rest.

Best Wishes and have FUN with the planning and decorations.

ps: Check out office supply stores for invitation ideas. We printed our own. My son's new color printer printed the engagement photo (which I took). Saved a ton of money that way. (Thank heaven for digital cameras. Even though I'm not a professional photographer. I was able to take so many digital photos that there were some great ones to choose from. We went three different days and different times of day, four different locations and they changed clothes. The photos for their engagement look more natural and not posed which I always thought was nicer when I get invitations to other weddings.)

pss Skip the magazines... just use google :) There are many wonderful wedding sites with tons of low cost ideas. Wedding Planning Guide and Free Wedding Websites - mywedding.com does free webpages. Register and fill out their forms, post pictures, directions, times, where you're registered. We included the website at the bottom of the invitation instead of putting cheesy little cards in the envelopes that said "registered at". It can all be at the website. :)

Edited February 17, 2011 by applepansy
ps and pss

[MarginOfError]

Everyone knows we're tying the knot.

This knot?

[Bini]

Here's some wedding advice :]

My family are active LDS and temple worthy. My husband's family are all inactive LDS. My hubby and I at the time of getting married were both inactive and uncertain about being LDS members in general. So obviously, we didn't have a temple marriage. But we also chose to keep our wedding and reception simple! We had a judge marry us and afterwards we (the family) met up at a scenic location and had photos taken, which lucky for us, my husband's bestfriend is a professional photographer. After this, we headed to a lovely restaurant that everyone who was invited to our little wedding ceremony enjoyed. We saved MAJOR bucks! We wanted to keep things simple yet elegant. We ended up having and receiving enough money to take off on a 7-day honeymoon cruise, with money left over to spend on this and that, which we ended up saving for awhile actually.. Totally worth it! And this is coming from someone that has done the whole bridezilla wedding/reception too (with my first marriage). I still recommend keeping the wedding/reception simple and going all out on your honeymoon :] If you can afford to do both—more power to you!

[Wingnut]

Advice to Dravin: Stay out of the planning. It's always a little girls dream of having that dream wedding. That dream never goes away. Just do what you're told and keep your head down. Good practice for after the celebrations.

In most cases, yes, but not always. The only thing I knew for sure was the style of dress I wanted. I didn't have any other had-to-have requirements that I'd known since I was 12.

[applepansy]

This knot?

I believe that wedding accessory is for the mother of the bride. I couldn't find one or get anyone to make me one last fall.

[Guest mirancs8]

I had my wedding reception at my sister in laws house in her back yard. Had a it catered for a very reasonable price and had my friends father do the picture. Even now some 13 years later I would have done it the same. We were able to take that money we saves and almost immediate buy a home. Having a home and no debt was much more important to me.

[rameumptom]

Elope. Just Elope. Dravin is getting so middle aged and stressed, I don't think he could manage the entire wedding thing-y. I mean, he doesn't handle stress well - just look at all the hair he's already pulled out of his head!

Being that he lives in his mother's basement playing WoW all day long means he really doesn't have very many friends that physically know him anyway!

I just can't imagine a big wedding, where the bride's family grazes while the vows are being said. And where the best man video blogs the event for all of the groom's friends to see over the Internet. Much better to elope. Ask everyone to send cash instead of gifts.

[MichaelPAGuy]

My wife and I just got married on January 8 in the Anchorage, AK temple. We both had people pushing us for a big reception or open house before the sealing. We stuck to our choice and decided to keep it small. We had a small brunch after the sealing for people who were at the sealing and a few other invited guests. People were offended and got upset, but it was our day and we enjoyed it.

[slamjet]

Do yourself a favor. SMALL group at the sealing. My ex's first marriage, on their marriage, they didn't have enough room to fit everyone in the sealing room. It was chaotic. When we were sealed, we had both our parents and each invited one good friend (or couple). It was small, intimate and made for a wonderful experience. Even the officiator who sealed us make a comment about how nice it was to have a small group there.

Then invite everyone to the reception afterward and party. Also, don't forget to save the top tier of your cake for your first anniversary!

[Dravin]

Also, don't forget to save the top tier of your cake for your first anniversary!

Freezer burned cake... yum...

[slamjet]

Freezer burned cake... yum...

Don't mess with tradition!

[Jenamarie]

Freezer burned cake... yum...

DH and I still haven't eaten ours... almost 9 years later. It's still in my parents' freezer though out in their garage. I doubt it has any nutritional value left. (it was lemon cake with lemon custard filling and green buttercream frosting with yellow swirls)

[Dravin]

Don't mess with tradition!

Oh, I'll mess with tradition. Me and him don't always see eye to eye. Quite often actually.

[slamjet]

Oh, I'll mess with tradition. Me and him don't always see eye to eye. Quite often actually.

:p:p

[Maureen]

...What did ya'll do for a reception? I want something nice, but we do need to be concerned about budget. If it is possible I would LOVE to not have a reception at the church....I just don't like the thought of having my reception in a gym. But, because of money, we may need to do that. Any advice?

Also, we are getting married in the temple, but my family are non-members. Since they feel hurt about not being able to attend the sealing, we will likely have some kind of ceremony. Any advice on what you did/would like to see for a ceremony after a sealing?

The first thing you need to do is make a guest list and set some dates (sealing, receptions). Once you know how many people you are inviting, then you need to decide if you are feeding them, what you are feeding them (hot meal?) and who you are feeding. My nephew and his wife, had a lunch meal for just family after they were sealed. The evening reception was at a Stake Centre and they had a ring ceremony. The Stake Centre did come in handy because the Chapel was perfect for the ring ceremony. It was a very thoughtful and nice ring ceremony, especially for us non-members. The couple walked down the aisle together. The Bishop said some nice and funny words about the couple and temple marriage. Both bride and groom are of Scotish heritage, so they added some Scotish traditions, like bagpipes and a bridal sash. It took about 20 to 30 minutes. I really enjoyed it.

And above all try to have fun planning, weddings are never perfect in the way we think they will be perfect. Don't expect perfection and you'll have a great time planning.

M.

[Nelly]

Beefche, What is your budget?

I wasn't given one, which I think he'll regret :).

[Backroads]

As promised, please feel free to offer any advice you feel is necessary. I'm new to this and need all the help I can get.

Jenamarie said:

What did ya'll do for a reception? I want something nice, but we do need to be concerned about budget. If it is possible I would LOVE to not have a reception at the church....I just don't like the thought of having my reception in a gym. But, because of money, we may need to do that. Any advice?

Also, we are getting married in the temple, but my family are non-members. Since they feel hurt about not being able to attend the sealing, we will likely have some kind of ceremony. Any advice on what you did/would like to see for a ceremony after a sealing?

Wow, I came in way too late to bother reading many posts at this time, so I shall give fresh advice.

It really doesn't have to be super expensive. My parents' are aiming for 3000 for mine and hopefully will make it--I'm also paying for stuff like dress and flowers myself.

Call up connections. My mom knows so many people, so we are getting really good deals on stuff. My neighbor is a retired wedding cake maker (whatever you want to call that) and is making the wedding cake as a gift, which is really really nice. My film genius brother is making the video for free. Yay. We're begging and borrowing.

It's possible to do a cheap wedding.

We are having the reception at a church. It's winter, it's cold, and the church is free. Why not?

Make the ring ceremony as wedding-like as possible. It makes the family and friends happy.

Consider doing invitations online. You get a lot of choice, it's cheap, and they are actually very very nice.

[Backroads]

Do yourself a favor. SMALL group at the sealing. My ex's first marriage, on their marriage, they didn't have enough room to fit everyone in the sealing room. It was chaotic. When we were sealed, we had both our parents and each invited one good friend (or couple). It was small, intimate and made for a wonderful experience. Even the officiator who sealed us make a comment about how nice it was to have a small group there.

Then invite everyone to the reception afterward and party. Also, don't forget to save the top tier of your cake for your first anniversary!

I'm worried about this. I've just discovered I have very few friends who are endowed. However, my future mother-in-law feels the need to invite everyone, and my mother just glares at me and says this is also about her. She's inviting all of her close friends, and it might get scary.

[Backroads]

Okay, I feel slightly guilty about this as this is for Beefche, but i'm sort of stealing ideas.

[slamjet]

We are having the reception at a church. It's winter, it's cold, and the church is free. Why not?

What? Just after I was married, they started charging to use the church to cover utilities. Did something change?

[Backroads]

What? Just after I was married, they started charging to use the church to cover utilities. Did something change?

Maybe it's a stake thing. Ours costs nothing.

[Backroads]

One more thing... try not to please everyone. We requested a certain officiator who was the son of this 92-year-old lady we visit as she said we should, and I'm starting to regret it.

[Dravin]

Consider doing invitations online. You get a lot of choice, it's cheap, and they are actually very very nice.

That I can approve of (though its not exactly my choice...).

my mother just glares at me and says this is also about her

See, my attitude with my own Mom is if she doesn't like something she can suck it up. Of course I'm the prospective groom not the perspective bride so it's automatically less my event (and by extension even less hers) to begin with. I'm sure by some metrics I'm a horrible son, but while I wouldn't go out of my way to offend her if she tried that kind of manipulative crap I'd call her on it.

Of course if my Mom went crazy off the deep end I'd probably just uninvite her (and I'm being serious here).

Edited February 17, 2011 by Dravin

[mnn727]

Our Marriage/Temple Sealing I planned in 1 afternoon (me, a male)

Flowers? no, why would you need them? (luckily my wife feels the same way)

Cake -- Sheet cake from a bakery

Sodas/juices to make punch, little mints and some cans of nuts

Reception - in the Cultural Hall with a couple of RS Ladies setting up.

Disposable Camera's - great idea -- we did it.

Professional Photograper who is experienced in Temple Weddings (got a couple business cards from the local LDS bookstore and interviewed via phone in advance, then made arrangemnts to meet.

If it had not been for the photograper we would have spent under $100.00

[Backroads]

Our Marriage/Temple Sealing I planned in 1 afternoon (me, a male)

Flowers? no, why would you need them? (luckily my wife feels the same way)

Cake -- Sheet cake from a bakery

Sodas/juices to make punch, little mints and some cans of nuts

Reception - in the Cultural Hall with a couple of RS Ladies setting up.

Disposable Camera's - great idea -- we did it.

Professional Photograper who is experienced in Temple Weddings (got a couple business cards from the local LDS bookstore and interviewed via phone in advance, then made arrangemnts to meet.

If it had not been for the photograper we would have spent under $100.00

This would have been mine if my mother had not gotten involved. But I'm letting her have fun.