Searching_For_The_Truth Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 OK, I feel kind of weird asking for advice, as most people come to me for relationship advice. I have come to the conclusion that in order to give good advice you need to be an outsider looking objectivly. So, here I am.. I have been "hanging out" with a young lady. She and I met on a singles website about 7 months ago. It started out with e-mails back and forth, then text messages, then calls. After about a month we finally met. We met at a "family" pizza place where her five year old daughter could play games while she and I talked and had fun watching her daughter play and laugh. Well, I guess you can say we "clicked" as we have talked either on the phone, via text or in person nearly every day since then, and no topic has been excluded from our talks. When we talk it is just so natural, no matter what the topic of conversation, wether it be politics, religion, parenting, emotions, or whatever. We are together 3-5 days a week, watching TV, dinner, playing in the backyard, going to Sacrament Meeting, ect.... She and I have talked about making this an "exclusive relationship," but at the time I was not a member of the Church and she and I agree that you only "date" those there is a chance of marriage at the end, and her goal is to get Sealed in the Temple, so we just continued to "hang out". Since then I have become a memeber of the Church. Long story short (and to answer the question before it arrises, NO, I did not do it for her). In a couple of our conversations she and I have had she has admited to being interested in me, but me not being LDS always squashed the idea. It has been a couple months since we have had that conversation, and I am kind of nervous to bring up the topic again. All I know is that I think about her constantly, and I enjoy every minute I get to spend with her and her daugther. She trusts me enough to let me take her daughter to the mall and movies alone. Of the member of her family who have spoken to me about this think that she and I making us an "us" are very encouraging of it, and all my friends and her best friend are as well. To make it a little more interesting I am getting suggestions from members of my ward about it, the Elders Quorum President was just talking to me about it before Sacrament this past Sunday. I don't know if it is time to just suck up my pride and bring up the topic again, or if it would be best to wait and continue to build the friendship. Part of what is holding me back is how new I am to the Church. I don't want her to think, even subconscienly, that I got baptized and Confirmed, and recieved the Priesthood for her. I have never been happier. I feel like I have come home with the LDS Church, and when I am with her, her daughter, and family I feel like I belong, like I am part of the family and I want to stay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiJolly Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Just tell her you feel very vulnerable in bringing the topic up, but you really need to know how she feels. I think she'll like that. HiJolly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 (and to answer the question before it arrises, NO, I did not do it for her).Excellent! Tell her so. And then bring up maybe moving forward, and see what she thinks.From the way you describe her, she sounds like someone who does not involve a guy in her daughter's life just at the drop of a hat.You'll never know until you try... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted September 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 From the way you describe her, she sounds like someone who does not involve a guy in her daughter's life just at the drop of a hat.This has been a fear for both of us. We wanted to keep her daughter from "getting attached" before we knew if things would get serious. I know I have become VERY attached to her daughter, and it scares me to think what would happen if we decided to go our seperate ways and she got hurt because of me... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 If she introduced everyone to her daughter at such early stages of the dating game, that may be of some concern but if you've been getting to know each other for 7 months and then finally meeting, that doesn't seem rushed at all. That's wonderful that you feel such a good connection with her and her daughter. I think the best advice is the simple stuff.. Tell her what you've told us. None of us know the future, so holding back or out because you're afraid of the unknowns (example, things not working out) is no good. Go forward with your life and be honest with how you feel. Best of luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rameumptom Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Take your time. If you feel rushed by others in bringing it up, then it isn't the right time. When it feels natural and good to bring it up, then is the time to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted September 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 If she introduced everyone to her daughter at such early stages of the dating game, that may be of some concern but if you've been getting to know each other for 7 months and then finally meeting, that doesn't seem rushed at all.Normally she has not introduced her into the situation early, but I met the daughter on the first date, after she and I had been talking 3-4 weeks.. So it was kind of early, but it was my idea as our first date was supose to be alone at dinner, but it was a Carpe Diem situation and I jumped at it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted September 20, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 If you feel rushed by others in bringing it upThe good news is I do not feel rushed, I think that she and I have a good chance with a relationship as it would be based on a friendship first, our belief in the LDS Church and it's teachings are pretty much insync, and musch of our other views on issues are nearly identical.I am finding it a bit curious how first my Bishop thought that she and I were preparing to be married, a few other members of my ward have been asking about "our" plans for the future, and her cousin made the effort to ask me what my feelings for her are and that he thinks that she and I will get married. Thinking about it I may be feeling a bit like everyone is watching us with expectations... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted September 20, 2011 Report Share Posted September 20, 2011 Have you made it a matter of prayer? Make your decision and then take it to your Heavenly Father to see if it is right. Should be the same path you took to find a testimony. Good luck, Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMGuy Posted September 23, 2011 Report Share Posted September 23, 2011 Just a thought, but you saidWhen we talk it is just so natural, no matter what the topic of conversation, wether it be politics, religion, parenting, emotions, or whatever. .Then you saidI don't know if it is time to just suck up my pride and bring up the topic again, or if it would be best to wait and continue to build the friendship. Part of what is holding me back is how new I am to the Church. I don't want her to think, even subconscienly, that I got baptized and Confirmed, and recieved the Priesthood for her. .Seems, like perhaps she is the kind of person that if you talked about it with her she might understand. Seems like you have the foundation in place to do that too. She's trusted you wtih something pretty precious, her little girl. Maybe trust her back with letting her know how you feel, and why you have concerns about pushing or moving to fast. I suspect, she'll be honest back. Oh yeah, and good luck :-) We're all rooting for you!-RM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted September 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2011 OK, so it is funny... Friday night I had the Missonaries over for dinner and invited my "friend" over as well.. When I picked her up she started talking about one of her other friends who is interested in her as well. He texted her with a question about dating,(like I said we talk about everything) and she mentioned that she did not know what to tell him as they had the same conversation the day before and she already told him no (a well thought out and long answer that meant "no"). As we continued to discuss this, I said, "well let ask this, are you even ready to be in a relationship?" and she said "no"... She is scared that if she were to jump into a relationship too early that she would either start comparing the new relationship with her ex-husband and that wouldn't be fair to the new relationship..... So, in short I got my answer without having to ask.. I did mention to her that I was thinking about talking to her about the topic as well.. We talked about it briefly, but as I already knew where she stood it was short. Dinner was good and after I took her home and we played on the Wii (Mario Cart) till after midnight.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted November 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2011 OK, it has been a while since I started this post and things have been interesting between my lady friend and myself. We have talked about us making the jump from friendship to dating, but the topic always seems to be left unfinished. The last time she brought it up in a conversation that went something like "I have decided that I have have feelings for you that are more than friendship, BUT I am having a difficult time moving beyond 'just friends'.. She said that if she could get "past the hump" she sees us getting married in 6 monthes to 1 year... She continued to say that I am everything she is looking for in a future spouse and that she "loves" me. That being said she kept going back to how she is having trouble moving beyond being friends. Well I did what most young guys would do. I heard what I wanted to hear from that conversation. And I tried to take it to the next level, and asked her if we could "make it offical". We talked a bit more about it and decided that she wasn't ready still. I took the next couple days to pray and fast and I found out that what I heard was not what was said. I felt that I needed to apologize to her for adding more pressure to the situation and we decided to continue as just friends and let things transpire naturally. This was good, until we were at her place talking, she said she was going to help her daughter and her daughter's friend change out of their school clothes. Just as she turned to walk away she quickly came in and kissed me on the lips. It was so fast that I did not have a chance to kiss her back and she would not let me pull her back to kiss her saying, "I need to think about it"... We spent the rest of the evening talking about senerios that might come up if we did get married (ie how much control on finances I have to have, parenting roles, interferience in the parenting by her close friends who have filled the "Father-gap", care of pets, ect...). Since then nothing has been mentioned, but we hold hands more and I am more temped to kiss her when we are close..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking_peace Posted November 24, 2011 Report Share Posted November 24, 2011 Kiss her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted November 24, 2011 Report Share Posted November 24, 2011 Searching_For_The_Truth, as much as I understand the struggles she may be going through ( single mother and trying to date again), I think it's a little unfair and dangerous game she is playing of giving you signals (kiss) versus the "I am sorry, I am not ready". You are just a human for heaven's sake. I think you should think carefully what you are doing and what you are willing to put up with. My 2 cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted November 29, 2011 Report Share Posted November 29, 2011 (edited) Kiss her.Loved that! P. S. Oh gosh, I really did love that! Can't talk about why, but, it warmed my heart, made me smile, then made me laugh, and then I laughed til I cried. :') Edited November 29, 2011 by Forget-Me-Not P.S. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martain Posted December 1, 2011 Report Share Posted December 1, 2011 I may be totally off base with this but I wonder something. What happened to her first marriage? It seems to me that something in regards to that is holding her back. Something unresolved. Depending on what happened, councilmen might be helpful for her to allow her to move forward. YOU want to marry this girl is what is clear to me. Well, perhaps it time to learn the power of fasting. While I do not know how much you can help her overcome what ever is holding her back, you can indeed fast for her and lend her strength and divine aid via this means. Just a thought. Welcome to the Church brother =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted December 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 Thank you all for the input, and i really do appreciate it. It came to me last week that in the last 9 months that this friend of mine and I have been "hanging out" I have never once asked her on a "date". It has always been "hey you want to go see a movie" or "let's do lunch" or something similar. So I asked her last week "***** would you like to go on a date with me Saturday?" We went on our first "official" date, and we had sooooooooooo much fun. When I picked her up I broguth 2 roses that were tied together with a black ribbon. I was dressed in "Sunday atire," yes I wore a tie... As we left her place she reached back and grabbed my hand. We talked the entire drive to the resturant, we talked while waiting for a table, we talked suring dinner, we talked while we drove to the movies, we talked while waiting for the movie to start. It is amazing how easily she and I are able to talk about anyting and everything. We saw "The Muppets" for the movie, and we laughed through the entire movie. We talked during the drive home and then we sat in my truck outside her place talking until she got tired. When I walked her to the door she said that she had fun and the we need to do it again (just the 2 of us). I gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek, and then she "just stood there." I reached for her hand and we kissed. Since then we were together Sunday after Church and started wrapping gifts for Christmas, and she looked at me and said, "Hey James.." when I looked at her she said "I Love you".... I have been smiling since Saturday night and I can't stop smiling :-D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamas_Girl Posted December 6, 2011 Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 Does she know you've even been investigating the church? I'd find a way to gently tell her, and explain to her what prompted you to join the LDS. I'd not keep it a secret even for a short while as this is a very important step in your relationship, and you don't want her questioning why you didn't tell her in the first place. You say you guys are open about everything, so I'm betting that the Lord will find a way for you to insert this news into a conversation. We're all rooting for you!You betcha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted December 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 Does she know you've even been investigating the church? I'd find a way to gently tell her, and explain to her what prompted you to join the LDS. I'd not keep it a secret even for a short while as this is a very important step in your relationship, and you don't want her questioning why you didn't tell her in the first place. You say you guys are open about everything, so I'm betting that the Lord will find a way for you to insert this news into a conversation. Mamas_Girl... Good Question...... She was the one who introduced me to the Visitor Center at the Mesa Temple and who helped me with a lot of my questions when I was an investigator. We do talk about everything, and it was a concern of ours in the begining on the "why" behind my investigation and reason for being baptised, but we have talked about it and we are confident that I did it for the right reason.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted December 6, 2011 Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 Thank you all for the input, and i really do appreciate it.It came to me last week that in the last 9 months that this friend of mine and I have been "hanging out" I have never once asked her on a "date". It has always been "hey you want to go see a movie" or "let's do lunch" or something similar. So I asked her last week "***** would you like to go on a date with me Saturday?"We went on our first "official" date, and we had sooooooooooo much fun. When I picked her up I broguth 2 roses that were tied together with a black ribbon. I was dressed in "Sunday atire," yes I wore a tie... As we left her place she reached back and grabbed my hand. We talked the entire drive to the resturant, we talked while waiting for a table, we talked suring dinner, we talked while we drove to the movies, we talked while waiting for the movie to start. It is amazing how easily she and I are able to talk about anyting and everything. We saw "The Muppets" for the movie, and we laughed through the entire movie. We talked during the drive home and then we sat in my truck outside her place talking until she got tired. When I walked her to the door she said that she had fun and the we need to do it again (just the 2 of us). I gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek, and then she "just stood there." I reached for her hand and we kissed.Since then we were together Sunday after Church and started wrapping gifts for Christmas, and she looked at me and said, "Hey James.." when I looked at her she said "I Love you"....I have been smiling since Saturday night and I can't stop smiling :-DAwe! Great update! I'm swooning, lol. I'm smiling for you too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReynaRosa Posted December 6, 2011 Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 I'm not a professional, but I can say this, You are a blessed man. For you to stand right with GOD and find someone in life to spend the rest of time with here on earth...pray earnestly and let the Holy Spirit guide you :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searching_For_The_Truth Posted October 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 9, 2012 Ok it has been a while since I have been on here and updated you all on this situation. First, let me say that I have a whole new respect for patients. It has been a year and a half since this young lady and I met. Over the time that has passed since I posted last we went out on a few more dates, many were really good, and one that was AMAZING. We took steps forward and steps backwards and then forward and so on, but a couple weeks back she took several steps forward and she made the decision to say "yes" to being an exclusive couple. We still have yet to officailly tell people, but I don't think they really need to know. We are happy and I can't stop smiling so I say this is good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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