I don't like wearing garments

[Guest HSAB]

I think six out of about fifty women is a lot.

[john doe]

Obviously my issue with garments is tied into body image issues. But the point is, it's a real issue. And a big one. No, I would NEVER wear anything tight and white on my legs. Ever. I've been to plenty of therapists over the years. Just like someone struggling with alcohol can be triggered by the smell of it a poor body image and eating disorders are triggered by things that make you feel bad about yourself. Going therapy is not going to curr me. I battle with it everyday, and will for the rest of my life. No matter how much someone tells me to not feel that way, i do. I am obviously trying, otherwise i wouldn't be on here trying to sort this out. I am also obviously taking going through the temple as a serious commitment. This is a real struggle for

a lot of women. I understand why most don't speak up, because honestly the judgements I've felt on this are almost too much to handle.

Refusing to get counseling for such a debilitating issue is not going to help alleviate it either.

I'm not sure what you're looking for here. Do you want to be relieved from having to wear the garment after being endowed? Do you want different colors? What exactly are you asking for here? As has been mentioned, garments are not necessarily meant to be tight, they can be fit as loose or tight to the body as you are comfortable with. Nobody is going to see them unless you are undressed, and I'm hoping your future husband probably isn't so shallow that he comments on how your garments make you look fat when you're unclothed. Who else are you planning on being unclothed in front of?

[Guest HSAB]

First of all, I never refused to go to counseling. I've gone to plenty of counseling as mentioned in the post that you quoted. Enough to know that this is a lifelong illness that cannot be cured by counseling. It's a support, but not a cure. Obviously you have not struggled with any issues or disorders yourself.

Also, if you read my earlier posts, what I was looking for was possibly someone who had been through the same thing. I wanted to see how they are/have dealt with it. If I had a solution, I would not have a need to be on here. Your comment is degrading, patronizing and insulting.

I said I was concerned about seeing MYSELF in them-and you throw a jab at my fiance and ask me who else I am going to be naked in front of???

Is this Christlike love???

Do you think that Heavenly Father thinks it's ok for you to see a sister in pain and say things like that to her? I think you have something in your eye, it may be a beam.

[Guest HSAB]

A lot of women have body issues such that if they wear garments they will engaging in unhealthy weight loss behavior? I have a hard time believing this and suspect you're projecting. Thing is you don't need to project, you don't have to attribute you and your friends feelings to a nebulous 'lot of women' for them to be real.

I understand where you are going with this, and appreciate the validation of what myself and my friends are going through.

[Backroads]

Is it just the tightness factor? I favor looser bottoms. Would that work for you?

I don't think anyone intends to be cruel here, but as LMM has said, not all of us understand this.

So your concern is seeing yourself in them. Hypothetically, what if you like what you see?

I have never found anything completely hideous about the garments I choose to wear, but I also realize a lot of older women get stuck in a rut. Of the women you have asked, how many are older and how many are closer to your own age?

[Bini]

Side question..

What do women wear that are full blown pregnant or nursing? Are there garments for these situations? Sorry if this has been addressed before in thread. I didn't read through all the pages..

[Backroads]

Side question..

What do women wear that are full blown pregnant or nursing? Are there garments for these situations? Sorry if this has been addressed before in thread. I didn't read through all the pages..

Apparently there are garments specific to these womanly situations.

[Guest HSAB]

It's really the bottoms in general. Either way having white knee length shorts makes me feel fat and stumpy. I've considered joining the military, not really, but thinking about if that might be better. But I don't know.:) It has a lot to do with the white factor. White makes things look bigger.

Unfortunately, I have seen myself in them. When I started having anxiety about it, one of my friends got me one of every kind in 3 different sizes (she cut the symbols out) I know that this may not be appropriate, but I really am trying here, and I thought if I could see them maybe they wouldn't be so bad. That is how I felt about the tops, but the bottoms were so much worse to me than I had ever imagined.

Most of the women are between 25-35, single or married within the last 5 years. A few have kids. So it's mostly a younger group. The only one who was older is also the only one who felt comfortable in them. In my world, social circle, ward, ect. it is just an understanding that garments are unattractive and, not to degrade them, but most people I talked to look at them as a necessary evil. Even my bishop told me that they are unattractive. This might be a generational thing, I don't know how many younger people are on here.

[Bini]

I don't know much about eating disorders myself, though I have a good friend whose story is very similar. She never mentioned having a trigger problem connected to garments, though I suppose it is possible.

But there must be more support for you other than to wear or not to wear the garment.

I still haven't read all the previous posts but wanted to comment on this.

Eating disorders can be triggered by ANYTHING and obviously the IT trigger varies from person to person. One of mine is being in a gym or surrounded by exercise equipment. So garments being a trigger for others, I have no difficultly believing it, especially since I question my own body image when I'm wearing a robe around the house.

[Guest]

Body image issues... I'm not familiar with this at all.

I do have anger management issues - and this I'm like... expert on. It is very diblitating, it is embarassing, it is sinful, hurtful, abusive, etc. etc. etc. and is completely against what the church teaches.

Something that has helped me is my husband. He is the rock in my sea of despair. (Uhm, sounds so poetic, lol). No, my husband doesn't really understand it - he just accepts it as my cross to bear. And when I'm in this "Hulk" mode, he is always there to support me and help me get through it.

I'm thinking maybe that's something you can try to do. Find that one person - your fiance is the best person for this probably - that you can lean on when you put on garments. Maybe he can shower you with love, praise, self-confidence boosters - whatever it is you need - to get you through the day.

And, if you fail sometimes (as I do... A LOT), then at least you can claim that you did your best, the rest you offer to God and His infinite mercy. Nobody understands your struggles better than He does.

[Guest]

Side question..

What do women wear that are full blown pregnant or nursing? Are there garments for these situations? Sorry if this has been addressed before in thread. I didn't read through all the pages..

I was 36 weeks pregnant when I got my endowments... so yeah, they do have pregnant woman garments. And nursing garments too.

[Backroads]

If it weren't for your disorder, my advice would be to simply shrug it off and deal with it. Earlier in the thread I mentioned I'm neutral on them: my happiness about wearing them is directly tied to my covenants, if I had a choice I'd probably just wear the regular underwear of the world, but I don't find them necessarily unattractive--I'm more than happy to wear lingerie for my husband to heat things up (on a side note, I actually kept a few of my cuter pairs of "normal" panties to use as lingerie after my husband confessed cute underwear was as good as sexy lingerie to him). But again, the style of garments I am most satisfied with lend themselves to a rather Old-west/Victorian underwear look that I quite like.

However, for the rest of this conversation, I do want to separate some topics. In this thread you have been bringing up how many women and men find the garment unattractive as well as your worry that the lack of attractiveness in the garment will trigger your eating disorder. I find the latter point a valid concern and I can also see how you get the former to lead to the latter. But we can't be pulling out the "X number of people find the garment less attractive than <insert other underwear>" card.

You personally don't find the garment attractive and feel it will contribute to your self-esteem and eating disorder. This is what we need to stick to, particularly the second half of this sentence.

We can't turn this into a fashion debate.

[Bini]

OP, agreed. Therapy/counseling does not cure but with the desire for a better quality of life, it can provide the tools and perhaps even strength, to overcome our demons. I've gone through counseling and I try to always keep in mind that the road to recovery and to self improvement is a constant work-in-progress. We may never fully be free of our ailments, and we certainly won't ever meet our full potential in this lifetime but if we have a sincere heart and openness to the Lord, I know we can live full and happy lives. Regarding the garment issue, that's especially a tough one, as once a member is endowed they are commanded to wear them. I am not an endowed member so I have never worn garments but I can understand how something unflattering (be it garment or another piece of clothing) can ruin one's whole day, and be a double-whammy for someone with ED. Have you considered a blessing from your fiance or family member, or anyone you feel comfortable with? You don't need to go into details with anyone other than your fiance if you don't want to.. You could ask for some comfort and relief from a personal heavy burden you're going through? If I know one thing, the Lord won't leave you hanging, that doesn't mean the road gets easier but you'll find a strength you perhaps didn't know you had.

[NeuroTypical]

What do women wear that are full blown pregnant or nursing? Are there garments for these situations?

Indeed there are. There are tops with slits - great things at 3am so a mommy can do the needful without having to change clothes or whatever. And there are bottoms with plenty of extra-stretchy material (similar to the pregger-jeans you see) to allow for a great big baby belly.

(I hope it's not wierd for a guy to answer this question. But I do all the garment ordering, and kept my wife in these things for two kids. I was fascinated by the whole thing.)

[slamjet]

My ex started wearing my garment tops when she was pregnant. Heck, she got so big (twins) she started wearing my Levi's shorts.

[Dravin]

I think six out of about fifty women is a lot.

12% of the women you know engage in unhealthy weight loss behavior triggered by wearing garments? And you believe this sample is representative of, being conservative, US LDS women? The general US rates I'm seeing are, on the high side, 10 million women with an eating disorder, there are ~173 million women aged 18 to 64 which gives a rate of ~6%. It's quick and dirty (but it excludes adolescents which do suffer eating disorders and I suspect older women have lower rates) but you're looking at double the national rate. And that's before delving into the issue of 'triggered by wearing garments'. Additionally more conservative figures I'm seeing are giving national women rates for bulimia at 2-3% and anorexia at 1% (I'm aware those aren't the only eating disorders out there). Also once again we don't have the filter of 'triggered by garments' which will act to reduce numbers not increase them.

It's gonna take something a little more rigorous to convince me that a lot of women engage in unhealthy weight loss behavior triggered by wearing garments. But ultimately convincing me it's some sort of widespread problem faced by a lot of women doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Dravin

[Guest HSAB]

Well, I'm not here to prove it to you. I only have the people that I know to pull from. I doubt that there's ever been any statistics on garments being triggers, but I have enough friends who have that issue that I thought it was a valid concern. I'm deleting my account on this site. My experience has been poor, and this is the last thing I need right now. Thanks to those who were kind to me on this site.

[Dravin]

but I have enough friends who have that issue that I thought it was a valid concern.

Once again, it doesn't have to be a concern for a nebulous group of 'a lot of women' for it to be a valid concern.

I'm deleting my account on this site.

If you want to have your account banned (we don't always delete accounts in situations like this) use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of the page to make a request.

Edited May 19, 2012 by Dravin

[Backroads]

Another question while on the topic (with no intention of rudeness)

How many women are vehemently against garments and how many women would simply pick other underwear if they had the choice?

[Iggy]

How many women are vehemently against garments

Not me

how many women would simply pick other underwear if they had the choice?

Not me, I prefer wearing the garments. Not just because I covenanted to wear them all the time, but because they are comfy.

[beefche]

I'm not vehemently against garments. They are very comfortable, for the most part.

There are times that I would like to choose the traditional underwear. It's usually because I'm having issues with my garments showing despite wearing appropriate clothes. Plus, sometimes I just want to wear frilly, feminine stuff.

[Guest Blade1]

HSAB-

I 100% understand what you are going through. I have battled with an eating disorder for 11 years.

For those who have said "get counseling for this problem." It's not that easy. I have been through several counselors and though the "action" of the eating disorder may go away for the time being, it's always mentally in your head.

For those who have mentioned, such as Jezebel2011, that "it isn't a choice." Um, yeah, it sure is a choice. We can CHOOSE whether to wear them or not. Now, we may or may not receive the temple blessings, but isn't that up to God? Isn't the choice between us and the Lord?

Only God knows our hearts and is the one to judge us.

I have prayed about this because it TOO has been a struggle to wear garments (and NO, it does not matter if you are alone and no one is around to see them. Those with eating disorders can look at themselves in the mirror and be disgusted by looking at our OWN self, sometimes it doesn't matter what others think. WE see ourselves differently. So when you put on the garment, we see ourselves uglier than we are without the garment.

How do you all also know, that HSAB, and those who struggle haven't already prayed about it and have found peace not wearing them, because of the self image they have. God knows our struggles and EVERYONE is different.

I am active in the church and do not feel like a "sinner" when I don't wear them. I truly believe that the Lord knows my heart and knows that I, on a daily basis pray and remember the covenants I made in the temple. I am now sealed to my husband and wouldn't have have done it any other way. But the Lord knows how hard it is for me, and I am sure many other women feel the same way.

It saddens me how harsh some of your comments have been to those who post on here, struggling with this problem. You probably shoudn't even respond to this issue unless you have gone through it or have a comment of love. Instead I see a holier than thou attitude from most of you.

Are those who wear their garments all the time, also perfect in every choice they make? yeah, I didn't think so.

Edited May 20, 2012 by Blade1

[Backroads]

I actually love the number of panty line problems garments solve.

[Tyler90AZ]

Pretty disappointing that an amazing post was deleted for no reason.

[Guest Blade1]

that's odd. My post was taken down. I didn't realize what a close minded thread this was