sena Posted April 6, 2012 Report Posted April 6, 2012 Hey everyone, I have a question. I'm going to my bishop soon about "grinding" with my fiance through clothes. We are getting married in two months, and our making out got passionate which led to this grinding. Is this something that we will have to postpone our wedding? Does anyone have any experience in this happening?
Vort Posted April 6, 2012 Report Posted April 6, 2012 Hey everyone, I have a question. I'm going to my bishop soon about "grinding" with my fiance through clothes. We are getting married in two months, and our making out got passionate which led to this grinding. Is this something that we will have to postpone our wedding? Does anyone have any experience in this happening?Talk to your bishop and let him lead the way. In the meantime, don't grind. Keep a Book of Mormon distance between your bodies at all times. (Martin Harris's actions mean that you're still 116 pages closer than you otherwise would be.)
Backroads Posted April 6, 2012 Report Posted April 6, 2012 I doubt it will postpone your wedding, but you'll probably receive the suggestion to at least back off.
sena Posted April 7, 2012 Author Report Posted April 7, 2012 Im getting married in a few months and me and my fiancé passionately make out a lot. This leads to grinding with each other while fully clothed. Would a bishop make us wait to get married?
Vort Posted April 7, 2012 Report Posted April 7, 2012 sena, you have been struggling with chastity issues for some time. Now you have asked a couple of times what your bishop's reaction might be. We cannot possibly answer such a question. Only your bishop can tell you what discipline he might level. It is 100% sure that the bishop cannot "make" you wait to get married. He has no authority, ecclesiastical or otherwise, to do any such thing. He may refuse to perform the ceremony, but he can't stop you from marrying. Or do you mean that he might disallow your temple recommend? This certainly is possible. But if you're violating the law of chastity, this is actually a very good thing for him to do. You do not belong in the temple if you are violating the law of chastity. You know this. My advice is to quit asking random, anonymous people on the internet what they think your bishop might do, and ask your bishop instead. You have made covenants. Live up to those covenants. If you're having trouble doing that, talk to your bishop. It's really as simple as that.
pam Posted April 7, 2012 Report Posted April 7, 2012 I think "grinding" would be the least of your worries at this point. You already admitted to drinking and having sex here. That was back in September of last year. Did nothing anyone said 7 months ago sink in that you have to bring up 2 more threads?
arh14040 Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Is "grinding" breaking the law of chastity? I think it is a logical question to ask.
JudoMinja Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Is "grinding" breaking the law of chastity? I think it is a logical question to ask.Yes.
JudoMinja Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 From "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet in the section on "Sexual Purity":"Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression. Treat others with respect, not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires. Before marriage, do not participate in passionate kissing, lie on top of another person, or touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body, with or without clothing. Do not do anything else that arouses sexual feelings. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body. Pay attention to the promptings of the Spirit so that you can be clean and virtuous. The Spirit of the Lord will withdraw from one who is in sexual transgression." (emphasis added)
sena Posted April 8, 2012 Author Report Posted April 8, 2012 I think "grinding" would be the least of your worries at this point. You already admitted to drinking and having sex here. That was back in September of last year. Did nothing anyone said 7 months ago sink in that you have to bring up 2 more threads?To answer your questions, yes it did and I was put on 6 months of probation which is up. Now I am trying to live my life right and I have felt this was a grey area and I want to do things right. So in reply, Yes this "grinding" is the most of my worries right now. And for a being a moderator, thanks for the assumptions because you are absolutely no help.
Bini Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 To answer your questions, yes it did and I was put on 6 months of probation which is up. Now I am trying to live my life right and I have felt this was a grey area and I want to do things right. So in reply, Yes this "grinding" is the most of my worries right now. And for a being a moderator, thanks for the assumptions because you are absolutely no help.Sena, "grinding" is NOT a grey area - it breaks the law of chastity. Since you've been down this road before, you already know then, that consulting your bishop again is the step that needs to be taken. Go see your bishop if you sincerely want to set things right - he is the only one equipped to advise you.
Leah Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 To answer your questions, yes it did and I was put on 6 months of probation which is up. Now I am trying to live my life right and I have felt this was a grey area and I want to do things right. So in reply, Yes this "grinding" is the most of my worries right now. And for a being a moderator, thanks for the assumptions because you are absolutely no help.Actually, Pam was trying to be helpful. She was trying to give you a wake-up call. This is not a "gray area"....you are not living the law of chastity. Re-read JudoMinja's posts, she spelled it out pretty clearly. It's time to talk to your bishop...again.
sena Posted April 8, 2012 Author Report Posted April 8, 2012 If we could refer back to the original post, I'm asking what the discipline is for this behavior. I am aware everyone is different, but on average what an expected disciplinary action would be. Th is is Not about wether I should talk to a bishop.
Leah Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 If we could refer back to the original post, I'm asking what the discipline is for this behavior. I am aware everyone is different, but on average what an expected disciplinary action would be. Th is is Not about wether I should talk to a bishop.That is not a question that anyone here can answer. That can only be answered by your bishop. He is the one with stewardship over you.
Guest Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 The discipline will be what you need it to be to get on track. Only your bishop can determine what that be.
pam Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 The thing is, none of us can tell you what action your Bishop might take. What inspiration he might receive. Again it goes back to talking to your Bishop. FWIW, moderators are allowed to have opinions on this site just like every other member of the site. Unless I say "speaking as a moderator," I'm posting like any other member of this site.
Just_A_Guy Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Sena, the Church Handbook of Instructions is not a legal code. We don't have "class A" or "class B" misdemeanors where each offense is always punishable by the same sanction--informal probation, disfellowshipment, or whatever. (Well, except for very, very limited circumstances--murder, and things approaching that level of gravity.) Your ecclesiastical authorities have a surprising amount of leeway to act in accordance with whatever guidance the Spirit gives them. I realize that there's a lot of trepidation about "what will happen to me?", especially if/when you have a wedding date coming up. But from a spiritual standpoint, the best thing you can do is to reconcile yourself to the Lord's will, go talk to the bishop, and let the chips fall where they may.
Bini Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Sena, as you noted because everyone is different (ie. with different backgrounds and at different stages in the gospel), there's no way to determine what your probation period will be, based on what others have experienced. So yes, it still remains a matter of consulting your bishop and discussing YOUR tribulation. Best of luck.
Tyler90AZ Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Hey everyone, I have a question. I'm going to my bishop soon about "grinding" with my fiance through clothes. We are getting married in two months, and our making out got passionate which led to this grinding. Is this something that we will have to postpone our wedding? Does anyone have any experience in this happening?Grinding?? That is it!!! You are a saint compared to most Americans, even some Mormons. It is breaking the law of chastity, but you are not the only one who has done it. If you are beating yourself up over it, stop doing it. See the Bishop and move forward. The fact that you are so worried shows that you are one of Gods chosen.
Bini Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Grinding?? That is it!!! You are a saint compared to most Americans, even some Mormons. It is breaking the law of chastity, but you are not the only one who has done it. If you are beating yourself up over it, stop doing it. See the Bishop and move forward. The fact that you are so worried shows that you are one of Gods chosen.Overboard, much?"You are a saint compared to most Americans, even some Mormons."Where does this even come from?Just for the record, I don't think anyone was judging OP. Everyone simply emphasized, repeatedly, that consulting the bishop would be best. But just as a side note, grinding and petting in general isn't something to be downplayed - that's serious business and often times leads to serious consequences. It'd be like saying, "You smoke pot? That's it!? That's not that bad," when everyone who's ever experimented with drugs KNOWS that weed is the gateway drug to trying ALL kinds of other stuff. We can't allow ourselves to think that just because one sin is seemingly less evil than another, that we're somehow in a "safe zone" and not to worry over it as we would a more serious sin.
MorningStar Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Are you asking because you want to know what you can get away with until the wedding or because you are truly concerned about doing the right thing?
pam Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 The fact that you are so worried shows that you are one of Gods chosen. Really? Wow we have a lot of God's chosen that visit this site then.
Tyler90AZ Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) Overboard, much?"You are a saint compared to most Americans, even some Mormons."Where does this even come from?Just for the record, I don't think anyone was judging OP. Everyone simply emphasized, repeatedly, that consulting the bishop would be best. But just as a side note, grinding and petting in general isn't something to be downplayed - that's serious business and often times leads to serious consequences. It'd be like saying, "You smoke pot? That's it!? That's not that bad," when everyone who's ever experimented with drugs KNOWS that weed is the gateway drug to trying ALL kinds of other stuff. We can't allow ourselves to think that just because one sin is seemingly less evil than another, that we're somehow in a "safe zone" and not to worry over it as we would a more serious sin.My comment was not referring to anybody else posts. Just to the fact that he should not beat him self up over it. To me it sounds like he knows what he did is wrong and needs to repent and see the bishop. Therefore, it is unwise to stress about it so much that it effects her negatively or doesn't see the bishop. Godly sorrow doesn't have to equal killing yourself over something. Yes, grinding is violating the law of chastity and she should stop. Lena, I would also make sure to not take the next step before you are married. That is something you will regret for the rest of your life. However, the small shred of good news to come out of this sin, is that it is with your future wife. I would be more concerned if it was just with some random girl. Although it is very important that you repent and see the Bishop immediately. Edited April 8, 2012 by Tyler90AZ
bytor2112 Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 (edited) My comment was not referring to anybody else posts. Just to the fact that he should not beat him self up over it. To me it sounds like he knows what he did is wrong and needs to repent and see the bishop.I think beating himself up over it should lead him to his knees....doesn't sound like the Bishop really need be involved. Edited April 8, 2012 by bytor2112
beefche Posted April 8, 2012 Report Posted April 8, 2012 Considering the OP has already had sex with the fiance before, grinding through the clothes is a knowing prelude to sex again. So, yes, the bishop needs to be involved considering she just finished probation for breaking the LoC before and now doing an act that leads to actual intercourse.
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