My ward

[Twisted_Fairytales]

Im feeling very despondant but I need some input here.

My ward is starting to affect mine and my husbands testimony.

At times it feels that we are getting more out of the gospel by not going. The stake presidency have flagged us up as a 'problem' ward and mention it often. I think they are sick of us. At ward conference the 1st counsellor was visibly fed up and even mentioned in a talk how we are not functioning.

My DH is on the EQ Pres. He had a meeting in the wk and when he came home he said he felt sick to his stomach at the way the pres was discussing members of the ward. He wants to resign as its making him so depressed.

I would say 30% of the ward callings are unfilled with plenty of members with no calling (myself included, havent had one in almost 4 yrs).

No one reads the lessons or participates, just sits there. The person who teaches Sunday school who isnt a called teacher never focusses on the lesson contect, just tries to get contraversial debates going every wk. People wander in and out chatting, theres no repsect atall. I feel worse after going to church.

Its getting so bad we want to move wards. The reason I say its affecting our testimonies is if people are called by revelation, it seems somehow not right that the EQ Pres sits there slating members of the ward in an EXTREMELY derogatory and disrespectful way. DH said he was even trying to get out of home teaching 2 families but took the 'lesser of the evils'. I know we are all human but how can the Lord want someone like this in a calling that is supposed to be about service? When my DH has suggested activities to strengthen and include future missionaries in the ward he sneered and called them 'retards'.

Theres a few members who only come to cause trouble, and a couple of people who sit there swearing periodically. Its just torture and everyday we dread going.

I just dont know what to do short of moving

[HiJolly]

Ok, so are you isolating the EQ President as _a_ problem, or as _the_ problem? How's the Bishop? The Stake President?

How are your High Councilmen? --if the EQP has a problem, the High Councilman over your ward has a responsibility to take action.

HJ

[john doe]

My first question is why the callings are going unfilled. Are they being refused or are the calls not going out? Second, the only thing you can really control is yourself. Make sure that you are attempting to be part of the solution, and not part of the problem.

[Windseeker]

My Advice: I wouldn't move. I'd just got to the ward you want.

I still feel that the boundaries are set by well meaning individuals who strive to be inspired and moved to make the right decision. The boundries are set to create a strong ward with enough active members to support the ward. When people go to other wards it affects the ward. If people just go where they want then it would cause allot of chaos and many members would be affected. I'm aware of this.

I used to look down on members who attended other wards outside their boundaries as flawed somehow.

Not anymore. I've repented. I think you do all you can but if it comes between not going at all or having to move, I would just stay where you are and go to another ward.

My former Bishop who I love and greatly respect held that belief. He held the same belief for church classes. As a Sunday school teacher my class was full with older kids from other classes who otherwise just wouldn't attend sunday school. The Bishop was just happy the kids were in class.

I think maybe it's time to circle the wagons and go where you feel more comfortable till you feel you have the strength to return and contribute to your home ward.

[beefche]

Its getting so bad we want to move wards. The reason I say its affecting our testimonies is if people are called by revelation, it seems somehow not right that the EQ Pres sits there slating members of the ward in an EXTREMELY derogatory and disrespectful way. DH said he was even trying to get out of home teaching 2 families but took the 'lesser of the evils'. I know we are all human but how can the Lord want someone like this in a calling that is supposed to be about service? When my DH has suggested activities to strengthen and include future missionaries in the ward he sneered and called them 'retards'.

If the Lord only called those who were perfect for the calling, then no callings would be filled. The Lord extends the call; it is up to the individual to fulfil and magnify it. I am quite sure that the Lord knows the potential in the EQ president--more so than you or I. However, agency is involved and regardless of the inspiration or revelation, that EQ president is reponsible for his own choices and actions.

What I have found in my leadership positions is that there are A LOT of people who refuse callings. Even from the "stalwart" members--they refuse callings as well. It may be that your bishop and stake president are doing the best he can with what he has.

I think your husband really should gently and lovingly speak up when he hears desparaging remarks. That may the reason he is there--to help the others see a different way. He may not see any success, but by gently leading the others, he can do much good. Or he will get released. But, he can feel good about doing something to combat the negativity.

Your testimony should be based on more than how calls are fulfilled or how people fail in callings. Focus on the basics--scriptures, the Atonement prayers, etc. Make fasting and prayer for help a constant. Try to focus on more positive things in the ward--they are there, you may have to find them, but do find them and focus on those.

I think you both should focus on how you can help the ward. You may still decide to move and that's fine. But, focusing on serving and helping the lack of doing of others can help you to feel better. And if you do move, I would strongly suggest not bad-mouthing the ward. Again, feeding negativity makes more and bigger negatives.

[skippy740]

What an opportunity to be a pioneer!

Huh?

Sure! When the church was first restored and Brother Joseph was organizing the saints, he went through quite a bit as well.

- Brethren tobacco spit (inspired D&C 89)

- False prophecies (D&C 28)

- An attempt to poison the congregation using sacramental wine "not of their own make"! (Don't get any ideas!) :)

As I was looking for more sections of the D&C to mention as inspiration for the confusion that existed in the early church, I read the section heading for D&C 9. As I was reading the section again, verses 12, 13 & 14 stood out to me for this thread:

12 For, do you not behold that I have given unto my servant Joseph sufficient strength, whereby it is made up? And neither of you have I condemned.

13 Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shall prosper. Be faithful, and yield to no temptation.

14 Stand fast in the work wherewith I have called you, and a hair of your head shall not be lost, and you shall be lifted up at the last day. Amen.

Well, there's some inspiring words that helped me. I hope they helped you.

Edited April 13, 2012 by skippy740

[Backroads]

What's sad is that your testimony is affected by this. There is more to the gospel than weekly meetings. What are you doing at home to boost your testimony? Are you praying? Studying the scriptures? Do you think spiritually at home?

[annewandering]

That ward desperately needs you. You are not alone in your feelings there. One of you has to stand up. Find out what the lessons are for that week. the ones that are SUPPOSED to be taught. Try to bring up the main points in your responses.

You can not sit there and let the EQP knock people in public. Speak up. If you know the person being knocked tell them something good about the person. You might add that no one is perfect and that is why you all are there. Some people may end up hating you but if it even slows the hatemongers down there will be more that will appreciate what you are doing.

Praying is essential before during and after meetings. :) Remember you are there not just for you and your family but for your brothers and sisters. They dont need to go to church for the whack to their faith anymore than you do.

I have been in three wards that had bad problems like this. One ward only had 50 people attending. It was awful. It was combined so there were more but it still had serious problems. The other ward I dont think even the building still stands. It was close to hmmm about 3100 south state. An old white building. Is it still even standing?

[mnn727]

I just dont know what to do short of moving

My wife and I did exactly that once, our only directive was that our new place had to be outside the Wards boundaries.

Some Wards are detrimental to your spirituality and unfortunately some people really never recover 100%. I'll be the first to admit; I've never again reached the level of activity/spirituality I had before that Ward, If you've never experienced a truly terrible Ward you really can't understand how it can zap you. Its wonderful to sit on a message board and solve the Wards problems but its another thing to experience them first hand.

I am sorry you are going through that. I would recommend if you are at the end of your rope, that you talk to the Stake President and find out about attending a different Ward from where you live or if you can move, then do so.

If the Stake Presidency knows the ward is not working, perhaps they should change the leadership or even the boundaries to split the membership and integrate them into Wards that do work.

Edited April 13, 2012 by mnn727

[annewandering]

Maybe no ward wants any of the people from that ward. How do you split up a ward into to other wards that dont want their problem people? Ok I know that is cynical. Just move. That ward will disappear soon with no one there to keep it going.

[applepansy]

I hope your testimony is that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. I hope your testimony is that He paid for our sins, died on the cross and was resurrected so that we, if we repent, can return to live with our Heavenly Father. I hope you have a testimony that Joseph Smith was the prophet of the restoration of Christ's church in these latter days.

NOTHING that happens in church on Sunday should be able to make you lose your belief in those things because those are based on the Spirit.

I was once told that you get out of a ward what you put in to it. I took being told that pretty badly. I felt I was doing all I could. I was wrong. I could do more to strengthen my testimony and it didn't have anything to do with what other people in the ward were doing.

Fast, Pray and Read the scriptures. Have family home evening. Try your hardest to act in a way pleasing to the Lord, especially at Church meetings. Go out of your way to be of service to your fellow ward members. When we sacrifice and do all we can to make a situation better then the Lord steps in and does what we cannot.

I wish you all the best.

[Suzie]

The reason I say its affecting our testimonies is if people are called by revelation, it seems somehow not right that the EQ Pres sits there slating members of the ward in an EXTREMELY derogatory and disrespectful way. DH said he was even trying to get out of home teaching 2 families but took the 'lesser of the evils'. I know we are all human but how can the Lord want someone like this in a calling that is supposed to be about service?

Well, maybe you are coming from the premise that every calling is extended or given by revelation. I don't believe it. I think some callings come through revelation and others through desperation. Having said that, people are people even if they are Stake Presidents, Bishops or even Seventies. They are just men and whomever wants to see them in any other way than just men are setting themselves for a big disappointment. Whether they are called by God or not, they still men with the same strengths and weaknesses than everybody else.

Once your foundation is on CHRIST, and once you follow HIS example I believe you will be just fine. I know it bothers you and it's natural (I would be pissed too). I believe that you and your husband can still give service to those who need it. You don't need a calling to help the poor and comfort the afflicted and they are everywhere.

Best of luck!

[mnn727]

Obviously most people have not ever been in a Ward that sucks the life out of you.

I am glad of that, but they do exist.

[volgadon]

Obviously most people have not ever been in a Ward that sucks the life out of you.

I am glad of that, but they do exist.

Yes, they do exist and even though they should not negatively impact your testimony, unfortunately they can and do affect it.

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