Acting as bishop or father

[Backroads]

Husband mentioned this hypothetical situation to me this morning (not sure if it were a dream and he insists this was not an excerpt from his childhood).

A young boy, 12-13ish in age, winds up calling a local girl of the same age a bad word. This girl happens to be the daughter of the bishop. Girl tells her father, and next Sunday at church this man calls the boy into his office for a discussion over this event.

Is having the boy come into the office making this meeting a "bishop" meeting? Is that appropriate, i.e., is this a situation where he should be acting as bishop, or just the father of a girl?

[bytor2112]

I would think it would be father to father and then Bishop to the 12-13 year old boy.

[estradling75]

In my ward the bishop has established that he will (and has) rebuke(d) any young man that insults any young woman. Publicly if necessary. He feels its a part of teaching young men how to be good fathers and priesthood holders that respect women.

So in my ward such an action would be seen as him continuing to do what he has always done. Thus he would be insulated by being constant even if his daughter is involved as in this theoretical case.

[Wingnut]

If he calls the young man into his office, it's a bishop thing. If he talks to him in the hallway, even privately, it's a father thing. You can't separate when you use the bishop's office for the conversation.

[Palerider]

All 4 of my kids had to endure me as their Bishop and Father while growing up most of their life. I would speak with my kids at home as their Father and would say teasingly, "dont make me tell your Bishop about this".

In the case stated above it would be as a Bishop.

[Anddenex]

"You can't separate when you use the bishop's office for the conversation."

I would definitely agree with Wingnut, the moment he stepped into the Bishop's office it was a Bishop's meeting. The young boy isn't going to separate the two positions of status: father and Bishop.

If acting as a Bishop, he should, in my opinion, address the mother and father first of the young boy and then invite the young boy into his office.

If acting as a father, he should refrain from the Bishop's office, and speak with the boy privately.

"In my ward the bishop has established that he will (and has) rebuke(d) any young man that insults any young woman."

Thank you for sharing this Estrada, I believe, when within the bounds of stewardship, this should stand for any priesthood holder.

[NeuroTypical]

Wait - isn't the primary stewardship of the father, to raise capable, strong, mature kids who are able to take care of themselves and handle problems that come along? From my way of thinking, the father's reaction as father, would be to discuss the matter with his daughter with his daughter so they can figure out what the daughter should do and be and feel when adversities of life (like being called a bad word) come.

From his role as father, the dad does not call the other boy over for a talking to. The boy is not in his stewardship. He may choose to tell the parents/guardians of the boy, so they can take action. But no, he shouldn't deal with the boy directly.

Right?

I mean, consider a situation for a moment: You go find your 12-13 yr old kid one day, and she tells you that a strange man made her go into his house, gave her a talking to, and assigned a punishment. Doesn't anyone else freak out a little at such a prospect? Even after you learn what your kid did, it's not the strange man's place.

Now, if the father happens to be bishop, and does have some stewardship over the boy, I would still meet with both the boy and a parent at the same time.

[Sicily510]

Being that this is based on a hypothetical situation, understanding the role of Bishops is plain and simple that whatever is to be communicated with Bishop and members is in "Good Faith".

[Misshalfway]

I see no need for the "bishop" role in this scenario. I see only the need for the bishop to know clearly where this role begins and ends.

[Guest]

If the young woman intended to tell the Bishop about the incident and not the Father, then the Bishop gets to respond... but, I highly doubt that's what happened here. For example, if the Bishop was not her father, would she tell the Bishop?

So then, if the father was not the bishop, would he approach the boy, or would he approach the bishop to approach the boy?

See here... it's really not a good idea to forget the boundaries between the two positions - father and bishop. This is the same thing for any other leadership calling - stake president, general authority, prophet, etc.

[Sicily510]

This is a hypothetical situation yet very possible but shouldn't censure the role of the Bishop.

5th Article Of Faith:

We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

Although the daughter told her father whom is a Bishop, the Bishop can administer the gospel accordingly to teach the boy to try and be christlike in deeds and in thoughts.

"The bishop is the presiding high priest and father of the ward. "As such, (the bishop) presides at sacrament meeting, priesthood meeting, ward council meetings, and at all other ward services and activities," said President Monson. "By these and other means, he watches over both the spiritual and temporal affairs of the ward. He is also responsible for the doctrine which is taught in the ward."

"President Monson said a bishop must know his people, their names, circumstances, challenges, goals and abilities. "A wise bishop knows the names of the children in the ward as well, and he remembers them on their birthdays. He also is mindful of the widow and those who, for whatever reason, are not found as regular attenders in the meetings."

Knowing that the Bishop asked the boy into a meeting then it's safe to assume this boy is a member this boy would need some counsel:

"The bishop's duty "is to see that every boy is ordained a deacon at the right age, as well as a teacher, a priest and an elder," President Monson said. He added, "The two words, labor and love, will work wonders in achieving this objective. For those who are behind schedule, I leave the challenge, 'Reach out to rescue.'

"Appoint as advisers to the Aaronic Priesthood quorums brethren who can relate to these young men — who can give them encouragement in the performance of their responsibilities and prepare them to serve at the sacrament table, as home teachers, in the case of teachers and priests, and to qualify for missions."

Also....

"The bishop is the common judge. President Monson cited Doctrine and Covenants 107:68, 72 and 74 relative to a bishop's duty "to do the business of the church, to sit in judgment upon transgressors upon testimony as it shall be laid before him according to the laws."

"President Spencer W. Kimball," he said, "provided this wise counsel: When disciplining members of the Church for a transgression, make a bandage large enough to cover the wound — no larger and no smaller."

President Monson cited the instruction of President Gordon B. Hinckley to bishops at the priesthood session of last October's general conference pertaining to this duty. He also recalled the advice given to him as a new bishop by Paul C. Child, a former bishop and stake president: "First, take care of the poor. Second, have no favorites. Third, tolerate no iniquity."

"President Monson closed by saying that the "sacred and God-given responsibilities of the bishops were authored in heaven to bless in our day each member of the Church."

It's very necessary for Bishop's to do this so members can be in line with the gospel and progress spiritually.

LDS Church News - Bishop's duties outlined at training meeting

Edited June 25, 2012 by Sicily510
adding the link for reference

[Traveler]

Having been a parent (children grown) and a scout master of 12 and 13 year olds as well as having experienced youth myself - I am not sure that getting involved in such matters as a parent, or an adult leader in a calling is the right thing to do. I do not remember the number of complaints by my children or scouts about being called a name by other children. I was called many names myself and called others various names in my youth as well. Growing up - I thought an “SOB” was a Son of a Bishop.

Some points:

1. Name calling by children is not uncommon - it is very common.

2. Seldom is any child called a name by another child without some kind of provocation.

3. Getting to the bottom of causes in children problems is seldom worthwhile. Even when all the children involved are your own let alone someone else’s.

4. Being labeled a snitch or tattle tale in kid circles is usually worse than being called just about any other name.

5. There are many things in life children must face that are far worse than being called a “bad name”

6. I have a brother that to this day is inactive (over 40 years) because of something said to him by a bishop that involved the bishop’s son - in that the bishop believed his son without checking out what really happened (the ancient law of two or more witnesses).

7. Bishops often act out of inspiration but on occasions they do not - like most parents we tend to favor our own children when problems arise.

8. There are some kids I knew growing up that were not worthy to act in their priesthood - that later repented and have become as good or better than me (as a youth I always took my priesthood seriously). There is a story about David O McKay as a youth and his bishop that would surprise many people. One of my biggest challenges as a youth was knowing first hand that a bishop made a serious mistake blaming a youth unjustly. I was once told that the highest inactivity is between the ages of 12 and 16 and the most common cause of inactivity is being offended by a person with a “high” calling. I am not saying do not discipline teenagers - I am saying if you do not pursue such things with adults - don’t do it with teenagers.

The Traveler

[Sicily510]

“Bring Up Your Children in Light and Truth”

H. Verlan Andersen

The early teaching of children by parents offers the solution to many problems which otherwise may afflict our lives. Is not this the ounce of prevention which will eliminate the need for many pounds of cure with respect to our youth? Is there a better way to create and promote marital harmony than for a husband and wife to fully cooperate in carrying out this, their most important stewardship in time or eternity? What could bring greater satisfaction and meaning into the lives of grandparents or others than to establish the family tradition of training children during their years of innocence? And finally, how can we more easily overcome pride than by teaching children, whose humility we must emulate in order to enter the kingdom of heaven? The proper teaching of children is truly one of the most essential parts of God’s plan for our happiness.

?Bring Up Your Children in Light and Truth? - general-conference

It all narrows down to whose going to bring up that child in light and truth if they are not receiving it at home?

My father was locked up when I was 10, my brother whom older than me by two years always yearned for a father figure. The church was a blessing for our family because they offered stewardship in offering to pick us up for church, helping my mother with family issues. We are limiting the authority of the church when we rationalize and say we don't need their help. That's like this verse I've read in the 2 Nephi 28:30:

30 For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have.

We are rejecting the love and compassion of the gospel to bless us in our lives with understanding the teachings to speak with kindness and showing humility in doing wrong by changing to do right. Why do we measure wrong doings when wrong doings is just bad? There is no one wrong doing worse than another, when entirely it's just wrong. Hope I didn't confuse anyone, I'm just saying that if a boy is calling a girl names and he is a member of the church and the parents do not raise him in the light of the church that he should be sincerely chastened.

I've had times where I've questioned the authority of the church, but it has only made me bitter and not understanding that to grow spiritually I must be humble. I must trust that Heavenly Father is guiding the Bishop, teachers, missionaries in their duties to help me grow closer to him.

[Misshalfway]

Sometimes the best thing to do is to "show" a lesson than teach one.