Andre_J Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) WoMan #1 Child of record Seminary Graduate Institute Graduate Married in the Temple WoMan #1 Situation: Husband doesn’t provide Woman #1 works for a living Husband beats wife & child Lives in a miserable life WoMan #2 Not member of the church Committed pre-marital Sex Engaged in masturbation Married WoMan #2 Situation Husband is a good provider Woman #2 stays at home Husband is loving/affectionate to wife & child Lives in abundance - love, money & attention Questions: 1. Where did Woman#1 go wrong? 2. Does the Lord have to show more love to woman#2 because she’s a non member? 3. Does woman #1 has to suffer all these things on earth because she has the fullness of the gospel? 4. Eventually Woman#2 will become a member of the church... Is God Fair? Edited July 20, 2012 by Andre_J Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Is God Fair?Yes.The problem with the cases you presented is you are working from the assumption that challenges and results have to be the same to be fair.The blessings are not always so obvious. I will tell you one thing in the very bare-bone-details you presented in your case, that if Woman #1 gets through the challenge of a difficult marriage and triumphs above it, she would be a lot stronger and more formidable than any woman who has not gone through and rose above the same challenge.Marriage is not a reward for good behavior. Every stage of your life is just another step to more challenges. Line upon line, precept upon precept. Here a little, there a little. Life doesn't just all of a sudden become a walk in the park just because you didn't masturbate. It's an eternal progression... goes beyond death even.God's justice is fulfilled in the Final Judgement. You will be judged according to your knowledge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 1. Where did Woman#1 go wrong?Who says she did? Why is any of it her fault?2. Does the Lord have to show more love to woman#2 because she’s a non member?Does a father show more love to a child who is either ignorant or willful than to a diligent and faithful child, based solely on those merits?3. Does woman #1 has to suffer all these things on earth because she has the fullness of the gospel?If this were true, it would follow that all women who have the fullness of the Gospel would be subject to such misfortune.4. Eventually Woman#2 will become a member of the church... Is God Fair?What does woman #2 joining the Church have to do with God being fair or not? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 1) Why do you say that she went wrong? The Husband is responsible for his actions. He's the one who is doing wrong. 2) The Lord does not show more love to one person over another, he loves ALL his children equally. 3) Women without the fullness of the gospel suffer the same things just as others have happy marriages. So what's the question? 4) God is fair, life is not. It rains on the just and the unjust alike. With that being said, I don't get what you're driving at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 "Comparison is the thief of joy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andre_J Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Thank you all for uplifting answers. I just felt I was just being punished... but just can't figure out where I did wrong... I'm sorry but I feel like life just gets harder and harder.... that I end up comparing myself to others... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Thank you all for uplifting answers. I just felt I was just being punished... but just can't figure out where I did wrong... I'm sorry but I feel like life just gets harder and harder.... that I end up comparing myself to others...I guess you're Woman #1? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 If you are woman #1, have you ever thought about leaving? Since you are the only one working, you will not suffer the loss of his income (one reason some women stay in bad marriages). Why do you stay if he is beating you and your child? What prevents you from leaving? Do you think it is a good idea to stay with someone who is beating your child? It may not feel like it, but you do still have choices. You do not have to stay with someone who is beating you and your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 I wondered the same thing for years! What did I do to deserve such a horrible life? Why did I end up with a really bad situation when I worked hard to stay as good as possible my whole life? I was married inthe temple, too. One day I realized I wasn't being punished. My husband has agency and has been making those choices, God didn't make those bad things happen to me. So I made some choices of my own. I did counsling, and then ended up in divorce, since my (ex) husband was still harming us. Life is still very difficult, & I do still compare, sometimes. But I know I am blessed and my life is under my control. Life really is good. Difficult, but good. I wish you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClickyClack Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 OP, you have to understand a few things:First, we have agency, we get to make choices.Second, our choices have consequences.Third, God will not violate our agency.Fourth, our agency is for our own good.Whether avoidable or not, woman #1 chose to marry someone that ended up quite badly for her. And she's choosing to stay in a relationship that she shouldn't stay in. Her suffering is not caused by her righteousness, it is not required of her, it is simply an ongoing consequence of her own choices.For God to come down and take away the consequences of her choices would be negating her agency, negating the plan of the Savior, and following Satan's plan that none would be able to fail.As for woman #2? Well, knowingly or not, she made a choice in whom to marry that worked out well for her. That is probably no more or less tied to her righteousness than was woman #1. Just a consequence of choice.I tell my children all the time... the two largest determinants of how happy you will be are whether you will follow God, and WHOM YOU MARRY.As a personal note, ironically, worrying about what is fair in life is only a way to make yourself more miserable. Once you stop worrying about fair, and worry about how to make the most of what you have, then your life can progress. Happiness and progress come from within, not from what happens to others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Everyone has said what I'd say so I'll just add..... Please don't stay in a home where your child is being abused! Its your job as a mother to protect your child even from his/her father if necessary. Get some help. Help is just a phone call away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dove Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 One thought that came to my mind for the Op, is to be very careful. I've heard the statistic that a lot of women trying to leave an abusive relationship are killed by their abuser~ Not that you shouldn't leave; but, please get help. Have you called the police/pressed charges against the husband who is abusing you and your child? Use all your community resources to find a way of handling this very difficult/abusive relationship~Our society is a lot more aware of domestic violence and there are many resources you can go to to get out of this... Dove Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 One thought that came to my mind for the Op, is to be very careful. I've heard the statistic that a lot of women trying to leave an abusive relationship are killed by their abuser~Not that you shouldn't leave; but, please get help. Have you called the police/pressed charges against the husband who is abusing you and your child? Use all your community resources to find a way of handling this very difficult/abusive relationship~Our society is a lot more aware of domestic violence and there are many resources you can go to to get out of this...DoveSo true!!Many cities know that this is a dangerous situation and many have shelters for women that are decent and nobody knows where they are. They can take you there from the police station. The police can help you to hide from a spouse that might hurt you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 WoMan #1 Questions:1. Where did Woman#1 go wrong?Clearly she has gone wrong in three ways that I see. One, she chose the wrong person to marry, two, she had children with this loser and three, she stays in an unhealthy relationship.2. Does the Lord have to show more love to woman#2 because she’s a non member?No What her station in life is, is irrelevant to how God loves His children.3. Does woman #1 has to suffer all these things on earth because she has the fullness of the gospel?No. Had she made better decisions she wouldn't be suffering at all, or at least in the manner described above.4. Eventually Woman#2 will become a member of the church... Is God Fair?Whether or not this woman eventually becomes a member has no bearing on God's fairness. Of course He is fair, because he's going to give, and in fact wants to give her the chance to right any wrongs she has done in her life.Woman #1 also has every opportunity to correct the course of her life as well as described by some of the previous posts. It's her choice as to whether she does this.I hope this helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted July 20, 2012 Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Just because you obey all the gospel rules as far a being temple worthy doesn't isolate you from life or the consequences of the choices you make. Bad choices will lead to bad results. There's no "get out of jail free" card in life just because you're a member in good standing. I've seen and heard of a lot of members go through life saying "the Lord will provide" or "the Lord will eventually make things turn out (for the best) in the end". This is silly. The Lord helps those who help themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John11111 Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 I wanna step in and say that free agency is what makes life "unfair" Heavenly Father cannot step in and stop a man from beating his wife because the wife has been good and worthy and righteous because that would be taking away the mans free agency. Everyone in this life has to make choices good or bad and unfortunatly the people who make bad choices can make others suffer for those bad choices. If life was to be fair for all we would be living under satans plan and rule, we would have no agency and that would be a bad thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunny1 Posted July 24, 2012 Report Share Posted July 24, 2012 Andrae J, Clicky clack is so right. I grew up in a marriage like this one. My father an abusive alcoholic made our lives miserable and i still suffer from his actions. Staying in a marriage like this is hurting you and your child. Heavenly father give us the knowlege we need and we have to act. My mother never left our father and we resent her. Most of us have big problems with our relationships. Out of 6 children two are alcoholics one is in prison and non of us are in good relationships. We learn from our parents. Please save yourself all this pain by making a hard choice of leaving and living a gospel filled life with your child. God will bless you. Your husband is probably from an abusive family too. It is a viciouse cycle. I pray you will find the courage to leave and do what is right for you and your child. Believe me i left my family when i was 14 because i felt like i would die there and im so glad i did. I don't have a great marriage but my husband is a good provider and he is not abusive we are working on some communication issues but we are both willing to do our part. Marriage is a partnership and not all one sided. So sorry for your pain. God bless you and please leave soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All_Apologies Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 The Wise Chinese Man (I heard this in Relief Society. It is by an unknown author) One day, the farmer's horse ran away, and all the neighbors gathered in the evening and said ‘that’s too bad.’ He said ‘I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.’ Next day, the horse came back and brought with it seven wild horses. ‘Wow!’ they said, ‘Aren’t you lucky!’ He said ‘I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.’ The next day, his son grappled with one of these wild horses and tried to break it in, and he got thrown and broke his leg. And all the neighbors said ‘oh, that’s too bad that your son broke his leg.’ He said,‘I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.’ The next day, the conscription officers came around, gathering young men for the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. And the visitors all came around and said ‘Isn’t that great! Your son got out.’ He said, ‘I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.’ Lesson: Sometimes the hard things in life may be blessings in disguise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 Questions:1. Where did Woman#1 go wrong?2. Does the Lord have to show more love to woman#2 because she’s a non member?3. Does woman #1 has to suffer all these things on earth because she has the fullness of the gospel?4. Eventually Woman#2 will become a member of the church... Is God Fair?1 She married the wrong person and apparently didn't leave the first time he was abusive2 You're assuming God causes everything to happen - a false belief. Answer = no3 See number 24 Yes, woman number 2 missed out on years of blessings for not having the gospel in her life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted September 23, 2012 Report Share Posted September 23, 2012 Being a member of the church doesn't make you immune to trials. I'm sorry you're going through something so bad and I hope you can find the way out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mdavis Posted September 25, 2012 Report Share Posted September 25, 2012 this...Just because you obey all the gospel rules as far a being temple worthy doesn't isolate you from life or the consequences of the choices you make. Bad choices will lead to bad results. There's no "get out of jail free" card in life just because you're a member in good standing.I've seen and heard of a lot of members go through life saying "the Lord will provide" or "the Lord will eventually make things turn out (for the best) in the end". This is silly. The Lord helps those who help themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted September 27, 2012 Report Share Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) You should really get out of that marriage! You don't need that man.. especially when you have your own income.. THINK about your child.. .. He/she doesn't deserve to be treated like that... all that children want isn't to be abused but to fee..feel love and security. IF you van provide that on your own.. tha'ts all you need... and even if u didn't... taking the step and having faith in God is all you need as well ! I'M sorry if any of that sounded rude... But I feel that I have a right to make that point because I was that child.. Growing up in that abusive situation..from age 2-till last year age 22... My father was abusive since I.could remember.. he went to jail when I was 8... but my mom nbailed him out due to feeling that she needed his income...when there was so many.other places she could have gotten help at... than of course my father continued to abuse us until I was 17... one day after school school he went crazy and started threaten me with a knife.. and tries to stab my mother. At that time..he went to jail again... my mom had income It was not big but I tried to convince that I would be enough and we could have gotten around at situation...but she bailed my dad out again... because he promised to take anger management courses.. however he got out and started to abuse us again.... my mom got sick from the stress and abuse and lost her job.... now she and my younger brother actually rely on the abusive father. For income...... Abusive men are.crazy.for the.most part they never change .my.mother regrets her decisions terribly.... and I have depression because of my.memories of my the 20years of horrible memoriest that will never go away.... DON'T LET YOUR CHILD SUFFER LIKE THAT... CHILDHOOD IS SHORT LET HIM OR HER ENJOY THIS TIME AND GROW UP POSITIVELY. Edited September 27, 2012 by YaYaYaYana typos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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