ldswithgreeneyes Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 As a convert, I understand that dating in the LDS world is a bit different than in secular situations. Obviously, there is no sex before marriage. So a few questions 1) Does dating move quickly into marriage..or at least a proposal? 2) Do men take the lead on dates as in asking, planning and paying? 3) How do dates end? I ask because I have read that sometimes an LDS man will offer a handshake when he really wants to jump on you(sorry for the poor phrasing)? I am just trying to decipher what actions may come... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alucarD1975 Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 As a convert, I understand that dating in the LDS world is a bit different than in secular situations. Obviously, there is no sex before marriage. So a few questions1) Does dating move quickly into marriage..or at least a proposal?2) Do men take the lead on dates as in asking, planning and paying?3) How do dates end? I ask because I have read that sometimes an LDS man will offer a handshake when he really wants to jump on you(sorry for the poor phrasing)? I am just trying to decipher what actions may come...I havent dated for a decade, things have changed with the advent of FB and texting and other social media outlets. This is how I did it1. For me dating did not move quickly into marriage, I think that you need to date for at least a year before a proposal. you nee to see the life cycle of the individual you date, what do they do for the holidays? how is their relationship with their family? are they responsible? Many members jump into it without taking the family dynamic into consideration2 I always took the lead on dates if I liked a girl I asked, If I asked a girl out that meant I paid and planned the date. this is for a first date and ladies if a guy won't pay for a decent first date that shold be a red flag. I in general took the lead on all formal dates, because i paid, now casual hanging out we did whatever, but again i almost always paid. Women should not ask guys out it looks desperate and says something about the guy also.3. Who shakes hands? what kind of repressed behavior is that? I'm sure that is just of urban legend. I always went in for the kiss if i liked the girl. Yes I am a first date kisser some girls i went out with claimed not to be (they were all liars LOL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scatyb Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 I'd just like to inject that we as LDS talk way too much about dating. Dating is just out having a good time. If you're looking for a relationship, you court and that involves a different approach and set of expectations. In business and international relations we don't date the other party, we court, because there is a relationship that is desired. The same with looking for a spouse. I apologize if this comes across as rude or accusatory. Not my intention. I just think what we recommend to adults needs to be different than what is recommended for youth; different life circumstances. Again, sorry. I'm off my soapbox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alucarD1975 Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 I'd just like to inject that we as LDS talk way too much about dating. Dating is just out having a good time. If you're looking for a relationship, you court and that involves a different approach and set of expectations. In business and international relations we don't date the other party, we court, because there is a relationship that is desired. The same with looking for a spouse.I apologize if this comes across as rude or accusatory. Not my intention. I just think what we recommend to adults needs to be different than what is recommended for youth; different life circumstances. Again, sorry. I'm off my soapbox.I dont get it...you marry who you date....call it courting if you want same rules apply Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 LDS date just about like everyone else except we obey the laws of chastity and the Word of Wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Not sure what the statistics are but I would guess that Mormon culture tends to marry quickly after a short period of dating. Like I said, I don't have any statistics but it seems that LDS marry young (like early 20's and under young), especially girls. I married as a teen, I wouldn't recommend that, and I had several active LDS girlfriends that married before they turned 20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) I met my husband at work. We went to the movies a few times. All in all about 3 weeks. Oh and one union meeting. We pooled door prize tickets and won $10. I liked that he pooled the tickets and we both decided what to do with the money. Movies we went to were outdoor and were the 5 vampire movie deals. He watched and I slept. Thing was I felt very comfortable and happy with him on those simple dates. (did I forget the submarine races?) Edited August 13, 2012 by annewandering Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 LDS date just about like everyone else except we Should obey the laws of chastity and the Word of Wisdom.With the above slight addition to applepansy's post I agree. Just because someone is LDS that doesn't keep them from breaking the commandments any more then anyone else. As sad as it might be, you might find yourself having to fend off your date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 (edited) As a convert, I understand that dating in the LDS world is a bit different than in secular situations. Obviously, there is no sex before marriage. So a few questions1) Does dating move quickly into marriage..or at least a proposal?2) Do men take the lead on dates as in asking, planning and paying?3) How do dates end? I ask because I have read that sometimes an LDS man will offer a handshake when he really wants to jump on you(sorry for the poor phrasing)? I am just trying to decipher what actions may come...1. As with any relationship, be yourself and relax. 2. Dating an LDS man turns quickly into marriage depending on the person you are dating. Kristi and I dated 4 months, engaged 4 months, married after 8 months. Couldn't have chosen a better woman, and she could have chosen a better man, but now she is happily stuck with me.I have friends who dated for years. I know of people who were engaged after the first date, and are still happily married. Follow your own timeline, make a choice for yourself and stick with it.3. Men have a tendency to want to be in charge, however, recognize the difference between a controlling man verses a man who takes the lead. Be yourself, if he can't handle who you are, don't give him anymore of your time.As you already know, the purpose of dating is to find a companion who you are compatible with. There is nothing wrong with a woman who is willing to take the lead at times. I find it more alluring that a woman has a mind than a woman who is submissive in everything and waits on me. That is boring, at least to me.4. End it the way you feel. If your date moves in for a kiss, and he is not a person you want to kiss, well, make it very apparent you are NOT kissing him back.I always ended a first date with a handshake (And no it did not mean I wanted to "jump" on her), unless it was a really fun date, then it ended with a hug.Something I noticed when attending BYU, back home in California men bragged about how many girls they slept with. In Mormonville, as a result of obedience to the law of chastity, men brag about how many girls they kissed. I would advise, avoid being one of those numbers, bragging rights for narcissistic men. Edited August 13, 2012 by Anddenex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldswithgreeneyes Posted August 13, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Thank you for all of the posts. I am new to the Church and new to its culture and I am trying to find my way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Courting or dating = semantics. To me it's the same thing. I too believe you marry who you date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerome1232 Posted August 13, 2012 Report Share Posted August 13, 2012 Courting or dating = semantics. To me it's the same thing. I too believe you marry who you date.What does this say about daddy-daughter dates Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alucarD1975 Posted August 14, 2012 Report Share Posted August 14, 2012 What does this say about daddy-daughter dates Don't be silly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tumbledquartz Posted August 14, 2012 Report Share Posted August 14, 2012 (edited) I agree with both points: 1 - you marry who you date, so date the kind of people you would want to be married to. 2 - dating and courting ARE different. When you're in high school, pre-mission, etc. you shouldn't be getting too close to any one person, dating them exclusively, or going out alone with them (in other words, group dating is best.) I wish I'd taken some of that advice more seriously, myself. Life would have been different.... Then when you are in a phase of your life that you might actually decide it's time to settle down and get married, such as post-mission, during college, whatever, then you might start looking to court someone, date them exclusively, etc. Good luck! Edited August 14, 2012 by tumbledquartz Spelling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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