Baptized a week ago - How to tell family?

[fsharp]

I began investigating the LDS faith in May and spoke with online missionaries during the summer. When I returned to college in August I began attending church and was baptized last week. I have not told my family anything. My mom will be upset and I have no idea how to tell her or even if I should. I don't want to hide anything (I'm afraid someone will post something on facebook, friend will mention it) but I don't want to hurt my relationship with my mom since I have no relationship with my dad and to be honest, I need her financial support. I'm so confused.

[annewandering]

My soninlaw told me he was just not bringing it up. If they ask then ok. Otherwise, at this point anyway, he is just not bringing it up. I think they may know though. lol. Since he has posted things on facebook.

I can see why you dont want to alienate your mom. Family is very important. If it comes down to it, remember its important from both sides, not just yours.

[AnthonyB]

Why do you think your Mum will object to your being baptized?

Is it that she is concerned you'll be become a religious freak?

Or is it that she has a connection with a differing faith and objects to your becoming LDS for that reason?

Honesty is generally good for any relationship but sometimes "discretion is the better part of valour" and giving it time to show that your still you (and maybe even a better you) might be wise.

God bless as you are seeking to be a better disciple of Jesus.

[NightSG]

Whatever you do, it probably shouldn't start with "Mom, I'm sorry I won't be with you in hell..."

You could send her some nice missionaries to get her on the path too. Failing that, we could use her as the test subject for airstrike baptism before we go after PC.

[FunkyTown]

I've been in that situation: Exact same one. When I told my family, they were not supportive in the least.

It's a scary prospect, especially if you have only the one parent that you're close to. You don't want to alienate them, and with good reason. You love them and you want their support and respect. It's a scary thing.

I told my Mom and it went something like this:

"Hi, Mom!"

"Hi, honey."

"I have great news. I found a church I really like and I'm going to start going."

"That's great, honey! Which church?"

"The Latter-day Saints."

"They're a cult."

It went downhill from there. I kept a good humor about it and my family is far more supportive, now. You're not alone, and you don't need to feel this huge burden. We're here for you. If I had to do it over again, I've learned a few lessons from it. You'll be okay.

[Backroads]

If you have reason to fear a bad reaction, telling her will be some degree of tricky. I assume you are 18+ as you are attending college.

Here are some points to keep in mind:

~You are an adult.

~You did not need your mother's permission.

~You made this choice without seeking her permission or blessing.

~Hopefully you are ready to accept the consequences of this (Keep in mind, I'm nothing short of approving your baptism).

While those may not be the best arguments to tell your mom, they are nonetheless true and valid. When you tell her about the baptism, you need to keep those points in mind. You do not need to apologize to your mother for your adult decision. Other than that, be polite, be respectful, speak as an adult child to an adult parent. She may not like it, and that is something you must be prepared for.

If it comes down to her removing her financial support, would you be willing to seek student loans, a part time job, etc?

[fsharp]

I understand that I'm adult, but I'm still young (Today is my 19th birthday!) and I do have a part-time job, I'm just really busy with classes. I'm taking 11 classes with a lab right now and I can't take on more hours.

I just don't want to lose my only parental relationship and I don't want to lose contact with my younger brothers. I'm starting to realize that the longer it goes without telling them, the worse it might seem when I tell them like I've been keeping a huge secret.

My other problem that I've been facing is my boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 and a half years and he has supported me through some very difficult times (moving 3 times, losing my relationship with my dad). He went home this past weekend and told him family I had been baptized and they are like, You must break up with her! I have such a wonderful relationship with all of his family and it hurts me to much that they think I've joined a cult. I feel like I'm losing all my relationships and friendships because of this choice and I don't know what to do.

[Backroads]

Most people fear the Church simply out of misunderstanding. And while we might think "we're just nice little LDS people!" some people really do see baptism into the LDS faith as pure damnation to the soul. So you have to be understanding from that perspective. From what I have seen, the families who are disappointed or even angry but refrain from disowning a child vastly outnumber those who do--at least in the U.S. I'm hoping your boyfriend stays by your side and does not break up with you just to please his parents. And yes, the sooner you tell your family, the better. The fact is, you've already been baptized, there's nothing your family can do about it and there's no way for you to change that fact other than walk away from the baptism. Until your family reacts, there's really little sense in worrying about what to do. Get that out of the way first.

[Leah]

Just because some of the consequences of joining the church might be difficult (happens for a lot of people) doesn't mean you made the wrong choice.

Maybe stop and think about why you joined in the first place.

[applepansy]

I'm so sorry. You would think finding something as wonderful as the restored gospel of Jesus Christ would be cause for celebration.

You've gotten good advice here and I can't add to it. It would be good to ask yourself one question: What am I willing to sacrifice for the blessings Christ can give me?" Sometimes the sacrifice is close relationships with family...but not always.

Read about Job in the Bible. If you are required to make painful sacrifices and you are faithful in your covenants, you will be blessed in big ways.

[fsharp]

Yeah. Today has been really difficult. I understand why I joined the church but I'm afraid I'm giving up so much. I can't get loans without a cosigner and if my mom is mad enough she wouldn't cosign for next semester, than I can't pay for my dorm or school and I can't go back home. I do not want to lose my relationship with my boyfriend and his family. I'm not starting to regret my baptism, but I wish things could be so much different than they are now. If I lose him, I will be losing my best friend.

[Leah]

Yeah. Today has been really difficult. I understand why I joined the church but I'm afraid I'm giving up so much. I can't get loans without a cosigner and if my mom is mad enough she wouldn't cosign for next semester, than I can't pay for my dorm or school and I can't go back home. I do not want to lose my relationship with my boyfriend and his family. I'm not starting to regret my baptism, but I wish things could be so much different than they are now. If I lose him, I will be losing my best friend.

I understand that right now it feels like you are giving up your whole world. I am not in a position to say whether this is true for you or not, but sometimes that is pretty much what Heavenly Father asks us to do in order for us to receive something even better.

Everthing you mentioned above can be regained again, if in fact, you do lose them by joining the Church. I am not guaranteeing that that will happen, but the possibility exists. And you might be surprised...with a little faith, things might turn out better than you think.

For many...maybe most?...of us who join the church, there is a price to be paid. We gave up a lot. But I personally think it is a much smaller price than if we were to walk away from the Gospel.

Things are what they are. Wishing things could be different doesn't make it so. We have to deal with the reality, not the fantasy.

Have you talked to your bishop?

[fsharp]

Not really. When I went to my first and second church service there was no bishop. He moved to China and they were in the process of getting a new one. I met him for the first time at my baptism and haven't had a chance to really talk to him at all. I'm attending a small singles ward and I feel really left out. I'm not going for the social side of it, I'm going because I enjoying learning and having a peaceful day to connect with God. When I'm at church I feel like I've made the right choice. I still feel really left out. The only person that really talks to me is another convert (baptized 8 months ago) and that is because he gives me a ride to and from. As soon as I step back into college and the "outside world" I feel different and like everything is falling apart around me.

I feel so stupid. What if I made the wrong choice? I don't feel like it when I'm at church and praying but I sure feel like it now.

Edited September 17, 2012 by fsharp

[NightSG]

Most people fear the Church simply out of misunderstanding.

That's why we need to publicize certain things more.

[Backroads]

As soon as I step back into college and the "outside world" I feel different and like everything is falling apart around me.

I feel so stupid. What if I made the wrong choice? I don't feel like it when I'm at church and praying but I sure feel like it now.

Everything isn't necessarily falling apart around you. You're simply going through a big fat change in your life. Of course you're freaking out. Doesn't mean things won't eventually work out.

[Backroads]

Further thoughts on how to deal with your family... assess what you do know about them.

-How strong are their expressed feelings against the LDS faith?

-How insistent are they about the family sticking to whatever belief system was in place?

-If a family member has gone a different path before, what was their reaction?

[Irishcolleen]

I'm not a Mormon. I have vastly different beliefs than Mormons. However, I have a 19 year old daughter that I love with all my heart. If she joined the LDS church, I would have a broken heart, but I would love her just as much. If your mom is a Christian, she will still love you. She will still want you to have a good future. She may try and talk you into leaving the LDS church, but I am sure she won't disown you. I couldn't even bear the thought of not having my daughter in my life. If anything, she may fear that you will distance yourself from her because she won't convert to Mormonism.

[Traveler]

I began investigating the LDS faith in May and spoke with online missionaries during the summer. When I returned to college in August I began attending church and was baptized last week. I have not told my family anything. My mom will be upset and I have no idea how to tell her or even if I should. I don't want to hide anything (I'm afraid someone will post something on facebook, friend will mention it) but I don't want to hurt my relationship with my mom since I have no relationship with my dad and to be honest, I need her financial support. I'm so confused.

Tell them with great joy, happiness and love.

The Traveler

[Misshalfway]

What if you added some fasting to your preparations? That way you could strengthen yourself spiritually and ask that your families hearts will also be prepared.

[fsharp]

I just wanted to say thank you for all your advice. I still have not told my mom, but last night when I thought my boyfriend was going to break up with me, he told me he could not decide until he read the Book of Mormon. I know he isn't going into that open minded, but I really pray that he will be able to find peace and joy inside.

[JosephP]

I just wanted to say thank you for all your advice. I still have not told my mom, but last night when I thought my boyfriend was going to break up with me, he told me he could not decide until he read the Book of Mormon. I know he isn't going into that open minded, but I really pray that he will be able to find peace and joy inside.

Sorry to come to this discussion so late, I just noticed it.

When I first learned about the church it was because I was dating an LDS girl who wanted me to know about it. At first I thought its claims were too fantastic to take seriously. I figured I'd meet the missionaries, show them what a pile of garbage their beliefs were, and move on with the girl convinced I was so wise.

I argued with them for weeks, neither side gaining or giving an inch. Finally one of them challenged me to read and pray about it. I did, the Spirit answered, the rest is obvious, I joined.

Simply encourage him to sincerely pray about it, if he truly wants to know. More than that you can't do. No one is converted by argument. Good luck.

[NightSG]

No one is converted by argument.

Exactly. Brainwashing, on the other hand...

[JosephP]

Brainwashing? There is no such thing as brainwashing outside of spy fiction, and conspiracy theories. Am I missing something here? If you meant it jokingly a smiley would have really helped.

Being new here I don't know the personalities yet, so forgive me if I seem dense.

[pam]

Exactly. Brainwashing, on the other hand...

Could you please explain what you meant by your comment?

[NightSG]

Could you please explain what you meant by your comment?

To an extent, brainwashing has been proven to work for various things. The Nazis did a lot more research into it than I'd care to read, especially considering their methods, but they were able to convert some people to their way of thinking.

A similar method is actually not all that uncommon, though almost always unintentional; associate a good feeling with the idea that you want someone to hold. Especially if the feeling is relief from a very unpleasant feeling, they will become more receptive to your message with repetition. This is why so many conversions to pretty much all religions happen in hospitals and jails; take a person who is already miserable and get them to associate a promise of relief with a certain message, and many will hold on to it.

Of course, it's not done with that intent, and not reinforced in the same way that it would be for an actual brainwashing attempt, which is why so many revert quickly after they're out of pain or imprisonment. This, IMO, is why one should be careful in hospital or prison ministry to make sure that the belief is genuine, and not just a response to a perceived reward.

Now that I'm completely off track, what was the question again?

Oh yeah, the boyfriend. Be sure that whatever happens, he's not just wishing himself into belief to save the relationship. It could be the beginning of a true belief, but if you're not careful, he could someday be one of those posting "I joined to make my wife happy and never really had a real testimony of the BoM. How can I tell her I want to leave the church?"