Say your niece was getting baptized.

[Guest]

You have a large family and there are one or two baptisms a year, as well as some baby blessings and a wedding every year or two. Everyone lives within 30 minutes of each other.

Is going to your niece's baptism a priority that you would be sure to make time for, or something you don't feel obligated to attend but will if you have time that day?

[john doe]

Yes.

[classylady]

If I lived in the vicinity, I would attend if possible. I'm thinking back on my children's baptisms, and I was thankful for those of my extended family that made the effort to attend. Not all of my siblings or my husband's siblings could make it to every single one of the baptisms, and the same went for us attending our nieces and nephews baptisms. But, if nothing else was pressing, and if we could, we would attend.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Priority...definately.

[Guest]

My daughter is getting baptized today. I have 6 siblings in town and not one is coming. Only 2 have even acknowledged the invitation. One of my brothers out of town expressed that he wishes he could be here. . . I know he would be if he could.

In short, my family kind of sucks. Especially considering the effort I make to support all their kids' stuff.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Eowyn, I am so sorry. That hurts. We had a similar situation with my husband's family (they were close, my family wasn't...not that mine would have been much better). One of my kiddos was born in July, and he had an Aunt and Uncle that lived in town that didn't see him until Thanksgiving.

I "resolved" this problem by lowering my expectations. Sometimes I didn't even bother to invite family to important events. But I continued to support my nieces and nephews in whatever way I could because that is what I would have appreciated from my aunts and uncles as a child. Over the years, things have actually improved...we are closer to extended familiy now than before. I have no explanation for that though. I think as people get older they start to appreciate family more and get their priorities straightened out (after Life kicks you in the teeth a few times, you start to realize what is most important.)

So don't give up hope entirely. Again, I am sorry, I know it hurts.

[Guest]

I know, I keep reminding myself that expectation is the root of all disappointment. I just really hope my sweet daughter isn't disappointed. I think she expects lots of family there and we're just going to have grandparents and a couple of friends.

[MorningStar]

I would definitely be there.

[Maureen]

Could just be bad timing. I know here in Canada, flu season has hit really hard. Maybe it's several cases of illness preventing family from attending.

M.

[dahlia]

That's too bad, Eowyn. You'd think that relatives would make an effort. The converts in my ward go to every convert baptism (OK, I overslept for one), and usually we don't even know the people that well.

[LauraG]

I am a convert, and so is my husband. None of our extended family comes to anything. Even though there isn't the expectation the way that there may be in an all LDS extended family, I understand how it can hurt not to have extended family at these special events. I have lowered expectations from family, and that has made a big difference for me. Sorry for your daughter, if she has been hurt by their absence.

[Vort]

Priority. I would go. Sorry to hear your family is being less than supportive.

[pam]

I know my family attends all baptisms. Well except when I lived in San Diego...but since then. Shoot my family is usually the entire program.

[Guest]

Well I feel validated at very least. :) Two of my adult nieces came, along with our parents, and a favorite primary teacher. It was a small group and I was disappointed, but my daughter is happy and didn't seem to notice much. It was still a nice day. She's a sweet girl and it's nice to have another member of our family baptized and confirmed. :)

[Anddenex]

Priority for me. If I was more financially well off, I would even have made all of my families baby blessings and baptisms.

If they are close, within 30 minutes, then I wouldn't miss it unless I was out of town.

[maxpanic]

Well I feel validated at very least. :) Two of my adult nieces came, along with our parents, and a favorite primary teacher. It was a small group and I was disappointed, but my daughter is happy and didn't seem to notice much. It was still a nice day. She's a sweet girl and it's nice to have another member of our family baptized and confirmed. :)

I am curious, are all of your siblings members or are they not members that might see this as a missionary opportunity they would prefer to avoid? Are they pro Mormon?

[Guest]

All are members. One sister has been inactive for many years, one brother is struggling but still goes to church. The rest are all believing members. My husband's brothers that live here are both inactive and totally disinterested so I didn't expect them to come (and they didn't), but we did invite them.

[Guest]

Your family sucks. Sorry!

My parents are Catholic and they flew all the way from Texas to Florida to attend my son's baptism and this was when my dad was still in chemo. My Catholic brother and his family spent 3 days with us for my son's baptism.

My LDS in-laws (parents and siblings) attend our ward every Primary program and when the Primary sings in Sacrament meeting. And if they can find substitutes for their callings, they even show up for when my kids give a talk in Primary... Yes, they would drive the 40 minutes to our ward to listen to a 5-minute primary talk.

A baptism is not even a question...

[MsMagnolia]

I am glad your daughter had a great day. Congratulations to her on her choice!

As a side note I think your family should have made it a priority. When I was in college my family drove 14 hours one way to get to my second neice's baptism. We turned around and came back home one day later.

[applepansy]

My daughter is getting baptized today. I have 6 siblings in town and not one is coming. Only 2 have even acknowledged the invitation. One of my brothers out of town expressed that he wishes he could be here. . . I know he would be if he could.

In short, my family kind of sucks. Especially considering the effort I make to support all their kids' stuff.

I'm sorry Eowyn. That's hard.

I always attend my neices' and nephews baptisms and other ordinances if I know about it. Since my sister's divorce we weren't made aware until afterwards that there was something special happening.

I think not being included is just as hurtful as not having family come to the special events in children's lives.

Children need extended family. I don't understand not including all family and I most certainly don't understand family not coming when invited to support their niece/nephew.

[Star_]

I would definitely go to my niece's baptism if I could. I would be disappointed if my siblings did not come, especially if they lived close by. Hey though, things do come up. Prior commitments are made. You never know what someone has on their plate or what trials someone is going though.

Edited January 9, 2013 by Star_

[EarlJibbs]

I always go to my family events. I guess I am used to, but still dissapointed that most of my family doesnt make any effort.

At my daughters baptism last year one brother (out of 4) and my parents came. On my wifes side hardly anyone came. To be honest, I relied on the ward more for support. My daughter was okay since her friends showed up. Even if you are innactive or not a member, support really means something to families. I would go to another churches event if it meant something to my family.

As much as I would love to say that I dont care after all these years of this, it still stings.

Sorry for what you are going through Eowyn.

[Traveler]

You have a large family and there are one or two baptisms a year, as well as some baby blessings and a wedding every year or two. Everyone lives within 30 minutes of each other.

Is going to your niece's baptism a priority that you would be sure to make time for, or something you don't feel obligated to attend but will if you have time that day?

Baptisms are a priority to me. I attend my family baptisms as well as our ward baptisms and the baptisms of friends. If anyone that posts on the forum is being baptized and feels they would like me to attend - wherever you live - I will make the effort to come. I also bring a gift - something simple and of spiritual significance. I also support the marriage covenant and make it a point to attend all family marriages made as covenants before G-d. I will support individuals involved in civil unions - but I am clear that I do not hold the same respect for civil unions that I do for the eternal marriage covenant.

The Traveler

[Maureen]

...I will support individuals involved in civil unions - but I am clear that I do not hold the same respect for civil unions that I do for the eternal marriage covenant....

Traveler, this got my curiousity. Do you make it clear only to LDS members or is this your feeling toward non-LDS weddings also? And if so, do you make it clear to non-LDS family or friends that you have less respect for their union?

M.

[pam]

Thanks Maureen. That kind of bothered me too.