I love being a marriage counselor!

SoCal_Counselor · March 30, 2013

I absolutely love my job. On a regular basis, I have the privilege of watching marriages change for the better in a matter of a couple of months. Seeing couples experience joy after feeling deep sorrow, or connecting again after being distant is truly rewarding.

NeuroTypical · March 30, 2013

I've always wondered - what's your success rate, and how do you calculate it?

SoCal_Counselor · March 30, 2013

The success rate really varies and is ultimately dependent on how hard both husband and wife are willing to work and change. For those willing to put forth the effort, I would say the success rate is around 90%.

MorningStar · March 30, 2013

That's great. I asked a marriage counselor if he loved his job, but he said people were usually so far gone, it couldn't be saved. This was in the military, so I wonder if that made a difference.

knitwit · April 4, 2013

I checked out your website but since I don't live in CA it looks like I can't sign up for the counseling through you. Is there a way to find LDS counselors in my area?

NeuroTypical · April 4, 2013

The success rate really varies and is ultimately dependent on how hard both husband and wife are willing to work and change. For those willing to put forth the effort, I would say the success rate is around 90%.

That's cool - but how do you calculate it? Does it mean that 10% ended up divorced, or just unhappy, or what? Do you follow-up with couples 5 years later and measure happiness or divorce rate? Or is it based on how things look when they complete counseling?

I don't mean to put you on the spot - I've just always wondered if there's like a standard way to measure the impact that counseling has in a couple's life. Are there guidelines?

I'd probably have problems being a marriage counselor because of how hard it is to measure success. If I don't know how my clients are doing 1, 5, 10 years down the road, how do I know if I made a difference? How many of those divorces do you call a successful resolution to an impossible situation?

Man. It's so much easier to just sit on anonymous message boards and tell people how to fix their lives. I couldn't do what you do.

slamjet · April 4, 2013

...
I'd probably have problems being a marriage counselor because of how hard it is to measure success. If I don't know how my clients are doing 1, 5, 10 years down the road, how do I know if I made a difference? How many of those divorces do you call a successful resolution to an impossible situation?
...

Easy, there is no real yardstick to measure success, at least from my point of view. I'm a facilitator at my local ARP group and the way I measure success is in two ways: where the individual "is" at this moment and are they doing a good job at self analysis. Beyond that, it's a crapshoot.

mirkwood · April 4, 2013

I love being a marriage counselor too...oh wait...no I don't...nevermind.

BadWolf · April 4, 2013

Our marriage counselor had a 2 meter system. "Success" was determined by best possible outcome , and if the best possible outcome is divorce, that the divorce is handled as humanely as possible.

LOL. So in our case... We were successful in part 1 (decision to divorce), but failed in part 2.

That's pretty standard in abuse cases, though. The abuse kicks into high gear during the divorce as the abuser gets in the most licks they can. My now ex was restrained 6 ways from Sunday by the courts preventing any physical contact, but man oh man, did he make everything ELSE as ugly and expensive as possible.

So our counselor was really pleased with the dissolution, just not pleased with the mess that followed it. Some violent guys can actually be prodded into half decent behavior toward their soon to be ex & kids. But most can't. Most get off on causing as much suffering as possible.

ANYHOW... That's why our counselor 2 tiered it via 2 separate outcome paths.

Even so, he was pretty clear that while most of his clients had the best possible outcome in their marriage (to stay, redefine, or to dissolve), some chose to stay in abusive marriages, some chose to not redefine even though the chrrent definition made one or both miserable, and others chose to dissolve loving ones. Not an LDS counselor, but he was very big on agency.

SoCal_Counselor · April 5, 2013

I checked out your website but since I don't live in CA it looks like I can't sign up for the counseling through you. Is there a way to find LDS counselors in my area?

A couple of places to look for an LDS counselor:

Go to LDS Counselors.net

Go to the Psychology Today website. After searching in your area, there will be something to narrow the search by religion on the left hand side. Click more, than click Latter-day Saint/Mormon.

Contact your closest LDS Family Services. Even if you don't live close, they might be able to help you with an LDS counselor in your area.

I hope that helps.

SoCal_Counselor · April 5, 2013

That's cool - but how do you calculate it? Does it mean that 10% ended up divorced, or just unhappy, or what? Do you follow-up with couples 5 years later and measure happiness or divorce rate? Or is it based on how things look when they complete counseling?
I don't mean to put you on the spot - I've just always wondered if there's like a standard way to measure the impact that counseling has in a couple's life. Are there guidelines?
I'd probably have problems being a marriage counselor because of how hard it is to measure success. If I don't know how my clients are doing 1, 5, 10 years down the road, how do I know if I made a difference? How many of those divorces do you call a successful resolution to an impossible situation?
Man. It's so much easier to just sit on anonymous message boards and tell people how to fix their lives. I couldn't do what you do.

How couples are doing is completely subjective and I usually determine their prognosis at the end of counseling. I am often shocked though. I have times when therapy ended and I thought to myself, 'That is too bad, I don't think their marriage is going to last much longer.' Then I might run into the same couple several months later at the store or even the temple and they tell me that they are doing well, and tell me how helpful therapy was for them. (Those are great moments).

Vort · April 5, 2013

Honest, non-snarky question: How do you know your counseling does any good? Do you have any metrics?

SoCal_Counselor · April 9, 2013

Honest, non-snarky question: How do you know your counseling does any good? Do you have any metrics?

Yes, I do have some questionnaires that I give my clients on a regular basis that assess the counseling relationship and their progress in counseling.