mleblanc138 Posted July 17, 2013 Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 I just today had yet another girl tell me after a first date that went well, that she wasn't ready for any kind of serious relationship. I'm an RM in Utah, this whole dating thing was supposed to be like shooting fish in a barrel but it's obviously not. And because it's not, I'm absolutely sick of "the new RM marries the girl right out of high school" being held up as the bright and shining ideal. I grew up outside of Utah and believed that in Utah the above mentioned phrase was just the way things were and was up there with "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." Then I actually move to Utah and become an RM and find out that lots of 18-19 year old girls aren't ready for a real relationship. Now before anyone accuses me of going after younger girls in specific, I would like to mention that the first girl I pursued after my mission was actually a bit older than me. I'm running a luck of the draw ask out whoever I click with system. But since 18-19 year olds probably make up the majority of my ward, they will be the ones I go on dates with the most. Also, a few years ago President Monson gave a talk in the Priesthood Session pretty much telling us young single guys that we needed to get busy dating. Have the young Sisters of the Church been given a similar talk within the past 5 years or so? And why do some people still think "the new RM marries the girl right out of high school" is the way it should be? I'm 23 and 2 years off my mission, so I passed that up already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 I don't think any girl 18-19 wants a serious relationship. I'm almost 25 and a lot of women my age don't want a serious relationship (even older don't, people these days seem to want to cling to their teenage carefree lifestyle, last girl I "courted" was 27), though I live in Canada so who knows... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetorian_Brow Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Try asking for a relationship after the third date and a month or so later, not after the first date as that usually scares them off. Utah culture is weird man, you know that. If you want girls, maybe you should list your qualifications during testimony meeting. "Hi, I am a track star, a return missionary that was an assistant to the president, going to school for a PHD and I believe that Cola is the devils work." Believe me, they will all swoon. Seriously though, the best relationships are the ones that happen by accident, so stop trying to force it to happen and go with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) The OP sounds like dating after missionary service should be more like this: Gotta drop your pre-conceived ideas and adapt to your new reality.Let's also remember that there are a record number of young sisters who will and are serving missions who will start coming home in about another year or so.Be patient. :)Try something closer to this: Edited July 18, 2013 by skippy740 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mleblanc138 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Well that's if I could actually get a third date, and a second. I can't seem to get either. And I don't outright ask for a relationship after the first date, but the fact that I want one is pretty much implied by me closing in on 24 this September. I simply ask for a second date, get the yes, and am either several days later told by the girl that she doesn't want a relationship, or given the "too busy" excuse. And the girls going on missions at 19 thing is another subject for another thread, but I'll say that August 2014 can't get here fast enough. Edited July 18, 2013 by mleblanc138 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Well that's if I could actually get a third date, and a second. I can't seem to get either. And I don't outright ask for a relationship after the first date, but the fact that I want one is pretty much implied by me closing in on 24 this September. I simply ask for a second date, get the yes, and am either several days later told by the girl that she doesn't want a relationship, or given the "too busy" excuse. And the girls going on missions at 19 thing is another subject for another thread, but I'll say that August 2014 can't get here fast enough.huh, I guess dating between LDS is different then non LDS, didn't think it was all that different Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Cookies to skippy for the 7 Brides reference! Dating sucks. No two ways about it. Relax and have fun and don't be creepy. My niece in Utah is having the exact problem. She's had relationships and even an engagement end because the guy wasn't ready to grow up and be a family man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Eowyn's niece, please meet mleblanc 138.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mleblanc138 Posted July 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Cookies to skippy for the 7 Brides reference! Dating sucks. No two ways about it. Relax and have fun and don't be creepy. My niece in Utah is having the exact problem. She's had relationships and even an engagement end because the guy wasn't ready to grow up and be a family man.I was 95% sure someone was going to mention their niece. Marriage actually freaks me out a bit, as it should at this point since rushing into it with the first girl that wants to would likely be a horrible mistake. The idea is I find a girl, and build a relationship to the point where NOT marrying her would be the horrible mistake and I would recognize it as such. Easier said than done though when the girls I run across don't even want to try to develop a relationship. And that's after I open all her doors, don't talk about myself too much, and generally put my best into a date. Edited July 18, 2013 by mleblanc138 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 When I met Just_A_Girl, I was a recent RM undergrad at BYU and was pretty sure I wouldn't start seriously dating before I had my Master's at least. I dated only when/because I stumbled onto the opportunity; not because I was actively looking for someone to date--my first date with Just_A_Girl happened only because I happened to get a couple of tickets to a local production of a Moliere play through my honors history class and I would have felt stupid going alone. So I guess my advice would be: Don't date to "find someone". Go do the things you want to/love to do, and find someone to come with you. If things work out with her--great. If not--you've still made a good memory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 My really only rule is that I have to be able to talk to the woman for more then an hour or two... I've met so many people I have found wholly uninteresting and just useless to talk to. On the opposite foot, I have met people I have had wonderful conversations with people but there wasn't any romantic interest (never did someone I liked, liked me back, it was always they liked me, I couldn't relate to them) that's life I guess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Eowyn's niece, please meet mleblanc 138....How many times did you let your aunt set you up with random internet people when you were single? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 How many times did you let your aunt set you up with random internet people when you were single? ooh twiceboth times they were killer snowmenFrosty's Revenge!(he knew how many of his kind I consumed) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Here's a tip: asking for a second date before the first one is over is a bad idea. If she isn't interested in a second date, it can be hard to tactfully say no while she is still with you. What several women have told me is that it is better to say "I had a good time tonight. I'll call you in a couple days and maybe we can do something again sometime." Then call and suggest something with at least a week's notice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 You might try one of the LDS dating sites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windseeker Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) I just today had yet another girl tell me after a first date that went well, that she wasn't ready for any kind of serious relationship. I'm an RM in Utah, this whole dating thing was supposed to be like shooting fish in a barrel but it's obviously not. And because it's not, I'm absolutely sick of "the new RM marries the girl right out of high school" being held up as the bright and shining ideal. I grew up outside of Utah and believed that in Utah the above mentioned phrase was just the way things were and was up there with "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." Then I actually move to Utah and become an RM and find out that lots of 18-19 year old girls aren't ready for a real relationship.Now before anyone accuses me of going after younger girls in specific, I would like to mention that the first girl I pursued after my mission was actually a bit older than me. I'm running a luck of the draw ask out whoever I click with system. But since 18-19 year olds probably make up the majority of my ward, they will be the ones I go on dates with the most. Also, a few years ago President Monson gave a talk in the Priesthood Session pretty much telling us young single guys that we needed to get busy dating. Have the young Sisters of the Church been given a similar talk within the past 5 years or so? And why do some people still think "the new RM marries the girl right out of high school" is the way it should be? I'm 23 and 2 years off my mission, so I passed that up already.Lots of these stereotypical ideas about Utah just aren't true. I'm sorry you grew up thinking they were.Nobody has every said 'marry a young girl right out of high school'. Young Women have been counseled repeatedly in Young Women's Conference to get an education. I'm sorry you're having a hard time dating. I expect you'll need to look somewhere besides your ward. Since the age change for missionaries, more and more young women are going on missions. :) Maybe it would be wise to start looking for a single SRM. :)You're gotten good dating advice. I wish you all the best. Edited July 18, 2013 by applepansy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 The OP sounds like dating after missionary service should be more like this: Gotta drop your pre-conceived ideas and adapt to your new reality.Let's also remember that there are a record number of young sisters who will and are serving missions who will start coming home in about another year or so.Be patient. :)Try something closer to this: Thanks Skippy...now I have to watch the movie again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Thanks Skippy...now I have to watch the movie again. He made me go and buy it! I only have it on VHS but no working VCR. Amazon has the DVD for about ten bucks. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 Marriage actually freaks me out a bit, as it should at this point since rushing into it with the first girl that wants to would likely be a horrible mistake. I don't recommend rushing into it with the seventh (or any other number) girl either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 How many times did you let your aunt set you up with random internet people when you were single? Not my aunt, but I've been set up with random (to me) intenet people. Of course, the person whom I knew who was doing the setting up knew the person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garryw Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn't even think about marriage till I was thirty. Consider yourself blessed if you are single. And when you do get engaged, be sure to have a rock solid prenup. You don't want to be payling alimony in your thirties and starting your 401k over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 At 24 it's unlikely you are finished with school, have a career and a home to offer anyone. Traditionally, men married when they could afford to care for a wife and familly. If you are in this position, believe me women will find you. Until that time arrives (if it hasn't already), how seriously can a woman really take you? If you want to marry the ideal woman, be the ideal man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lakumi Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 At 24 it's unlikely you are finished with school, have a career and a home to offer anyone.Traditionally, men married when they could afford to care for a wife and familly. If you are in this position, believe me women will find you.Until that time arrives (if it hasn't already), how seriously can a woman really take you? If you want to marry the ideal woman, be the ideal man.I am hoping to win the lotto:lol:then I can buy idealism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 He made me go and buy it! I only have it on VHS but no working VCR. Amazon has the DVD for about ten bucks. :)Hey! Wait a minute! I didn't make you do NOTHIN! How come I get blamed for doing something that I clearly didn't do???Now, if I happened to inspire someone to take an action that they previously didn't think of before... that's different! Gotta be careful with how the blaming works while you're dating/married. It can get interesting at times. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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