Obesity, being understanding and facing fears

[Suzie]

I admit it. I am sort of a fanatic of Extreme Makeover Weightloss edition with Chris Powell. Even though I never had problems with weight, I try to keep myself fit by exercising every day and eating right. It doesn't mean that sometimes I don't indulge in occasional junk food but overall, I try my best to eat very healthy and well yes, I am interested in the whole health business.

However, watching the show opened up my eyes a lot about the struggles of those who are morbidly obese and are faced with the challenge of losing the weight or die.

Sometimes, when you see someone outside with that kind of weight people are so unkind and harsh and I just cannot comprehend why we are that way with people who struggle with weight issues. Is it that we assume automatically that they are lazy? Is it that we see them as weak? What exactly causes us to show unkindness or make cruel jokes towards someone who struggle with this issue?

As I watched several episodes, time and time again I saw people who were trying but they were faced with tremendous challenges, most of them traumatic events where instead to turn to alcohol or drugs, they turned to food. They became food addicts.

Where is our compassion and help towards those who need us? In what way making cruel remarks towards someone who struggles to leave his/her car because of their weight or someone who cannot play with their children because of their size helps them in any way?

I want to suggest that every time you see an obese person at your local restaurant, work, Church or otherwise...STOP CRITICIZING THEM. Whether it's on their face or not, do not do it. It doesn't help them. Do you think they don't beat up themselves long enough already?

The world is full of unkindness. And yes, I do not know what it is like to be morbidly obese...heck, I do not even know what is like to be overweight HOWEVER, it doesn't stop ME from trying to show kindness to those around me.

What a wonderful inspiration we could become by just accepting people for who they are, we are our brother's keeper. Everyone of us. When they are ready to get the help they need, they will seek it. At the mean time, a simple smile and a offer of genuine friendship can heal a broken soul more than any diet could ever heal the body.

Edited August 20, 2013 by Suzie

[Guest]

I love that show. Many of the people I love deeply are obese. It is a struggle, they've all tried to overcome it many times, and being judgmental or hateful does not help them. Nor does being obese make them lesser people, less spiritual, lazy, etc.

[Dravin]

Sometimes, when you see someone outside with that kind of weight people are so unkind and harsh and I just cannot comprehend why we are that way with people who struggle with weight issues. Is it that we assume automatically that they are lazy? Is it that we see them as weak? What exactly causes us to show unkindness or make cruel jokes towards someone who struggle with this issue?

By and large, this is not a defense of the behavior, I think that it boils down to the perception that it is an issue of willpower.

What a wonderful inspiration we could become by just accepting people for who they are, we are our brother's keeper. Everyone of us. When they are ready to get the help they need, they will seek it. At the mean time, a simple smile and a offer of genuine friendship can heal a broken soul more than any diet could ever heal the body.

I think there are situations in which being our brother's keeper, speaking generally, does call for being proactive beyond offering friendship (or maybe rather that at a certain point being a friend can mean taking action or offering something). Sometimes people become ready for help through the support and actions of others. This is not code for, "Therefore it is okay to belittle them because it will... uh... motivate them... yeah... motivate them."

Edited August 20, 2013 by Dravin

[Suzie]

I think there are situations in which being our brother's keeper, speaking generally, does call for being proactive beyond offering friendship (or maybe rather that at a certain point being a friend can mean taking action or offering something). Sometimes people become ready for help through the support and actions of others. This is not code for, "Therefore it is okay to belittle them because it will... uh... motivate them... yeah... motivate them."

I agree, although I wonder how close our relationship should be with the person in question in order for us to possibly help them even though they did not ask for help?

[mnn727]

Support is one thing we all need.

I am classified as morbidly obese but I have recently lost 40# (and still going) I wish someone would say something, unfortunately I realize that 40 pounds on me is not that noticeable even though I am down a full size in clothes and almost ready for another drop in clothes sizes. What I wouldn't give for someone to say "Are you losing weight?"

40# is a very big deal, and the only one who has said anything besides my wife is my doctor.

My point is, if a fat person looks to be losing weight, mention it! We need all the encouragement we can get.

[Finrock]

Hi Suzie! I hope you are having a good day. :)

I haven't been able to figure out who the intended audience of this thread is.

I guess I'm asking myself, "Who would NOT agree with you that its wrong to make fun of or harshly criticize fat people?"

Your post takes the position that this is a common problem but I'm wondering who the "we" are?

Regards,

Finrock

[Wingnut]

I guess I'm asking myself, "Who would NOT agree with you that its wrong to make fun of or harshly criticize fat people?"

I agree with this puzzling question. Unfortunately, it's been the de facto policy of even some members of this board to criticize fat people, particularly the nameless and faceless ones they don't actually know.

[Iggy]

Speaking as an obese person - it is not will power. I have the will power to not eat.

I get so darn tired, have no energy to even put cereal in a bowl and pour milk over it, let alone cook a meal or snack or nuke something from the freezer.

I am Type 2 diabetic. My Dr sat me down and explained to me that I am tired because I am not taking my meds properly. I don't have to take my insulin injections just before I go to bed. I don't have to take the entire dose at one time.

I am awake and alert between 9 am and 9 pm. I just don't eat much - don't really care to. So I take 1/2 of my dose at 9 am - along with the three pills I take with no food. Then I take the second half of my insulin dose at 9 pm.

I asked my husband to remind me to take the rest of my meds throughout the day. I take a total of 15 pills throughout the day. I have to take 9 of them with food, split between breakfast and dinner.

Since I have been taking my meds on time, and eating 45 carbs per meal (not just enough bread to equal 45 carbs - but balanced out with vegetables, meat/protien, fat, starch. I have lost an average of 3-4 pounds a week/week and a half.

Some weeks I don't lose, but gain a pound or two. Some weeks I don't lose or gain. In 9 months I have lost two clothing sizes!! I was going to open up the waist on my pants and shorted the elastic - -but the elastic is sown into the waist band in four rows!! Any pants I purchase in the future, I will make sure they aren't like the ones I have now.

When I see morbidly obese people in the store, I look into their cart and see bags of candy, chips, crackers, cookies, frozen junk food, cases of soda pop. Then I see them check out using food stamps. The junk food they eat contributes to their bad health.

I have always felt that the recipients of food stamps should go through nutritional classes and cooking classes. I also believe that the food stamp program should not be a plastic card for X amount of money - it should be a check that they have to go to the nutritionist to get, that has the food items listed on the back of the check. XX pounds of fresh carrots, XX pounds of 80% lean hamburger, XX pounds of raw chicken, XX pounds of fresh vegetables, etc., etc.

That when they purchase what is on the itemized check, then the check is valid. The clerk writes in the dollar amount and the customer goes home with healthy food.

Eating salad greens only is not healthy either. Where is the protein? Where is dietary fiber? Carbs? In one cup of salad greens (NOT iceburg) there are: Total Carbohydrate 2.0 g

Dietary Fiber 1.0 g

Sugars 0.0 g

Protein 1.0.

For a diabetic like me - this is not enough. Add a serving of beans (pinto, navy, kidney, garbanzo) for the dietary fiber, a hard cooked egg for the fat, tomato, radish, green onion, cucumber for variety and flavor and 2 TBS of your favorite dressing, along with a dinner roll or muffin or baking powder biscuit for the carbs.

My entire family is obese, morbidly so. They are all Type 2 diabetics too. NONE of us eat properly all of the time. We all (3 girls and 2 boys) were taught how to cook from scratch, how to shop for groceries. Yet we all fell victim to the fast food easy-ness. Drive through and frozen & nuke.

Cooking properly takes time, energy, knowledge.

mnn727 - no one noticed on me until my pants slid off. It was at Church, RS Evening meeting and I put my cell phone in my pants pocket and slowly the weight of it, and my walking around and next thing I knew the waist of my pants was nearly to my knees.

Wearing DriSilque garments, makes clothes slide on and OFF easily!! My dresses don't show my weight loss much, but my capri's and other slacks/pants sure do.

I weigh myself every other day too. Gaining a pound or three doesn't depress me. I keep track and after a month the results are always a loss.

[Dravin]

I agree, although I wonder how close our relationship should be with the person in question in order for us to possibly help them even though they did not ask for help?

It's going to be highly variable, not only because of variations in the particular issue but also the variation in the individuals involved (both the helper and the helpee).

Edited August 20, 2013 by Dravin

[mnn727]

I haven't been able to figure out who the intended audience of this thread is.

I think its a general post, however there are a couple regulars here that whine all the time about fat people having Temple Recommends. They usually pop up in discussions about the WoW.

[mnn727]

When I see morbidly obese people in the store, I look into their cart and see bags of candy, chips, crackers, cookies, frozen junk food, cases of soda pop. Then I see them check out using food stamps.

Every time? Every fat person? Stereotyping doesn't help, you won't find any of that in my cart and I've never been on food stamps.

[Backroads]

This is a timely thread for me because not an hour ago I caught myself shamefully thinking in a similar vein of thought. It wasn't mean thoughts about the obese, per say, but I was observing a person who not only was obese but clearly did not care about her appearance. It was the latter quality that bothered me.

I should have dismissed the thought. I don't know this person's story.

Yet I now think "why does no one give her advice and support?"

[Leah]

Hi Suzie! I hope you are having a good day. :)

I haven't been able to figure out who the intended audience of this thread is.

I guess I'm asking myself, "Who would NOT agree with you that its wrong to make fun of or harshly criticize fat people?"

Your post takes the position that this is a common problem but I'm wondering who the "we" are?

Regards,

Finrock

Acutally, lots of people would not agree with her. Even here on this forum, there has been judgment of overweight people. It is a very common problem. People in general feel very free to criticize or make fun of person's weight. Often, people will claim that they are making comments out of "concern". But often it is because they find the sight of a fat person offensive. Judgments are made that the person is lazy or a glutton or any number of negative things. There is no stigma in this society when it comes to discriminating against or belittling overweight people. As long as you add the disclaimer "I am concerned about your health", it's almost downright politically correct to make fun of fat people.

[Backroads]

Acutally, lots of people would not agree with her. Even here on this forum, there has been judgment of overweight people. It is a very common problem. People in general feel very free to criticize or make fun of person's weight. Often, people will claim that they are making comments out of "concern". But often it is because they find the sight of a fat person offensive. Judgments are made that the person is lazy or a glutton or any number of negative things. There is no stigma in this society when it comes to discriminating against or belittling overweight people. As long as you add the disclaimer "I am concerned about your health", it's almost downright politically correct to make fun of fat people.

So what's the best way to open up a dialogue?

[slamjet]

As an obese person, I shall chime in...

Yes, I've been judged for my size but I'm obnoxious enough to tell anyone who come up to me to tell me I need to lose weight to shove off. You don't think I don't know that? Besides, please take a wild guess as to why I'm the size that I am...

I bet most would think it's because of lack of control or that I'm too dumb to have any sense otherwise. So let me tell you my little story as to why and see if this changes anything.

1) When my life began to fall apart, it was discovered that I have a chemical brain imbalance that wouldn't let me focus, fed my addictions, made me angry and terrifyingly so at times, and wouldn't let me make wise choices. This needed correcting so they had to start experimenting to see which drug would do the job. Unfortunately, one of them that did a great job at allowing me to control my temper ramped up my appetite to ungodly levels. There were times I'd be sitting in bed crying my eyes out because I just ate the equivalent of food for three people but I was still painfully hungry, like I've not eaten for two days. So the choice became sanity or my girlish figure?

2) After some time, I didn't care anymore. I was big, I couldn't lose the weight, my life is destroyed and I couldn't figure out why I am still on this earth since there was no decent future for me (the jury is still out on that one). One time my friend, who could safely talk to me about anything because I trusted him, asked me about my weight? I flat out told him I didn't care. I wouldn't mind having a heart attack sooner than latter so can exit this futureless existence.

It wasn't until I had a couple of blessing that told me that I needed to take my physical body seriously that I decided that it was time to do something about it but I was so far gone that it took over 3700 calories just to maintain. It wasn't until I came to a mental and emotional much better place that I could go on a diet. It took a while to figure out how I needed to change how I eat, restrict my calories and not feel like going postal on anyone. Thus far, I'm down 19# but I have another 131# to go to hit my goal weight. I'm restricting myself to 2000 cal/day but I've been averaging 1500 to 1600 cal/day. My back finally is not in constant agony so I started walking up and down the parking lot out back until my back flairs up in pain.

So to those who look in another persons cart and wonder why there is soo much junk food, have you ever thought that there may be an emotional issue that the person is having a real difficult time getting through? That you may have caught them on a bad day? That they already know they're obese and grown to not care because nobody else does? That they saw your looks of disgust? That they knew if they went through the line with Weight Watcher or Lean Cuisine frozen food that you would look at them and say "it figures"?

And at worst, there is a life trauma that hasn't been dealt with that is holding them back?

I suggest before questioning the reason why a person is obese, extend some charity. I will always appreciate what my friends do with me; they accept me as I am because, for some odd reason, they like the person that I've become. That acceptance has done more miraculous things for me than a discussion on how I need to lose weight.

[Guest]

So what's the best way to open up a dialogue?

You don't. It's not news to them, I promise.

[slamjet]

You don't. It's not news to them, I promise.

Well, doesn't that just sum up what I just posted

[TalkativeIntrovert]

I find it interesting that there seem to be more obese people in the church than out! Which is interesting given the WOW as someone mentioned earlier.

I was not obese before joining - I actually wonder if the alcohol and coffee lifestyle helped keep the weight off!!!! Not true of course, there were many other factors at play, but the timing was there.

I am obese, but I am also a lot fitter than most regular sized people I know. Earlier this year I compete in an aquathon (swim and run), did a 30km charity walk, do weekend hikes of up to 25km a day and am currently in training to compete in the Australian Indoor Rowing Championships.

I feel like I am judged for being obese by most people. I feel judged by church people for having coffee each day (in place of medication that causes heart palpitations, sleeplessness, aggression and possibly psychosis).

When I think rationally, there probably are very people that do judge me, on the whole it is probably me judging myself more harshly. However all it takes is 1 nasty group of teens driving past yelling fat comments as I am running to make me feel like the whole world thinks that way. Sadly, that can make me feel so bad about myself that I don't want to go running and I medicate with food.

Thinking about the obesity issue - it does not make me want to leave church, or even feel judged by most church members, even though I am obviously not living the WOW as I eat too much.

Now think on the coffee issue - same thing, not living WOW, yet I feel judged and unworthy of the church and am unable to get a temple recommend.

We all make judgements, it is what we do with them that matters.

[Guest]

I find it interesting that there seem to be more obese people in the church than out!

I don't think that's true. Judging by clothing, there are many people out in public who are obese and not LDS.

[classylady]

Even as a teen, I thought I was fat. Now, when I look back on my old pictures, I would give anything to be that weight again. I probably could have lost about 10 pounds back then, and been at my ideal weight. As an adult, I truly am overweight. I hate my looks/body. I probably use food as self-medication. Even though I want to lose weight more than anything, I can't seem to leave the food alone.

When I see severely obese people, I feel tremendous empathy for them. I know how it is to despise your own looks, but can't seem to do anything about it.

[Quin]

There's a psychological principle that assigns blame & cause as a defense mechanism.

Ex)

THEY slipped because they're clumsy / careless/ weren't paying attention/ wearing stupid shoes/ etc.

I slipped because I stepped on an icy patch

You see it all the time.

Every time the news shows a toddler falling out a window and people blame the parents.

Every time someone treats a fat/ skinny/ frizzy/ whatever person badly.

What it does is it makes people feel safe. Because "everything bad can be avoided".

All of which is patently untrue.

LOL, you're on the side of the angels on this issue, but you did it YOURSELF in your post.

"I eat right & exercise"

You assigned something you want to something you have control over.

(As opposed to listing out the good 50+ out of your control causes that haven't affected you... Like major injury, Polynesian genes, medication, etc,)

We don't have control.

No parent in the history of the world has kept they eye on their child 24/7 (all parents sleep). Any toddler can fall out a window.

It doesn't mean we should go out of our way to be stupid. Lets not wear 6" stilettos in the ice, or tell our kids to play on the freeway.

But most UNWANTED things in life are fought against. So they happen despite precaution.

By our brains saying "if I do this, the bad thing won't happen" we're protecting ourselves.

By our brain saying "If the bad thing happened to someone they must not have been doing what I do" we're protecting ourselves.

INSTEAD... They did everything I do p, and this still happened to them... Puts people in therapy.

Most people CANNOT cope with "bad things happening to good people".

Oh.

That psych principle?

It's called "blame the victim".

We all do it.

Look where you're going.

I'm glad I bought enough firewood.

Use your blinker, jerk.

I eat right.

I'm a good wife.

Etc.

[Suzie]

I haven't been able to figure out who the intended audience of this thread is.

I guess I'm asking myself, "Who would NOT agree with you that its wrong to make fun of or harshly criticize fat people?"

Your post takes the position that this is a common problem but I'm wondering who the "we" are?

Regards,

Finrock

Hi Finrock, I assure you it was a general post. I don't know if you ever watched the show but the things the participants of the show shared were heartbreaking. From total strangers making fun of them by calling them hippos to extreme bullying in school and in the work place. In more than one occasion, I overheard people commenting about an obese person's weight or food choices in a demeaning and cruel manner. And I think everyone here or most people at some point have experienced hearing someone being mocked or bullied or made fun of because of their weight.

[Guest]

So often it's their own families mocking, belittling, and sabotaging them. It's sad.

[Suzie]

Even as a teen, I thought I was fat. Now, when I look back on my old pictures, I would give anything to be that weight again. I probably could have lost about 10 pounds back then, and been at my ideal weight. As an adult, I truly am overweight. I hate my looks/body. I probably use food as self-medication. Even though I want to lose weight more than anything, I can't seem to leave the food alone.

Have you ever watched the show? It is truly inspirational.

[Suzie]

So often it's their own families mocking, belittling, and sabotaging them. It's sad.

Interesting you mentioned that! In one of the episodes this lady lost a lot of weight and of course, she wasn't ready yet for skin surgery but you could have seen in her eyes that she wanted her mother to be proud of her so she asked her "Mom how do I look?", the mom (who was obese herself) started laughing at her face and saying that she looks like she has an "apron" on and that her arms look terrible.

Every time the woman would ask her the same question, the mother would criticize her terribly. The husband and her children would laugh when Chris Powell told one of the children to respect her mother's situation as a food addict and that he shouldn't be eating the junk food right in front of her face and they were all laughing at her and she was so sad.

In another episode, this woman was in a restaurant with her husband and she chose something along the lines with her new diet. The husband stated that he would ask the "usual" so they brought doritos with some cheese sauce. The woman was literally dying over it and kept telling the husband about it and the husband wouldn't look at her at all, and the only times that he would look at her eyes was when he would deep the doritos in the cheese sauce and eat them while looking at her!

By the end of that episode, I wanted to punch the mother and children of the first lady and the husband of the second.