Holiday family stories - the good and the bad

[NeuroTypical]

The Thanksgiving Letter: Marney Speaks! « AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com 11/26/2013

Ok. This video didn't give me nightmares, but I did spend the last 12 waking hours trying to get to where I could think charitable thoughts about this lady. I think I'm there now. If my kids ever marry someone from her family, I think I would be able to duck my head and do what's necessary to get along.

[Guest]

I just read the Marney letter!

I LOVE MARNEY!!!

She's my mom! I can see my mom writing this same exact letter! And it is SUPER DUPER AWESOME! My mom is this diminutive OCD woman married to a campaign manager. My dad would come home in a big rush, tell my mom... we have a change of fundraising schedules, they're coming to the house in an hour, about 100 of them and they'll need dinner and it needs to be perfect because we need their money. And, I kid you not, my mom GETS IT DONE! Without a hair out of place! And that's exactly how she gets it done - we all get our "jobs" and it needs to be done EXACTLY as she instructed or my mom would have to stress out and may get a hair out of place and we don't want that... because then it would look like she worked super hard to feed 100 people in 1 hour...

No seriously, the Christmas party I'm telling you about that lasts for 2 weeks? The only way you can pull off something like that and still enjoy the holidays is if you follow my mother's instructions to a T. She's the queen, we're the worker bees. We've done it like that for so many years that we don't need our specific instructions anymore. We already know it by heart! You should see my mom and dad in action - they're so in tandem and everything gets done and it's perfect. My mom doesn't do the paper plates deal. She breaks out the CHINA! So, of course, there's the dish washer person and dish dryer person and they have to do it exactly like my mom says to do it and exactly when it needs to be done so we don't run out of china. And she would tell us to fetch the ice from the store at exactly 4PM, we do it exactly at 4PM because she already figured out how fast that ice will melt because there's so many drinks that a cooler just won't do - it has to go on the metal drum... she's got this all figured out in her head! If you hear my mom yelling, oooohh... somebody did not follow instructions! LOL! And usually, it's me she's yelling at. LOL. I spent 2 months with my mom last summer and man, I walked into the funeral parlor right out of the airplane and I hear my mom yelling.... I cried like a buffoon in a positive way from feeling so much homecoming (she was yelling at somebody who didn't follow instructions to serve people at my dad's wake). Yes, she was organizing how to serve the hundreds of people that are coming 24 hours a day to pay respects to my dad while she herself was grieving and she didn't have the tasks that my dad usually does and it was tripping her up.

But then, this is the Philippines - she has maids in addition to the family. But, the maids are only tasked with the not-so-exact things like clean-up and go-fers... the exact things are assigned to family members.

When the family goes on trips (when I say family this is an entire clan of people - my dad has 8 siblings with a jillion kids and grandkids for each one) - we hold a family meeting first with my mom planning the whole thing and divying out the assignments Marney-style. She would say, you need to carve your names onto your silverware, you better do it because she's already thought out how she's going to return the things to you. I sooo love my mom. Everybody in my family loves her. We all rely on her OCD-ness because everybody gets to relax and not have to worry about figuring out how to re-heat the casserole when there's only 1 oven or if the ones who like Coke would have enough Coke while the ones who like Orange juice would run out of orange juice... my mom already figured it out for us! She's a dynamo!

Oh, and notice my all caps! Just like Marney's! w00t!

Edited November 27, 2013 by anatess

[carlimac]

Late to the party since I've been so busy buying food and cleaning the house for the 21 people (and three dogs) who will be here for T-Day.

Don't know what the story will be this year because it has yet to evolve. But a month ago or so, 2/3 of my in-laws decided I was hosting Thanksgiving this year. I wasn't even there when this happened. ( My college kids were there so the in-laws aren't completely to blame. )

In a group email one sister-in-law said they would get hotel rooms so they'd have access to a pool. Then I made the dumbest mistake ever by saying " Oh that's not completely necessary." ( I was just being insincerely gracious. We often get a hotel room when we're visiting them. I prefer it that way. I like my space and privacy) Another sister-in-law thought I was serious and said, OK we'll stay with you. So the other SIL followed suit. My mother-in-law is coming and expects she's going to have her own suite. Uh- not gonna happen. She's got to share with at least three grandkids. Heaven help us.

So now I will have all 13 extra human bodies and two extra dogs sleeping under my roof for two nights. That's plus my own 8 peeps, one dog, one cat and a gold fish. At least the chickens are outside. 21 has got to be a record. My house is big but not That big. They all descend on us tonight. Horrors! So very much to be grateful for ( I think).

[Bini]

BAD

I had just got out of a divorce and harboured a lot of anger. My family had made great efforts in making a nice Christmas, and invited me to spend that week with them to enjoy the festivities. I remember being so far down in the dumps, that I told everyone to take back whatever gifts they had bothered to get me, and that I wouldn't be showing up. Christmas Eve I spent alone at my condo, feeling sorry for myself and pouting. I kept getting phone calls and text messages but I kept ignoring everyone. Christmas arrived and I still hadn't shown up. Then, I decided to stop being such a baby about it, and I mustered up the energy I had left, cleaned up, and showed up at my parents. Everyone just loved on me, despite being a pain in the butt, and I just cried and cried. I still got to open my gifts too, hehe, despite demanding that everyone return whatever they got me (I said this like a couple weeks in advance) - my brother even kept his gift for me even though he told me, "FINE I WILL." LOL. Guess it wasn't a "bad" memory after all.

GOOD

I'm Filipino but adopted so I'm very much westernised, and sometimes forget what I look like on the outside. When I first married my husband, we attended a holiday brunch with his parents and his very elderly grandmother. They are from the Netherlands and tend to be outspoken and sometimes lack tact in their communication. Well, I had heard from other members within his family, that grandmother was very old fashioned and had a tendency to say things that come across racist. My husband had even prepped me prior to meeting her, to just smile and ignore any of the offensive things that may come out of her mouth. So I readied myself for this event. Turns out I reminded her of some of the Indonesians that immigrated to Holland long ago, and she couldn't say enough things about what a beautiful people they were, and she shared her stories with me. I attended her funeral earlier this year but I will always remember her as a strong, direct, yet loving person. Later, I was told that she really liked the "Indonesian girl", and I never bothered to correct her when she referred to me as that versus Filipino, I took it as a compliment really.

[carlimac]

Oh, and to add to the stress, my husband has a job offer in another state. We're in the midst of deciding if he'll take it and we all move in a month. =-O

[Vort]

The Marnies of the world are infected with a strain of something akin to Asperger's Syndrome, which renders them oblivious to, and perhaps incapable of understanding, how they come across to other people. In her own mind, Marnie is simply providing careful guidance with directness and good humor. She cannot imagine why anyone would possibly take offense. (The fact that she would likely take offense if on the other side of that equation is a part of the particular Asperger's strain that infects her.)

Many of us suffer from a mild version of this infection. "O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us / To see oursels as ithers see us!" I don't particularly enjoy dealing with the Marnies in my life, but I have a lot of sympathy for them. While those with perfect social sensibilities may not understand this very well, I suspect most of us have been Marnies at one time or another.

Edited November 27, 2013 by Vort

[ploomf]

If I received a letter like that I would so be wrapping everything, including myself, in aluminum foil.

[talisyn]

Marnie probably has awesome parties, but I'm glad I'm not on her holiday list. I love where she tells one family to prepare something how they want and proceeds to tell them exactly how to make it.

We've had the family-in-the-area Thanksgiving dinner at my house the past year or so, and I think, after the initial hurt over changing tradition from the annual pilgrimage to grandparents, my parents have decided that the lack of clean up and being able to take leftovers home are good things. That's the good

The bad is a current schism in my family due to assumptions, hurt feelings, and the internet's lack of emotional expression and none of us know how to use a phone. We'll see how it plays out, but even with less people over we still have to buy a huge turkey.

[Backroads]

I laugh at Marnie's letter, but I'm not entirely against her writing it! You got to do what you got to do.

[beefche]

I love her response when he asked her who Amy Misto was and if she brought the pumpkin or apple pie. "She's family." That's it because that explains everything. Hahahaha! And you can tell she was REALLY trying to figure out a tactful way to say more, but just couldn't. So, she took the Thumper's father's advice. LOL!

[Guest]

What in the world is wrong with, "Can you please bring mashed potatoes and a pumpkin pie?" If it's not perfect, who cares?? People are more important than a perfect meal, and "perfect" is subjective, anyway.

The fact that so many people accept and applaud her behavior explains so much about driving on the freeway and going to Walmart on any given day.

[beefche]

I actually feel sorry for her. It's obvious that she is unable to give up control over ANYTHING and that is so difficult to deal with. I have control issues myself and the times I recognize that I need to relinquish that control is sometimes difficult for me. She obviously can't deal with it.

But it doesn't mean it isn't entertaining. Bless Dravin's heart for finding the humor in it even when it is driving him batty.

[Just_A_Guy]

She kind of has a point about the lid thing, though . . .

[NeuroTypical]

Well, that's the thing. She has a point about just everything. But there's a big difference between what she does, and "Oh, can everyone bring their stuff with lids? You know how we'll need to stack stuff on top of each other, and it would be a shame to have the yams mash the green beans". She is freaking out, obsessing, demanding, micromanaging, delivering under-the-table jabs, and, if you can judge by the range of responses here, ticking off more than half of her family by behaving that way.

Thinking charitably, I believe she genuinely is doing the best she can to get the family together and provide the best family event she knows how. Nobody can claim that she thinks this event is unimportant.

Edited November 29, 2013 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[Guest]

It's the difference between, "Can I offer you a breath mint?", and "Your breath reeks, you miserable failure at life!". Sort of.

[Guest]

Of course we are only seeing one letter out of her entire life, the background story of which is lost on us.

Like I said, my mom could've written this exact same letter and all of us (including me, our family's Amy Misto) LOVES her for it. Because we know her and love her for everything that she is.

And that, my friends, is usually how broken families happen... For some reason, we can't just allow people to be who and what they are including their OCD and insensitive selves and love them for it.

[talisyn]

What in the world is wrong with, "Can you please bring mashed potatoes and a pumpkin pie?" If it's not perfect, who cares?? People are more important than a perfect meal, and "perfect" is subjective, anyway.

The fact that so many people accept and applaud her behavior explains so much about driving on the freeway and going to Walmart on any given day.

I agree!

It's important, when dealing with mortal beings, to understand that sometimes people cannot perform their tasks exactly. And it's important to see that good things can happen when people deviate from plan. For instance, my mom was suppose to make the yams and marshmallows but forgot to buy the stuff, so we ended up with chocolate and pumpkin pies. And only 2 people were disappointed