The message is for everyone but the culture is not.

[The Folk Prophet]

....but I respectfully think that the Church could be better equipped to deal with and help those with unique needs...

 

Whereas you are right, it is not fair to imply that it is a "church" issue. It is a people issue. How to deal with those with unique needs is not a problem that is bred by the LDS church in any degree. All people and organizations need to be better equipped in this regard, the church included.

[Lakumi]

Quinn I would be shocked and almost horrified if there was a ward out there with people like me. I mean for starters those like minded sorts very seldom are married and have families.

How do you have a ward with a bunch of single people? Does that exist? I know it could but the culture doesn't seem to care for that from what I have heard.

It took me until I was in my 20s to make friends and they're not the kind of people you find in a church.

I of course don't blame the LDS church for... well anything.

There are things I disagree with, but I am like that with everything. I would be afraid of something I agreed with 100% and would assume it was trying to brainwash me.

[pam]

We have singles wards.

[Lakumi]

We have singles wards.

Ehhhhhhhhh, I may be wrong but aren't those sort of machmaker style things?

[pam]

It does give those that are single and all around the same age a chance to get to know others.

[Lakumi]

It does give those that are single and all around the same age a chance to get to know others.

I don't like the matchmaker thing looming over my head.

No qualms about making friends, though I think odd doll collecting, D&D playing, fantasy writing sorts would be few and far between

[pam]

I never mentioned anything about a matchmaker thing.

[Lakumi]

I never mentioned anything about a matchmaker thing.

 

i know, but to me the idea seems that way, as I said, I could be wrong. I am willing to admit my wrongness when I am wrong.

[pam]

Could it be that you have this perception because, as evidenced by the title of the thread, you only have negative ideas regarding anything that might be related to LDS culture?

[Lakumi]

Could it be that you have this perception because, as evidenced by the title of the thread, you only have negative ideas regarding anything that might be related to LDS culture?

 

Maybe, though to be fair there's a lot of other cultures and such I dislike far worse (I mean I've never gotten close to a fistfight with Mormons, I have with warhammer players, doll drama and unspoken rules can go to some weird and crazy places). But I only see some things as negative to me. For other people it seems like they really are keen on it and I've seen people who've said here they joined partly because of the culture.

I see myself as someone who doesn't fit into cultures.

I don't think the culture is bad, but that it doesn't work for me, I guess.

[pam]

 

I don't think the culture is bad, but that it doesn't work for me, I guess.

 

Then why continue to use this site where we work hard to promote LDS values as a podium to constantly vent what doesn't work for you as far as LDS go?  If you are already aware that it doesn't work for you?

[Lakumi]

Then why continue to use this site where we work hard to promote LDS values as a podium to constantly vent what doesn't work for you as far as LDS go?  If you are already aware that it doesn't work for you?

 

The bad overshadows the good I guess, because there is good. I've gotten a lot out of the scriptures for example and ultimately quite enjoy reading them, and have my own bizarre form of scripture study.

But I think ultimately that falls to my personality, I complain about everything. My friends know it, my family knows it, I know it.

Using an example, I see my dolls as the most important things I own and the only constant once I get old and probably outlive everyone I love, and will be buried with me, but oh do I complain about the community, the "culture" and I can admit, fully, that a lot of what I complain about, is extremely petty.

And I think its easier to see in person, body language and all that. Because here i am only able to use words and I can make the simple fact I felt a meetinghouse was too cold, sound like a terrible, emotional thing for me. When in reality I'd just say to someone "man its cold in there, I'll bring a sweater" and not seem too angry or serious.

 

But I am a petty and often selfish person and I would like to be, well at least, a little less so. They say acceptance is the first step to change, I think.

[dahlia]

While I appreciate the generous nature of most LDS who will sit next to a stranger in church and RS, personally, I can do without it.  I sit by myself in church, but darned if half the time somebody doesn't make it her business to sit next to me. It's OK, I'm not lonely. I'm there to get the Sacrament and hear the talks. I'm OK sitting alone in RS, though I may end up next to someone if I was talking to them before the lesson started.

 

We have a lot of young families and SAHMs. I think a lot of them look forward to Sunday as a chance to talk to another adult, but I've been dealing with tons of people during the week, have to be 'on' while teaching, help people get jobs or get into PhD programs, worry about other people's work, etc. What I mean by this is that there is an emotional aspect to my job and which often comes home with me. I also do a fair amount of work at home; I'm not just mindlessly selling vegan burgers at the mall.   By the weekend I just want to be by myself.

 

I posted something a few weeks ago about dialing down on the activities, but still being considered as active. These LDS do expect a lot from you and sometimes I just don't want to do it.

[The Folk Prophet]

I don't like the matchmaker thing looming over my head.

No qualms about making friends, though I think odd doll collecting, D&D playing, fantasy writing sorts would be few and far between

 

I'll grant, the doll collecting thing is a bit out there. The D&D and fantasy on the other hand is pretty average.

[The Folk Prophet]

The bad overshadows the good I guess, because there is good. I've gotten a lot out of the scriptures for example and ultimately quite enjoy reading them, and have my own bizarre form of scripture study.

But I think ultimately that falls to my personality, I complain about everything. My friends know it, my family knows it, I know it.

Using an example, I see my dolls as the most important things I own and the only constant once I get old and probably outlive everyone I love, and will be buried with me, but oh do I complain about the community, the "culture" and I can admit, fully, that a lot of what I complain about, is extremely petty.

And I think its easier to see in person, body language and all that. Because here i am only able to use words and I can make the simple fact I felt a meetinghouse was too cold, sound like a terrible, emotional thing for me. When in reality I'd just say to someone "man its cold in there, I'll bring a sweater" and not seem too angry or serious.

 

But I am a petty and often selfish person and I would like to be, well at least, a little less so. They say acceptance is the first step to change, I think.

 

Complaining is quite off-putting. Perhaps you should work on that. I suspect you'll say it's just who you are and you can't help or control it. Baloney. We are who we practice to be as much as anything. Rather, we will become who we practice being. You may not be able to control yourself in speech as easily, as speech with careful thought tempering it is difficult. But in writing it is fairly easy. Re-read, re-think, and edit before posting. It's not that difficult to practice character when writing. It takes a moderate amount of attention, effort, and patience -- but those are worth practicing too.

[pam]

Complaining is quite off-putting. Perhaps you should work on that. I suspect you'll say it's just who you are and you can't help or control it. Baloney. We are who we practice to be as much as anything. Rather, we will become who we practice being. You may not be able to control yourself in speech as easily, as speech with careful thought tempering it is difficult. But in writing it is fairly easy. Re-read, re-think, and edit before posting. It's not that difficult to practice character when writing. It takes a moderate amount of attention, effort, and patience -- but those are worth practicing too.

 

Agree.  Constant negativity is very off-putting and gets old quite quickly.

[The Folk Prophet]

While I appreciate the generous nature of most LDS who will sit next to a stranger in church and RS, personally, I can do without it.  I sit by myself in church, but darned if half the time somebody doesn't make it her business to sit next to me. It's OK, I'm not lonely. I'm there to get the Sacrament and hear the talks. I'm OK sitting alone in RS, though I may end up next to someone if I was talking to them before the lesson started.

 

We have a lot of young families and SAHMs. I think a lot of them look forward to Sunday as a chance to talk to another adult, but I've been dealing with tons of people during the week, have to be 'on' while teaching, help people get jobs or get into PhD programs, worry about other people's work, etc. What I mean by this is that there is an emotional aspect to my job and which often comes home with me. I also do a fair amount of work at home; I'm not just mindlessly selling vegan burgers at the mall.   By the weekend I just want to be by myself.

 

I posted something a few weeks ago about dialing down on the activities, but still being considered as active. These LDS do expect a lot from you and sometimes I just don't want to do it.

 

See, that's the thing. It's not about what you need. Or, rather, it should not be about what you need. You sitting next to others should have nothing to do with whether you need to be near others. It should be about you trying to fill other's needs, serve and love them, and an effort to help them feel loved so that you can be an instrument in building the kingdom and bringing others closer to Christ.

 

Just wanting to be by oneself is understandable, surely. And there is a time and a place. Church is not that time and place. Honestly, going to church with that attitude will harvest much less to your soul that what it could.

 

I'm not suggesting you run faster than you are able. Only that you (and all of us) continually choose to work towards a mindset of this nature. That is, perhaps, the primary way we will come to know Christ. There is a reason the 2nd greatest commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves. It is a great part of the means whereby we learn to fulfill the 1st commandment, and the means whereby we learn to know the Savior, for only doing as He would do can we begin to understand Him.

[Latter Days Guy]

I've found that if the message is important to you and you truly believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ, you would want to change the things in your life that aren't in line with what that message teaches.  I'm not the most sociable of persons and do find it hard to strike up conversations or make new friendships.  But because the gospel is so important to me, I want to do what the Saviour asks us to do, which is to be part of a fellowship of believers.

[Lakumi]

Complaining is quite off-putting. Perhaps you should work on that. I suspect you'll say it's just who you are and you can't help or control it. Baloney. We are who we practice to be as much as anything. Rather, we will become who we practice being. You may not be able to control yourself in speech as easily, as speech with careful thought tempering it is difficult. But in writing it is fairly easy. Re-read, re-think, and edit before posting. It's not that difficult to practice character when writing. It takes a moderate amount of attention, effort, and patience -- but those are worth practicing too.

 

Well of course I can control it, I can control myself in speech (eg not swearing when I am at church), and yes I can change. Of course I can.

I think by admiting that I do have faults there is the first step to a grand change.

[Guest]

Then why continue to use this site where we work hard to promote LDS values as a podium to constantly vent what doesn't work for you as far as LDS go?  If you are already aware that it doesn't work for you?

 

Lakumi doesn't CONSTANTLY do that.

 

But, he is a Lakumi.  If you want all the Lakumis to go find another site then tell him so. 

[The Folk Prophet]

Lakumi doesn't CONSTANTLY do that.

 

You've turned a blind eye to it. He does, actually. Constantly.

[Guest]

Well of course I can control it, I can control myself in speech (eg not swearing when I am at church), and yes I can change. Of course I can.

I think by admiting that I do have faults there is the first step to a grand change.

 

Yes. That's the very first step.

 

The next step is to pause everytime you say, "I", "me", or "mine", and see how you can twist it around to "You".  For example... when you think, "I am different"... see if you can twist that around to, "You are different.".  That way, your focus starts to shift outward... until it becomes a habit.  Because saying I am different is a self-perspective whereas You are different is the other-perspective.

 

Because then, after you've focused out... the next step is now, how can we be different and still relate?  Then you won't have that pre-conceived notion that they will not work with you because you are different.... because you want to relate to them with their differences.

[Guest]

You've turned a blind eye to it. He does, actually. Constantly.

 

Pull up all his posts.  You will see he doesn't do it Constantly.  He is autistic.  You will see glimmers of his autistic tendencies a lot in his posts (I worked with a class of autistic children).  But he is not constantly complaining.  He is simply self-focused and has no problem pointing out what he sees is different between himself and the world around him in a matter-of-fact manner.  It is not a complaint but a statement.  And that includes this thread.

[Lakumi]

And so it has become a complaint about a person how he complains too much in this thread about complaints he has made, and this angers me so I shall go and complain about you, who complains about how I complain too much in this thread of complains I have made, and someone shall see this, and become mad, and they will complain how I have complained about yopu complaining about me, who complains too much, all in this thread of complains.

 

And it goes on like that  

[The Folk Prophet]

Pull up all his posts.  You will see he doesn't do it Constantly.  He is autistic.  You will see glimmers of his autistic tendencies a lot in his posts (I worked with a class of autistic children).  But he is not constantly complaining.  He is simply self-focused and has no problem pointing out what he sees is different between himself and the world around him in a matter-of-fact manner.  It is not a complaint but a statement.  And that includes this thread.

 

First, "constantly", as I'm using it, does not mean what you're inferring from it. Constantly swearing, for example, does not mean every word is a swear word, nor does it mean every sentence one says includes one. When someone constantly swears, however, it's fairly obvious even if statistically only one out of every 5 sentences actually has a curse word.

 

Second, Autistic is irrelevant to whether it's constant. That may be the why of it. It may play into understanding why. It does not change the fact of what occurs.

 

Third, complaint is a subset of statement, not an antonym. Pointing out that he's making statements doesn't have any bearing on whether those statements are complaints or not. In point of fact, the primary definition of "complaint" is "a statement that is....(etc)."

 

Fourth, Pam didn't say he was complaining. She said was that he was constantly venting what doesn't work for him in the LDS world. And that, he does do. You debated the point. I disagreed.  The "complaining" issue he, himself, said he constantly does. My response to him was advice related to his admission that he does so, not related to my view of what he does in this forum.