When is it time to lower expectations while swimming in the dating pool?

[Bini]

This article was shared on my Facebook feed (http://www.theonion.com/articles/few-more-items-knocked-off-list-of-desirable-trait,36412/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus) and I found it to be a bit depressing. I'll agree that not everything listed is vital but some preferences will always be preferences, and if you go with something else, you might be setting yourself up for a failed relationship in the long run. I guess you just have to ask yourself what you really can and can't live with.

So when do we start lowering our expectations? Is it when we think there's no one out there? And we're running out of time with our biological clock ticking?

My husband was 40-years old and had never been married. He'd been setup on lots of dates by friends and family, but was never interested enough to commit. For years, his mother said he was too picky and needed to lower his expectations. Shortly after, we met and had a pretty good connection, good enough we got married. Needless to say, we're both glad he hadn't settled. If he had, we wouldn't have the life together we have now, or our beautiful daughter.

[slamjet]

One must go into a marriage with their eye's wide open, then squint while married.

[jerome1232]

I get what you are saying, but I think sometimes people have this idea of a perfect soul mate that they will forever live in bliss with and that is a fairytale. One that if pursued, and marriage endlessly delayed in pursuit of, is going to end in a lot more unhappiness than if you had married that not quite perfect girl 10 years ago and grew together in your marriage.

[Bini]

I agree there's no such thing as a soul mate. Despite feeling that my husband and I are a perfect match, of course, we have shortcomings. But I don't think I ever lowered my expectations when I was dating. There was a criteria I felt absolute about. From there, I found a few losers and a few possibilities, but I never changed my standard I wanted in a man, initially.

[Vort]

I assume you know that The Onion is a satirical site, and that the purpose of the article was to get you to laugh out loud. In that respect, it was far from the best Onion article I've ever read, but it was pretty good.

[unixknight]

With respect, I must disagree with those who say there's no such thing as a soulmate.  When I laid eyes on my wife for the very first time, I didn't just meet her, I recognized her.  We're convinced that we knew each other from before this life.  

 

We've been together now for almost 10 years and now that we're active in the Church again we're temple-bound to get sealed in time.  

 

We're way past the honeymoon stage, the 7 year itch, etc... And it's better now than it's ever been.  Not going to go into the details of how deeply in love we are, because that's private and between us.

 

So yeah, there are soulmates, and we recognize how rare and precious a thing that is, and no matter how rough life gets, we're already more fortunate than the vast majority of folks out there.

Edited December 23, 2014 by unixknight

[Bini]

Fort,

I assume you know that The Onion is a satirical site, and that the purpose of the article was to get you to laugh out loud. In that respect, it was far from the best Onion article I've ever read, but it was pretty good.

Never even heard of The Onion before. Just clicked the link that was shared and felt differently.

[Bini]

* Uh, VORT not Fort. Really hating this predict text... So hard to type mobile.

[John Prather]

I don't think it is a matter of "lowering ones expectations" but becoming more realistic and practical. And a bitter shout-out to Unixknight; it's all just neurochemicals swishing around in your gray matter. And while I'm at it, Bah! Humbug!

[unixknight]

I'll take that under advisement 

[Guest]

I don't get "lowering expectations" because it's not the way I look at people.

 

I don't have a checklist that says - Must be this and that and this and that...

 

I spend time navigating life through my friendship with the person and ask myself - am I willing to serve this person forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what?

 

That's it.  He can have 3 legs, one eye, no money, dumber than a doorknob... if I feel that I am willing to serve him - even after Brad Pitt throws himself at me and pledges to love me through eternity - then I'm marrying the 3-legged guy.

[Bini]

I don't get "lowering expectations" because it's not the way I look at people.

 

I don't have a checklist that says - Must be this and that and this and that...

 

I spend time navigating life through my friendship with the person and ask myself - am I willing to serve this person forever and ever and ever and ever no matter what?

 

That's it.  He can have 3 legs, one eye, no money, dumber than a doorknob... if I feel that I am willing to serve him - even after Brad Pitt throws himself at me and pledges to love me through eternity - then I'm marrying the 3-legged guy.

You have referenced Mr. Pitt quite a few times over the years :) He's not bad looking by any means but it cracks me up every time. My favourite of his work is A River Runs Through it but I also liked the most recent Fury.

[Guest]

You have referenced Mr. Pitt quite a few times over the years :) He's not bad looking by any means but it cracks me up every time. My favourite of his work is A River Runs Through it but I also liked the most recent Fury.

 

My favorite is actually Val Kilmer but he's not popular anymore.  LOL.

 

My favorite Brad Pitt movie is Tibet.

[Bini]

I forgot that I really liked Brad Pitt's Benjamin Button. I cant watch that and not cry.