People And How We Interact With Them

[pam]

I had a situation happen in the last week that I'm having a hard time dealing with. As most know I manage a gas station/convenience store. We have one vendor that delivers to us every Friday. A very annoying sort of person. We cringe when he comes in. He's the sort that expects you to help him the moment he is ready. Doesn't matter if we have a line of customers etc. A week ago last Friday, he came in as usual. I was right in the middle of a huge shipment that had come in. As usual he wanted me to drop everything right that moment and check him in. I told him I would be with him in about 2 minutes. Unfortunately I probably came across a bit harsh.

Well he didn't show up Friday for his usual delivery. Yesterday another gentleman came in. I questioned where our usual guy was. I was informed that he had committed suicide during the week.

Now I know that my moment of harshness was not the reason he chose to take this kind of action. However I feel, in hindsight, that perhaps if I had been nicer to him on the Fridays that he delivered that might have made some difference. I know probably not...but you know how the mind works.

I guess my point is...sometimes the little things or the ways we treat people on a daily basis could have some impact or influence on others.

[Josie]

Pam,

I understand what you are saying. It is easy to look back and think if only I might have done this, but we are our own worst judge. That is one reason that I am so thankful for a loving Father in Heaven, that will take into consideration many things that we do not even take notice of, when it comes to ourselves. Such as the true feelings of our heart and the person we really are.

You don't know the man's circumstances and cannot blame yourself for what he did. Only he and the Lord know what was behind it. But, we also know that someone that takes their own life has to be very sick and the Lord alone will judge how much he is to blame for his actions.

We all need to be more aware of others around us and when someone gets snippy or throws a scowl our way, if we can just smile or be polite, maybe it will brighten their day too. We never know how much our smile may bless someone else's life or how devastating our scowl might be to them. A smile or kind word can be a simple and quiet form of charity to our neighbor in ways that we could never imagine, unless we were possessed of the wisdom of God.

Josie

[sgallan]

But, we also know that someone that takes their own life has to be very sick

Always? I could see someone, who perhaps lost an entire family, who might tkae their life just because it would no longer be worth living. I can see the rationale of wanting to 'live' instead of just survive in some tortured way, and ending ones life as a result.

[pam]

I understand, from what I was told yesterday, that he had many personal issues stacking up against him. We just never know what makes a person take that course of action. As Josie said above, luckily Heavenly Father knows what was going on in his mind and his heart and will take that into consideration.

[susieSA]

But, we also know that someone that takes their own life has to be very sick

Have you had some one in your family commit suicide?

Have you been close to it yourself?

We never know what is happeneing in a person's life that they feel that that is the only way out..

We never know how close someone is to breaking point... We never know what they have had to endure to that point.

It is never our place to judge.

[BenRaines]

With the way I have seen people struggle and fight to stay alive I would agree that anyone who takes their own life is not a healthy person. I think that most would agree that a person who takes their own life is not mentally well.

That is my opinion since I am not a doctor or trained to make that call.

Ben Raines

[Iggy]

With the way I have seen people struggle and fight to stay alive I would agree that anyone who takes their own life is not a healthy person. I think that most would agree that a person who takes their own life is not mentally well.

That is my opinion since I am not a doctor or trained to make that call.

Ben Raines

I have known several people who have taken their own lives - and I was shocked at each one. There was no "warning" signals or signs. I agree with you Ben, that those who take their own lives are not mentally well.

[sgallan]

Some people want to live... instead of just survive. When it just becomes a survival thing they figure, "what's the point". I can understand that mindset. It's sort of like people who partake in extreme sports, they know there is a chance the odds will catch up to them, but figure what is the point of living if you cannot 'live'! Much as you probably cannot concpetualize people who climb K2 (with a pretty high mortality rate), you could never understand people who take their own lives other than to call it a "mental illness".

[Josie]

SusieSA,

No, I have never personally been related to anyone who has taken their life. I have known people who have done so and have attempted to do so.

Sometimes there are warning signs and sometimes there not, that the untrained individual know how to pick out atleast.

Sgallan,

As Ben said, "anyone who takes their own life is not a healthy person." As to how healthy they are, mentally, spiritually, or physically, I am glad that Heavenly Father will be that judge and not me. Sometimes I tend to judge people too harshly and am thankful that it is not in my hands or anyone else's except for Our Father in Heaven.

Josie

[Iggy]

<div class='quotemain'>

But, we also know that someone that takes their own life has to be very sick

Have you had some one in your family commit suicide? not in my immediate family, my cousins wifes entire family commited suicide - not all at once, they spaced it out over very many years

Have you been close to it yourself? Yes I have as a matter of fact - when I was in my teens. Our family was going through such an emotional turmoil with my youngest uncle and his wife and the whole family was affected by thier actions, inactions and selfishness. the bickering, the backbiting, nasty fighting, etc., etc. - my grandmother caught me downing every prescription bottle of pills I could find in the house. Her quick action saved my life

We never know what is happeneing in a person's life that they feel that that is the only way out..

We never know how close someone is to breaking point... We never know what they have had to endure to that point. True words Susie. Though I do know that for some, they are doing it to get attention and it goes too far, farther then they bargined for and they end up dead! For some they do it to get back at certain people in their life, thus they are doing it out of revenge - or to get even. " I'll Show You - bang!" For some it is a last desperate act to get away from a life they feel is hades on earth.

It is never our place to judge.Again, true words - but nearly impossible to follow through on. When it was my girlfriends husband who committed sucide I was so shocked. There had been no warning signs that I could see. No depression, etc. Then I was so angry with him- how selfish of him! He left a wife and two children to clean up after him. He rented a motel room and blasted himself with a shotgun. The motel actually charged her for the room for two weeks, and the cost of clean up!! She refused to find out if she was legally responsible, she paid - well, her freinds and family did - we held a bake sales, car washes and put collection jars all over town, to raise the funds to pay for that and for his funeral. When it is someone who is close to you, or in like in Pam's case a vendor that she was acquainted with, we go through such a range of emotions: Guilt, remorse, anger, grief, resentment, unbelief - and not in that order. It is important to remember that we are human beings, and that feeling any or all of these emotions is normal. If you are really racked with guilt - then take it to Father, because only He can apply the balm to that hurt.

[Soulsearcher]

I am sick of bickering taking topics off topic, if you can't add to the initial topic cease responding.

[Alaskagain]

OK.

A close friend of our family committed suicide about a year ago. We went through the mourning process wondering if there was anything we could have done to prevent his action. We were good friends, helped him out of a couple of bad spots financially, with vehicle use, enjoyed his company, shared in his spiritual growth, etc. At the end, he didn't stop to call for help. There are any number of friends he could have called upon, and yet he didn't.

Pam, none of us are perfect. We can try to be nice and smile at or help out everyone we meet all day long, but at the end of the day, there is going to be someone who needed something, and we missed. The only one who knows the true effect of our 'miss' is Heavenly Father. Just as He the only one who truly knows what that person was going through. We can rely on the promptings of the Holy Spirit to keep our 'misses' to a minimum.

[sgallan]

I am sick of bickering taking topics off topic, if you can't add to the initial topic cease responding.

You just gave an example of what the topic is about..... I am a person who pretty much has I kid I am living for, because as a single dad I have to raise her - and she is plenty special. Without that I am the type of person who; getting on some in age, looking like I'll have no real retirement, and whose body is in the process of falling apart because of the intense way I have lived life, surviving until I am old does not look all that enticing. It is people like me who ARE the subject of topics like this. But instead of understanding the mindset.... you would rather just call such people crazy.

I feel bad for the original posters angst..... but that poster had nothing to do with it. And unlike most of you.... when somebody committs suicide - if they are middle aged or older - I don't look at it as a "why" sort of thing. I pretty much 'get it' in most of the circumstances. When it's kids or young adults then I feel bad, because then it is usually emotional immaturity spur of the moment thing. They never gave life a chance. People who are older clearly have. It is a different mindset.

[siouxz72]

I guess my point is...sometimes the little things or the ways we treat people on a daily basis could have some impact or influence on others.

It's so true, Pam! The way we treat people on a daily basis does have an impact. I work for a very demanding boss who has an equally demanding 8 year old son. The son only acts the way he knows from his father. Well, one day he was waiting for me to leave for lunch so that he could play on my computer and I was getting irritated because I was trying to work so I COULD go to lunch. He was sitting there tapping his fingers on the desk and telling me to hurry up! First I told him not so nicely that if he demanded things of me he was really not going to get his way. Then I told him to go away and I'd let him know when I was ready. The little look on his face made me instantly regret what I had said and the way I had said it as well as his next comment... "Sorry, Susie. Are we still best friends?" Yup! That sure reminded me quickly of the kind of person I want to be and not the meanie I was being.

[Snow]

I had a situation happen in the last week that I'm having a hard time dealing with. As most know I manage a gas station/convenience store. We have one vendor that delivers to us every Friday. A very annoying sort of person. We cringe when he comes in. He's the sort that expects you to help him the moment he is ready. Doesn't matter if we have a line of customers etc. A week ago last Friday, he came in as usual. I was right in the middle of a huge shipment that had come in. As usual he wanted me to drop everything right that moment and check him in. I told him I would be with him in about 2 minutes. Unfortunately I probably came across a bit harsh.

Well he didn't show up Friday for his usual delivery. Yesterday another gentleman came in. I questioned where our usual guy was. I was informed that he had committed suicide during the week.

Now I know that my moment of harshness was not the reason he chose to take this kind of action. However I feel, in hindsight, that perhaps if I had been nicer to him on the Fridays that he delivered that might have made some difference. I know probably not...but you know how the mind works.

I guess my point is...sometimes the little things or the ways we treat people on a daily basis could have some impact or influence on others.

The guy treats others badly, you notice that he treats you badly and you, through your tone, let him know that his treating you badly is not pleasant.

I say that if the guy didn't want other to be annoyed that he treated them badly, he would treated them better.

[sgallan]

Hey Snow.... I basically got muzzled again. I told you me and my views are generally not welcome here. But you're cool. If you ever want to see how Reni is doing just google her. She has more references than I do now.

Till the next time.... take care. :)

[Iggy]

I am sick of bickering taking topics off topic, if you can't add to the initial topic cease responding.

Who is bickering? There is no bickering going on here, and we all are on topic - except you.

[Snow]

Hey Snow.... I basically got muzzled again. I told you me and my views are generally not welcome here. But you're cool. If you ever want to see how Reni is doing just google her. She has more references than I do now.

Till the next time.... take care. :)

I see what you mean. Looks like she is doing great.

I'm not sure who unwelcomes you but I always enjoy your point of view - though I usually disagree.

Regards...

I am sick of bickering taking topics off topic, if you can't add to the initial topic cease responding.

Lesson on how message boards work:

One person shares opinion. Other posters opine on first person's opinion. Other's then opine on what those before them opined.

[prisonchaplain]

The OP suggests we be nicer, because our unexpected response might be just the little nudge a desperate soul needs to turn away from suicide. I too have seen suicide within my circle of loved ones. All I can say is, yes, try to let the light shine as brightly as possible, but DO NOT EXCEPT ONE MICROGRAM OF GUILT FOR ANOTHER'S CHOICE.

Sgallan may be right that some simply believe that suicide is preferable to continued existence. IMHO, it is selfish and wrong. There may be medical situations where withholding treatment would be acceptable. However, to intentionally kill oneself? No.

[pam]

Thanks for all your responses. I guess you always wonder about the "what if's?"

[Jason]

Sgallan may be right that some simply believe that suicide is preferable to continued existence. IMHO, it is selfish and wrong. There may be medical situations where withholding treatment would be acceptable. However, to intentionally kill oneself? No.

Is it not likewise "selfish and wrong" to artificially extend one's life beyond the normal lifespan?

[Iggy]

Thanks for all your responses. I guess you always wonder about the "what if's?"

I think that is why Father blessed us, His children with intelligence. So that we can have the "what if's", that way we think about situations, ponder them, turn them this way and that. Create other possible scenarios in our minds. Then when a similar situation happens again, we are a bit more prepared for it.

Pam, I have been in your situation with rude vendors (not with one commiting suicide, just being rude) - and in placing myself in your shoes in this instance, I think that for me, in the future I would become more patient and smiling with people. At least I hope that I would. I would feel guilt too - big time - any caring and compasionate person would. I would hope that I would be close enough to Father to ask Him to forgive me my being short and snappy with this man, I would ask what He wants me to learn from this, and I would ask that this man find solace and peace now that he is on the other side of the veil.

I don't think you are a bad person for being snappy and rude to him. I know you are going to feel guilt, you are a caring person. Just don't carry that guilt around too long. Pam, you are a good person - you truly meant this man no harm.

[pam]

On that I would have to agree with you Jason. What? Wait...I'm actually agreeing with Jason?

[prisonchaplain]

Is it not likewise "selfish and wrong" to artificially extend one's life beyond the normal lifespan?

Elaborate, please?

[bunnzy]

Last year i was suicidal myself, and got to apoint where i was hospitalised, (basically to keep myself safe)

My problem with the issue of suicide is that saying members have 'God will never give you more than you can handle" I hate that saying. If that were true, noone would kill themselves, right?

I asked this question to my LDS Psychologist, and he told me that there are two types of suicides that he has seen. Those who know and understand what they are doing, and those who do not. Those who do know will be judged for that. Those who do not, will be looked after this life. When we are resurrected, mental and physical ill ness will afflict us no more (theres a comforting thought for me - i wont always be depressed) and Jesus Christ will judge us by what we were dealing with at that time.

M Russell Ballard did a great talk on the subject of suicide that my psycholost recommended i read.

http://www.lds.org/portal/site/LDSOrg/menu..._&hideNav=1

The church does not know what happens to those who commit suicide, because each case is individual. The important thing to know is that Jesus Christ knows all the details, and will judge us mercifully.

To comment more on the topic, i think you should try not to feel too guilty, as i am sure there were many other factors contributing to the decision. Its hard. Guilt is a difficult emotion to remove, i havent quite succeeded with that myself.