Lame Jokes, the Sequel

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, zil said:

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician go hunting.  The biologist shoots at a dear and misses five feet to the right.  The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the left.  The statistician yells, "We go him!"

My goodness!

[Guest]

The first French fries were not cooked in France.  They were cooked in Greece.

Did you hear the joke about a piece of paper?  It was tearable.

There was a show about beaver structures.  It was the best dam show on TV.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.  I don't know what they were laced with, but I was tripping all day.

[zil]

1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

My goodness!

Amen!  Caught it as I was scrolling down to your post and cringed inside. (I may have thought, "Oh dear".)

[askandanswer]

3 hours ago, Vort said:

Nothing tears a family apart faster than a pack of wild dogs.

I don't think I'll be conducting any experiments to test the truth of this statement - I don't have enough raw materials to try more than one experiment.

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Vort said:

Nothing tears a family apart faster than a pack of wild dogs.

Was this a Jack Handy quote?

[Vort]

Just now, Carborendum said:

Was this a Jack Handy quote?

Oh, yes.

[Vort]

4 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

Was this a Jack Handy quote?

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/deep-thoughts-broken-families/n10165?snl=1

The actual quote: "It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."

[Guest]

14 minutes ago, Vort said:

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/deep-thoughts-broken-families/n10165?snl=1

The actual quote: "It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs."

That makes sense.  That was more Jack Handyesque.  I'd have to say that your earlier wording was more a mixture of Billy Crystal and Yogi Berra.

Quote

Change is such hard work -- Billy Crystal

No one goes there anymore.  It's too popular.  -- Yogi Berra

With a bit of Jack Handy stating the obvious.

Quote

If trees could scream, would we be so cavelier about cutting them down?

If they screamed all the time for no reason, yes.  -- Jack Handy.

 

Edited May 4, 2017 by Guest

[Vort]

10 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

If trees could scream, would we be so cavelier about cutting them down?

If they screamed all the time for no reason, yes.  -- Jack Handy.

If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not mean to poor people like I am now.

[zil]

3 hours ago, Carborendum said:

My goodness!

And we both missed the "go which should have been got error"!   (Now fixed.  Sheesh, what a flop that joke-telling was.)

[Guest]

34 minutes ago, zil said:

And we both missed the "go which should have been got error"!   (Now fixed.  Sheesh, what a flop that joke-telling was.)

No, I didn't miss it.  I just figured he was a statistician. He must be Slavic.

Edited May 4, 2017 by Guest

[Vort]

May the Fourth be with you.

[Guest]

You shall not pass!
Where shall we not pass?
You shall not pass GO.  You shall not collect $200.

Chuck Norris tells Gandalf,"I SHALL pass!"

Edited July 17, 2017 by Guest

[anatess2]

Lecturer of Transgender Studies, University of Toronto states, " it’s not correct that there is such a thing as biological sex."

 

I wish it was a joke.  It would have been the ultimate of lame ones.

[Sunday21]

4 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Lecturer of Transgender Studies, University of Toronto states, " it’s not correct that there is such a thing as biological sex."

 

I wish it was a joke.  It would have been the ultimate of lame ones.

@anatess2. What did he mean? There are no biological differences between genders? That is male/female do not exist.

[anatess2]

11 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

@anatess2. What did he mean? There are no biological differences between genders? That is male/female do not exist.

Male and female do not exist.

Here's more quotes:

"It’s a very popular misconception that a thing called biological sex exists."

"Cisnormativity’ is basically the very popular idea and assumption that most people probably have […] that there is such a thing as male and female and that they connect to being a boy or a girl, or a man or a woman.”

[Sunday21]

1 minute ago, anatess2 said:

Male and female do not exist.

Here's more quotes:

"It’s a very popular misconception that a thing called biological sex exists."

"Cisnormativity’ is basically the very popular idea and assumption that most people probably have […] that there is such a thing as male and female and that they connect to being a boy or a girl, or a man or a woman.”

But!!!! Have they not noticed certain...um ...physical differences? Difference in crime statistics? Personality differences? Tons of reasearch. Talk about constructing your own reality!

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

But!!!! Have they not noticed certain...um ...physical differences? Difference in crime statistics? Personality differences? Tons of reasearch. Talk about constructing your own reality!

The LGBT movement is entirely based on the idea that what is between your legs does not define your sex.  So, yes, they notice and they don't care.  They are not interested in reality.  They only care about making everyone comfortable in any choice they make.  Calling good evil and evil good.

[Guest]

@anatess2,

Now look at what you've done.  You took a perfectly good joke thread and threw in seriousness into it.

[Guest]

On 12/7/2016 at 5:39 PM, zil said:

We're really, really good at lame jokes.

I'm wondering if that is something to be proud of.

I think that most groups have to get drunk to appreciate lame jokes.  Mormons do it while sober.  That's saying something.

[anatess2]

7 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

@anatess2,

Now look at what you've done.  You took a perfectly good joke thread and threw in seriousness into it.

I think it is funny as all get!  Especially reading the supportive people in the comments section.  By the way, I forgot to mention that to this lecturer, if you insist that a person is male or female and continue to address them as such it is... tat-tada... hate speech and should be punishable by law.  Welcome to Canada!  I can now understand Southpark jokes.

 

[anatess2]

15 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

But!!!! Have they not noticed certain...um ...physical differences? Difference in crime statistics? Personality differences? Tons of reasearch. Talk about constructing your own reality!

This lecturer says that Science has proven that there is no such thing as male or female for over 50 years now.  He says they've reached a consensus on it 50 years ago.

That's another lame joke - that consensus is Scientific.

[Guest]

The first computer was back in the Garden of Eden.  It was an Apple.  Just one byte.  Then everything crashed.

[Guest]

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

Whoever invented "knock knock" jokes should get a No Bell prize.

Any soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran.

Never trust an atom.  They make up everything.

Two fish are in a tank.  One is driving.  The other operates the gun.  Two soldiers are in a tank. They drowned.

[Guest]

Johnny was caught fighting at school.  He was sent home early.  His mother gave him a lecture and showed her disappointment.  She decided to have him stay in his room the rest of the day until his father came home.

When the father came home and was told all about the boy's actions that day, he was quite saddened by the story, especially when he found out that Johnny had started it.  They decided on an appropriate punishment.

The father went into the boy's room to talk to him and pronounce their sentence on him.

The son saw him and the expression on his face.  "So, what's going on?"

"Well, son.  Frankly, I'm disappointed."

"Hello, Disappointed.  I'm Johnny."

Dad joke karma.  It's real.

Edited July 20, 2017 by Guest