Advice for my sister regarding a former bully

[Backroads]

So... there was an awful girl in our ward growing up who used to bully a lot of girls including my sister. There was some drama over it some time ago, but it is accepted, at least in my family, the girl is remorseful.

But even with bygones, my sister still has some heartache. And... she recently put 2 and 2 together and realized the bully's kid is one of her students. Meaning sister and bully will likely have to interact.

What would you recommend?

[Jane_Doe]

Be the best teacher to that child as can be.  Show him/her the ultimate Christ-like love.  That's the best thing which can be done for the kid, and for her own hurting heart.

[Guest]

I remember when I was 13 years old, there was a guy in my PE class who used to sometimes pick on me.  We even got into some physical altercations.  I had some ill will towards him for years after.

When I was 19 years old, I was working at a restaurant as a busser in the leadup to my mission.  One day, I found out that this guy would be the other busser!  I was nervous about having to work with my one time nemesis.

Well, the guy came in, and first thing he did was give me a big hug!  We talked for a long time, and it was clear this guy at age 19 was a very different person than he was at age 13.  

The old time enmity just melted away, and we are friends to this day.

I think working with my old nemesis was a gift from God - for healing and to allow me to exercise my forgiveness skills (although, once I saw the guy had truly changed, it wasn't too much effort to forgive and forget).

So my advice for your sister is to wait and see, and be open minded.   Adolescence is kind of a crazy time - for everyone.  Most people change radically between adolescence and adulthood.  This girl may have grown up completely, and may surprise the sister.  This may even be a gift from God - to allow some closure.

Edited September 17, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[Guest]

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Edited September 17, 2017 by DoctorLemon

[Vort]

She is not your sister's bully any more. She's just some parent who was a jerk when she was a girl. I understand that grudges can be hard to drop, but this is about the child. If it makes your sister feel better, she can address her former bully as "Mrs. Jones" rather than as "Katianne" during parent-teacher conferences.

[Grunt]

I'm sure I did some jerky things as a kid.  I hope people don't hold it against me.  I know I don't have any hard feelings towards jerks I knew in school.  My father made us stand up to any bully we had issues with, so I never had real issues with bullies.  Perhaps it's different with girls and different when you are consistently bullied.

On a side note, it warms my heart to hear my boys come home from their first year in public school with "Dad, we have to tell you something" (I have an honesty clause in my house.  If you come to me immediately with bad news you'll likely still get punished, but far less harshly than if I find out on my own.  My boys take this to heart and live by it) then go on to explain they had a little trouble in school because one helped the other stand up to a bully.  We also have a "Team Grunt" clause in my house.  Mess with one, you mess with them all, and nobody disrespects mom, family or not.

Now that I read this out loud, it sounds like I live in a really odd and violent house.  

[anatess2]

19 hours ago, Grunt said:

I'm sure I did some jerky things as a kid.  I hope people don't hold it against me.  I know I don't have any hard feelings towards jerks I knew in school.  My father made us stand up to any bully we had issues with, so I never had real issues with bullies.  Perhaps it's different with girls and different when you are consistently bullied.

On a side note, it warms my heart to hear my boys come home from their first year in public school with "Dad, we have to tell you something" (I have an honesty clause in my house.  If you come to me immediately with bad news you'll likely still get punished, but far less harshly than if I find out on my own.  My boys take this to heart and live by it) then go on to explain they had a little trouble in school because one helped the other stand up to a bully.  We also have a "Team Grunt" clause in my house.  Mess with one, you mess with them all, and nobody disrespects mom, family or not.

Now that I read this out loud, it sounds like I live in a really odd and violent house.  

Are you sure we're not related?  Same rules exist in my house!  I also only have 2 kids, so it's easy for me to tell them when they're fighting among each other - you better fix this and soon.  You only have one brother, you can't afford to lose him.  He's the only one you can rely on to fight with you in your battles.

[anatess2]

21 hours ago, Backroads said:

What would you recommend?

Now's the perfect time for your sister to face herself and learn the difficult lesson of true forgiveness.  If she can't do it, I suggest she asks for the principal to move the child to another class.  You don't want that negative vibe to put a cloud on the teacher-student relationship.  It's highly unfair to the child.

Edited September 18, 2017 by anatess2