2nd Child Fears

[looking4afriend]

I am going to be having my 2nd child next year, and I am feeling quite worried about how I am going to cope. My 1st child is a very active boy, who is now 2 and a half. I really struggled with being a mum and taking care of a baby. His birth was 43 hours long, then he struggled with feeding for three months, and the sleep deprivation almost killed me, literally. I am really worried about how I am going to cope with my little boy and a new baby. I would love any advice, especially from mothers who have had two kids and how they coped. Thanks. :)

[pam]

Let me tell you. Not that I have any great advise but I will tell you what my doctor told me. First of all I need to mention...my daughter was 22 months old when I delivered twin boys. So I had 3 children under the age of 2. Talk about a nightmare. And I went back to work full time six weeks after they were born. I think part of that helped to maintain my sanity. But until then....my doctor told me...don't do what EVERY young mother thinks they have to do. You think while baby sleeps you need to get all those things done you can't do while baby is awake. Hogwash. Those things can wait. It doesn't matter if there are dishes in the sink, if there are a couple of loads of clothes that need to be washed...while baby is asleep and your other is down for nap...YOU take a nap as well. Your health is just as important as those children who have been entrusted to you. Enlist the help of any family members. Ask them for just a couple of hours of ME time. I and another mother traded off a couple of days a week. I took her kids for a couple of hours and she took mine. That gave me that ME time I so needed.

[looking4afriend]

Let me tell you. Not that I have any great advise but I will tell you what my doctor told me. First of all I need to mention...my daughter was 22 months old when I delivered twin boys. So I had 3 children under the age of 2. Talk about a nightmare. And I went back to work full time six weeks after they were born. I think part of that helped to maintain my sanity. But until then....my doctor told me...don't do what EVERY young mother thinks they have to do. You think while baby sleeps you need to get all those things done you can't do while baby is awake. Hogwash. Those things can wait. It doesn't matter if there are dishes in the sink, if there are a couple of loads of clothes that need to be washed...while baby is asleep and your other is down for nap...YOU take a nap as well. Your health is just as important as those children who have been entrusted to you. Enlist the help of any family members. Ask them for just a couple of hours of ME time. I and another mother traded off a couple of days a week. I took her kids for a couple of hours and she took mine. That gave me that ME time I so needed.

Thanks for those comments. You are a strong woman to raise three kids so close together in age. My husband keeps teasing me about us having twins. I tell him it is not funny. I certainly will be sleeping whenever they are both sleeping at the same time. :)

[pam]

<div class='quotemain'>

Let me tell you. Not that I have any great advise but I will tell you what my doctor told me. First of all I need to mention...my daughter was 22 months old when I delivered twin boys. So I had 3 children under the age of 2. Talk about a nightmare. And I went back to work full time six weeks after they were born. I think part of that helped to maintain my sanity. But until then....my doctor told me...don't do what EVERY young mother thinks they have to do. You think while baby sleeps you need to get all those things done you can't do while baby is awake. Hogwash. Those things can wait. It doesn't matter if there are dishes in the sink, if there are a couple of loads of clothes that need to be washed...while baby is asleep and your other is down for nap...YOU take a nap as well. Your health is just as important as those children who have been entrusted to you. Enlist the help of any family members. Ask them for just a couple of hours of ME time. I and another mother traded off a couple of days a week. I took her kids for a couple of hours and she took mine. That gave me that ME time I so needed.

Thanks for those comments. You are a strong woman to raise three kids so close together in age. My husband keeps teasing me about us having twins. I tell him it is not funny. I certainly will be sleeping whenever they are both sleeping at the same time. :)

Good for you. I was one of those ones that thought I needed to use the time to get all the other things done. Once my doctor pointed out how silly that really was...I slept whenever I got the chance.

[siouxz72]

I had my 2nd child when my daughter was 22 months old, too. The thing that I let her do was "help" me as much as possible. She loved doing all the running for me...whether it was to go get a diaper, or maybe a change of clothes for the baby. Or to sit on the couch and hold him while I sat next to her. She really was a blessing to me then and has been for the last 16 years, really. I always tell her that Heavenly Father really knew what He was doing giving me her first! :) So, while your son is a rambunctious 2 year old, I'll bet he will be an awesome big brother who can't wait to help all he can!

[hanne_line]

I had my 2nd child when my daughter was 22 months old, too. The thing that I let her do was "help" me as much as possible. She loved doing all the running for me...whether it was to go get a diaper, or maybe a change of clothes for the baby. Or to sit on the couch and hold him while I sat next to her. She really was a blessing to me then and has been for the last 16 years, really. I always tell her that Heavenly Father really knew what He was doing giving me her first! :) So, while your son is a rambunctious 2 year old, I'll bet he will be an awesome big brother who can't wait to help all he can!

I have 22 months between my two kids also, and I did what siouxz did. I made my daughter help me out with everything possible. She was really helpful, but I had to be careful with her helping lol She used him ( the baby ) as a doll when ever the chance let her.

I had to bring one of them with me every time of the day, they could not be left alone for me to go to the bathroom even, but I changed on who it was that had to follow where I went around the house.

My daughter was to sit on my lap when I fed the baby. lol

Have to say I was alone with them. And I also got the advise to sleep when ever the kids had a nap and leave the house keeping till the kids was awake.

Hanne Line

[Gwen]

let's see my first two are 15 months apart, the second and third are 17 months apart, three and four are 19 months apart. i'm expecting in the spring with what is for me a huge age spread. the youngest will be 2 months shy of 3 yrs when the baby comes. lol

i agree with the advice so far to sleep when you can, ppl are more important than stuff. also that there is a lot more that little ones can do than most ppl think, so let the older one help out everywhere you can. we got a front loading washer and dryer and it's been the best, even the 2 yr old can help with laundry now.

cut out work where you can. i only make real mashed potatoes for holidays now, we use instant. cook your meat and then freeze it (i mostly do some diced chicken and ground beef this way). i had been encouraged to do this for so long before i discovered what good advice it was by unfortunate circumstance but i'm glad i did. i still don't do it enough, thanks for the reminder. lol keep some boxed dinners (hamburger helper type stuff) on hand for those really hard days, even daddy can cook those. if the ground beef is already cooked, it takes no effort at all to throw a boxed dinner and a can of green beans on the table. my toddlers love them. lol we shop at sam's for certian things. having things on hand cuts out the number of trips to the store, that helps a lot. ask daddy to call home before he leaves work so you can ask for those odds and ends pick ups (like milk or bread), i do not go to the store for one item if i have to take the kids.

i've made jokes about having twins before, let hubby make the jokes, use them to your advantage. tell him, yes it will be very much like having twins, two in diapers, needing constant attention, making messes, etc. that means i will need your help. i've told hubby before, we both get off at 5, when you get home it's time to make things work together, i can't do this alone 24/7. weekends are my weekend too, i've been working all week and want a break too. doesn't mean he should have to take over compleatly when he comes in, but having someone help and doing it together (adult conversation) changes the exhaustion level (physically and emotionally). not saying he always hears me, lol but i say it.

no lies, there are a lot of challenges to having them close. however, there are a lot of blessings too. there is a unique relationship between the kids when they are that close. things they seem to know about eachother that is instinctive. when they get older and play together, they almost have their own world to share. i literally go back and forth about how i feel about it, some days i curse it and others i wouldn't trade it for anything. lol mostly i just say it is what it is, no changing it now. try to have fun. and when you can't come to chat and complain. lol lots of parents there to understand, swap stories, and just laugh at ourselves or even say, well i could be having their day, good to be me. lol

oh, i can't forget this, my dr waited till #4 and i thought i was going to die from lack of sleep to tell me this. i wanted to know how i could get her sleeping through the night sooner (the youngest is my only girl by the way) cause i just couldn't take any more. he said that babies can smell their mothers milk up to six feet away, if they even slightly wake up or would have slept through a feeding but smell my milk let down they will wake up and eat cause they can. well sleeping in my bed or even a cradle in my room she was closer than 6 feet so i moved her to the crib in the next room. she slept through the night sooner than all my others. i understand that could have just been her, but hey, it's worth a try. i worried at first what if she wakes and i don't hear her, i learned, if she gets hungry enough she will cry loud enough to be heard. if i sleep through the first part of it then i needed the sleep more than she needed the food. nobody will starve to death or die from crying a few min to wake mommy up. lol

hope something there helps, and congrats on the little bundle of joy.

gwen

[Maureen]

I am going to be having my 2nd child next year, and I am feeling quite worried about how I am going to cope. My 1st child is a very active boy, who is now 2 and a half. I really struggled with being a mum and taking care of a baby. His birth was 43 hours long, then he struggled with feeding for three months, and the sleep deprivation almost killed me, literally. I am really worried about how I am going to cope with my little boy and a new baby. I would love any advice, especially from mothers who have had two kids and how they coped. Thanks. :)

Each pregnancy, delivery and baby are different, in my personal experience. :) Hopefully you will have a fast delivery and your 2nd baby will be easy going, so that you and your son can have fun together with the new baby. If things get hectic, ask for help. Hopefully you know people that would drop everything just to be with a baby; I would. :) Good luck!

M.

[Gabelma]

ok if I am honest having two kids was harder than I could imagine lol I have a bigger age gap but at 6 months life started to get much easier - I am attachment parent so probably do things differently, I basically carried Gabey in a sling for first 6 months and we still cosleep so I do get more sleep than I would otherwise.

Having said that Maureen is right every child is different had Ellie been second it would have been much easier I think but I am not sure she is so good with Gabey whereas he has massive jelous tendancies, this way round we have next to no sibling rivalry.

Now we are at 1 year with Gabey and Ellie at 4 its proving to be very easy they play together which takes pressure off me, Like other posters Ellie is proving very helpful if incredibly bossy older sister and they are just so lovely to watch together.

-Charley

[hubbsangel]

I have 3 children... ages 7, 5, & 2. When I had my first, things were ok. He was collicky and a very picky eater. He stopped nursing at 6 months and lost weight. I got pregnant with my second the same month he turned 2. I was so panicky and worried about having another. How was I going to cope? When I brought her home, I even felt a little guilt for "replacing" my baby boy with this new baby girl! (sounds weird?) Things were tough the first few days, mostly because of my fears, but as I grew to understand that my son was helpful and loved his little sister, things grew easier. Not perfect by all means. I still didn't get much sleep at night, but I did take naps during the day. Sometimes I put my son in front of the TV and laid down for 15 min. That even helped. I had piles of dishes & laundry everywhere, but the more time passed, it was easier than just having one. They entertained each other, & I had more free time to catch up on things. The best friend I had was God. I said more prayers then than ever. I'm greatful for the tough & hard times that brought a closer feeling to Him.

[looking4afriend]

I just wanted to say thanks to all of you that posted replies.

Your advice and experience sharing was appreciated and helpful.

God bless you all. :)

[rusure]

You adapt, you really do. Because you need it, you look for advice and ways to juggle 2 -- just like you did when looking for ways to understand what you were getting into with 1.

[StrawberryFields]

My first child sounds similar to yours my second was much easier. :)

Someone once told me that because you know what to expect with your second and your also busier because of two you can relax a bit more after the first. :)

Good luck and let us know how things go.

[Heckya]

I agree with having your little guy help out wherever he can. I have three kids. A five year old, 2 1/2 year old and 13 month old. To help my oldest get used to a new baby we bought a doll a couple of months prior to help him prepare. We used the doll again when I was pregnant with our third baby. It helped a lot, especially when is comes to being gentle.

Before the baby was born, I had my hubby take the kids and I had a cooking day where I made a variety of meals to freeze so meals where easy. There are also these great businesses where you can have them make your meals or you can make them and take them home to freeze. They do all the clean up! The one I went to was Super Suppers, but there are a variety of chains out there. I could stock my freezer for a month or two at a time whether I made them myself or went to Super Suppers.

And of course we had our older children get the babies a gift that they picked out or made as well as the baby brought our other two a gift when she was born. My middle son was 18 months when my youngest was born. He did quite well with her until she started to crawl. Once that happened, he got jealous. Since then I've made sure that he gets a little extra one on one time with me or dad every day.

Oh, and when jealousy did kick in it was usually when I was feeding the baby. Kids do naughty things then!!! I just turned those times into storytime. Sometimes I'd get them a snack too.

Lastly, support is key. If you don't have family or friends close or if you aren't in closely with your ward, join a moms club if they have one in your area.

And remember no labor is the same. My first was 14 hours, second was 4 and third was 30 minutes.

[MorningStar]

I have three boys. The first two are about 3 years apart and the next one came 18 months later. They both had their challenges. With my second, my three-year-old was done napping and I couldn't take naps because he would get into trouble. I tried to get him to settle down and cuddle with me while we watched a movie. But I did manage somehow. It helps to have a supportive husband and to not have to go into work. I don't know how moms do it when they have to go to the office.

Do you have any close friends? Maybe for a while they could have your first child over to play for a bit when they can so you can get a break.

One thing my friend told me about babies. She said, "My mom told me that my job was to feed the baby, change the baby, burp the baby. My list of jobs changed for a while." We expect too much out of ourselves. Yes, laundry does need to be done. For a long time I didn't fold it because I was going through it so quickly with the way my kids spat up.

With my two who were 18 months apart, I could usually get them to nap at the same time, but going places was challenging with carrying one and running after the other. I started having my groceries delivered ordering them online. Anything like a milk run I had my husband or friend do if they happened to be going out already. My third was a very good, content baby though. I had prayed, "Heavenly Father, I need this to be my easy baby. I can't handle another hard one." Thankfully He knew I truly needed that.

Lots of people wonder too if they will have enough love for another baby. You will. The love just multiplies and it is so much fun to see your kids interract. Congratulations!

[MorningStar]

Oh! Have you heard of casserole showers? Some people do baby showers where everyone brings a meal to freeze. Best idea ever! If I had the freezer space, I would beg for that.

One thing I did to prepare my oldest is watching a lot of episodes of "Baby Story". We surprised ourselves and ended up having him there at the birth. It was a very positive experience and he got to help give him his first bath. He climbed up on the bed with us and said, "I love him."

After they put the goop in his eyes, my husband was holding both our boys when our oldest noticed the ointment and we have him on video wiping it away sooooo gently with the corner of a blanket. That was one of my favorite moments in life. His feelings for his brother were so loving and genuine.

[Heckya]

Oh! Have you heard of casserole showers? Some people do baby showers where everyone brings a meal to freeze. Best idea ever! If I had the freezer space, I would beg for that.

One thing I did to prepare my oldest is watching a lot of episodes of "Baby Story". We surprised ourselves and ended up having him there at the birth. It was a very positive experience and he got to help give him his first bath. He climbed up on the bed with us and said, "I love him."

After they put the goop in his eyes, my husband was holding both our boys when our oldest noticed the ointment and we have him on video wiping it away sooooo gently with the corner of a blanket. That was one of my favorite moments in life. His feelings for his brother were so loving and genuine.

Casserole showers-what a great idea. In California, I was a member of a moms group that got together once a month. Everyone brought the ingredients to make dinner for everybody there. We made all of the meals, then took them home to freeze. We got some great recipes that way. I'd come home with 7-8 meals for my family....most of which were good, but every once in a while there was something that wasn't the best.

I also watched a lot of the baby story with my boys. They really enjoyed it. I liked it because it wasn't graphic and it only told happy birth stories.

Cute story about your son and his baby brother!!

[MorningStar]

Thanks!

I should do that with some friends. It would be so nice to have frozen meals ready, especially on the nights I teach piano lessons. It's hard to cook dinner, help my son with his homework, and rush off to teach.

[looking4afriend]

Hi all,

Thought I would give you a bit of an update on this thread.

It is now almost the end of March, and I am 25 weeks pregnant.

Everything is going well, except I aren't sleeping too well some nights, but that is pretty normal, although makes life hard.

We had a scan at 20 weeks and it looks like we are having a little girl!

I am so excited, as now we will have one of each, and I really wanted a girl this time.

My little boy is turning 3 tomorrow and he has matured quite a lot since I started this thread. And there is still 3 more months to go till baby is born (due first week of July), so I am feeling a little more confident about how things are going to go. I know it will still be a big challenge for me, but I keep thinking how blessed I am to have two healthy children, when so many don't have that blessing.

Will write again after baby is born.

Thanks for all your comments.

[Elgama]

What a lovely update - I just wanted to say you will cope, every little one is different and maybe you did it the right way round lol I got the easy baby that slept great first then the nightmare of sleep deprivation arrived with the second. Now he is 16 months its nowhere near as bad and they get on really well.

-Charley

[looking4afriend]

Well ladies, here it is July, and I promised I would let you know when my baby was born. So...............SHE'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Our little girl Rebekah was born on sunday 6th July at 9.35am, weighing 6 pounds and 14 ounces. Labour was straight forward and 7 hours long, but I really struggled with the pain again. Anyhow, it is all over now and she is just beautiful! She picked up feeding off the right side straight away, but just like my son, she does not like the left side. I am okay with it though and am just so happy to have my little girl. Here is a photo for you all to see.

[PinkCow]

Congrats!

She is GORGEOUS!

[PapilioMemnon]

Congratulations!!!! You have beautiful children!!

[StrawberryFields]

Congrads!!

I remember this time in my life well. I was afraid the have my second child because I didn't know if I had that much more love to give after falling so hard for my first child. I was happy to see that the love just keeps flowing over and over again. :)