Core Values Learned From Our Mothers

[susieSA]

Daily Gems

Core Values Learned from Our Mothers

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"Being a mother has never been an easy role. Some of the oldest

writings in the world admonish us not to forsake the law of our mother,

instruct us that a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother, and warn us

not to ignore our mother when she is old (see Proverbs 1:8; 10:1;

23:22).

"The scriptures also remind us that what we learn from our

mothers comprises our very core values."

Topics: motherhood,

learning, appreciation

(President Thomas S. Monson, "If Ye Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear," Ensign, November 2004, 116)

[Gaia]

Daily Gems

"The scriptures also remind us that what we learn from our

mothers comprises our very core values."

GAIA:

With all due respect to Mothers everywhere - after all, i ARE one *g* --

I think it's very important to note that not everyone has the dream mothers that are sometimes lauded around Mother's day -- in fact, very few have that. The reality is that Motherhood IS extremely difficult, especially because:

a) Our culture makes huge demands upon MOthers;

B) Iit should be remembered that Mothers are only people, and people tend to have their own problems, weaknesses, flaws, strengths, etc;

c) There is not much "preparation" for MOtherhood; As many people have noted, you have to have a license to catch fish or drive a car, but(nearly) any female past puberty can be a mother.

If i had followed my mother's "core values", teachings or example, i would have been drinking and having sex by the time i was 18. Instead, i was (on the very night i turned 18) trying to teach HER better values.

And i know i am not all that unique in that respect. Neither is my mother entirely to "blame" for her mistakes or problems; each of us does the best they can at the time, with what they have been given.

My point here is just to say:

1) I think we should cut mothers some slack -- they are after all, only human.

2) Every year we go through a virtual orgy of sentimentality over motherhood and the rest of the time, many of us ignore or avoid our mothers. I think we need to get real about how we honestly feel about mothers and motherhood -- and recognize that most of us have some very conflicted feelings about them.

Blessings --

~Gaia

[checkerboy]

Gaia I love how you can take a great topic like motherhood and put a negative spin on it. I challenge you to respond to ANYONE's post where you don't try to destroy the OP's position. Try using positive words for a change.

[MadHatter]

Read Julie B. Beck's tlak int he Ensign this month, "Mothers Who know" It's great my Wife loves the talk.

[AnthonyB]

I certainly got all my core values from my mum. (I've only meet my dad twice). I'd agree Mum's are the molders of our values.

However I've seen a report on a study about the children following parents into church attendence as adults. The odd statistic was that dad going with kids alone had the highest rate even higher then both parents going with kids.

So maybe its the values of our mums and the faith of our fathers.

[Doctor Steuss]

I heart moms.

[pam]

My mom drives me to distraction sometimes now...yet I know that she is the one that instilled so much into my character. She was the one who was always there when I needed her. My dad is awesome too but during my growing up years he was a flight engineer and was gone much of the time.

[Moksha]

Gaia I love how you can take a great topic like motherhood and put a negative spin on it. I challenge you to respond to ANYONE's post where you don't try to destroy the OP's position. Try using positive words for a change.

I disagree. While it is nice to put mothers on a pedestal, Gaia had some wise observations.

Expanding on this general topic, I have always liked the Freudian concept of Introjection - being able to take someone who is the embodiment of characteristics you appreciate, and being able to ask yourself what they would do or say in any particular situation - and making that behavior your own. This could be Mom, Jesus, Gordon B. Hinckley or anyone else that you admire.

[susieSA]

<div class='quotemain'>

Daily Gems

"The scriptures also remind us that what we learn from our

mothers comprises our very core values."

GAIA:

With all due respect to Mothers everywhere - after all, i ARE one *g* --

I think it's very important to note that not everyone has the dream mothers that are sometimes lauded around Mother's day -- in fact, very few have that. The reality is that Motherhood IS extremely difficult, especially because:

a) Our culture makes huge demands upon MOthers;

B) Iit should be remembered that Mothers are only people, and people tend to have their own problems, weaknesses, flaws, strengths, etc;

c) There is not much "preparation" for MOtherhood; As many people have noted, you have to have a license to catch fish or drive a car, but(nearly) any female past puberty can be a mother.

If i had followed my mother's "core values", teachings or example, i would have been drinking and having sex by the time i was 18. Instead, i was (on the very night i turned 18) trying to teach HER better values.

And i know i am not all that unique in that respect. Neither is my mother entirely to "blame" for her mistakes or problems; each of us does the best they can at the time, with what they have been given.

My point here is just to say:

1) I think we should cut mothers some slack -- they are after all, only human.

2) Every year we go through a virtual orgy of sentimentality over motherhood and the rest of the time, many of us ignore or avoid our mothers. I think we need to get real about how we honestly feel about mothers and motherhood -- and recognize that most of us have some very conflicted feelings about them.

Blessings --

~Gaia

I'm sorry you feel that way... But why not try to comment on the whole quotation instead of just a piece of it?

[mightynancy]

Gaia makes some valid points.

It's a disservice to women to idolize motherhood - while it is a divine calling, it can be really difficult. Some women fall catastrophically short of the mark. Others, while making an amazing effort, think less of themselves for not living up to some impossible ideal.

I'm a better person for being a mother, no doubt. My greatest heartaches are also wrapped in motherhood. I am thankful for my own mother - not because she's perfect (she isn't), but because she is real. I new better than to swallow the image of the well-coiffed and lip-glossed mother, in a pristine white batiste gown, rocking her cherubic, clean, and serene baby by a sunlit window. I knew that a mom could be herself, love her children unconditionally, have flaws, and be divine all at once...and it's okay.

I thank God every day for my kids - they refined me in a way that no other gift did.

Oh, and I hate mother's day.

[siouxz72]

I am thankful for my own mother - not because she's perfect (she isn't), but because she is real. I new better than to swallow the image of the well-coiffed and lip-glossed mother, in a pristine white batiste gown, rocking her cherubic, clean, and serene baby by a sunlit window.

hee hee! that's not an image my memory paints!

[hanne_line]

<div class='quotemain'>

I am thankful for my own mother - not because she's perfect (she isn't), but because she is real. I new better than to swallow the image of the well-coiffed and lip-glossed mother, in a pristine white batiste gown, rocking her cherubic, clean, and serene baby by a sunlit window.

hee hee! that's not an image my memory paints!

ROFL siouxz !!!

[john doe]

<div class='quotemain'>

Gaia I love how you can take a great topic like motherhood and put a negative spin on it. I challenge you to respond to ANYONE's post where you don't try to destroy the OP's position. Try using positive words for a change.

I disagree. While it is nice to put mothers on a pedestal, Gaia had some wise observations.

Expanding on this general topic, I have always liked the Freudian concept of Introjection - being able to take someone who is the embodiment of characteristics you appreciate, and being able to ask yourself what they would do or say in any particular situation - and making that behavior your own. This could be Mom, Jesus, Gordon B. Hinckley or anyone else that you admire.

Yes, but sometimes the advice of Thumper's father is best. Sometimes when you can't say anything nice, it's better to not say anything at all. If Gaia had a crappy mother, she could start her own thread on crappy mothers, not dump all over Susie's thread honoring mothers.

Just a thought.

[Palerider]

Alma 57:21........ :)

[Moksha]

Yes, but sometimes the advice of Thumper's father is best. Sometimes when you can't say anything nice, it's better to not say anything at all. If Gaia had a crappy mother, she could start her own thread on crappy mothers, not dump all over Susie's thread honoring mothers.

Just a thought.

I don't see how offering her own thoughts is anything but appropriate on a discussion board. If followed closely, the Thumpian School of Thought could lead to a fairly bland reading experience.

[susieSA]

Yes, but sometimes the advice of Thumper's father is best. Sometimes when you can't say anything nice, it's better to not say anything at all. If Gaia had a crappy mother, she could start her own thread on crappy mothers, not dump all over Susie's thread honoring mothers.

Just a thought.

Thanks John Doe :)

[Palerider]

<div class='quotemain'>

Yes, but sometimes the advice of Thumper's father is best. Sometimes when you can't say anything nice, it's better to not say anything at all. If Gaia had a crappy mother, she could start her own thread on crappy mothers, not dump all over Susie's thread honoring mothers.

Just a thought.

Thanks John Doe :)

DITTO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tiancum]

I think the point of the post is to say that we can learn MUCH from the examples of our mothers. Same with our fathers.

We can learn what to be, and what not to be.

My mom is my hero. She was not perfect...far from it, but she taught me such wonderful things, and i learned by her example, when it was positive, and when it was negative.

Once we heal from the ha rm, and weakness our parents didn't overcome... (BTW. it is not our parents responsibility to heal us of what they have done, it is ours) We can concentrate more on all the good they have done.

Are we capable of loving them for the good they possess?...for the good things they taught us? or are we damning ourselves by grasping onto hate and anger for the hurt.

In my career as a therapist, I have discovered that those that do the most harm to their own children are those that will not let go of the hate they have for their own parents.(or those that have deeply hurt them)

[mightynancy]

Siouxz, here's a link to a picture, nearly as sappy as an ad that was running in a baby magazine when I was expecting Jake...

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/p...ite-Posters.jpg

The only time both newborn and I were clean & coiffed at the same time was ten minutes before we'd leave for church or the doctor, meaning 4 minutes before a diaper blowout/hurlfest.

[Gaia]

Gaia I love how you can take a great topic like motherhood and put a negative spin on it. I challenge you to respond to ANYONE's post where you don't try to destroy the OP's position. Try using positive words for a change.

GAIA:

Hello Checkerboy.

I think it's interesting, and perhaps a little revealing, that you gave my remarks a "negative" spin.

I certainly don't consider "negative" the idea(s) that we should:

a) cut mothers some slack and reduce some of our unrealistic expectations of them;

B) get "real" about our conflicted feelings about motherhood: the way we alternately ignore, avoid or take for granted our real mothers, and then try to salve our guilt over that, by overly-sentimentalizing motherhood in general.

Now, if you had talked about how you personally cherish your mother all year long, and given some real-life examples of that, it might have demonstrated my error;

But in fact, your labelling my thoughts "negative" and in effect, trying to silence them, suggests that i may have been more on track than you felt comfortable thinking about.

Y'see, Checkerboy, i AM a mother. My children tell me that i was an "incredible" mother. My daughter says the only time she can remember me "loosing it" (ie, my temper) and actually swatting her on the behind, was when at the age of about ten, i heard her take the Lord's name in vain to one of her friends.

But i happen to know that -- despite my best of intentions -- i have many weaknesses and made many mistakes as a mother, which grieve and haunt me now. I would hope that my now-grown children would learn how to ACTUALLY value and express their EVERYDAY appreciation and love for the real, live mother they had, and forgive her actual, real-life weaknesses and mistakes;

-- rather than harboring a lot of frustrations, disappointments and griefs over her imperfections, and then trying to salve their consciences over that with a yearly orgy of sentimentality that has very little to do with authentic mothers or mothering.

If you really want to honor your mother, forget the Mother's Day orgy, and just phone her every week. Visit her every month. Spend some time getting to know who she is as a person -- her likes and dislikes, her dreams and hopes, her thoughts and feelings on things. Offer to fix HER a holiday meal -- or clean up the mess. Take her OUT to dinner during the holidays. Gift her with a hair, clothing and makeup makeover -- and (if you can afford it) a new wardrobe. Tell others (within her hearing) about some real-life happening in which she did something that was courageous, wise, thoughtful, or otherwise wonderful. Send (or TAKE!) her flowers on YOUR birthday. Cut her some slack when she does something that irritates, annoys or embarrasses you.

Loving and honoring our mothers is NOT about eulogizing "motherhood"; it's about loving and honoring your real-life, honest-to-gosh Mom, with all her faults and weaknesses.

AND that's NOT negative, son -- that's some advice from a real life Mom -- who, i'm sorry to have to remind you -- also deserves just a bit of that "honoring" you were so hot to defend. {gentle smile and wink}

~Mom (and 4x Grand-Mom) Gaia

[checkerboy]

If i had followed my mother's "core values", teachings or example, i would have been drinking and having sex by the time i was 18. Instead, i was (on the very night i turned 18) trying to teach HER better values.

To me this is negative. Susie was just sharing a quote about motherhood. You could have just passed over this thread.

Now, if you had talked about how you personally cherish your mother all year long, and given some real-life examples of that, it might have demonstrated my error;

Well then so that you know I live about 10 minutes from my mother, in fact for the last 3 years I have lived very close to her. I am over at my mothers house almost daily because she watches my two boys. We spend a lot of time just talking. That is the one thing that she loves more then anything else. She and I can spend hours just talking about life and the pecularities of it. I typically don't buy my mom anything for Mother's Day because I spend so much time every other day being around her. She has truely been there for me when I needed her most.

But in fact, your labelling my thoughts "negative" and in effect, trying to silence them, suggests that i may have been more on track than you felt comfortable thinking about.

I am not trying to silence you. You have every right to speak your mind. I am merely pointing out that every post I have read from you is typically negative toward the Original Posters comments.

Anyway I hope you have a great day and you are lucky to be a mom and a grandma.

[Gaia]

I am not trying to silence you. You have every right to speak your mind. I am merely pointing out that every post I have read from you is typically negative toward the Original Posters comments.

GAIA:

Hi Again, Checkerboy.

May i respectfully point you toward a few other posts, for a more "balanced" view --

For example:

http://www.ldstalk.com/forums/index.php?sh...10197&st=15 - # 24

http://www.ldstalk.com/forums/index.php?sh...10133&st=15 - #20

http://www.ldstalk.com/forums/index.php?sh...=6026&st=15 - #27

There are several others. If you'd be willing to check them out, i'd be happy to provide the links --

Anyway I hope you have a great day and you are lucky to be a mom and a grandma.

GAIA:

On that we agree! *g*

Blessings --

~Gaia

[Annabelli]

Gaia wrote: [c) There is not much "preparation" for MOtherhood; As many people have noted, you have to have a license to catch fish or drive a car, but(nearly) any female past puberty can be a mother.]

This is the most unreligious thing that I have ever read. This may also be one of the most ridiculous statements ever made.

A moment of silence please.

[Moksha]

This is the most unreligious thing that I have ever read. This may also be one of the most ridiculous statements ever made.

A moment of silence please.

Why?

[Elphaba]

Gaia wrote: [c) There is not much "preparation" for MOtherhood; As many people have noted, you have to have a license to catch fish or drive a car, but(nearly) any female past puberty can be a mother.]

This is the most unreligious thing that I have ever read. This may also be one of the most ridiculous statements ever made.

A moment of silence please.

What is ridiculous about it?

Gaia is correct. Physically bearing a child does not automatically guarantee the mother and father will possess the skills required to succesfully raise that child. Unfortunately, this is a problem in our society, especially with the teenage population who have children and keep their babies. They are totally unprepared to take care of an infant, baby, toddler, etc., and our society suffers because of this.

So if you want a moment of silence, I'd suggest using that time to reflect on how we, as a society, can better teach our young men and women the realities of taking care of their children. For Gaia is correct, most people get more training on how to drive a car than they do on how to raise a child. You are correct that is a ridiculous statement, but not for the reason you think.

It is ridiculous because it is so true.

Elphaba